A/N: Hey everyone, I'm super excited about this!
It's a much improved REWRITE of a story I'd started to write about... idk, 6+ years ago? The original was called Trembling Hearts.
This is... much better, though. The old fic was often pretty cringey, and although I'll be recycling a few concepts/conversations/etc. etc. - THIS HERE is the story that the first version was meant to be.
Anyways! The content warnings and rating are there for a reason. The first chapter doesn't contain any of the abuse/self-harm/suicide/etc. any of that, but it's gonna be a theme that will feature mid-to-heavily for both Haku and my OC, Nozomi. So it's definitely gonna show up in later chapters. If that kind of thing triggers you, makes you uncomfortable, or is simply not your cup of tea, please turn back now. Don't read the fic if you're not comfortable with any of the stuff up in the tags!
That said, if you wanna read it... I'd be absolutely delighted. If you do continue, pretty please let me know what you think so far! I'm a slut for feedback so honestly anything you can tell me, your favorite parts, things you wanna see more of, I love that kind of thing!
Also the story's been cross-posted to Archive of Our Own, as well. If you wanna find it there, it's under the same title, and my username there is the same! *heart hands*
ENJOY! :)
I pirouette in the dark
I see the stars through me
Tired mechanical heart
beats till the song disappears
Somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive
and SHATTER ME.
-"Shatter Me" (Lindsey Stirling feat. Lzzy Hale)
"Nozomi!"
"Nozomi-chan!"
"We need your help!"
"You've gotta come!"
"HURRY!"
As soon as the orphans Nozomi regularly spends time with come rushing up to her, both of them shouting over each other for help, she knows something is wrong. These two are excitable, but there's never that raw panicked look in their eyes that she's seeing right now. She's also never seen them crying over anything that wasn't extreme hunger or injury. She knows they ate today, because she's the one who sneaked food from her work to feed them, and neither of them looks hurt. Besides, if it were any of that, they would have mentioned it right away instead of just saying they needed help.
So what's going on?
She gives the taller of the two, the more sensitive Katashi, a hug practically as soon as he flings himself into her arms. Predictably, he's sobbing. "Hey, hey," she shushes. "Deep breaths. I can't help if I don't know what's going on." Her gaze shifts to the smaller boy, Michio. "What's going on, Michio?"
This is the first time she's ever seen true fear in Michio's eyes. He might cry and be upset; as long as Nozomi is around or she's gotten someone who can help them, though, he's never displayed this to her before. "– We found a guy by the bridge."
"He's not breathing!" Katashi adds, holding on tightly around Nozomi's neck. "There's so much blood and he's pale and he's not breathing and he's dead!"
"He's not dead!" Michio looks indignant at the very suggestion that this mystery man has passed on. He glares at his friend for a good second, then looks right into Nozomi's eyes. The look on his face softens from something angry to veiled concern. "… He's not dead, is he, Nozomi-chan?"
A frown forms on Nozomi's face as she considers what they're telling her. There's apparently a man, a lot of blood, and the possibility that he's not breathing. Even though she doesn't have a lot of experience with anything medical, she learned everything she knows from the woman who took her in. It's not much.
Regardless, she can't just stand by if there's anything she can do to help someone.
Her arms gently squeeze Katashi. "Well, I won't know anything for sure without looking at him. Lead me to him, and let's be quick about it, okay?"
A moment's walk later, the group is gathered by the edge of the Great Naruto Bridge. There's a small set of steps leading up out of the water, so that maintenance personnel can go down into boats if anything on the bridge's lower structure needs to be fixed – and, currently, so that the ones finishing the construction can reach those same structures. The bridge is close to completion, and at the moment, it's late enough that the builders have all gone home. They'll be back in the morning, of course.
Lying on the steps is what appears to be a young man who probably isn't any older than Nozomi herself. He can't have been here for more than a few hours, or otherwise the builders would have noticed him and alerted someone more official much sooner. Despite the fact that the steady rain falling from the sky should have washed the blood away, there's still a sizable pool of it dripping down his body. It appears to be coming from his chest; in addition, the robe he's wearing is wide open, revealing a dark sweater that's covered with singe marks. A closer look reveals a gaping wound at the center of those marks. It's ragged, nonsurgical, as if whoever made it was trying to cut through this man.
His face looks peaceful, yet contorted with pain. It strikes Nozomi as strange how someone can be both at the same time. Black locks of hair are spilling over his shoulders, laden with the same water that seems to be dragging him down. His legs are half swallowed up by the waves and seeing as he's at the very least unconscious with no way to anchor himself, he's at very real risk of slipping down under them.
"Oh, gods!" is the first thing out of Nozomi's mouth. She can't help herself – seeing another human being in a state like this, whether he's alive or dead, is shocking. Who is he? What happened to him? How did he get here? None of this makes any sense.
Just as another wave laps at the steps, Nozomi hurries down and grabs one of the man's arms. He should be dead weight, but when she gives him a tug, she notices that he's much lighter than he should be. Another look at him reveals that he's actually rather skinny.
She pulls him up to the top of the steps just as thunder rolls above them. Katashi and Michio crowd around her, each of them tugging at one of her sleeves. They both look frightened, and she doesn't blame them. "Nozomi-chan! Is he dead?!"
"Shhh, shh. Let me see." Her hand absently pats at the top of Michio's head, trying to find any more information about this young man. There's a trail of dried blood coming from his mouth, staining lips that are already painted with some light shade of lipstick. The hitai-ate around his forehead at least tells her something: that he's a shinobi, and that he's from the Mist.
Nozomi combs her hair to one side so her ear is unobstructed, then lowers her head down to the left side of the man's chest. Every fiber of her being pounds in prayer, hoping this man isn't too far gone to be saved. If there's any small hope that he's still clinging to life, there's a chance for him.
For a long moment, the children are quiet. They don't move a muscle. Even the sky above her stays silent, as if allowing her time to hear what she needs to hear.
She's relieved to not only hear the faintest sounds of breath, but also a weak heartbeat.
Whoever this man is, he's alive.
She lifts her head up and presses two fingers to the man's neck to check his pulse. "He's still breathing," she murmurs. "And his heart is still beating."
"He's alive!" Michio shakes his friend so hard Nozomi is almost afraid that Katashi's head will snap off. "Katashi, he's alive! I told you he wasn't dead!"
That's the exact moment the man chooses to let out a groan, his eyes opening just a crack. He takes in a deep breath… and immediately starts coughing. His arms twist and bend in an obvious attempt to cover his mouth, though they don't get very far. Even after the coughs subside, he's still not breathing as well as he should. They sound like desperate gasps more than anything else.
Nozomi isn't sure what to do, especially since one of his coughs has brought up a clot of blood that spattered onto the top step beside him. Her hand finds its way under his back, massaging between his shoulder blades. "Can you hear me, sir?" The silence from a moment ago has vanished, leaving her to raise her voice against the wind and rain.
What she gets as a reply is another groan. This time it's full of agony, clawing its way up from his belly through his throat. "… Master… sorry… I'm… sorry…"
"Hey, hey." She moves her hand to his face in an attempt to bring him around before repeating herself. Though she hates to distress him further, she needs to know if he can hear her as well as if he's able to actually understand what she's saying. "Sir? Can you hear me?"
The next answer she gets from him is a little more coherent. "… Ye… s… I… hhhhhnn…" He looks up at her just long enough that she can see his eyes are brown, then he's blacked out again.
"Nozomi-chan? Is he gonna die…?" Katashi is holding tightly to Michio by this point, and both boys' eyes are wide. It's not hard to see why. Despite the fact that they've lived on the streets for a couple of years, seeing terrible things and having to fight for their own survival, another person dying is very likely something they haven't seen yet.
If Nozomi has any say, they won't have to see it at all. The thought of a fellow human being ceasing to exist is one of the worst things she can think of. No one should have to bear witness to that, especially children.
This man probably weighs less than she does; he can't be more than a hundred pounds soaking wet. (Which is what he is right now, but that's beside the point.) It wouldn't be a huge effort for her to transport him back to her house… they aren't far away. "No, he's not going to die," she decides. With as much strength as she has, she hefts the shinobi into her arms.
He's not nearly as heavy as someone his age and height should be. As soon as she adjusts her hold on him, his head falls against her chest with little prompting. She's hoping it isn't just wishful thinking that she can still feel him breathing. "You two find some shelter for the night. Somewhere safe. I'll bring this man to Tsunami, and we'll get him taken care of."
The two kids are still holding onto each other. They give their friend a nod, and then one final look toward the young man in her arms. "Stay safe, Nozomi-chan!" They both reach to touch the man's arm – as if they can impart some kind of healing energy just by that. "Please stay alive," Katashi adds in the most pleading tone she's ever heard.
"You two stay safe, too." As soon as the boys have hurried off toward an area she knows will keep them secure for the night, Nozomi starts moving. The rain has begun to come down harder in sheets. The temperature is continuing to drop. If she doesn't speed up, this man is in more danger of freezing to death than succumbing to his wound.
Her eyes shift back down to him and a lump starts to form in her throat.
"Don't you dare die on me."