Don't Leave

"You see, this is our problem," she screams as she viciously opens the dresser drawers, snatches clothes out of them, and forces them into a suitcase. "God, you're so infuriating."

I don't know what to do. Should I fall on my knees and beg her to stay? Should I ask her to rethink her decision, while stealthily unpacking all of her packed belongings? Or should I just sit her and let her leave? My indecisiveness decides; I'll wait it out.

"Heartless, apathetic, asshole! You don't even care, do you?" She walks to the couch I'm sitting on and kneels down in front of me; her cheeks are pink, probably from anger and breathlessness, and tears are flowing down her face. She looks at me with such hurt in her eyes; it stirs something in me. "Did you ever care about me? Did you ever love me?...Are you going to try and stop me?" She speaks in almost a whisper.

I just stare at her. When she realizes that I'm not going to answer, she scoffs and shakes her head as if to say 'I should have known.' She gets up, zips her suitcase and slings it across her shoulder.

As I watch her walk towards the door, something pushes me to stand, so I do. I find myself walking towards her, closing in on her. Before she can open the front door, I grab her wrist; she doesn't turn to look at me. I run my hand up the strap to her suitcase, intentionally brushing my hand against her should because I want to feel her; I remove it and place it off to the side. Then I begin to slide her jacket off; her shoulders tremble, but she doesn't fight me.

"I don't want to do this with you anymore. I can't do this anymore," she tells me.

I take her jacket and toss it on top of the suitcase. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her body into mine; I can feel her inhale sharply.

"Please don't do this to me," she says with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not doing anything."

She unravels herself from me, turns around and leans against the door. "I can't keep doing this with you. It has to be different and we both know that it won't be…You only want me when you're losing me."

"That's not true."

She scoffs and then wipes tears from her eyes, "Then what do you call this Quinn?"

"This is me stopping you."

"Why? Why are you stopping me now? Why not when I first opened my suitcase? Why not when I was threatening to leave? Why not when I told you about that job offer I got in New York?"

"Because you were giving me an ultimatum. You wanted me to make a decision on our future when you know that I don't like to think that far ahead."

"Well I can't be here as long as it suits you. I need to know what our future looks like."

"Isn't it enough that I want you now?" I ask moving closer to her.

She shakes her head, "I need more than that."

I stand in front of her. For a moment she looks at me, but then she turns away. I lean in and claim her lips; she kisses me back, but almost immediately she retreats and pushes me away. I try to bring her back into me, but she pushes me away again.

"Please, don't do this to me," she pleads.

I move to her, trapping her body in between mine and the door. "I love you," I say, but she doesn't look at me. Her breath hitches and her eyes begin to water more than they were before. "I love you," I say again, "Will you please look at me?"

She shakes her head 'no'. I rest one of my hands on her waist, the other I use to cup her cheek. She still averts her gaze, but because of our proximity I can feel the increase of her heartbeat…or maybe mine; I can't tell.

"I was thinking about you, about us while you were yelling at me and packing your things. I thought that I was okay with the idea of you leaving. But when I say you walk away from me, something inside of me…broke. You know I'm no good at feelings, but I think that what I felt was heartbreak…I love you. I need you. And I want you. Only you." I lean in to kiss her again and she returns the kiss feverishly. She whimpers against my lips as I take her bottom lip in between my teeth.

She wraps her arms around my neck and I push her against the front door.

"Don't let me go," she pleads in between kisses.

I pull her head back so that I can look her in the eyes, "I don't know what the future holds for us, but what I feel right now doesn't feel like something that can just be let go. I know I can be difficult, but promise me that you'll stay with me. And I'll promise that I will always try to stop you."

She chuckles a little, before leaning in and kissing me deeply and softly; I feel almost lightheaded. "I promise." We exchange smiles and then I lean in to capture her lips again. "I want you to do something else for me, Quinnie."

I chuckle at the nickname she gave me, "What can I do for Rach?"

She wraps her arms around my neck and looks me directly in the eye, "Take me to bed."