Skulduggery Pleasant
A Letter to Nobody
A/N: FUCK YEAH FIRST SKULDUGGERY FIC! Okay, so this features an OC, don't like, don't read. This is set after the events of the first book and I dedicate it to my Grandfather, Peter Gerald O'Donnell, who passed away peacefully in his sleep just after midnight last friday night. Since I'm going to his funeral tomorrow, I wanted to dedicate this to him. Wherever you are, Granddad, I love you and I'll miss you and I promise I'll take care of Nan. R.I.P xoxo
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In the passenger seat of the Bentley, Valkyrie turned the letter from Kenspeckle Grouse over and over in her hands. Four words were written on it- With my deepest condolances. She looked to Skulduggery.
"So who, exactly, are we supposed to be delivering this to?" She asked. If he still had eyes, Valkyrie was sure he'd have let them flick over to her.
"Nobody," He answered.
"So we're just on a nice Sunday drive through Dublin, then?" The Bentley came to a stop at the lights and Skulduggery looked to Valkyrie.
"The person this letter is for is Nobody." He stated. Valkyrie made a face.
"That's not very nice," She said. Skulduggery gave a sigh.
"It's her name."
"It's a silly name."
"A name, none the less."
"Why'd she take it?" Skulduggery shrugged.
"Probably couldn't think of a name that didn't sound corny or that could be used to her advantage." Valkyrie raised her eyebrows.
"Really?"
"No," Skulduggery replied. The lights changed to green and the car was moving again and Valkyrie scowled.
"My threat about the dog still stands," She stated. She sounded very serious about that.
"I figured as much." There was a few moments' silence.
"So?"
"So what?"
"So are you going to tell me why she called herself Nobody or not?"
Skulduggery replied as they turned a corner, "You can ask her yourself, we're here now."
They had pulled up at an old apartment building, probably built sometime during the late nineteen-eighties, or so Skulduggery said. It wasn't that tall, probably about ten stories and looked pretty average. A perfect place for a sorcerer to hide, Valkyrie thought. They entered the foyer, a small, square room with a sign on the elevator that read 'out of order', which obviously left them no choice but to climb the stairs.
"How far up?" Valkyrie asked, doing her best to hide the fact that she wasn't looking forward to climbing.
Skulduggery shrugged. "Seventh floor."
"Oh joy," Valkyrie grumbled. They got to climbing the stairwell, which stunk of tobacco and alcohol and Valkyrie kept glaring daggers at Skulduggery everytime he leaned lazily at the top of each flight, and had he a mouth, he would've been smirking in such a way that would further fuel her need to punch him in the face hard enough to break his skull open. It wasn't even his anyway, what difference would it make? Damn skeleton, no muscles to suddenly decide they don't want to climb stairs anymore.
When they reached the seventh floor, they went through the door that lead to the hallway.
"Still got the letter?" Skulduggery asked. Valkyrie answered by taking the white envelope out of her pocket and waving it a little. "Good." Skulduggery finished with a nod as they neared a door at the end of the hall, tucked away in the right corner. "I'd hate to lose it. Its recipient would be quite upset if we did." He rapped his knuckles on the door.
"Why's that?" Asked Valkyrie, but before Skulduggery could answer, the door opened and a woman with pale skin, platnium-blonde hair and dark sunglasses appeared at the door. Skulduggery removed the dark sunglasses he'd been wearing and the woman smiled.
"Come on in, Skul." She chirped. Skulduggery did so, with Valkyrie right behind him.
The apartment wasn't anything special, a kitchenette in one corner, a couch, a television, a table and a bedroom with an ensuite. The walls were decorated with posters for concerts and movies and pristine, square china plates with interesting, swirling patterns printed on them and on the shelves were books and photographs. It was impressive that this woman had turned such a deadbeat apartment into a place a person could actually stand to be in. The woman saw Valkyrie eyeing the various decorations and chuckled.
"You like it? I had to do something, this room is such a drag."
Skulduggery took off his hat, the scarf and the wig and left them all on the hat rack."I apologise if this is incovenient."
The woman, who Valkyrie guessed was Nobody- waved a dismissive hand. "Nah, I'm not busy."
She took off her dark sunglasses and Valkyrie stared at her eyes- both dark navy blue, but that wasn't it. Instead of irises and a pupil in the middle of white, it looked like someone had taken two eyeball-sized marbles and shoved those in her eye sockets, which stared back at her, confused.
"What?"
"Your eyes,"
"What about them?"
"Sorry about Valkyrie," Skulduggery interjected. "She stares alot."Nobody chuckled and, again, waved that dismissive hand nonchalantly at Valkyrie.
"That's alright, I'm used to it already." Valkyrie squinted, trying to look for pupils.
"Can you still see?" Nobody laughed.
"I can see you just fine, kiddo." Before Valkyrie could ask another question, she followed up quickly. "Come, sit. I'm sure we've plenty to talk about." Skulduggery and Valkyrie sat at the square table near the glass door to the balcony, where a table was set up with a chair and a few flower pots to the side that were growing pansies that ranged from orange to pink to violet. Nobody joined them soon after, bringing back a few small cans of cola. "Sorry, forgot to pick up some tea from the shop." She said, pulling back the pin on her can. "So why the sudden visit?" She asked over the hissing of compressed air. "I heard you took down Serpine, but my landlord doesn't like parties, not even on New Year's. Can you imagine that? No New Year's parties! Not even for St. Patrick's Day!"
"So like, no fireworks? Not even just a dinner party with a few friends?" Nobody chuckled.
"Sweetie, I don't have a lot of friends like normal women do. I did send a letter to Ghastly asking if he'd like to visit, but he hasn't gotten back to me. It's not like him." Valkyrie tried to hide the sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought of Ghastly, now turned to stone. Skulduggery looked to her, a gesture that spoke a signal. She took the letter out of her pocket and slid it across the table.
"This is from Kenspeckle Grouse." She stated. Nobody read the words written on it with confusion.
"What's this about?" She asked, her voice faltering. When neither of them answered, she opened the letter hurriedly and began to read.
Dear Miss Nobody,
It is my solemn duty to inform you that Ghastly Bespoke, in defence of an innocent, turned himself to stone. He is still alive, but as I'm sure you know, it will take a very long time before he changes back. Until then, he is safely in my care. You are welcome to visit whenever you please.
My condolences and apologies,
Kenspeckle Grouse
Head of the Department of Magical Sciences
"I don't understand," Nobody held her head in her hands. "What happened, Skul?" She asked slowly. Skulduggery was silent for a while.
"A resurrected Cleaver got in our way when we were looking for Serpine." He began. "To give us time to escape it, Ghastly turned himself to stone as a means to distract the Cleaver."
"But he's still alive, he's with Kenspeckle." Valkyrie interjected. Another dismissive wave of Nobody's pale hand, and it was then that Valkyrie noticed that her nails were painted blue.
"I know that. Grouse is a perfectly capable doctor, I have no doubts about that," She sighed. "But Ghastly...Christ, I only hope he pulls out of this." Valkyrie put a hand on her shoulder and felt the woman shudder.
"Ghastly's strong, he'll pull through." This earned a nod from Nobody, her ivory hair hanging over her face to conceal her tears.
"Thank you," She said, "But for now, I'd like to be left alone. I'm working a case right now and I shouldn't be distracting myself." Skulduggery nodded and went for the hat rack. Valkyrie waited for him at the door. Skulduggery tipped his hat.
"Best of luck." With that, the two left, and Nobody burst into tears the second the door clicked shut.
When they were outside, Valkyrie spoke.
"That went well." Skulduggery shrugged.
"It wasn't that bad." Ignoring the remark, Valkyrie continued.
"I didn't get around to asking why she cared about Ghastly so much." Once they were in the car and making their way back to the Hibernian, Skulduggery let out a sighing sound, even though he didn't have lungs anymore.
"Around 1980, Ghastly rescued an orphaned child from being beaten to death by some drunk. So he took her in, raised her as if she were his own- taught her to read, write, cook, make clothes..."
"Use magic?" Valkyrie interjected.
"That too. So the girl grew up, got a job as a detective and went to work for the Sanctuary in Australia." Skulduggery finished. His apprentice looked downtrodden about that.
"Oh." After a while, Valkyrie perked up. "Oh! So Nobody is..." Her shoulders soon slumped again when Skulduggery nodded.
"Yep."
"What a shame. Ghastly must've been a good Dad if Nobody looked that broken over it."
"More than you know," Skulduggery finished and they left it at that.
xXxXxXxXx
When they arrived at the Hibernian and made their way in through the screen and into the hospital, where Kenspeckle Grouse was there to meet them.
"Ah, Valkyrie, Detective. You delivered the letter, I assume?"
"We did." Skulduggery replied, his hands resting casually in his coat pockets.
"She didn't seem to take it well." Valkyrie added. Kenspeckle nodded sadly.
"I figured as much." While Kenspeckle and Skulduggery discussed other things, Valkyrie quietly walked into the room that housed the stone form of Ghastly Bespoke, still in the same position he was in when the White Cleaver attacked.
"We talked to Nobody, Ghastly." She sighed. "She misses you a lot." Even though she knew this was incredibly silly, she continued. "The White Cleaver's gone. Not, you know, dead- just gone." There was silence then, "Look, I don't know if you can hear me, but...when you wake up, you might want to go see Nobody. I know that makes no sense, but you might want to. I know she'd like it." As she turned and walked away, Valkyrie spared the statue of Ghastly one last look before leaving.
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"You alright?" Skulduggery had asked on the drive back to Haggard. Valkyrie was pulled from her thoughts to look to her friend.
"Hm? Oh, I'm fine, just thinking is all."
"About what?" He asked again as they turned a corner.
"It might've been just me," Said Valkyrie, "But I think Ghastly's face looked a little sadder when I saw him." Skulduggery gave a sigh.
"Might've been just you." Valkyrie rolled her eyes.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
xXxXxXxXx
That night, Valkyrie laid awake in her bed, staring up at the darkened ceiling. She felt sad for Nobody. If her Dad had gone and gotten himself hurt, she'd be sad, too. Shaking the thought from her mind, she rolled onto her side and fell asleep.
xXxXxXxXx
Meanwhile, at the Hibernian, Kenspeckle Grouse was leading a young woman with platnium-blonde hair in a white suit to the statue of Ghastly Bespoke.
"Thank you," The girl said before he left them alone. The young woman kissed the statue's forehead and smiled sadly.
"I love you, Dad."