Wasn't
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Disclaimer:I own nothing.
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A/N: In avoiding responsibilities. In currently avoiding finishing off 24 simple notes. So... In hiding... In a one shot... (My thoughts make no sense) (But readers don't care. Right?)
WARNING: It goes between their POV's so when you see the page break its switching.
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She wasn't supposed to happen. She was just another girl, hanging out backstage waiting for us at another concert. She wasn't supposed to lure me in like that. Her eyelashes delicately framing her sparkling eyes, her hair brushing against her back, her lips-large and red waiting to pull any man in.
We weren't supposed to go to my hotel room that night. I shouldn't have talked to her, was what I told myself the next morning. I knew it was a bad idea once I felt that urge, that odd tug in my gut. But I had to. And then, when I woke up to head out the next morning she was laying there, and I was forced to wake her up. It was an unnecessary burden upon myself. And a form of self torture. I didn't want to wake her and pretty much kick her out. I had to though. And after I did I felt empty.
I wasn't supposed to forget to put a condom on. I realized that shortly after she had left and I started throwing my clothes from the night before into my duffel bag. I didn't bother running downstairs to see if she were still waiting for a cab to tell her.
I wasn't supposed to think about her every moment of every day after that night. Longing for her.
And she most definitely, wasn't supposed to use the PR email on our website to tell me she was pregnant.
I guess I can't really say its her fault. Thinking back on it she seemed like the type who would want to tell someone. And I never gave her anyway to contact me. Why would I? She was a one night stand.
A one night stand I was crazy for.
–
All I had wanted was an autograph, or a picture, one of the usual things. I have no idea why I said yes when he invited me to come with him. It was stupid of me, really.
I have no idea why I didn't stop him when he took me to his hotel room and started stripping. I just went along and stripped also.
I was afraid, but he was so concerned with his own wants that he didn't even notice. But perhaps he was always like that, a spoiled pop star who always got what he wanted.
I thought he put on a condom, I can almost swear he did. Maybe it broke. I don't know.
But a month and a half later when I found out I was pregnant I knew something had to have gone wrong.
It wasn't like he was my first. But it wasn't like I was taking any form of birth control either. We relied solely on that little latex glove. Our mistake.
For at least a month, everyone pestered me to either tell the father or get an abortion. I couldn't get an abortion. I couldn't make someone so small and innocent not even yet alive pay for a silly accident that was the result of my foolish choice.
I couldn't tell the father either. How could I? He never gave me a way to contact him. He simply took what he wanted and then told me to leave. I couldn't tell everyone else that though. That the father was Shane Grey. It simply put me between a rock and a hard place.
I had no choice. It was probably wrong of me, but I had to. I already knew that doing this was a one way ticket to piss of one of the worlds biggest celebrities.
Their website, had contact information. Granted it was for doing things like contacting their agents and managers for interviews and what not. But I was desperate.
So I did the worst possible thing. I sent a short blunt email asking that whoever it was I contacted tell Shane that I was pregnant. I even added in that he may not remember me, and when it happened and where it happened. I didn't care if I was going to end up forever a social outcast for ending up pregnant because I slept with Shane Grey. I just had to let him know.
–
Everyone was telling me to take her to court. Find out if the baby was really mine. They said to never trust someone who just comes out and says they are pregnant.
I couldn't tell them that I couldn't do that, because it probably was my baby. Because I was desperate and stupid enough to forget a condom.
They were pressuring me, telling me it had to be done soon or else I would have to wait months before the baby was born. They were telling me that I had to prove the baby wasn't mine or else I would be ruined. I would be strapped down for life coughing up whatever amount she wanted for 18 years.
I couldn't tell them that I would already have to. Without having to pressure her with all those court dates and exams and poking and prodding and accusations.
I didn't want them to call her a slut. I didn't like when they called her a whore. I really hated it whenever they would call her a lying, gold digging trollop.
She wasn't any of those things. She was a beautiful girl, that I roped into giving me what I wanted. She didn't deserve to be called these names, or be accused of lying.
I know people say it takes two to tango, but in a situation like this the blame will always fall on one person. Never both. And in this situation, our situation, I am the one who is at fault.
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They emailed back. They told me Shane wanted to take me to court. They said he didn't believe I was telling the truth, and that they were going to spend any amount of money to do so.
Well they said that, and offered me the option of taking 10,000 dollars and never speaking about this again, and simply putting up my child for adoption.
After I cried about being called a liar, I responded. It was short, and it simply told them that I was going to go to court.
Even though I never wanted any money out of this. I simply wanted to let him know.
–
They went behind my backs, and gave her an ultimatum. And like a fool she had to go and choose the option that made her look guilty.
I didn't want her to do this. I honestly didn't. I fought tooth and nail to keep them away from her. But naturally technology worked against me.
This wasn't going to end well. I didn't care about the money. I only cared what this whole mess was going to do to her.
Even if she was just a one night stand. That I didn't forget about.
–
Court is a messy thing. Especially when the other side has about five lawyers ready to jump up to scream lies about you. Or when the other side also has several doctors on hold ready to poke and prod at your baby.
I refused to let them do that. I told them that if they were so desperate to prove it wasn't his then they could wait until after the baby was born.
I wasn't going to harm my child all because some pop star didn't want to pay money.
Shane Grey never showed up for any of it, for months I continuously had to show up just to get yelled at by lawyers and managers. He was never there once. But what else should I expect from a spoiled pop star avoiding the truth? Perhaps it makes it look like it was never his baby to the press. And that it was simply a sour rumor.
I didn't care.
–
My manager told me that the baby was born yesterday. It was a little girl. 7 pounds, 4 ounces. She named her Aimee. I was thrilled. My manager was also.
However, he was thrilled for a completely wrong, disgusting reason. He was thrilled because now that the baby was born, soon he would be able to start hiring doctors to pull off her precious little skin cells, and pluck her small little hairs, and swab her small little pink mouth.
And test it all.
I was disgusted by it. I never wanted that anyway. After 7 months of hearing about someone all you want to do is see them. And now, after only a day of knowing about her, I want to see both of them.
During those 7 months I never doubted the baby was mine. But now, the longing I feel to see and hold the baby I know shes mine.
Even if she wasn't supposed to happen.
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She was gorgeous. She was perfect. Her small little hands. Her small little nose. Her soft, rosy skin. Her soft delicate eyelashes laid carefully along her cheeks waiting to flutter open. I loved her. I loved her more than anything.
She made me glad I fought for her for the past 7 months. It was worth it to be able to have a chance to hold her. To know I get to raise her. Granted Ill be raising her on my own. But I'll do everything I can to give her a perfect home and a perfect life.
A creature so perfect and delicate that was never supposed to occur, was going to be loved more than anything and treated like a princess.
With or without the love of a father.
–
I showed up at the next court proceeding. I had to stop this. I had to come right out and say it.
Tell everyone the mistake I made. How I didn't do anything to prevent the baby. How I am the one who started this whole mess.
My manager thought I was losing it if I wanted to come to something so dull, and told me to keep quiet as his well paid law monkeys did all the talking.
I was going to do the complete and utter opposite.
–
I was shocked when I saw Shane Grey sitting there idly drumming his fingers on the table waiting. I saw his scumbag of a manager turn around and whisper something to him. He looked up and smiled a bit.
This couldn't end well at all.
Aimee was with my parents. I simply didn't trust the idiots in this room around her. All it would take is one look at her and they would be all over her trying to get any speck of DNA they could.
I sat in my usual seat and waited to be ordered to cough up my child to be poked and prodded.
That did not happen.
–
My manager pointed her out when she walked in. But he had the audacity to say "The floozy just walked in" she was no floozy. No. Anything but. I saw her and it was only a perfect woman who didn't deserve to be here.
I was going to right my wrong.
Before it got disgusting, and my manager had my lawyer start demanding for the testing of my child, I asked to say something. My manager scowled and told me to sit down. I ignored him.
I didn't bother with anything fancy. I just wanted this over with. So I walked up to the judge controlling the situation and told him bluntly.
"I know Aimee is mine. I... I didn't wear a condom that night. And I knew I didn't. I just... when I realized I hadn't put on a condom I didn't bother to go down and tell her. It's my fault. Just. Please don't let the touch Aimee. Id rather die then see that happen."
My manager was steaming as he heard all of this. And Mitchie-I finally found out that was her name-sat there slack jawed.
I walked over to Mitchie before I left the room, "Ill be waiting outside. Maybe we should talk."
–
I couldn't have possibly believed what I just heard. Shane asked that they leave her alone. And they were respecting his wishes. Granted, they also demanded he pay a nice sum of money a month- something I never wanted out of this hole mess- but they weren't going to touch my baby.
Shane's manager was fuming. Absolutely furious at what Shane had done, and only madder when he heard how much Shane was going to have to pay.
I didn't care. I was just filled with joy and relief knowing that my precious little girl, was going to be unharmed out of this mess.
–
My manager walked out of there with a red face. He pulled me aside and started to hiss at me, "Why did you go up there and say something that stupid! I told you to keep quite. Do you realize how much you are going to have to pay a month for that little bastard brat?"
"I had to right a wrong I made. I do not care how much I am going to have to pay in child care for my child. Her name is Aimee in case you forgot. And she is not a bastard brat. She is perfect. I haven't gotten a chance to meet her yet, but thatch your fault. Now if you excuse me I have go talk to someone and fill out your final check."
I left him standing there fuming as I walked over to Mitchie I smiled seeing her.
"Mitchie." She turned around and sighed.
"I must say, In shocked you showed up, and In shocked you said something like that, considering how desperate you were to keep your spoiled little hands on your money."
"Where's Aimee."
This only caused a surprised look to show up on her face.
"She.. shes um shes with my parents. I didn't feel comfortable bringing her around well... certain people." With that comment she eyed my manager warily.
"Do you think I could see her?"
"You are just full of surprises aren't you. Come on."
–
I was shocked when he asked to see Aimee. Honestly, I was expecting him to come up and renegotiate the amount of money he was going to pay.
I took him with me. He probably had a limo or something waiting for him at the court. But I rather not have everyone know where I kept the most precious thing in my life.
Especially when paparazzi would kill someone for a picture of her now.
"Just hold on one minute. Ill go get her and then we can go to my apartment."
"Are you sure?"
"Trust me. Its better than you meeting my parents. Actually I prefer that you never meet them."
I left him in the car and hurried inside to grab her. I didn't bother talking to my parents. I simply grabbed my baby and headed back to the car.
I buckled her into her car seat and slid into the drivers seat. "If you really can't wait you can slide back there with her.
"In good."
"Good. Because you cant change your mind after I start the car."
Before he got a chance to change his mind I slid the key in the ignition and backed out.
–
I kept glancing at her. Well both of them. The baby and Mitchie. They were both so gorgeous.
I have no idea why I kept thinking things along those lines. Or why I felt like I never wanted this to end. It was all just so nice.
I never wanted to be the man who was tied down to a family. I never wanted to be with one girl. I just wanted to live for myself.
I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Because suddenly, sitting here with my daughter in the back and the girl that I couldn't stop thinking about I wanted to be tied down. To them.
I would do every thing possible in my power to be with these two forever.
–
I was actually nervous about him seeing my dank little apartment. What would he think? He probably lives in some flashy home or cushy apartment. I lived in the best place I could get for little money.
He probably would be disgusted that this was where his money was going. I braced myself for whatever snobby insults he would throw my way as I grabbed Aimee.
I let out a deep breath as I opened the door to my apartment and simply waited to hear some sort of snobby complaint.
None ever came. He simply followed me in silently and let me do whatever I was doing.
I turned to face him and sighed. "So you um... you wanted to see Aimee. I... go wash your hands. Then she's all yours."
He nodded and went to go wash his hands.
I was stressed. I shouldn't have been but I was. I was actually concerned about what he thought. I had no idea why but for some reason his approval felt like it would mean everything. I rubbed my arms nervously waiting for him to come back out.
I didn't want to talk to him. It simply wouldn't end well. It would be awkward and someone would say something wrong.
He came back and I handed Aimee to him. He was so awkward, he didn't even know how to hold her. I sighed helping him, ignoring how my skin flushed when I touched him.
This was such a bad idea.
–
She was so awkward. It was adorable. It was obvious she was trying to avoid touching me as I struggled to hold Aimee.
"You don't have to pay you know."
I looked at her surprised that she was talking. "What do you mean? Of course In going to pay."
She sighed and softly stroked Aimee's head. " I never wanted your money Shane. I just... I had to let you know. I never even expected you to care. Its just. Your the father. You have a right to know."
"I never started the whole drama with the court. I wanted to come. Just to put an end to it. And to get to know you. I really wanted to get to know you." She stared at me surprised as I said that.
I looked at her still softly cradling Aimee in my arms. "I haven't stopped thinking about you ever since that night. You are just... you are incredible Mitchie. I regretted that I had to send you home. I regretted that I didn't give you some way to contact me. I wanted nothing more than to make you so much more than a one night stand to me. I really like you Mitchie"
She grabbed Aimee and looked at the floor. "Shane, you um..." She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to gather her words. "You don't know what your saying. Eve known each other for perhaps a total of 48 hours. You don't have any idea what you like or want Shane. Don feel like you have to be in a relationship with me because we have a baby. Just. Please don't."
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He can't like me. In a one night stand. Nothing more. Nothing less. I want him to take back those words. Make it all seem like it never happened. Oh god why did I have to ever start talking. I was right. Someone starts talking and it all becomes awkward.
"Please leave Shane. If you um... If you want to see Aimee again my phones on the counter. You can just take my number or whatever the hell it is boys do."
And with that I walked out of the small living room and took Aimee to bed.
I didn't want to see him again. I didn't want him to say something like that again.
Shane Grey couldn't possibly like me. Not at all.
–
I was crazy about her. Maybe I only said like as a sad attempt to not scare her off. But I was only lying to myself and her.
I was in love with her.
I was completely head over heels for Mitchie. I had been ever since I first saw her. I needed to be with her for the rest of my life.
The only question was, how do I do that?
–
Neither of us were ever supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to fall in love with me. Yet for some reason, against everything that the everyone else ever wanted I was sitting here with Shane Grey watching our baby girl walk for the first time.
I should have been doing this alone. In my small apartment. Perhaps video taping it for my parents.
But here I was my boyfriend hugging me smiling as we watched our little girl in his beautiful home.
A year can change so much for a person. It can either create a whole new person with one terrible tragedy, or with one miracle. So many people would tell me that my situation, was a tragedy. In my eyes, it was the greatest miracle to happen.
–
To be honest, I couldn't focus as Aimee was trying to learn how to walk. I was focusing on Mitchie. The smile on her face. She was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
I wanted to be with her for forever. Never let her go.
We were a family. A beautiful, perfect little family.
Even if we were never supposed to happen.