The Reunion
"Angel, Willow's on the phone... She's alive! Buffy's alive!"
Cordelia Chase hurried back into the hotel, Angel staring after her. He looked at Fred for a split second before jumping to his feet and racing into the hotel for the phone.
"Buffy?" Fred asks, sadly. "Who's Buffy?"
She sat alone for a few moments before standing slowly and walking into the hotel, her head hanging, eyes concentrating on the floor.
"Buffy, what is it?" Giles looked at his charge with fatherly concern. She stared at him, and he could almost feel the fear and hope mixing themselves over his skin.
"Angel," was all she said.
"Is he in trouble?" Giles asked, worried for a moment.
"He knows that I'm ..." Buffy couldn't bring herself to say it right then. This was all too much. She glanced at Dawn, who looked a bit scared. "He, he needs to see me. I have to see him," she finished.
"Yes, of course. You'll leave for L.A. tomorrow," Giles told her.
Buffy shook her head impatiently. "Not L.A. And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a, a place," she said urgently.
"I see. Well, we should get all these ... bills and things out of the way before – "
"I gotta go now," Buffy cut him off, grabbing her jacket and rushing to the door. She pauses just before walking out. "Um, thanks for taking care of this for me," she says, hoping that it will suffice for now. She raced out the door, leaving her watcher and her sister in disbelief.
She raced to the cemetery – she needed to be with Angel right now, but she had to talk to him one last time before she left. Remind him to watch over Dawn and her friends – she knew she wouldn't be gone long, but she was taking no chances. She wanted to let him know that she would be back...
She could not begin to understand why she wanted to let him know. It only seemed the right thing to do. She leapt over flowers and bushes, raced around headstones. She could only hope that he was home.
She pushed through the door to the crypt. "Spike!" she shouted, glancing around frantically. "Spike!"
The blonde head she knew well poked out from the underground area of his home – he smiled when he saw her.
"Ah, Slayer, what can I do you for?" he asked, climbing up to stand near her. "Care for a round of patrolling?"
"No, Spike, it's important, I have to go," she said. He looked at her confused.
"You just got here, pet," he said. "I haven't even had time to insult you or hit on you, and you have to leave?"
"I can't really explain right now, but I have to go – I came by – "
"To ask me to watch the Nibblet," he finished. "And your friends. Because, let me see if I get it right, I'm the only one around here strong enough to fight someone off if they attack, and what with the lovely chip I have in my head, you trust me around them." He smiled at her. "How far off was I?"
"Right on the mark," Buffy nodded. She walked closer to him, the skin tight black shirt and trademark black jeans somehow comforting. "I really appreciate everything you've done for them – especially Dawn," she whispered. Spike's understanding of her gave her strength, gave her some form of hope. "She really likes you – and I think she trusts you more than she trusts me sometimes." She looked Spike in the eyes. "Please?"
"You know you never had to ask," he whispered back. "You could have beaten me into a bloody pulp and I'd have still done anything you asked," he said, a hand gently moving some of her hair back behind her ear. She shivered slightly at his touch, although she was unsure if it was because she liked it or if it was that she hated it.
"Thank you," she whispered. He smiled sadly at her.
"Should I go over now?" he asked.
"No, Giles is there – but, could you… keep an eye on them anyway? Just kinda, watch them from a distance?"
"I'm pretty good at that," he said, taking one of her hands. She quickly pulled it back and turned from him. She darted from the crypt, Spike staring longingly after her. "Until the end of the world," he whispered to himself. He grabbed his leather duster and hurried out of the crypt.
Buffy sat on the bus, watching the scenery slow as it pulled into a station. Even from here, she could just make out the tall silhouette of Angel. She felt nerves fluttering in her stomach and chest. It had been so long, too long, since she had seen him. And even at that point, she had not been in the best state of mind. The bus halted and she stood up, looking out the window one last time. Angel looked at her, watching her as she strode down the aisle and out the door, stepping onto the platform gently. He walked carefully to her, almost afraid she was an illusion.
"Angel," she whispered breathlessly. She ran to him and launched herself into his arms. He caught her, drinking in the scent of her skin and her perfume – Obsession by Calvin Klein. It was a scent he had committed to memory a few years ago. He felt a few tears run down his cheeks. He could not believe he was holding her, Buffy Summers, once again.
She pulled back to reveal her own tear streaked face, and Angel immediately set her down on the platform again. He wiped at her cheeks with his thumbs, cradling her face between his hands as though it was the last time he would ever hold her.
"I can't believe you're back," he said quietly, feeling his stomach lurch as she placed her hands on his chest. "I went to your memorial… saw your coffin buried," he said, fresh tears trailing down his cheeks. "I actually cried with Spike at your grave," he sobbed, pulling her back into a fierce hug. She embraced him as well.
"Should we go somewhere… else?" she asked. He nodded, took her hand, and they walked through the station and out into the parking lot. He guided her to his car, opening the passenger door for her. She slid in and he raced to the other side, hopping over the door and shoving the key into the ignition. The engine roared to life and they sped out of the area, driving anywhere but home.
"It's just so… hard," Buffy confided, sipping from a water bottle. They had stopped to fill up Angel's gas tank, and Buffy had bought some water – she found that quite often her mouth seemed to dry up whenever she tried to tell Angel anything. He sat behind her now, deep in the woodsy part of a small town park. She leaned back into his arms, and he held her against him. "I can't tell them where I was. If I did… if…"
"They'd be devastated," Angel finished for her. "They'd feel horrible for having pulled you out of such a wonderful place." Buffy nodded. "But what I don't understand," Angel said softly, "is why you felt you should confide in Spike."
"I can't explain it," she said, shaking her head. "I just had to tell someone, and he was…"
"The only one there," Angel said quietly. Buffy turned to face him.
"I know you would have been there if you had known," she said quickly. "I know you didn't know, I know, I know," she said. "He was just…. convenient."
"Buffy, you don't have to justify it," Angel said. "I'm not angry that you confided in him."
"You're not?" she asked. Angel smiled.
"No. We're not lovers, Buffy. I know that. And despite how much we do love each other, we can't be lovers now. I understand that. I don't like it, but I understand it." Buffy nodded.
"I was serious when I asked if you could stay with me forever," she whispered, moving her face closer to his. "After my mother's funeral, remember?"
"How could I forget?" he asked, his throat clenching up. "I wanted to stay by your side for the rest of my life," he said, his hands brushing through her hair. "I wanted to stay and comfort you, hold you and show you that everything would be alright."
"You still can," she sobbed, burying her face in his neck. She sobbed a few moments, Angel holding her and smoothing his hand over her hair. "Angel, I want you back, I want you in my life again," she cried. Angel felt his tears falling onto her hair, and he knew he couldn't stop it. "Angel, I'm so confused."
"I know," he said, pulling her up to face him. "I know you're confused. But Buffy," he looked at her, "you know we can't. Be together." Her face was red from crying, and she took a deep breath to steady herself.
"I know," she said. "But it was nice to think that you might have said yes."
"If we could," he started, but paused. "If there was anyway…" He looked at her eyes, her beautiful, sorrowful eyes. "God himself could not keep me from you," he told her. She leaned in and kissed him then, deeply, passionately. He returned the kiss, his arms encircling her and holding her firmly to him. "Buffy," he whispered against her lips.
"Angel," she whispered back, opening her eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said, pulling back. "I'm so sorry," he said again, his arms falling limp from her. "We can't," he shook his head fervently. "We can't, Buffy."
"I know," she said. "We've both said it. But right now I just want to pretend."
She fell back against his chest, breathing heavily. Angel wrapped his arms around her again, holding her against him.
"I love you, Angel," she said. "I always have, and I always will. I really want you to know that," she told him.
"I love you too, Buffy," he told her. "I always will. You'll always be there, in my mind. Always," he looked down to see her eyes closed, her arms wrapped around his stomach. He smiled.
"Why can't things be the way they were?" she asked him. "Mom still alive, Giles in the library, you and me…" she trailed off, leaving him to finish her thoughts. "Everything is so… complicated."
"It is," Angel agreed. "I miss those times we had. Sometimes…" he laughed lightly. "Sometimes those memories are all that get me through the day. Looking back on the two of us sleeping next to each other, waking up with each other. Patrolling and fighting off all kinds of demons. Course, you do have Spike for that now."
"What?" Buffy sat up suddenly, looking Angel in the eye. "I have who for what?"
"Spike," Angel said, a little confused by Buffy's sudden anger. "For Patrolling. Fighting off demons. You do go out with him – "
"We are not an item," she said angrily.
"Stop interrupting," Angel told her. "I was saying, you go out with him patrolling from time to time, right?" Buffy's anger faded rapidly, her expression changing to embarrassment.
"Yes," she said, looking down at Angel's legs. "Yes, he helps me patrol occasionally. But only because he – "
"Can't attack human beings," Angel finished. She looked at him with a perplexed face. "Spike and I talked a bit, after the memorial," he told her. "He told me he loves you."
Buffy shook her head. "I can't believe this," she said to herself.
"Do you love him?" Angel asked her. She looked at him, anger creeping back into her eyes. "I mean, I really do want to know. Do you love him?"
"No," she said firmly. "I am not at all in love with Spike."
"But you can confide in him even when you can't tell the people you care about most?" Angel asked her. She glared at him.
"I do not love Spike. I don't even like him!" Buffy stood up swiftly. Angel jumped up next to her. "And if all you're going to do is throw him in my face when I came to see you, then I will leave," she told him angrily, storming away.
"Buffy," Angel ran to her side, grabbing her arm and spinning her to face him. "I didn't mean to upset you," he said, looking her in the eyes. "I just want to know the truth."
"The truth, Angel? Well here it is. Spike is nothing to me. He's not really even a friend. I don't know why I could tell him that I was miserable. I don't know why I trust him so much with my little sister, other than his strength and that damned chip in his head. I don't know why I haven't staked him for everything he's ever done to make my life just that much more difficult. The truth, Angel, is that I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore." Angel looked at her sadly and drew her into his arms. She started crying against his chest. "I don't know why they had to bring me back, Angel. I don't know."
He held her for what felt like hours. He dared not let her go. He was afraid – afraid that she would never see him again if he let her go, afraid that she would forget about him. Afraid that this would be his last time to hold her.
"The sun will be up soon," she whispered. "We should go."
"Right," he said, looking down at her. "Do you want – "
"To get a room for the day?" she asked him. He smiled. "Yes. Do I want to go back to Sunnydale right now? No. I need some sleep. And I think you do too. And after all, one thing we always did well together was sleep." Angel chuckled.
"We did sleep pretty well. At least, you always did. I couldn't tell if you were snoring or if someone was always doing lumber work when we were in bed."
She slapped him on the arm before linking their elbows. "Think we can find a place quickly? I'm about to pass out."
"I'm sure it won't be too difficult," he told her, walking her back to the car.
Buffy awoke with a start. She had been dreaming. Her mother had been there, telling her to stop seeing Angel because there was this wonderful young man she'd like to introduce her to. And then suddenly Spike had walked in, followed by Dawn who was telling Buffy how wonderful he was…
Angel stirred next to her, and she smiled down at him. The sun was nearly down, and soon she would be leaving. Returning to her life in Sunnydale, the life she wanted desperately to escape. Angel rolled over to face her, his eyes opening slightly.
"Hello," he whispered. Buffy snuggled back down next to him, pressing herself against his bare chest.
"Hello to you," she said. "Sun's almost down."
"No it's not," he said, smiling at her. "No, it's just coming up – I know it. We just got here. Still plenty of time to sleep. Please," he said, his arms pulling her closer, his legs entwining with hers. "Please stay."
"I wish I could," she said sadly. "But we both know the sun's going down," she said as her hands found their way to his hair. "And I can't leave Dawn for so long."
"I know," Angel said, burying his face in her neck. "I know," he breathed along her skin.
They re-dressed in silence, Buffy avoiding Angel's eyes most of the time. They walked to the car after returning the room key. Angel opened her door for her before hopping into his own seat and revving the engine. They took off toward the bus station, riding in silence. Once at the bus stop, they parked, Angel killed the engine, and they sat there.
"I don't wanna go back," Buffy said after several tense minutes. "I can't face this alone, Angel."
"You're not alone, Buffy," he told her. "And you know you have to go back. You know that, right?"
"Yeah," she told him. "But you can't blame a girl for trying one last time."
The two exited the car and walked hand in hand to the station. They checked the bus times and bought Buffy a one way ride back to Sunnydale for the next bus – leaving in fifteen minutes. They spent the remainder of their time just sitting together on a bench, Buffy leaning against Angel, waiting for the bus to start boarding the passengers. When the announcement went through the station, Buffy jumped. She looked to Angel, who stood slowly next to her.
Silently, they walked to the bus. Angel took her in his arms and kissed her one last time. He watched as she boarded the bus, both of them crying. Watched her pull out of the station. Watched her disappear again.
Buffy sat in the back of the bus, trying desperately to stop crying.
It was rather dark when she finally stepped off the bus in Sunnydale. She could not remember a time in her life when she had wanted to be here less. She walked out of the station and towards her home.
She could just imagine what would be said when she walked through the door. She could see everyone, wondering why she had left in such a hurry. Giles would no doubt clean his glasses at least twice while she was there. Dawn would try to be happy she was back, but would resent her for having left in the first place. Tara and Willow would simply smile and ask how it was.
She wondered if Xander and Anya would be there. Or worse, Spike. What if Spike was there? What would she do then? How would she handle it?
"The same way I always handle it," she told herself. She walked quietly down the street, the only sound that greeted her was the rhythmic click-clack click-clack of her heels as she trudged on. A faint scent lingered in the air as she passed several shops – the smell of fast food. Suddenly, she realized that throughout her entire day with Angel, she had not eaten once. And now, she was starving.
To her left was a Taco Chico and a liquor store. To her right, a bright place called The Chicken Shack and a burger joint called Doublemeat Palace.
"Great," she mumbled. "One greasy heart attack after another. Oh well. We all die sometime." She walked up to The Chicken Shack. "Or in my case, multiple times."
She stood in front of his crypt. She was unsure why she was here, again, looking for him. But there she was, standing at his door, the bucket of chicken teasing her in her arms. She stood there, afraid to move. Why was she here, of all places?
"Back so soon, pet?" She whirled to see Spike behind her, a cigarette in his mouth. He took a long drag and plucked it from his lips, blowing a long trail of smoke out. He smiled at her before flicking the still smoldering butt into the grass. "Didn't expect the magnificent poof to let you go so soon."
She still stared at him with confusion. He looked back at her, his expression blank. "You're chicken's getting cold," he nodded towards the bucket.
"Right," she said, looking down at it. "I…" She looked back at his eyes. They were a beautiful shade of blue she had never truly noticed before. Angel had never had eyes quite like that. "I just wanted to let you know I'm back," she told him feebly.
Spike nodded. "I kept them safe. Watched from a distance, just like you asked." She smiled slightly and nodded before making her way past him. "He's all over you," Spike called after her. She turned. "Angel, that is." She looked at Spike without emotion. "That's how I knew where you were. I can smell him everywhere on you. Hope it was worth it." With that, Spike turned and walked into his crypt.
Buffy stood there for a moment. She wanted to go home, to forget what Spike had said. But a large part of herwanted to say she was sorry for not tellinghim who she went to see.Wanted to tell him that nothing had happened with Angel.They had talked, they had cried. They had slept. They had shared a few kisses that had hurt so much because she knew it wasn't something she could do again. But that was all.
"This is insane!" she hissed to herself, starting back towards the house. "Why the hell should I care that Spike smells him on me?"
She continued talking to herself as she walked, her feet knowing the route without her eyes watching where she was going. She stopped again outside her front door, fumbling with her keys. She finally got them out of her pocket and sighed. "Here goes nothing," she whispered, unlocking the door and walking in.