Do you hate me Alphonse? I wouldn't blame you if you did. After everything I stole from you. It can even be taken as purposeful. It surely wasn't an accident that I did to you what I did.
All these years, have you harbored hatred for me ever since that fateful day in Resembool? Do you believe I have any right in calling you 'brother'? Or are you filled with disgust every time you see me?
Because after what I did, you can not feel. Not the sunlight's warmth. Not the rain's cold. Nor the wind as it breezes past. You can't sense the touch of another because you can not feel the skin of their body.
Because after what I did, you can not smell. Not the few flowers we see on the road. Not the various foods we discover on our travels. Nor the air as it shifts in vague ways during our quest. You can't sense the smell of any of the poor felines you like to help so much because you have no nose in your cold, metal body.
Because after what I did, you can not taste. Not the birthday cakes Gracie bakes every year. Not the meals we receive during each visit to a well-meaning family. Nor the exotic food styles that differ in every region we visit. You can't sense the taste of even the military cafeteria food that we visit every time I have to report to the bastard colonel because you have no mouth to eat with.
Because of what I did, I stole your life. You may be alive, but you are not living. You don't even breathe. You don't feel, smell, or taste. You must hide yourself, lest your true lack of self is discovered.
Through my own selfishness, I gave you a half-life. One cursed with sight and hearing. The two senses that allow you to understand what it is that you are missing. What you are lacking in life.
How can you not hate me? After everything that I have taken from you? For my own need to not be alone?
I deserve to be hated. Especially by you. The one who I call my brother, but also the one I have harmed the most. There is no reason why you should stick by my side beside the Philosopher Stone. I almost wish you will leave me after we find it.
But that would mean I would be alone. I don't think I could survive being left. As much as it pains me to see you by my side, I think I will die without you there.
Heh.
I am weak. Even after all these years, I still need my baby brother by me. If only to soothe my soul. Even though I don't deserve you. At all.
So, do you hate me for what I have stolen from you Al?
"Brother?" called Al as he poked his head into the small hotel room he and Ed were sharing as they checked out another lead on the Stone. "Are you ready to go? Our ride's here." Ed heaved a sigh from his seat near the window. Because of the rain, the two had called for a ride to keep from having to muck around in the mud that would have saturated the streets. His automail limbs clinked quietly as he shifted to stand up.
He walked towards Al, a gloved hand reaching out for the red jacket slung over the back of the seat near the door. Alphonse looked at his brother inquisitively.
"What were you thinking about Brother?" he asked in his usual quiet way. Ed just lifted his face to peer at his younger sibling before he broke out in a grin, one large enough to need him to close his eyes to keep his sorrow from being seen by his brother.
"Don't worry about it! It's nothing important!" Ed's eyes narrowed playfully. "The last one in the car is a rotten egg!" Al grunted as he chased after his brother.
"No fair Brother! You cheated!" Edward just laughed.