TURKEY TALK
BY
ROYSLADY51
PART ONE: Strangeness in the Fields
I wasn't quite sure I that believed what I thought I was looking at. Oh, I've rescued tourists from wild turkey toms before...someone that sees them during mating season and wants a better look best be prepared to be assaulted if they don't know what they're doing...it's just hows the toms are: Aggressive, that is. That wasn't the problem. Still, I wasn't going to just leave them there, just on the off chance that's who they were...
"Hey Mister, normally, I'd ask your name, but in your case...I'm not sure I'd believe you." I yelled. Although, I admit, I expected to get the name of an embarrassed actor...instead, I got a delusional one. Nach.
"I'm the Doctor."
"Right, sure you are. Pull the other one." And I decided to worry about calling the men with the padded wagon later. Right now, it was lesson time. "While you two come up with a believable story, I'll clear out the male turkeys so you can climb down. Watch me. You can't run from wild tom turkeys or geese in the breeding season." And so I went through some motions...feels like dancing but if you get it wrong you'll get nailed. I aggressively approached a big male that had already defeated all the other males, explaining in a mean tone and finishing with, "I'm using a mean growling tone because I don't want this guy thinking I'm impressed with him. I'm about to have to scare the tar out of him and I want it to stick. Right now he thinks I'm a male turkey...he's about to revise that opinion and that will scatter the lot of them.
The bird finally attacked, I took a step to the side and grabbed him by the throat, pushed him to the ground and tucked his wings around him to his panicked shrieks. The rest of the males had already flown off...they thought I was a predator, now. I hooded the big male and put him in a body sock, then tied his feet.
"I'm gonna relocate this guy to an area with lots of females but almost no males. He'll let humans be after this, poor traumatized thing that he is..."
"What about Time Lords? Ever heard of us?"
"Sure have." Right, it was time to show him the Box Sets. "Tell you what, let me take you home with me, I'll feed you both and then there's two different somethings I'd appreciate it if you had a look at for me...If you are telling the truth, well...we'll discuss that after the first one since it's pretty minor...we'll discuss who you two might, or might not be, after that."
He frowned at me, but nodded.
"If you're telling me the truth and you have a remote by which you can summon the Lady, fine. Bring it. If not...well, it could be a while before I have a reasonably quiet day to bring you back. Honestly, I really hope you're lying to me... Unfortunately, I don't think you are and that means one more giant headache on top of the one I've already got. Get in the truck."
I took a detour to release the big male into the area I'd mentioned that didn't have enough good breeders in it.
"It's fillin' and good, but not too extra fancy. Now, I ain't English, so when I drink hot teas they tend to be herbals or I just drink the Southern US version of sweet tea..." I watched the man's face crumple in disgust. "Deal dude, for us, black tea is more about hydration. If I want a social drink, it's gonna be a virgin daiquiri or mint julep...or one of several herbal teas that I enjoy. The kinds that I prefer have either an actual nutritional or medicinal value or have some kind of trace element human bodies need. Get over it."
"Wow. And I thought the Doctor was rude." 'Rose' muttered.
"Yeah, you can get over it too. This is how I am...blunt and to the point. I don't believe in polite lies...it's still a lie, after all. Best you know what's on my mind since that prevents misunderstandings later."
"Point."
"Why don't you believe he's who he says he is?"
I handed her most of the earlier seasons of Doctor Who, box sets on DVD, Eighth and down: I just looked at her. "I'd've given you his, but on the off chance you're telling the truth, you're not there yet. So the one before the one you know and rest of the babies will have to do. So, supper first, then you two get to watch those. If he wishes to confirm he's required to do so by calling the other part of that trio. Translation, if I don't see her arrive, I'm not going to take your word for it."
After supper, I left them with the TV set and the earlier DVDs and went to do some chores...and after about three hours, he came out of the living room, ashen-faced, grabbed me by the upper arm and towed me outside. He raised something that didn't look long enough for a screwdriver, pushed a button and two seconds later there was the unmistakable sound of an arriving TARDIS.
"If the DVDs were minor, compared to the other thing, what's the other thing?" He rasped. "Though I do understand the doubt now." He conceded as his timeship arrived.
"Does Harkness exist?"
"Yes."
"Get him and his team out here by morning, let me grab the videos of you that you don't know about and lock them inside something that thing of your's is worthless on, and she can watch the rest while I show you what I believe to be a rift at the swamp's edge. There are more deeper in the swamp but I can't get to those at the moment. Your buddy needs to bring enough funds to buy a few boats and be prepared to set up an American Torchwood branch: Sound good?"
"A group of rifts? Yes...Jack and his team will be here. It works."
"Ya know, until you showed up I was trying to ignore them. Lovely having fictional people show up in your life. It's just the thing to set your mind wondering about things you don't really want to consider...and make your thinking go places you never wanted to go. Thank you so much, buddy."
He grunted at me. "My usename is the Doctor."
"I am aware of that. When I calm down, I might even actually use it. Until then, you get called whatever I call you."
"Oi!"
"Question?"
"What?"
"Who's next? Batman? Oh, I know...Qui Gon Jinn...you know, Jedi Master...he'd be useful. Bring your thing and come on."
"It's a sonic screwdriver."
"I refuse to say those words in real life." I told him bluntly. "Sure, you're ticked...but if there's one thing you're used to, it's weird stuff. Think about it from my point of view, for a second, asshole. Your presence alone is enough to make me start packing a loaded 12 gauge shotgun to go to bed at night on the off chance there might actually be something lurking under my bed." She glared at him and then jerked her head. "I will shoot it in the face, you know."
"I hate guns."
"This is America and I'm a redneck...guns are a part of life, so get over it. C'mon, this way."
A twenty minute walk later and I stood back and let him get scans on it."
"So..."
"It's a bigger rift than the one in Cardiff. Possibly the origin point."
"Lovely." I answered in a tone that told him I meant anything but. "You think that's the big one. Beautiful. So sorry, that's the smallest of four that I personally know of. Need boats to get to the others and I don't have one that won't sink...so...get your friend from England and have him haul his ass out here. All four of them are now YOUR problem Doctor Who."
"Oi! It's Doctor, JUST Doctor, all right?"
"If I have to introduce you to someone, add a Ph.D to the name. We'll use something more believable than Smith though...or John, for that matter. I'll handle that part, apparently the English and Creativity shall never meet...or common sense for that matter. Never use a fake name that is the equivalent of 'John or Jane Doe. All it does is tell everyone you meet that you're lying about your name."
"What do you suggest?"
"Alexander Marshall Tyler, in your case. That will do a couple of things...one of which is put a personal claim on Rose which you really need to do. Depending on where you are, it can say sibling, cousin, spouse or parent. It sounds like a real name...instead of the English version of 'Doe'. Anything else you can do with that thing tonight, other than just making the positive identification?"
"No. Sorry."
"Let's go then. Morning is soon enough...and you have a phone call to make."
"Rose did that while we were our here. Dunno if he exists here."
"Make it anyway and give Jack your readings on it. Now if I can just do something about my ruined entertainment, instead of wondering who will show up next, I'd be a lot happier."
"You? There's only one of me, I can't get us back by myself, you know!"
"Only one in your universe, true. Best find out A. We're still in your's or not and B. If you aren't, if there's anyone here, then, right?"
He paused and stared at me.
"Makes sense to use a TV show as a decoy, doesn't it? Keeps a history without you having to do it personally. That's why I have to wonder who else is doing it. So...do...whatever, to find out. Like ask TARDIS who or what, if anything, she can hear." I moved off down the trail toward my home. "Though I have a feeling I'm gonna regret the suggestion."
POSTED AT
TBC
Coming Soon: Part 2, English Irritations