AU, Eclipse. This is my projection of the worst thing Victoria could have done to Bella and Edward. Three related one-shots. Complete.

Oh God.

Is this what it feels like when your heart is breaking?

Victoria looked up from the pyre she was building and smiled at me, a friendly, reasonable expression. Then she tossed up Edwards's perfect head and set it alight. The smoke smelled thick and too sweet.

Seth lay dead a few feet away, but I had eyes only for the mountain of flames that Edward had become.

I couldn't scream, couldn't cry, couldn't feel anything except denial. He was all right. He had to be.

Riley crouched in front of me, obviously restraining himself, to make sure I wouldn't pass. But I couldn't move, I was frozen to the wall of sheer rock, my hand cramped around the rock that hadn't been enough. The faint pinprick of blood I'd drawn was driving Riley half crazy.

Come on then. Bite me. Kill me.

I don't want to live anymore.

The words I'd thought that day when Edward left, they came back to me now.

Love. Life. Meaning. Over.

Go ahead Victoria. Kill me, if Riley won't do it … I'll welcome death, pain, anything to get rid of this terrible numbness that hurts more than anything I've ever even imagined.

Please.

Just get it over with. I want oblivion. I want to see Edward again.

"How does it feel?" Victoria was very close to me, her eyes bright with the recent fight. Her voice, high, girlish, innocent, had a tone of kindly curiosity.

"Tell me, Bella. What are you feeling, now that your mate is dead? Would you like to die too?"

I looked her straight in the eye. "Get it over with." I said in a raw voice, thick with unshed tears. There was nothing, nothing she could do to me anymore. She'd already done it. The worst was over.

"No, Bella. I don't think I will. You see, I've got to live out eternity without James. I think it's fair that you do to." Her voice was gentle, understanding.

I looked at her with wide eyes, unaware that I was hyperventilating and that the steady ripping groan was coming from me.

Then I realized what she meant.

Victoria took in my horror struck expression with a delighted smile.

"No." I mouthed dryly. She giggled. "Yes, Bella. I was going to kill you, but now—well. This is so much more fun."

Then she slung herself into a crouch that was all too familiar. All traces of her kind expression were gone in instant, swallowed by a terrifying snarl.

"And before you go," Victoria panted, baring her teeth. "I'll make sure you're hurt as much as I can."

Then she sprung, slamming me between the rock and her body. My ribs were crushed, I couldn't breath, couldn't scream out with the agony that wracked my body. I only lasted a few more broken bones before I blacked out, battered into unconsciousness.

I was dying when I woke up next. And her, Victoria, she was always there to gloat and enjoy every moment of my pain.

There are no words do describe it, that terrible empty hole that doesn't get better, that doesn't vary — except to get worse.

"Yes, it hurts." Victoria crooned when I was finally transformed, curled up on the damp forest floor in a fetal position, whimpering with pain and loss and bloodlust.

Then she left me to live eternity alone.

The numbness.

The day-after-day-after-day never ending pain that blurred everything, even time.

Victoria had damned my soul, forced me into this unbreakable body, gotten her revenge.

I wondered, did she feel any better?

Was her life as meaningless and utterly lonely as mine was?

My gift, when I discovered it, was a final curse from her. I took other people's happiness and joy, leaving them curled up in miserable balls, while I felt the fleeting moments of joy. And I couldn't control it.

I was a monster.

Death is nothing to what I've been through.

I was out of control, a newborn — just like they had all warned me. I killed all too often.

Do you know what it's like to feel another person's blood on your hands? Do you know what it's like to kill?

I do.