I am so sorry for this *Shot*
ANYWAYS... This story was inspired by a song called 'Tight Pants/Body Rolls'. Go look it up. Now.
There's a plot lined up for this and everything. Let's do this.
(WhyamIevenmakingthis...)
For my DEAR friends, Kaili and Dana. You guys better love this. I made a whole crack story just for you. At 1am.
Lovino was walking through the forest of Moccasainbrans, when he heard it. At first, it sounded like it might have just been a bird or even his imagination, but when he stopped and strained his ears, it became clearer. That sound was no bird. It was screaming.
Being the heroic guy he was, he immediately ran in the opposite direction of the sound. The only problem? He was just as great with directions as he was with heroics.
He ran into a clearing and tripped over a tree-root, faceplanting into a patch of moss. "FUCK! EW!" he yelled, spitting out clumps off moss. Just as he looked up, he froze. He wasn't alone in the clearing. Standing mere feet away from him, was a small tribe of trolls, maybe a foot tall. Each little troll was wearing the most amazing bodysuits Lovino had ever laid eyes on. He stared in awe, until the trolls started screaming again, that is.
"Look out!" one little troll screamed. Lovino spun around, only to see the most... er... Interesting creature he had ever seen. Flying towards him, was a purple hippo-like creature with bat wings. He stared at it, not really knowing how to react. The hippo-thing was maybe the size of his foot. As it drew closer, though, he decided to panic and flip the fuck out.
"WHAT THE CRAPOLLA IS THAT?!" he yelled, scrambling away from it.
"That, friend, is the terrible Knarkathu! We must get to safety!" said one of the trolls.
"There isn't enough time! He's coming right at us!" yelled another one, cowering behind a tree-stump. Lovino looked away from the little trolls, only to let out a manly scream as Knarkathu dove through the air, heading right for him. Without thinking, he pulled out his trusty wooden spoon from his pocket and smacked Knarkathu as hard as he could.
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEPY SON OF A BITCH!" he yelled as Knarkathu went flying through the air, wailing until he smacked into a tree. The wailing stopped, and the trolls held their breaths, unsure of what would happen. But slowly, Knarkathu slid down the tree, and fell onto the ground, dead.
For a moment, all was silent. Then suddenly, all the trolls rushed up to Lovino, cheering and dancing around him.
"Our hero!"
"You saved us!"
"Let me kiss you!"
The trolls cheered and tried to touch him, even though he kept trying to kick them away from him. It wasn't until he bunted one across the clearing that they finally kept out of his personal bubble.
Then, one troll approached him and knelt before him. "Oh great hero! How can we thank you for saving us from the Great Terror?!" he asked. Lovino was about to tell them to just please fuck off, when he looked at what the troll was wearing. He froze, entranced by the body suit. It was skin tight, moving with the troll like it was born with him. Like God himself had cast it down from the heavens just so the troll could wear it. Lovino gulped, the feeling of need growing inside of him.
"In return for saving your lives..." he began, forcing himself to look away from the bodysuit, "I ask for you to make me a bodysuit like the ones you have. The trolls, who before had been smiling and cheering, fell silent, looking at eachother with uncertain gazes. The troll that had approached him looked shocked, but kept his composure.
"Oh great hero, are you sure that is what you wish for? The bodysuit of Ichmidilph holds a great power, which can bring horrible things about if in the wrong hands. Are you sure you can handle that kind of power?" he asked gravely.
"Yeah, yeah, just give me the damn bodysuit already!" said Lovino, looking irritated. The trolls glanced at eachother, but rushed off to fetch the body suit for him. Lovino stood where he was, waiting for what felt like ages before the little trolls reappeared, this time with a golden chest. They set it down before him, and opened it up.
What lay inside, was the most glorious bodysuit to ever exist. It was a shimmery red with white detailing on the arms and chest. The legs had strange, almost tribal looking green stripes intertwining with the red and white. He stood there, awestruck until one of the trolls removed the bodysuit from it's chest and held it out for him.
"To our great hero, we present this gift of gratitude. Use it wisely."
Lovino gently took it from him, staring at it. His heart pounded in his chest.
He was born to wear this suit.