"Hey, come here and I'll teach you how to play football," said Randle McMurphy with a smile on his face. He was tossing a football up and down in his hands. It was a bright and sunny morning at the mental institution. It was pretty early and not many of the other patients were moving around yet. McMurphy was hanging out with his new friend Chief Bromden.
"What?" Chief asked. He didn't say much but when he did, it was very special. All of the staff and patients thought he was deaf and dumb. He eventually warmed up to McMurphy and decided to reveal his secret.
"Football! I want to give you a football lesson!" McMurphy said, excitedly. "You remember that basketball game? I was so proud! You really got the hang of it. I thought me and you could play some football."
Chief smiled slightly. "Okay."
McMurphy grinned. His friend was a man of few words, but that was okay. McMurphy did enough talking for the both of them.
"Well, come on! Get your behind over here and I'll teach you how it's done." With that, McMurphy crouched down and positioned the football. "Okay, I'll hold the ball steady and you run over here and kick the ball! Kick it as hard as you can!"
Chief took a few steps back, focusing his eyes on the ball. Then he ran fast and kicked the ball out of McMurphy's hand, sending it over the fence and out of sight with rocket-like speed.
McMurphy stared in awe. "Wow, that's what I call a kick!"
"Sorry," Chief apologized for losing the ball.
"Aw, that's alright, kid. Who says we need a football to play football, eh?" McMurphy said, looking around for something else to play with. He took off his jacket and rolled it up in a ball shape. "We'll use this, okay?"
Chief smiled. "Okay."
McMurphy put the new ball in Chief's hands. "Now, pretend this is the ball and you just caught it. Now, what you do next is try to run all the way to the fence over there. You have to keep a strong grip on that ball, you understand? Protect that ball with your life. I'm going to run after you and try to tackle you. If you can get all the way to the fence without me tackling you, then you win the game."
Chief nodded, smirking a little. He thought it was kind of funny that McMurphy was going to try tackling him. McMurphy was a shrimp compared to him. If Chief was running to score a goal, it would take a whole army to stop him.
"Are you ready, Chief? Let's do this! But first let's take off our shoes so we don't hurt each other, alright? Remember, this is just practice."
"Right," Chief replied.
Both men removed their shoes and put them on the sidelines. Then they got ready to play in their socked feet.
"Okay, Chief! Go, go, go! Run! Run like the wind!" McMurphy shouted, jumping up and down with excitement.
Chief took off. He ran so fast that McMurphy could barely keep up with him. The smaller man was panting and sweating as he ran after his companion.
Finally, McMurphy caught up to Chief and jumped on his back. "I gotcha, I gotcha!"
But Chief was still running. McMurphy wasn't even slowing him down!
"I said I gotcha!" McMurphy yelled. "You're supposed to fall over now!"
Chief smirked to himself as he continued running. He was almost to the fence. McMurphy was literally dangling from Chief's back, trying to pull him down. As McMurphy started to slip off, he dug his socked feet into Chief's sides to support himself. Chief yelped, and dropped the ball. He collapsed to his knees and shook McMurphy off his back.
"What the heck happened?" McMurphy asked, wondering why his friend would just give up when he was winning.
"It's nothing," Chief replied, rubbing his sides.
McMurphy raised an eyebrow. "You sure you're alright?"
"Yes, I am."
"Okay then, let's try this again."
The two men walked back to their starting point. Chief tucked the ball under his arm and got ready to run again.
"Okay, now we're going to do this again," McMurphy explained, patiently. "Can you make it a little easier for me this time? I can't teach you anything else if you don't let me tackle you."
Chief grinned. "Fine, I will let you win."
"You're not letting me win; you're just playing weaker so I have a chance. That's all."
"Right."
"Okay, let's go! Run!" McMurphy shouted as he chased down Chief once again.
This time when McMurphy jumped on him, Chief stopped and fell down on his stomach. McMurphy sat on his back and tried to grab the ball, but Chief wouldn't let him take it.
"Aw, come on, Chief! I tackled you, now give me the ball!"
"Nope," Chief said, grinning. He kept moving the ball away every time McMurphy grabbed for it.
"Come on, Chiefy, pretty please?" As McMurphy made another reach for the ball, he ran his hand down Chief's side, making him gasp and flinch away.
"What was that?" asked McMurphy.
"Nothing," Chief insisted, firmly.
McMurphy was really getting suspicious now. He poked Chief's side, eliciting the same reaction from the larger man. Then McMurphy gave his side a gentle squeeze, and Chief clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh
Then McMurphy understood. A devilish grin spread across his face. "Why, you son of a gun. You're ticklish!"
"No," Chief scoffed. "I am not."
McMurphy snickered. "Oh, you're not? Oh…okay. Well, I guess you won't mind if I do…this?" With that, he jabbed his index finger into Chief's ribs."Or this?"He wiggled his finger on his side. "Or maybe this?" He dug his finger into his other side.
Chief was squirming around in every possible direction, trying to escape his friend's playful finger. He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting to hold back his laughter.
"Please…don't…"
But there was no stopping McMurphy. He was a rascal. Everybody knew it.
Then McMurphy buried his fingers into both of Chief's sides at the same time and tickled him mercilessly. Chief could no longer control himself. He burst into loud, booming laughter.
"That's it," McMurphy grinned. "Cootchie cootchie coo!"
Ordinarily, Chief had the physical ability to kick McMurphy's ass…if he wanted to. But right now the large man was laughing too much to fight back.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DON'T TICKLE ME! STOP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed, turning red in the face.
McMurphy started laughing too. He couldn't resist; his buddy's laughter and pleas were priceless.
"Tickle tickle tickle!" he cooed, squeezing and kneading Chief's sides.
As an attempt to escape the tickles, Chief rolled onto his back.
Big mistake.
McMurphy now had full access to the larger man's stomach. With an evil grin, he sat on Chief's hips and raked his fingers all over his stomach.
"AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NOT MY BELLY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH NO MORE!" Chief pleaded through his deep, hysterical laughter. He tried to block McMurphy's hands, but the mischievous madman still managed to sneak in and tickle him all over.
"Aww, look at you," McMurphy said, giggling. "Just a big, overgrown baby…aren't ya?"
Chief threw his head back as he bellowed with laughter. Tears fell down his cheeks, and his black hair whipped around as he writhed. He never laughed so hard in his life.
McMurphy tickled his belly for five minutes, then gave him a short break. He waited for Chief to calm down a little before taunting him again.
"So, Chiefy...how are you feeling?"
"T-tired."
"Tell me, where else are you ticklish?" asked McMurphy, smirking.
Chief groaned, and rolled his eyes. He decided to tell the truth; maybe if he came clean McMurphy would go easier on him.
"My feet, my neck, and my navel."
McMurphy's grin was downright wicked. "Oh, I see…
Chief giggled nervously, immediately regretting what he had told McMurphy. "N-no more tickling, alright?"
McMurphy scratched his chin in mock thought. "Well, okey-dokey. I guess you've had enough…NOT!"
With that, he lunged forward and started blowing raspberries on Chief's neck, causing him to squeal in a most undignified way.
Then the other patients came outside: Billy, Harding, Cheswick, Martini, Taber, and Sefelt. They were all surprised by what they found.
McMurphy glanced up to grin at them. "Hello, boys!"
"What's going on here, McMurphy?" asked Martini.
"Oh, I just found out that Chief is ticklish," McMurphy said, grinning.
"Gee, that's cute!" Cheswick giggled.
McMurphy strolled over to the men, very amused at being caught in the act. Chief remained on the ground, blushing and grinning like a fool.
"Hey, Chief, look! The boys are here!" McMurphy quipped, looking back at the exhausted man.
Chief raised his hand weakly and waved at them.
"Hey, you guys want a turn with him?" McMurphy whispered, with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
"I-I d-don't know," Billy replied, nervously.
"Will he get mad at us?" asked Harding.
"Nah! The Chief's a big ol' softie," McMurphy answered. "Go ahead!"
"This tickling business is stupid," Taber spat, unimpressed with McMurphy's childish antics.
"On the contrary, it has been proven that laughter is one of the most effective medicines in existence," explained Harding.
"Not to mention it's fun!" McMurphy said, giving his friends a gentle push. "Now get your asses over there and tickle him!"
The boys were still skeptical. "Are you sure he won't rip our balls out?" Taber asked.
"Like I told you, he's a pussycat."
"Pussycat?"
"Just go."
The six men began walking towards Chief, who immediately realized what their intentions were. The look on his face as they ganged up on him was priceless. They pinned him down and tickled him everywhere.
McMurphy looked on, smiling as his companions tortured the poor guy.
After several minutes, the group decided it was time to give him a rest. The hapless man curled up and gasped for air. He took quite a while to regain his composure…and even longer to get back his dignity.
"That was fun. We should do that more often!" Cheswick laughed.
"I still think it's a load of queer shit," Taber remarked.
"Uh, McMurphy? Is this your jacket?" Harding asked, finding the rolled jacket that they had used as a ball.
Suddenly, McMurphy remembered the game he had planned. "Hey, who's up for a game of football?"
Everyone cheered. They loved to play sports together.
"The only thing is…," McMurphy began. "We lost the football."
As if on cue, Martini walked up with a football in his hands. "Hey, look what I found! It must be a spare."
McMurphy grinned happily and patted him on the back. "Great! Now we can have a real game! I tried giving Chief a lesson this morning, but…"
"Chief! You'll play with us, right?" Martini asked, throwing the football at the giant man.
Chief caught the ball and stood up. He looked at McMurphy, cracking a sheepish smile. Then he crouched down and held the ball for McMurphy to kick.
"Go, McMurphy!" everyone cheered.
McMurphy grinned, taking a few steps backward. He ran with all his might and kicked the football clear across the court. It soared like a missile until…
SMASH!
The football crashed through the hospital window.
McMurphy's smile faded. Everyone gasped.
Then Nurse Ratched stuck her head through the broken window and spotted the culprit instantly. She glared at him.
"Mr. McMurphy, you'll pay for this!" she barked.
"Oopsie daisy," muttered McMurphy, guilt written all over his face.
All the other men burst out laughing.
The End