Endless Irate
Now with better editing!
Summary: After experiencing several odd weeks (or rather experiencing one week several times), Aziraphale and Crowley begin to question the nature of God.
Author's Notes: I just got this idea randomly and started typing, so please forgive me for any mistakes. (Especially since I lent my only copy of Good Omens to a friend.) Basically instead of acting like a moron and screaming insults to KyoAni on various message boards, I decided to take my um… 'frustration' of the current Endless Eight arc and channel it in a creative way. Not to mention Haruhi and GO are just begging to be crossed-over. I mean, they both have spiritual beings trapped in bodies of youth who don't have any clue and a good sense of humour, so why not?
Warnings: I fail at writing drunkenness and keeping people in character. There's also some A/C if you squint, but that can be said for the novel, so I guess there's no real point of mentioning it.
"It isn't going to work," said Crowley as he picked up the paper, only to sigh and put it down.
"Not much point in reading the news now, I reckon. It's all the same thing all over again, including this miserable weather," the demon thought to himself as he watched the drunken Aziraphale attempt to construct a circle out of candles.
Aziraphale picked up the bottle of wine and looked out the window as he took a long sip and looked at his watch.
He started to count down, "Three…. Two…. One…. Boom."
On cue, thunder struck, and a flash of lightning illuminated Crowley's apartment.
"For Hell's sake angel, getting this worked up over it all is only going to make it that much harder!" snapped Crowley.
"Shuttup! You blasted, slimy, um… umm…" Aziraphale nearly collapsed. "Just let me talk to the boss and I'll leave."
"And let you loose on the streets?" Crowley said with a smirk, "I don't care if time's probably going to loop right back to last week, what I had to do to get us out of that mess last Thursday was so irritating."
"Shuttuuup!" whined Aziraphale as he took another sip of wine.
"Well, if you're going to be like that all week, at least share the blessed bottle will you?" groaned Crowley as he pried the bottle out of the angel's hands and took a sip for himself. "So you think it's going to work this time?"
"It better," spat Aziraphale, "I don't see why they all gotta keep on doing this nonsense, looping time and all. Can't He just go and get things done all right the first time?"
"Well, speaking from experience…" Crowley started under his breath, "Say, perhaps this is one of your ineffable things?"
"I KNOW ABOUT ALL OF THE INEFFABILITIES AND THIS ISN'T IT!" Aziraphale said, as he started to light the candles.
Crowley winced as the angel's drunken hands swung around the candles, almost hitting his curtains. "Something tells me that if he obliterates my nice vintage curtains, it'll be the week where everything doesn't snap back. I've kept them in perfect condition for so many years and the last thing I need is…"
With all of the candles lit, and Crowley's apartment undamaged, Aziraphale stepped in the circle of candles, and stared up at the ceiling.
"GOD? METATRON? ANYONE?!" he cried, "Please! I'm begging you, tell me what's going on? This is, the, the fifteen-thousand and something… Well, I really didn't keep that good record, but it's been way to bloody long for me. Please…"
Suddenly, a face appeared before him. It had long hair that was in tangles, and was wearing a green facial mask. Despite the angelic aura that glowed around him, he did not look happy.
"Aziraphale!" barked the echoic voice of the awoken being.
"Oh, Gabriel…" winced Aziraphale, "Um… I was hoping for someone stronger and more umm… friendlier…. But, if you're all that's—"
"Do you know what time it is here?" Gabriel said, "Why must you keep on the office for no apparent reason? Raziel was either smart or dim-witted enough just to let the answering machine pick up your calls, but don't think I'm just going to ignore your excessive whining. Not to mention one more call and the machine would of been ineffably doomed!"
"B-but, don't you know, the time on Earth is looping," Aziraphale cried, "Infinitely. We've…. we've entered an endless recursion of time!"
"Why thank you Captain Obvious," said Gabriel, "What God chooses to do has nothing to do with you. Just do your job, and stop calling us, unless it's something really important."
"But can you at least ask the Boss to tell me what's going on?" Aziraphale asked, "You know, if it is his divine plan and everything, as one of his servants, I should be at least somewhat informed."
Gabriel paused for a moment, and started again cautiously, "I really can't do that Aziraphale."
"Is it because you hate me?" cried the drunken angel, "You know I'm sorry about what happened at—"
"You don't understand," cut in Gabriel, "It's hard to explain, especially to you. The situation with the boss is, well, very tricky."
"What do you mean?" asked Aziraphale.
"I can't give you the full details, but... Say, have you ever talked face to face with, um… Him?" asked Gabriel.
"Well, actually… no!" said Aziraphale, "I always got Metatron. Or the answering machine. …Or you."
"Yes, so, I guess you could say that it's very hard for the Boss to talk to people nowadays." said Gabriel with a cautious smile. "But don't feel too bad about it, I suppose His plans are going to make sense in the end. Just relax, and for the love of God, or at least those working for Her during the night-shift, stop calling."
Suddenly the candles went out, and Gabriel's image vanished from Crowley's living room.
"There, are you happy?" said a slightly intoxicated Crowley.
"A bit," replied Aziraphale, who was looking around the room with an unsure look on his face.
"Interesting guy, Gabriel." Said Crowley as he passed the bottle back to Aziraphale. "For one of those Archangels, he does slip up a lot. Called your Boss a lady, if I do recall. Well, thank wretchedness He's not in the office to catch him, eh?"
"You, can finish it," said Aziraphale as he but the bottle in Crowley's hands and sat down on one of Crowley's sofas with a pained look on his face, "I don't think I want it."
"You don't think?" said Crowley, as he gladly picked up the bottle, "Oh come on! Five minutes ago you were absolutely livid about this entire situation, and now you're all mopey? Gabriel said it's all His workings, so just think of it as a free vacation! Might as well not think of it and have a little bit of fin."
"But, it just didn't seem like the Boss was sure that he knew what he was doing!" said Aziraphale. "I mean, is that even possible?"
"If it's ineffable?" suggested Crowley.
"Will you shut up about that?" snapped Aziraphale, "I mean, I just don't think the higher-ups are giving me the full story. I mean, first we got this almost-apocalypse, and now this? Who does he think he is, adding in all of this random nonsense, and hoping that we can just accept it?"
"Well, if the Antichrist was a well intentioned young boy, who's to say that your Boss isn't a wise old grandfather with a beard?" said Crowley.
"Are you trying to drive to tempt me?" Aziraphale said, "Because if you think you're going to get me to go against my boss, then I'll have you that—"
"Are you even listening to me?" said Crowley, "Or to yourself? I mean, both of us know that something queer is going on. If your going to get all concerned about it, it might be worth while to think about this with a bit of logic."
"If you think that this is a result of that one time when we—"
"The other meaning of queer, angel." Crowley said uncomfortably, "I mean when all of this first started to happen, what did we think?"
"Well, we asked Adam if he had something to do with it?" said Aziraphale, "We didn't even suspect my side yet, really. Thought it was some sort of accident or something, wishful thinking gone horribly wrong."
"Precisely! And what did Adam say that was even more curious?"
"Well, he said that he also noticed that time was acting a bit different lately, though he didn't know why."
"We already knew that," groaned Crowley, "What else did he say?"
"Well, I don't know really," pondered the angel, "Wait, he also said that he was really happy that time was doing this. It was his last weeks of summer vacation, wasn't it?"
"Indeed, he was rather ecstatic," said Crowley, "He even said, that if he could, he'd make sure that it would keep on going."
"So do you think that he's really doing it?" asked Aziraphale.
"It would make sense, but it's not possible" said Crowley, "I mean, after all, Gabriel said that it was God who was controlling this loop."
"Yes, but, why?" said Aziraphale, "I mean, I understand why the kids want it. But, well, unless your saying that my Boss is also schoolboy?"
"Who knows?" said Crowley, "He very much could be."
"Now you're the one who's acting drunk."
"Or maybe even a schoolgirl? You know, equal opportunity and all that sort of stuff."
"Now you're really acting stupid. Come on and sober up, I want to go feed the ducks."
"You never know angel…"