Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto, if I did...well...things would've been a...ah...little bit different. You'll see.
Found this thanks to TheBlueFoxtrot. I called to me, so I had to. The Fickle Plotbunnies made me...they're so abusive. Just wait and you'll see another abomination that they're making me do! (weep)
1. Who are you and where do your loyalties lie?
A young woman walks up to the readers, her hair is brown and short, and her eyes are a boring shade of dark hazel. She taps the mike in front of her as a spotlight shines down on her person.
Tap, tap, "Is this thing on?" She shrugs and smiles, holding the mike up to her.
"Hellooooo my readers! This is your lovely Aunty 'Cune here, infrequent updater and owner of the fickle plot bunnies! I also lay claim to the term 'Zai', own at LEAST 14 bishies (When I can capture them) And WILL eventually become the author of the GREATEST-Pokemon-Fic-of-ALL-Time!" She pauses and looks to a slip of paper in her hands.
"Oh, and I owe my loyalty to the Kazekage and Suna. All hail the Sand-nin!"
2. Who's your favorite character and why? Draw them shirtless! (Uhhh...)
Said pale skinned lady from before pauses in what can be read as clear discomfort, clutching a pencil nervously above a blank sketchbook. She is sweating in a cliched anime manner, while an equally nervous, shy, and very flushed Hinata Hyuuga sits on a chair in front of her. Said Kunoichi's fingers tap together, as some random clock in an undisclosed location ticks away the hours.
"Uh...um..."
"Shut up...I can...uh...do this..."
"Oh...I..uh...Do I need to take off my jacket for th-this?"
"..." 'Cune twitches, more sweat-drops appear.
"I...ah...I'm sure that part was added under the assumption that most fans of anime, if they're a certain gender, generally favorite a character of the OPPOSITE gender of theirs...usually...and weren't thinking of someone, like me, who chose their favorite character based on the fact that you bear a very, striking resemblance to how I used to act all the time when I was younger...so...yeah."
Hinata shyly goes back to flushing and tapping her fingers together, barely understanding any of that monolog. "So...I don't have to take my shirt off?"
"Honey, if I made you take your shirt off, Neji would kill me. If HE didn't, Naruto would TRY. (And maybe succeed...he's pretty kick ass these days.) If HE didn't...well...I can't really draw you anyways, so the purpose to getting you half naked would be null and void really."
Hinata mutters, barely loud enough for the other woman to hear her. "Not unless you were into that kind of thing..."
"I like Penis!" (No offense to those who don't. XD)
3. Got any fan characters? Introduce them. (No own characters? Draw an Naruto Dance Party! Go nuts lol)
'Cune walks up to the stage again, with a rather bored, slightly irritated looking young lady with long white hair, pale features, ridiculously large sleeves, and an overall white/black ensemble to her clothing.
'Cune taps her mike again. "This thing on? Oh good. Hey everyone! Meet my spear point for the Naruto-verse, Gin Uta!"
Gin, the pale lady, nods to everyone, managing to speak clearly even though she's got a black mask over her mouth..."Hello everyone, I'm Suicune's Mary Sue."
'Cune glares at her. "You don't have to shout it to the world you know! And besides, you've evolved from that. Now you're more of a...spear point for an entire tribe I created. Gin's a Sand Dancer folks! Naturally of the sand, they're assassins that currently answer only to the Kazekage!"
Gin gives 'Cune a glance that manages to convey her utter unimpressed attitude to this news. "So, in other words, you've made an entire RACE of Sue's who are essentially what a Ninja is SUPPOSED to be. Meaning you just made a clan of actual ninja's. With naruto-verse connotations."
"...Why do I have this penchant for making sarcastic characters that have no qualms of questioning my ultimate power over them?"
"Let's not forget the connections to Raijuu. The five(six?) tailed Weasel"
"WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT! ….freakin' Sand Dancer..."
4. What would happen if your character/s met Naruto? (No characters? Drawrite yourself instead.)
Gin opened up one red eye, glaring at what looked to be a spazzing creature of orange in front of her. She'd been enjoying her nap, dammit, didn't matter that Gaara-sama had asked her to get this 'letter' to the Hokage ASAP, it had been a long trip and she had been tired. She was loyal, sure, but Gaara-sama hadn't claimed it had been (too) important, so she could afford to rest.
Seriously. What the HELL kind of ninja wore ORANGE as their normal uniform? Sure, white wasn't real wise either but Gin wore black when the occasion called for it. But ORANGE?
Seemed the blonde (really) boy had stopped his barking...threatening...boasting? She had stopped paying attention the moment she noticed the orange. Anyway, he was now glaring at her, so she figured he required a response.
"I'm sorry...what did you say? I just woke up, so I didn't hear you very clearly."
If he tensed up anymore he was going to pop a blood vessel. And Gin didn't know, wasn't physically able to use, any med'nin techniques. And she had left her first aid kit back in Suna. She hadn't expected to come across any problems...not that the blondie looked like trouble...well..not at that moment.
She could take him. Maybe. Possibly. If he wasn't one of those OMG super powerful, extremely strong ninja's that NO ONE could beat...there seemed to be a lot of those if Kankuro had been telling the truth...
Anyway, the blonde looked pretty angry, so she figured she should pay closer attention this time.
"I'm heading to Konoha, do you...er...know the way?" He didn't look like he could find his way out of his own apartment, despite the fact that he was clearly a ninja...
"You THINK?" Oh...he was pointing at his forehead...where the Hidden leaf headband was shown...clearly...for anyone to have noticed. That was embarrassing.
"I ASKED what you were doing here! I'm on patrol duty, FOR Kanoha! You're not from these parts, and if I don't do this right the Old Hag's gonna keep me from the next mission (If she hasn't already and just put me on this to keep me busy and out of her hair) and I NEED to go on the next mission to drag someone important to me back here!" All this was said in one breath, so he did a bit of panting before intensifying his glare.
"So, who the HELL are you and WHAT are you doing this close to Konoha?"
Gin blinked, she was still waking up after all, and calmly reached into her robes to show the angry orange ninja her message from Gaara-Sama.
"I come from Suna, this is from the Kazekage. It's nothing too important, just some message to a fr-"
She was cut off as the orange ninja made a complete 180 to his personality, cheerfully going on about how he knew Gaara and that the letter must be for him. (Wait...what?) He then seemed to switch his opinion of Gin JUST as easily and invited her to the village (going first to the Hokage of course...though that seemed more of an afterthought then any actual serious attention to his 'duty'...how was this kid a ninja again?)
Gin, having nothing better to do, just followed him. She figured she'd hang out there for a bit, get some food, restock supplies, grab a souvenir for the sandsibs...all in all, nothing too weird could happen while she was there. Right?
(Good GOD that was long...I can't help myself. Btw, if you wanna know, I've paired Gin with Kankuro on several occasions, but hey, who am I to keep him from the fan girl's clutches?)
5. Le gasp! You've been sucked into a wormhole and blasted into the Village Hidden in the Leaves. What are you doing?
It was quiet in the village of Konoha, well...quiet as it ever got. By Quiet I mean, uneventful.
There were no crazy maniacs out to destroy the village and every man, woman, and child within.
There were no mass slaughters of any of the village's various clans.
There were no war's with any of the other hidden villages.
And there were no rampaging beasts intent on killing every man, woman, and child within Konoha.
What there WAS, however, was what appeared to be a rather intense starring match (Or deeply intense telepathic conversation...they couldn't tell which) between a tall and voluptuous pale lady and...apparently...the Ninja dog formerly known as Akamaru.
Hinata and Shino stood in silence, apparently at a loss for words.
"Ah...Akamaru..." The large canine barked briskly at it's master, who was riding on his back, looking bemusedly at the spectacle with utter confusion...had been for at least ten min. now.
"Sh...Shino-kun...um...do you think she-"
"Shush Hina-chan! You're breaking my concentration!" The lady's voice barked out just as sharply as the large dog before her, not once breaking eye contact with him and causing the Hyuuga to 'eep' in surprise
"Oi...miss...do you know us?" Kiba got a growl for his trouble, and silenced simply out of shock. He wasn't sure if it had been his dog or the girl who had growled at him.
Five more min. into this...
"God damn it! Fine! There's no reasoning with you! Screw this, I'm going home!" And with that, much to the utter confusion of the former Team 8, the girl stood up and trudged away back into the forest from whence she had suddenly appeared, barked at Akamaru, and started the whole strange process.
Cue in sync blinks from said team...
"What was THAT about Akamaru?" the dog woofed at him for a bit, the explanation taking another two min. to convey apparently.
Shino coughed politely. "What was that about Kiba?'
Kiba just slowly shook his head and blinked in bewilderment. "I don't even know man...I don't even know...something about the theory of...tree's? He mentioned tree's."
"M-maybe she's an herbalist?"
"Hinata...I doubt herbalists would mention BECOMING a tree..."
The Aburame crossed his arms, humming in thought. "Never mind the fact that she could apparently talk to Akamaru without using any words to begin with."
Kiba nodded and gave his dog a stern look. "Yeah! What's up with that Akamaru? Why didn't you tell me you cou-" He was interrupted by more barking.
"What?"
"Oh...only then?"
"How?"
"Really?"
"That's cool!"
"Oh...well...alright then." His teammates looked at him in curiosity and he shrugged. "Apparently it's only available to Furries. Whatever THAT is."
(Note; Furry is NOT something to look up on google kiddies. It's not THAT bad...but there are many suggestive material that's linked to it. It's a fetish. Look up THAT word first. Some make it up into a lifestyle however...'m not really one of 'em. ANYWAYS, yesh, I TOTALLY would have telepathic convo's with Akamaru...or Hump Kiba like a madwoman...I chose to spare him this time...Hinata's my fav. Character...not Kiba. He's pretty close though.)
6. Oh noes! You have been captured by Akatsuki! How do you plan to escape?
Both the blue haired woman and the brown haired woman stared at each other, wearing skeptical expressions. The blue spoke first.
"So...I hear you can speak telepathically to animals."
The brown one nodded. And answered.
"So...I hear you like making origami."
The blue was silent, and they both blinked at each other for a bit.
"...why did Pain capture you again?"
Brown shrugged.
"I dunno...was bored I guess. Or maybe he thinks I can talk to the tailed beasts or something. Why's he keep YOU around? You play with paper, and so far you're just the stereotypical character that's put here for us to gain sympathy for the main bad guy of the current moment. Kinda like Kimimoru...maybe."
Blue tilts her head to the side. "Kimimoru just makes you hate Orochimaru even more...I don't think it's quite the same."
"Huh...you're right. Creepy man doesn't really have a sympathy character does he?"
"You don't know a lot about us, do you?"
Brown grins brightly. "Nope! Don't care to!"
Blue sighs. "Fine. DEDAIRA!"
Hence, 'Cune manages to catch a flight on a stone bird, as Konan felt there really was NO reason for Pain and them to keep a fan girl with no REAL abilities around, and no interest in gaining, or previously having any, former intelligence on them.
The bird did blow up however...but 'Cune landed in Suna, in front of the Sandsibs, to which she promptly fangirled over Kankuro and Gaara...then had ramen with Temari. So it was all good.
(Can we PLEASE not ask me to write anymore situations with me in them? I'm tired of writing blurbs...I always end up with walls of text.)
7. Obligatory shipping question! Do you have a favorite ship?
'Cune taps the mike in front of her, her clothes noticeably sandy-er. "Ug...I'm NEVER jumping into a random portal AGAIN. This thin-Oh, alright then. Ah...my favorite pairing? Uh..."
She sweats.
"hymmmgummm"
Gin appears and pokes her with the back of a Kunai. "What was that 'Cune?"
A grin is audible.
"I said, Higumamu..."
Gin pokes her again. "Enunciate your words. We didn't understand you."
Grin is much more audible now.
"I SAID...Hyuugacest."
Gin drops the dagger and sweat-drops "Oh...well...okay. Um...that's not cannon you know."
'Cune glares at her. "I. KNOW. I preferred Sakura with Naruto...and felt Hinata could do better...and...Neji...and..."
She sighs.
"Just shut up and leave me alone. Hyuugacest is my pairing of choice forever!" (Yeaaaaah...don't be hatin')
8. Draw(Write) the crackiest pairing you can think of
'Cune looks through a stack of several different...cards...with an angry Kabuto glaring from behind her.
"Can I have those BACK now?"
"Shush! I'm using them to see if I can figure out the most Cracky Naruto pairing there is!"
"Can't you just...pick one at random? Why do you need my cards?"
"Because! I know a lot of the naruto characters and I've heard all these pairings but if they want a CRACKY pairing I wanna give them the CRACKYest paring EVER!"
Kabuto's response is cut off from what appears to be a Pinkish red blur tackling him to the ground.
"OH KABUTO! RAPE ME! I WANT YOUR GENETICALLY ALTERED BABIES!"
Both the evil medic nin and 'Cune blink for a few seconds.
"Well..there's always the rapeshipping. Have fun with Sakura Kabuto!" 'Cune runs so she isn't mentally scarred by them playing 'doctor'...again.
9. ROFL! You know what else is fun? Crossovers! Do a crossover…of DOOM!
Naruto/FMA...it's amusing, but I'm not doing it at the moment.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A WEAKLING YOU DUMB MIDGET?"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC PEA SIZED MIDGET WHO CAN'T EVEN SEE THE TOPS OF YOUR STUPID ASS BLONDE HEAD?"
"WHO'D YOU JUST CALL STUPID YOU DWARF?"
"CALL ME DWARF ONE MORE TIME YOU OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD POOR EXCUSE FOR A HIRED MERCENARY!"
….and all this could have been avoided had Ed not commented on Naruto's weak sense of fashion There, that's ALL I'm doing on it...god my Ed rants are rusty.
10. All done. Now tag someone else.
All who read this...you've been tagged.