Psych
Shawn's Royal Pain
Based on the TV series Psych, created by Steve Franks
1988
"Promise me something, Gus." Shawn said to his best friend.
"What?" Gus asked.
"Promise me that when you grow up and become some scientist or something that you won't forget about me." Shawn said.
"I'm not going to become a scientist, Shawn. I'm not that smart." Gus told him.
"Gus, you're the smartest kid the whole fourth grade. You're going to become something interesting."
"I'm not the smartest kid in the whole fourth grade. Besides, what are you worried about? You'll become something big too."
"Come on, Gus. The best grade I've ever gotten is a C+." Shawn reminded him.
"I don't understand why you're worried."
"Just promise me you won't leave and forget about me, Gus. Please."
"OK," Gus said, "I promise."
Chapter 1
2011
Gus' head was bleeding now, he was sure he'd be dead in minutes. He never saw the man coming, never heard the sound of his footsteps. But Gus knew that the man, who struck him on the back of the head, sending him tumbling down the stairs, was the same man who killed Morton Scanter. Hank, Shawn and Evan had run up to him now, providing Gus short, but powerful assurance that he wasn't going to die on the dirty, muddy ground in the Hamptons. Gus had to admit though, when Shawn presented this case, to find who murdered one of Hank Meds patients, he was ecstatic to go the Hamptons in New York.
Now all he longed to do was be back in the warm sun of Santa Barbra, California.
"Evan," Hank called to his brother, "call 911."
Evan dialed and moved around a bit. "I can't get reception out here." He said.
Hank sighed, taking away what little hope Gus had that he might live. "Get my bag out of the car; we need something to stop the bleeding." Hank told Evan.
Shawn just stood there, frozen. He and Gus had been friends since birth, Shawn never expected Gus to die like this, not now, he thought. Shawn had always pictured him and Gus growing old together in a retirement home, and dying a quick painless death in their sleep, simply from old age. But now, that infrequent vision seemed to change, Gus was dying now, and there was nothing Shawn could do to stop it.
For the first time in Shawn's life, he cried.
Shawn never cried.
It was number ninety-two on his list of the things Shawn Spencer never does, right between date a fat girl, and watch The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Shawn had been an only child, but Gus created that "brother figure", they were so close that Gus wasn't even a "figure"; he might as well have been Shawn's actual blood brother.
"Shawn, Shawn!" Hank said to him, Shawn snapped out of it and looked around; Evan had come back and was helping Hank now.
"Yeah," Shawn managed to say.
"I need you to hand me that towel." Hank said, pointing to his bag. Shawn nodded and handed him the towel in the bag.
"Thanks." Hank said. "Come on, Gus. Stay with me." Hank said, and he looked at Shawn.
"Shawn, talk to him. Get him to stay awake; if he goes to sleep he could have a concussion."
Shawn nodded and kneeled down beside Gus.
"Come on buddy, don't leave us." Shawn told Gus who managed to mumble something that sounded like a cross between ow, and why?
"I just need to rest." Gus said.
Hank cursed under his breath, "He's beginning to enter a comatose state."
"Please don't leave me, Gus." Shawn said again.
"Why?" Gus mumbled.
"Because, you promised." Shawn said.
Chapter 2
2 days earlier.
Gus couldn't wait to go to Hamptons, Shawn and his plane would land in two hours. Of course, they weren't going there for vacation. But instead to investigate a case, the man who was killed was named Morton Scanter. He was a man with heart trouble who was patient for a local doctor, name Hank Lawson. Under normal circumstances, Gus would have told Shawn, that Scanter died of his heart condition.
But heart problems don't cause a huge bruise in the back of your head, with blood pouring everywhere.
The chief had presented the case to Shawn, who in turn, presented it to Gus.
The HPD couldn't seem to solve the case, so when the doctor's brother saw something about Psych on the internet, he mentioned it to the police, who contacted the SBPD. Gus looked over to Shawn, who listening to his IPod, when Gus pulled one of Shawn's head phones out of his ear to ask him a question about the case; he heard a horrible sound, worse the sound of a screaming woman in a horror movie.
It was a Rihanna song.
"What are you listening to?" Gus asked.
"Huh? Oh," Shawn said, "I'm not actually listening to it; I'm just staring at the picture on the screen." Shawn held up his IPod, which had a picture of Rihanna on it.
Gus laughed, "And what does Juliet think about that?" He asked jokingly.
"It's not like I'm kissing the picture, just looking at it." Shawn explained.
"I see," Gus said.
"Let me tell you something," Shawn said, "If I ever come face to face with Chris Brown, there will be some serious slapage going on."
Gus just laughed.
"Domestic abuse is not funny." Shawn said.
"That's not what I think is funny, what's funny is how you're acting about the situation."
…
When their plane landed, Shawn and Gus caught a cab to Hank Lawson's house.
"Wow," Shawn said, "This guy's got money."
When they walked in, they were greeted by a woman.
"You must be Mr. Spencer and Mr. Guster." The woman said in a British accent.
"That we are," Shawn said "But Mr. Guster also goes by the name, Dee Buttersnaps. But that depends on which day it is."
The woman laughed. "Dr. Lawson will be with you in moment." She said. "You can wait with his patient in here." She said pointing to a room and then walking away.
Shawn and Gus walked into the room, and Shawn saw the man in the room, saw the designer clothes, and saw the Rolex on his wrist. This man had money; he was also the man he swore to slap on the spot.
This man was Chris Brown.
Chapter 3
"Don't slap him, Shawn." Gus whispered to Shawn.
"I have to," Shawn said "I swore three years ago that if I ever saw Chris Brown, I would slap his face off."
"Don't do it now!"
"I have to, Gus." Shawn said, walking over to Chris.
"Hey, are you okay?" Chris asked.
Shawn pulled his arm back, but before anything could happen, Gus ran up and grabbed his arm.
"Let's go sit over here." Gus said, pulling Shawn over to another part of the room.
Then a man walked in.
"This should cure your strep in about two weeks, but until then, no singing." The man said.
"Thanks." Chris said as he walked out.
"Hi, thanks for coming." The man said to Shawn and Gus.
"Hey, I'm Shawn Spencer, and this is my partner, Doogie Howser." Shawn said, motioning to Gus, "He shares no relation to the gay Doogie, for that man is to busy doing Spider-Man, which if I must say, is quite a mistake, considering how much better Christopher Dan..."
"You must be the detectives, pleasure to meet you two." The man said cutting Shawn off, "My name is Hank Lawson, I'm glad you guys are here. Having your patients murdered doesn't really make people want to come here."
"Chris Brown sure seemed satisfied." Shawn said.
"Yeah," Hank replied, "He was my first celebrity patient."
"How do you feel about the situation between him and Rihanna?" Shawn exclaimed.
"Shawn!" Gus said.
"Didn't that happen like three years ago?" Hank asked.
"Yes," Gus said impatiently, "When was the last time you saw Mr. Scanter?" Gus asked, hoping to change the subject.
"I guess it was about two or three days before he died. He stopped contacting me, so when I went to his house, he wasn't there. I saw on the news that night that he was murdered." Hank said.
Just then, Chris Brown came back in and set some cash on the table. "Sorry, I almost forgot." He looked at Shawn, who mouthed "I hate you." Shawn then held up three fingers as Chris left, "Read between the lines, buddy!" Shawn shouted.
Gus just shook his head.
"Am I missing something?" Hank asked.
"Nothing important." Gus told him.
Chapter 4
Hank had informed Shawn and Gus that Morton Scanter was a musician. He was playing in a music festival where Tears for Fears and Chris Brown were also playing. When Shawn caught word that Curt Smith would be in town, he immediately wanted to go and see if he could make things right with his childhood idol.
"You realize you'll be breaking the restraining order, right?" Gus said as they were walking towards the outdoor stage where the concert would take place.
"Listen, I know it sounds like I've been a little crazy these days, but after the incident at Decklan's pool, things have been pretty crazy between me and Curt. Whom I love." Shawn explained.
"Oh, no," Curt Smith said as they walked up, he was playing Everybody Wants to Rule the World on his guitar. "You're not supposed to be within a hundred feet of me, Sam."
"It's, Shawn." Shawn said. "Besides, I just wanted to apologize for what happened last summer."
"Really?" Curt asked.
"Yes, and I want to tell you that I…" Gus covered Shawn's mouth with his hand, stopping him from uttering those three words that made Curt place the restraining order in the first place.
"He wanted to say that he was very, very sorry." Gus said.
"I see." Curt replied.
"Well, I suppose we can let it slide just this once. What can I help you with?" Curt asked.
"Did you ever meet Morton Scanter?" Shawn asked.
"Why yes, quite a quiet little fellow, no? I heard he died, is that true?" Curt said.
"Yes," Gus answered.
"Wow," Curt said, shocked, "he seemed like a nice guy, that's a shame."
"Yeah, do you know if he had any enemies?" Shawn asked.
"Not that I can think of." Curt said.
"Hmm." Gus said. "Did you know that he had a heart condition?" He asked.
"Yes, is that how he died?" Curt asked.
"No," Shawn said, "he was struck on the back of the head, half his brain fell out."
Curt turned his head and groaned. "That's horrible."
"Well, thanks for you time, we're going to check out the rest of the place." Gus said.
Curt resumed playing as they walked away.
"He seemed a bit suspicious." Gus noted.
"How dare you say that?" Shawn shouted.
"Just seemed a little off, that's all." Gus said.
"Let's face it, we aren't his favorite people, so I'm sure seeing us was a little disgruntling." Shawn said.
"Disgruntling?" Gus asked.
"Yeah, you know, disgruntling." Shawn said.
"I don't think that's a word."
"It could be."
Just then they saw a masked figure strike Curt Smith on the back of the head with a crow bar and escape.
Chapter 5
Shawn bolted towards the stage as soon as he heard the sound. He didn't think he'd ever run that fast, but this was different. He was saving Curt Smith. The Curt Smith, whom Shawn loved. However when he got there, Curt had been knocked off the stage.
"Are you okay?" Shawn asked.
"Peachy." Curt replied. "I wasn't hit hard, just knocked forward a little," he looked around, "what happened?"
"Someone wearing a mask hit you with a crowbar." Shawn explained.
"Just… Like… Morton…" Curt said, nervously.
Gus had joined them now, "You're right." Gus said. "That is almost identical to how Morton Scanter was killed."
Shawn and Curt nodded. "I'll be okay, you can go now… Please." Curt said.
"Sure thing," Shawn said as they walked into there cars. "Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking?" Shawn asked.
"I doubt it." Gus said.
"We need to go undercover, as musicians." Shawn explained.
"We're not going under cover and joining the music festival just so you can spend time with Curt Smith." Gus told him.
"Gus, don't be a melted snowman," Shawn said.
"We're going undercover because the same man, who killed Morton Scanter, tried to kill Curt." He added.
"So you think that we should go under cover, attract some guy to come kill us, and then we die. Smart plan, Shawn." Gus said.
"We're not going to die, we'll just be endangered." Shawn explained.
"Endangered?"
"You know what I mean."
"No, I don't know what you mean."
"Look, let's get ready, and we can come back and audition for the festival."
"Audition? Shawn, we won't make it past that audition. Don't you remember what happened with American Duos?"
"You're right, with Tears for Fears performing, we can't do Shout. Hmm, let's do a Kiss song, what about Rock and Roll All Night?" Shawn said.
"Shawn, I'm talking about that fact that we suck at singing and dancing, and unless playing Guitar Hero taught you how to play for real, we can't play instruments either." Gus told him.
"That won't be a problem, we'll talk to Curt, get him to set us up with some lip-synching."
"You have his number?"
"Of course," Shawn said, "don't you?"
Chapter 6
When Gus was a child, he'd always secretly loved Kiss. He could never tell his parents however, since they considered heavy metal music to be the work of the devil. So, Gus was only allowed to listen to classical music, and during the holidays, traditional Christmas music. In all honesty though, Gus always wanted to dress up like Ace Frehly. But now that he was dressed like him, and Hank's brother Evan was just sitting there laughing, he wished he'd never even thought about dressing up like one of the members from Kiss.
"I think this might work." Shawn said, dressed like Gene Simmons.
"I don't know about this, Shawn." Gus told him.
"Why not?" He asked, "Curt said he'd hook us up with the lip-synching, said he'd do anything he could to help us catch the killer. So with all of that going for us, you still 'don't know about this'?"
"We don't look believable; we just look like a couple guys dressed up as Kiss." Gus said.
"And?"
"And, we can't just go around like that. It won't work."
"You're no fun." Shawn said.
...
When they arrived at there audition, Shawn and Gus were greeted by Curt Smith.
"You guys ready?" He asked.
"As ready as we can be." Gus replied.
"Come on over." Curt said, motioning to the stage.
There were three people sitting in front of the stage, judges, Gus assumed. This scenario was feeling too familiar, all that was missing was Take on Me. Then Gus heard it, duh, duh, duh, dun, dun, dun, dunie, dunie, and repeat. He knew this had to be a bad dream; there was no way Shawn would pick this song. But then again, Gus never knew when it came to Shawn. Gus looked over at him as the lyrics started; Shawn just opened his mouth and pretended to sing.
"Talking away, I don't what; I ought to say, I'll say it anyway!" Shawn pretended to sing. Shawn motioned for Gus to start, and so Gus started to pretend he was playing the Guitar he was holding.
After the song was over, Gus figured that there wouldn't be a chance of them getting into the festival. Their performance was a train wreck. But then, slowly, one by one, the judges got up and clapped. All the judges but one.
"You've made it through!" One judge proclaimed.
"See what happens when you listen to me." Shawn whispered, then Shawn saw the build of the judge who was still sitting, it was the same as the person who attacked Curt. It could've just been a coincidence, but Shawn didn't think so.
Chapter 7
"So wait, you think one of the judges killed Morton Scanter?" Gus asked.
"I don't know, he just had the same build, also, one of the acts wears masks, what if he's part of that band and he's trying to kill everyone so that his band will win." Shawn said, as they were driving back to where Hank was staying, which wasn't actually Hank's house, but the house of one of his rich patients.
"That doesn't sound likely." Gus told him.
"That's how it was on Scooby Doo." Shawn said.
"People don't get killed in Scooby Doo." Gus reminded him.
"No, but they do get scared by a make believe vampire."
"There aren't any make believe vampires near by." Gus said.
"That's not the point." Said Shawn.
"That what is the point?" Gus asked.
"The point is that this guy is killing people off so his band will win!" Shawn exclaimed.
"It just doesn't make sense, we don't even know if he's they guy behind the mask."
"He's got the same build, same height and everything."
"That doesn't mean anything, Shawn."
"It means something."
Gus sighed and shook his head, one thing he'd learned over the years. There's no arguing with Shawn.
…
When they pulled up to Hank's living quarters, they saw a man talking with Hank's brother Evan.
"Holy crap, it's the Fonz." Shawn said as they approached the two.
"He is not Henry Winkler." Gus said.
"He sure looks like him.
"Hey guys, this is my dad." Evan said, motioning towards the man.
"Hi, I'm Eddie." The man said.
"Has anyone ever told you that you bear a scary resemblance to Henry Winkler from Happy Days?" Shawn asked.
"No," Eddie said, "I don't think so."
"Surely someone has mentioned it."
"Not to my knowledge."
"Come on, you look just like him."
"Let it go, Shawn." Gus said.
"Any updates on the Scanter case?" Evan asked.
"We think we might've found our man." Gus said.
"That's awesome; can you tell us who you think it is?" Evan asked.
"I've had a vision." Shawn said, holding his right hand to the side of his head. "This man, is big, he's a large muscular man. That's why he was able to deliver such force behind the blow to Morton Scanter."
"Do you know the guy's name?" Evan asked.
"Sometimes the spirits have a hard time configuring such intricate details." Shawn told him.
"These spirits, can they see into the future?" Eddie asked.
"Sometimes," Shawn said. "Why?"
"Could they tell you the results of, say, the next fifty-years of sports?" Eddie asked.
"Dad," Evan said, "This isn't Back to the Future II."
"I was just asking." Eddie said as he and Evan walked away.
"Strange family," Shawn said, "it actually makes me and my dad seem…normal."
"I didn't think that was possible." Gus said.
Chapter 8
Shawn had convinced Gus that they should go and question the judge who Shawn thought was the killer. They walked up to his trailer near the stage and knocked on the door.
"Who is it now?" The judge shouted. "I'm very busy."
Shawn walked around and saw a window on the trailer.
"Go up there." He told Gus, motioning towards the window.
"What, how?" Gus asked.
"I'll give you a boost." Shawn said.
"I don't think so." Gus told him.
Shawn sighed and looked at the window. "Alright fine," he said. "You give me a boost."
Gus hoisted Shawn up on his shoulders. Shawn looked in the window and saw a guitar. Saw a mask. Then he saw the judge and heard him talking on the phone.
"Yes," the judge said into the phone, "no one knows, and no one will know as long as you shut up! Curt made it, I don't know how. But he did. But there are two new kids taking Scanter's place. Yes they're very good. I'll take care of them, don't worry."
"Alright, let me down." Shawn said, "Dude he's the guy!" He said after Gus got him down.
"What did you hear?" Gus asked.
"Well, he's planning on killing us. But more importantly, I heard him admit to attacking Curt and to killing Morton!" Shawn answered.
"Wait, did you say he was planning on killing us?"
"Yeah, but didn't you hear? I was right… again."
"Shawn, he's gonna kill us?"
"So, we've come this close to murderers before."
"Yeah, but… wait, he doesn't know what we look like without the make up, so we're good." Gus said.
"Umm, yeah, he does." Shawn told him.
"How did he… you told him, didn't you Shawn?"
"Maybe…"
"Shawn!"
"That was just to get him to talk to me!"
"Now he can get us whenever he wants!"
Then Gus' phone rang.
"Hello?" He said, as he answered it. "Ok," He said, hanging up. "That was Hank; they're going to the park where Morton used to work. They want us to come." Gus said.
"Awesome," Shawn said, holding up his fist to fist bump with Gus, who just walked off. "You're still pissed about me talking to the serial killer judge, aren't you? Gus! Come on, don't leave yet, you're my ride!" Shawn called out as he ran to the car. However, the judge had heard the conversation. He was going to stop them from winning. There was no coming between him and one hundred thousand dollar prize.
Chapter 9
Present day.
It was all Shawn's fault. If he hadn't talked to the judge, hadn't shown him what he and Gus looked like without the Kiss makeup. Gus wouldn't be dying right now. The only bright side was that Shawn had tripped the judge as he was running away from attacking Gus. Only Shawn didn't know about Gus then. If he had, he would've told Evan to mention it when he called the police to come arrest the judge. After the police took the judge, Shawn, Hank and Evan went to go find Gus. If only we'd run faster, Shawn thought. But it was too late to run faster. Too late for anything, Gus was dying now, and it was Shawn's fault.
"Gus," Shawn said.
"Yeah?" Gus groaned.
"I… I'm sorry. If I hadn't gone and talked to the judges without you, you wouldn't be here." Shawn told him.
"It's okay," Gus said.
"You know something, Gus?"
"What?"
"You're my best friend. And I couldn't have asked for a better one."
"You're my best friend too, Shawn."
"I'm sorry about everything, Gus, for calling you Silly Pants Jackson, for making you call the suicide help line, for making you dance like Michael Jackson. For everything." Shawn said.
"It's alright Shawn. I'm sorry I couldn't be more fun."
"You were fun, just a different kind of fun, you were perfect for Psych. I couldn't solve half of our cases without you."
"You could've done it on your own."
"No, I couldn't have."
For what seemed like eternity, Shawn and Gus just stared at each other. Shawn was feeling like a member of his family was dying.
"Gus," Shawn said.
"Yeah,"
"Thanks for being like the brother I never had.
"Same to you." Gus said.
Gus shut his eyes and whispered something. Shawn was convinced that this was the end. He wished he could do his entire friendship with Gus over; he would have treated him better.
"Guys, I've got reception!" Evan shouted, he explained the situation and a matter of minutes, the ambulance had arrived.
The paramedics put Gus on a stretcher and took him to the hospital.
Chapter 10
"So you're gonna be okay?" Shawn asked Gus, who was sitting in his hospital bed.
"Yeah, the doctor said I was never actually dying, I just panicked and it created the feeling that I was dying. I wasn't hit any harder than Curt was." Gus said. "Did they ever catch the judge?" he asked.
"Yeah, as soon as they sat him down for interrogation he confessed." Shawn told him.
"Wow." Gus said.
They sat for a second. Then Gus asked, "Ready for tonight?"
"You still want to do it?" Shawn asked him.
"Why not? I mean, it's not often you get to perform on the same stage as Tears for Fears." Gus said.
…
"Taaaaaake on me!" Shawn shouted.
"Take on me!" Gus yelled.
They were having the time of their lives. Then Shawn nearly peed himself when Curt Smith came out and started to sing with them.
Epilogue
"Thanks for all your help." Hank said to Shawn and Gus as they were getting ready to board their plane.
"Ah, it was nothing." Shawn said.
"We kind of do this stuff everyday." Gus said.
Hank laughed; as they went on to board their plane.
"This was an interesting trip." Gus said once they had gotten settled on their plane.
"I'd say so." Shawn said.
"I have to ask Shawn, did you really mean all that stuff you said when you thought I was dying?" Gus asked.
Shawn looked at him. "Yeah, yeah, I did." He said.