Okay guys this is my first fanfic and from prompt found on tumblr by itsmemorized -AU where after the Fall John knows Sherlock is out there somewhere so he becomes a mass murderer so Sherlock will have to solve his case
Chapter 1- Therapy, again
I'm seeing my therapist again, never liked her. Mycroft was right-of course he was right, the pompous git was rarely wrong. She had it the wrong way round, I missed the war, I missed the adrenaline coursing through my veins as I saved, served and killed. I was haunted by some things, of course like my mates and comrades falling around me, and me not being able to save them ecspecially poor Tim, bright young thing he was, energy simply radiated off him, he was so eager to serve his country and queen, so eager to be apart of it all, the war, the poor lad met an unlucky fate though, shot, multiple times in his left leg, I tried so hard to save him but in the end I could only watch as the light leaked from his eyes, his raspy pleas stop and his breath shallow. I could only watch as, like the blood pouring out of leg, his life left and his body became an empty shell of who would've been a great man, of the boy who was a good man.
She could never understand, that's why she could never help, no one could. I remember our first session all those months ago, those months which seemed and should've been years. 'John' she told me 'you're a solider, it's going to take sometime for you to adjust to civilian life'. Time to adjust, right, she doesn't know how it is, I'm a veteran, they don't know how we're trained how we learn to channel this anger and control it, once you've become accustomed to the life of a soldier, you can never, truly adjust back.
When you're dumped back into the life you have forgotten how to live, becoming a civilian again, you start to loose control of that anger you were trained to use, you live in fear for lives of other people around you, you're scared every day that you will snap and kill someone, a lot of old veterans do and get sentenced for , on average, five years in prison. You finally just loose your sanity, you go insane, cut all contacts off scared you will hurt them and finally you try to rid yourself from this world, convinced that soon you will hurt some innocent person. You also get depressed, everyday remembering the friends and lives you lost.
Me? I'm no exception but Sherlock, that wonderfully arrogant, brilliant man had helped, he gave me the adrenaline I needed, no time to morn when I was in a new battlefield, the streets of London.
So when he committed suicide, I lost more than just my best friend , lost my safe haven and my sanity. His death brought back all the problems I had before when I was first discharged, but worse because now I have a different sense of normality, chasing murderers, shooting cabbies, getting strapped to bombs, exploding flats, cases, crime scenes, body parts in the fridge, experiments in the kitchen, the yard, running down the streets of London, jumping over rooftops and getting kidnapped. How can I adjust to civilian life now, when I thought I already was living one?
So Chapter 1 is up! of my first fanfic too yay! now pleeeeaaaaseeee review