He used to hate the smell of smoke.
"We're future soldiers, man", he would tell Charlie looking down at the cigarette in his friend's hand. "This shit is gonna kill you."
"You never know what's gonna kill you in this world", Charlie would shake his head. "Besides, you nearly went blind when you were a kid. Now it's twenty-twenty. You still don't believe in technology?"
That was back in the academy. Now he doesn't care much. He releases tiny rings of smoke with guilty pleasure. O… O… O… "O" for "Olivia". Now it's all that helps him. That, work and the ridiculous amounts of porn.
"He's an idiot", he heard Charlie's quiet voice once. "It's not normal for a guy to not get laid for so long."
"Easy, ok?" the other agent replied. "I bet when you fall in love with someone you will have hard times saying yes to everyone that easily, too."
"Wow," Charlie mocked amazement. "That was deep."
"That's what she said."
Laughter.
It's fucking high school all over again.
"Nick, your grades were so much better back in Connecticut", their mother tells them while pouring some juice. "Look at your brother. He will grow to be a good man one day because he studied so hard."
"That's 'cause he's an awkward vir-gin", Nick says in a sing-song voice.
Lincoln drops his fork and gulps.
"Sure, I better be like you and screw around dumping girls like trash."
"What's the big deal?" Nick shrugs.
Lincoln clenches his teeth.
"Yeah, like when we lived in Florida and you would peep under the girls' skirts", he snaps.
"Lincoln!" his mother yells.
Nick is laughing with his mouth full because the phrase certainly brought back some memories. Lincoln wants to slap his brother. He wants to slap himself for being so helpless.
"This is genius", Charlie can't hide his excitement. He rubs his hands together and his gum almost falls out of his mouth. "You'll see. Once we get there you won't be able to resist."
"Yeah, yeah", Lincoln replies absent-mindedly. "We'll see."
"I swear, I've never seen hookers so pretty in the whole city of New York, dude", Charlie tries to show the "whole city of New York" with his arms, notices the almost blank look on Lincoln's face, stops and his smile fades slowly. "Now what? What's wrong?"
"This is wrong", Lincoln replies as they reach their destination which is a crooked little street out of the way. He points angrily with his whole arm. "This is fucking wrong."
"Fucking is not wrong, my friend", Charlie shakes his head like he always does. "What if you die tomorrow? Get ambered?"
"Then… I won't care?" Lincoln raises his eyebrows.
Torture. Torture has a name. Its name is Frank. The doctor, of course, chicks love doctors.
What? Maybe yes, secretely he was hoping that one day she will realize how perfect for her he really is. He just keeps saying he's that awesome, but more so to remind himself that he should keep the image.
Yes, I will fucking invite him to the headquarters just because it makes you fucking happy. Will ask for help. Beg. Hoboken? Are you fucking kidding me?
"Soooo… How was it?"
Go away, my head fucking hurts.
"Awesome. Guess what happened this morning. I found condoms. In my toilet. Mixed with vomit. And you know I never puke from booze."
Charlie grins.
"Don't thank me, kiddo."
He pats Lincoln on the shoulder and walks away. Lincoln burries his face in his hands and groans.
"You look like you need some tea."
He feels his heart beating faster. He could listen to that voice for the rest of his life and never get tired of it.
Once she's there he feels alive again. Maybe for a single moment it will cross her mind that he deserves her more than anyone else in this world. He won't push. If she's happy without him… well, there's nothing he can do. Some would call him a loser, some would call him a hero… But he's more of a masochist. Why not quit the job? Why not move somewhere he can start over?
Maybe because life without her being with him is a little bit better than life without her at all.
She will never know he loves her. He will keep this secret forever. Because that's, probably, how long Frank is going to stay around.