A/N: Hola! I just wanted to post this because it was too much fun to write! Ok, so we read The Crucible in school a while back. We were sick and tired of hearing about it, so I decided, hmmm…what would Henry do? Lol…A lot of credit goes to populardarling's "It's History, don'tcha know?" which gave me the thought…ok, so here it goes! THE FIRST N2N/CRUCIBLE PARODY EVER!
Reviews would be nice too…
Disclaimer: I don't own Next to Normal or The Crucible. Sorry…I'm too lazy to think of a witty yet funny disclaimer today…I need sleep…*finds Henry and falls asleep on his shoulder*
A miserably tired Natalie came walking into her room and whipped out her phone to call Henry over. He arrived within the next five minutes to study. "Why do we have to read this stupid play?" he complained flipping through The Crucible.
"Because. It's necessary to understand the culture of the theocracy of the Puritans to understand their literature."
"The only thing I understood in that was 'because.'"
She rolled her eyes and flipped through Act 1. "See? It's all good information."
"It says they were dancing naked in the woods."
She glared at him and said, "That's not my point. But it is essential to the plot line." "Really? Huh…I'm starting to like this play…"
She tried to explain to him the concept of theocracy and why the Puritans were so strict, but he dozed off. "And that's why they thought God was vengeful."
"So, they pretty much believed that if God dropped you, you'd fall and burn in Hell?" "Exactly!"
"I don't get it…"
She sighed and left the room to go get a Coke from the fridge. "Hey there." She jumped as her Coke went flying across the room. It was her supposedly dead brother Gabe. She could see him now.
"Have fun opening that. So, I hear that you're reading The Crucible." He said, jumping onto the countertop.
"Yep. So far…not successful."
"Well, why do you read the friggen' book when you can actually see it for yourself!"
She gave him her usual angry glare and said, "I'm not renting the movie like I did with Romeo and Juliet."
"Who said anything about a movie? C'mon! Let's go!" He grabbed onto her arm and laughed his usual sexy laugh.
"No…Gabe…Gabe really, don't…"
"TOO LATE!"
"Oh God…my head…" Natalie rubbed her sore head as she woke up. But she wasn't in her home. "Oh…damn…" She was wearing a scratchy dress and a bonnet. A friggen' bonnet! There were a number of girls staring at her.
"Oh, Mister Proctor! She's awake!" Some disgustingly rugged guy was soon pushed in her face.
"Um…hello?"
"Alas! She is awake! What is your name, miss?"
Natalie sat up. "Uh…I'm Natalie. Natalie Goodman…"
"Ahh! Alas! It is Goody Goodman! HUZZAH!"
The girls all snickered at her name.
"What? It can't be as bad as Goody Good?" The girls kept snickering. Natalie got up and walked around.
"Where the hell am I?" All the girls gasped.
"We mustn't let them know about that, Natalie!"
"About what?"
"About what we did in the forest!"
Natalie froze. "We danced naked in the forest, didn't we?" All the girls nodded.
"And we were discovered by Reverend Parris and his apprentice."
"Let me guess. The apprentice was about 5'11" had messy black hair and was laughing the entire time." They all nodded again.
"Yeah. That was him."
"Henry…."
Meanwhile, Henry was in a corny little pilgrim suit which he altered to fit his personal taste. "Mister Henry who's last name I don't know, what have you done to your clothing?" Reverend Parris asked him.
"I changed it up. Why, do you have a problem?"
"Yes, indeed! We are attending the trial of Goody Good today and us ministers must dress appropriately!"
Henry rolled his eyes and went to get changed back. "Everyone's a critic…"
Reverend Parris, Reverend Hale, and Henry walked down to the courthouse. Inside, Natalie was forced to join the girls at the trial.
"So wait…what's out job again?"
"We make things up so we get to watch people hang." one girl named Mercy Lewis said.
"Ooh. Great." Natalie looked over at a nervous looking girl who had a pile of about 100 crocheted dolls by her. "Um, hi?"
"Don't talk to me! I CANNOT! I CANNOT!"
"….Ok…" Natalie turned to the girl next to her. "What's her problem?"
"That's Mary Warren. She a little messed up in the attic."
"Kinda like someone I know…and you are?"
She shook Natalie's hand saying, "I'm Abigail Williams! But you can call me Abby!"
"Hi. I'm Natalie. So, what does 'goody' mean?"
"No one really knows…"
The judge entered as everyone rose. Reverend Hale skipped in throwing flower petals in everyone's faces. "Oh, isn't today a wonderful day? I just feel so happy!" Judge Hawthorne rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Rev. Hale. That's enough."
"Oh. Sorry, sir."
"We are here today to observe the witch trial of Goody Good." A loud laugh came from the back of the room. Natalie knew right away that it was Henry.
She rolled her eyes and shouted, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, HENRY!"
The entire congregation gasped. "What does that mean?" Abby asked her.
Trying to avoid punishment she said, "Uh…it's a….um…a compliment."
"Oh! Well fuck to you too!" This only caused Henry's giggles to increase.
"Reverend Parris, will you please remove your apprentice from the room?"
Reverend Parris dragged Henry outside and shut the door. His laughs were still audible. "OH MY GOD! THAT'S GOING ON FACEBOOK!"
The congregation was confused. "Oh no! The laughing boy's been witched!" Mercy Lewis shouted.
"Dude, he's not witched. He's probably just high on something…" Natalie intervened. "She witched him!" Abby shouted.
"WHAT?! I'm not a witch?!"
"OH MY GOD, NOW YOU'RE A WITCH?! CAN THIS DAY GET ANY BETTER?!" Henry still laughed from outside.
"YOU'RE NOT HELPING, HENRY!"
"I NEVER SAID I WOULD!"
The room murmured. Reverend Hale dropped his basket of flowers and ran towards Natalie. "Oh you poor diseased child!" He hugged her shouting, "It's gonna be ok, man! We can do this! Everything's gonna be fine!"
She pushed him away. "Eeew! Creeper!" The congregation gasped again.
"SHE'S A WITCH! BURN HER! BURN HER!"
"HENRY, THAT'S ENOUGH!!!"
"…Sorry…."
The judge pounded his gavel and said, "Goody Good, your trial can wait. May we now see witness to Goody Goodman: the newest Salem witch."
Natalie was taken to an old jail cell and was confined there. There were several other women who were huddled in the corner staring at her with their creepy buggy eyes. "What?" she asked them.
"She's clean." the woman named Goody Osborn said.
Another said, "I was clean…'til my idiot husband made a fool of himself."
"Oh my God! You're Elizabeth Proctor!" Natalie shouted, recognizing the woman's characteristics from the play.
The last woman in the cell clearly stated, "Tituba speaks in third person. Tituba is very glad to see new arrivals. She will go lie down now."
Natalie stared at the woman with confusion. "Um…"
"Yeah, she does that a lot…." Elizabeth said.
There was a clanging noise as a figure of a person came running down the halls, continuously running into other jail cells. Natalie rolled her eyes as she noticed it was Henry. "What do you want?"
Giggling like a madman he said, "I'M GONNA SET YOUS ALL FREE!"
"What are you on?" And ironically, he pulled out a little bottle that said Miracle Medicine! To solve all your problems! (not to be taken with the Miracle Hair Growth which will result in hair loss in embarrassing places.)
"You idiot! You remember us learning this in history, right? Back then, they'd put anything in medicine! Poisons, opium, cocaine-"
"YOU SAID COKE!" he started laughing for no apparent reason.
"See, this, ladies, is why you want to avoid men who use drugs." Natalie lectured to the group.
"Ahh…Tituba sees this…"
Henry laughed more. "Did she just say TITUBA?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Tituba does not like the guy."
He fell to the ground, laughing his sorry ass off. Suddenly there was another loud clang. Then Ezekiel Cheever entered the room.
"Ok, ladies, I'm looking for a Goody Goodman. You're trial starts now."
"Do I have to go?" Natalie whined. "I'd rather stay here with the dirty clan."
"Let's go."
"NO!"
"THAT"S IT!" He unlocked the cell and grabbed Natalie. As he was leading her out, Henry finally came to his senses for the first time throughout their entire trip and beat the guy to a pulp. Literally.
"NO ONE MANHANDLES MY GIRL!"
Natalie stared at the bloody mess that laid before her. "Holy shit."
Goody Osborn and Elizabeth both stared long and hard at Henry. "I wish my husband was like that…" they both said.
"Tituba says, 'You said it.'"
"SHUT UP!" Everyone complained, running out of the jail.
"Ok, Mr. Hale. Turn around. I want to see if the style fits you." Giles Corey was trying his new fashion designs on Reverend Hale. It was a pink bunny suit.
"Ooooh! I feel so happy in this costume!"
The door suddenly burst open. Natalie shouted, "OK, LISTEN PEOPLE! WE'RE-um…am I interrupting something?"
Both Giles and Reverend Hale shook their heads. Henry, once again, burst out laughing. The rest of their troupe rolled their eyes.
"Anywho…we want to bargain for our freedom." Natalie finished with great satisfaction. Judge Hawthorne, who was wearing a purple leotard said, "Fine. What's your defense?"
"YOU ARE KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE FOR NO APPARENT REASON!" Henry added.
"Wow, Henry, that statement actually had some logic in it." Natalie said with approval.
"I know. I'm cool like that."
Judge Hawthorne pounded his gavel, which had sparkles and fairy wings on it.
"And does the defense have a lawyer?"
"Yes!" Natalie cheered. "With my total geeky attitude we are SO gonna win this case!"
All of the sudden, Gabe entered the story in a nice suit carrying a briefcase. "I believe I heard a call for a layer?"
Natalie's face fell. "Scratch that. We're screwed."
Judge Hawthorne studied his outfitting. "What is that cloak you are wearing?"
"Oh, do you like it? It's an Armani. It really shows off my-"
"GABE!" Natalie shouted from the side. "Can you just save us from sudden death and worry about designer clothing later?"
Rolling his eyes, he said, "Yeah, sure I guess. Ok, they're innocent blah blah blah…" Natalie's face landed in her palm.
"Hmm…the boy makes a good statement…call to the stand the first witness."
Natalie pointed towards herself and mouthed, Just pick me so we can get out of this hell hole. "Hmm…I choose….Henry."
Natalie groaned and cursed under her breath. Henry stumbled his way up to the witness stand.
"Ok, so tell me Mr.…Henry…have you seen any suspicious activity going on around Miss Goodman here?"
All Henry can do was laugh. "HAHAHAHAHA! SO MANY INNUENDOS!"
Gabe angrily rolled his eyes at him then screamed in his face. "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN NATALIE WITH THE DEVIL?!"
He shook his head, slightly intimidated. "There you go. She's innocent."
Judge Hawthorne nodded. "Ok, fair enough. You're free to go."
Natalie stared in confusion, her mouth agape. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me."
"No joke. Go ahead. You're free."
She shrugged and grabbed Henry and Gabe and dragged them outside. "Ok, you-" she said, pointing at Henry. "Are a complete idiot. And you-" she now said pointing to Gabe. "Are a terrible lawyer. Now can we please just go home?"
Gabe shrugged as well and said, "Ok."
"Henry. HENRY!"
Henry jumped at the sight of his angry girlfriend right in his face. "Finally. You fell asleep, asshole."
He rubbed his head. "Ugh…stupid Crucible…Man, I had the weirdest dream…your brother was alive and we were in the play and I was high on something and you were a witch…"
She stared at him with confusion, "Ok, Henry, what are you smoking?"
"Nothing…"
"I mean, really? Out of all the stupid fucked up things you could think of? I'm not a witch and my brother's dead. Now c'mon, we gotta finish studying."
He shrugged and picked up the play once more. Natalie looked up and winked at Gabe, who sat grinning slyly in the corner, for a job well done.
A/N: HAHAHAHAHA! That was SOOOO much fun to write! Anyone wanna make me the happiest sleepy person ever and review?