Chapter 1: Chapter 1
It was a busy day at Runway as always, but it was a surprisingly calm day for Miranda Priestly and her assistants. Andy got her coffee, Emily got her cloth samples. Andy rescheduled some appointments so Miranda could speak to people on the phone, Emily called to cancel on some appointments because the Dragon Lady didn't feel like going out of her cave. That was how the day went. It was nice; nobody was yelling, crying, or eating a cube of cheese. Everything was going great, and Andy finally was feeling that she was doing a great job and began to love working there almost as much as she did her boss. The day couldn't get any better.
And she was right; it only got worse.
"Package for Miranda Priestley's office." A shaggy-haired blonde male called out as he brought in the medium-sized package into the office from FedEx. Emily quickly got up and signed for it, tipping the man before putting the box on Andy's desk.
"Go give it to her." She said and began walking over to her desk. Andy looked appalled as she stopped mid-bite of her sandwich.
"Why should I? I'm eating, and you're already walking." She asked. Emily scoffed and rolled her eyes muttering something under her breath in an incredulous tone. "What did you say, Emily?" Andy asked, bristling up and putting down her food while sitting up in her seat.
"I said I can't believe Miranda thinks fat girls are smart; she is obviously mistaken if you can't see a reason why you should take a package to her desk." She said with a daring eyebrow and smirk, sitting down.
Andy only smiled sweetly and cocked her head to the side, "At least I'm smart enough to realize when my fat ass can't fit into an outfit and I don't have my nipples standing out, waving at people saying 'Hi! hi! My name is Cream Puff, and my twin is Twinkie, how are you?'" Andy said in the say sweet tone, ending with a bite in it.
Unbeknownst to them, Miranda could hear every word they were saying with her hawk-like ears She could only bite her lip and the inside of her cheek to keep her composure and not out right laugh at her bickering assistants. She wouldn't dare to let them know she found anything amusing. She listened and heard that they were both silent, apparently sizing each other up. She leaned closer to her desk and a few seconds later, she heard them both burst into laughter for a good two minutes.
Andy tried to stop laughing but every time she looked at her now best friend, she broke into another fit of giggles causing Emily to do the same as well. Miranda smiled softly to herself when she heard Andrea's beautifully hardy laughter then soft chuckles. The girls settled down with smiles grace their faces and Miranda went back to boss mode.
"I'll take it, and you finish eating," Emily said and picked up the box and walk into Miranda's office.
"What is this?" She asked, uninterested as looked at some documents with her glasses on. Emily placed it on the desk with caution and stood up straight.
"I don't know. It came from FedEx, and there is no name on it. It just says that it came from North Carolina." Emily said. Miranda merely raised an eyebrow and dismissed her with the wave of her hand.
"That's all."
Miranda opened the package and was caught completely off guard. She, being the Dragon Lady, was rarely caught by surprise, and when she was, she didn't show it. This time, however, Miranda Priestly nearly fell backward out of her chair in surprise. Blue eyes widened as her mouth dropped open. She stared at the shiny blue item, wondering who in the hell had the audacity to bring this into her office! She pressed a hand to her chest and willed her heart rate to go down along with the hearty blush that traveled up her neck.
"Emily." She called out, just barely keeping her voice in the normal whispery volume. She fixed her face to have an unimpressed eyebrow raised as she clasped her hands neatly in front of her.
Emily rushed in with a notepad and pen in hand, "Yes, Miranda?"
The Dragon Lady simply pushed the package forward to her first assistant.
"What is this?" The editor asked slowly and pursed her lips. Emily cocked her head to the side in confusion before she dug her hand in the box and pulled out the eight-inch item and dropping lit like a sack of hot potatoes when she realized what it was. She blushed and stuttered while Miranda gestured for her to answer.
"It's- a-a... a d-" She stuttered and moved her hands around wildly, feeling faint. She leaned against the Editor in Chief's desk, a move she would never make had she been in a different situation; any situation than the one she was in. Miranda's lips pursed at Emily's failure to properly form a sentence.
"Your incompetence astounds me. Get Andrea since you do not hold the proper potty training to form words." She gave her a piercing look to which Emily could only stare back at as she shrunk away. "Move at any time that's best for you." Emily squeaked, jumped, and everything in between before she practically ran out of the room and yanked Andy out her chair.
The newly transformed brunette sputtered as she tripped multiple time trying to keep up with Emily's fast and frantic pace with nails digging gin to her skin.
"What the hell are you doing?" Andy hissed as they came to a stop in front of Miranda's office. The Brit sighed a heavy sigh and rubbed her temple.
"There's a... package... malfunction." She said tiredly, going I love my job over and over in her head. Andy's eyebrows only crinkled in confusion.
"It can't be that bad, can it? She's not throwing things, so that's good, right?" Green eyes widened in disbelief of what she was hearing from her friend.
She opened her mouth to respond, but Miranda's smooth, demanding voice rang out. "Now."
Andy's eyes grew big at the tone. She rushed into the office and barely had time to close the door after Emily and herself before the package was slid towards her. She hesitantly touched the box and looked towards her boss who was leaning back in her seat with her hands in her lap. Andy cleared her throat, "What's this?"
"I don't know," Miranda non-nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders. "You tell me."
Andy opened the package and stared hard at its contents. After a good minute, she slowly closed the box and looked around the room with her lips in a tight line.
"I'm going to ask one last time; what is this?" Miranda asked coolly. Andy looked up at the ceiling and broke the thick silence that clogged the air.
"It's a d-"
"Hold on," Miranda interrupted. "I can't seem to hear you over Emily breathing like a fat kid running after a Debbie Cake." The said girl closed her mouth and breathed through her nose in a desperate attempt to breath properly. "Continue, Andrea."
"It's a toy, Miranda," Andrea said shortly. A white-blonde eyebrow rose, and blue eyes turned grey as they hardened.
"I certainly hope I don't see this at the Toys 'R' Us."
"It's not that kind of toy." She continued in her clipped tone.
"Well, what kind of toy is it?"
"It's an adult toy."
"Bubbles?"
"No, not bubbles. But I suppose it can make quite the mess. If we're going by what she said, it's a sticky situation." Andy said, pulling her lips closed to hide her building amused smile.
"Spit it out, Andrea." It seems Miranda did not fund it funny.
"It's something women use in the bed when-"
"It's a DILDO for Merlin's sake! We're not discussing this like it's a book club meeting! It's an eight-inch blue dick! It's a big fake wanker! Fuck it! Literally!" Emily cut in, her accent thick with distress. The other two women turned to her in surprise, and when she finally registered she said that out loud in front of her boss, Miranda Priestly, at Runway of all places, she promptly felt her knees buckle and passed out on the freshly imported Italian carpet.
Andy was sure she was fired.
Miranda had her look further into the box and see it there were any more... surprises. The brunette saw a letter and held it up for Miranda to see, only to receive a blank look in return.
"Well open it, I don't want to taint my eyes with the possible pornography." She said with the roll of her piercing blue eyes. Andy hesitantly opened it, and her eyes widen when she saw the familiar scrawl on that trademark pink paper.
"Well move at a glacial pace," Miranda drawled. "Read it." She demanded.
Andy paled. She shook her head once and looked around the room. Miranda's eyebrows skyrocketed.
"No?" She asked in a calm whisper. She shook her head again and hid the paper behind her back. "Andrea, read the letter or give it to me." She demanded. Andy bit her lip contemplating the consequences for not giving her the letter, and the consequences for Miranda reading the letter.
Andy decided she would get fired for either one.
She cleared her throat and held the paper out in front of her and began to speed read as though she were taking a thirty second timed reading test.
"Hey, bitch, since you can't seem to get in a good fuck anywhere in that big ass city, you might as well do it yourself. Sachs, I must say, I'm sorely disappointed. I thought you would surely live up to my porno expectations. Ya'know, the country girl moves to the city, finds a boyfriend (or girlfriend in your case) and fucks him once or twice until her hot ass boss steps in and rams her like Aunt Poppy with a cheesecake. Maybe you could have a little fun and be a Dragon Rider (Imagine me winkin' at cha). Haha, you should really get to it. I hear she's got some kids; I'll tell you what, the snatch must be mighty good to give two of 'em snot lickers.
Anyways, I'm gettin' married. Come back home on December 2nd and don't let TSA confiscate your new gift.
Love,
Darlene Weston"
Andy really hated the fact that she was left alone with Dragon Lady, as Emily was sent on a coffee run after she woke up. If the twitching of Miranda's left eye was anything to go by, she was fucked... and not by the dildo.
"Andrea," she questioned slowly as she took her glasses off. Andy flushed and looked around the room to avoid looking her livid boss in the face. "What was that?"
"Umm... that was my cousin and best friend. She gave me a dildo. At work." Miranda's lips tightened while Andy shuffled awkwardly. "She's also getting married." She tried to smile.
Miranda looked to be thinking about something before giving a resolute nod. "I'll be taking this."
"Why?" Andy squeaked.
Miranda simply raised an eyebrow and started to put the box away. "Don't be stupid, Andrea. It's highly inappropriate for the workplace. Surely you must realize that?"
"Yes, Miranda," Andy said with a sigh. She turned to leave, but the wicked smirk and suggestively smooth voice of her boss stopped her dead in her tracks.
"You may receive it from the townhouse tonight. Perhaps you'll learn how to ride a dragon in the very near future."