You don't really understand her. You don't know why she pushes you away. All you've ever done is try and include her in your life but she still won't let you completely in. Sure she has come to you for help before, and you call her your best friend but you don't understand why when she's just about to open her heart completely, she shuts it and blocks out all the love you could give her.
But you swear one day you'll get through to her.
You can swear all you want but you're not sure it'll happen.
Monday.
She calls you to tell you that she's driving you to school because she can only fit one person in the car and her and Beck got into a fight. You don't like fighting with her because it only makes you sad, so you agree.
She pulls up in her car and gets out, her hair cascading down behind her like a waterfall. Her walk is fierce, like that of a jungle animal, ready to pounce on anything that moves. You walk over to her with a happy skip your my step, hoping to make her smile. It doesn't work.
You climb in the car and she turns on the stereo, something that she always does like a pattern of some sort. You don't know what song is playing but as you watch her, your eyes concentrate on her lips. How they're so beautifully shaped, and how she sings along with the music as if it's the only thing that brought her joy in her life.
The school nears you but you can only watch her. How she bites her bottom lip a little when she licks them, or how she taps her finger on the steering wheel as she drives, not matching the beat of the music but matching the beautiful melody in her own head. You study how her hair seemed to stay in place the whole drive, only a small portion of it blowing back, making you shiver. She seemed so angelic covered by the veil of darkness and insanity.
As you walk into the school she takes off and doesn't even wait for you. Sometimes you wonder why she even bothers to acknowledge you because then she just walks away. Stripping you of all the love you give her.
When Beck is around she doesn't even look your way, she doesn't talk to you unless needed and despite the fact that she tells you that you're her best friend, she doesn't show it.
After class you wait on the staircase with Robbie and Rex. They're arguing with each other but you're not paying attention. Soon you see her round the corner but she walks right past you out the door. Apparently her and Beck have made up, so you ask Robbie to take you home.
Tuesday.
After school you sit and study on your bed hoping that she'll call you because you miss the sound of her voice. So you paint your nails five different times, but she doesn't call. You draw a picture of a flower holding a teddy bear but nothing. It's past eleven and finally you realize she's not going to call you. So you crawl into bed and try and sleep. However she haunts your dreams.
At one in the morning you're woken up by the sound of your phone singing. You retrieve it off your bedside table and see that it's her calling. You answer in delight even if it is one in the morning.
"Hey, could I stay the night my car broke down like a block away and I don't want to walk home." She sounds angry at something, but you don't question it.
You nod your head yes, only to realize that she can't see you. "Yes." You say eagerly, not really sure of way. She hangs up without saying a word but you don't care. You jump out of bed and quietly make your way to the living room to wait for her.
She shows up with a scowl on her face but you can see through it and you see the light in her eyes. All the beauty hidden by evil. You lead her up to your bedroom and show her to your bed.
"What are you going to sleep on?" She asks. You tell her your going to make a bed on the floor and without a second thought she accepts it.
You notice only now that she's dripping wet and you can hear raindrops beating against your window. You offer her some clean cloths but she declines. She takes off her sweater and shirt, then slips off her pants until she is in nothing but a tank top and underwear. She's very nonchalant about it, so you are too. However you can't help but star at her, how beautiful she is, how angelic she looks when she lays down to sleep.
You make a bed on the floor and climb in, but by the time you go to say goodnight, she's already gone to sleep.
Wednesday.
She's not there when you wake up. She's already long gone. It's always like that when she stays the night… She never waits to see you, she just walks away and pretends like nothing happened.
At school she sees you and smiles, only for a second before she turns away again and ignores you. You watch her interact with Beck, he's not looking at her, he's looking away, but she's so caught up in him it makes your chest burn.
As you sit in class you wonder if she knows the length of her own beauty. Does she looks at herself and think that she's wonderful or does she only see the flaws? You pause for a moment and think, what flaws? She's everything a person would want but … maybe she doesn't see it.
She suddenly looks over and gives you an odd look. Oh no, she caught you starring. Quickly you point to an object behind her a giggle, hoping to play it off. She looks behind her and as she turns back to her food you see her smirk a little, like maybe you were the one the made her laugh.
Thursday.
You don't know why she's crying, but she's sitting on your bed weeping into your pillow. She just showed up like this, no phone call, nothing. You sit beside her and try to comfort her but then you remember she doesn't like being touched. But the look on her face is so full of pain and agony, you want to pick her up and take her away to the place in your head you keep locked away for when you're feeling blue.
She looks up at you and says, "Sorry for barging in."
You smile, "it's okay.. But why are you sad?"
Her face looks hesitant but she slowly says, "Beck and I broke up. He's interested in somebody else." That's when you can really feel her pain. Then you feel angry. How could Beck break up with somebody that is so incredibly sweet, so nice, loyal, kind and loving? She wouldn't do anything like that to him, so how dare he do this to her. Your body starts to tremble with anger that Beck put tears on this angels face. She looks at you through a blanket of moister. "Why are you shaking?"
You put on your sad eyes, "Because Beck made you cry." She smiles at you and then hugs you. A physical hug. With emotion and passion mixed in. Your heart starts to run a marathon and you feel like you're going to explode. You've wanted that hug for so long that you don't want to let go, but as she slowly pulls away, you become upset once again.
Her face lingers not to far from yours, you can smell her breath. It's the smell of cotton candy, bubblegum, all the good things that you know she is underneath that mask of deceit. Suddenly she gives you a peck on your lips, which slowly turns into something deeper and more powerful. In s split second she is pushing you down onto your back.
She's kissing you intensely and you're not sure what you feel. Something in you is becoming warm, like nothing about this is wrong, like this is the way it was meant to be. But then the other part of you says that she's just lonely and you're just a way for her to take her feelings out. Still, you can feel her on your lips like a ghost, even after she pulls away she is haunting you.
You don't think you should continue, she's upset, she doesn't really want to do this. She notices the look on your face. "What?" You bit your lip not sure if you should say anything, but then you do. You tell her that she doesn't really want you, no matter how much saying it kiss you inside.
But you're right, and you just end up going to sleep beside each other. She's dead to the world but you lay there and watch your ceiling. Something about her is just so deadly.
Friday.
This time, she wakes you up and waits for you to get ready. She drives you to school, she sits beside you in class and at lunch she actually buys you an apple when you don't have the money. Something about her is different today. Beck and her don't look at each other the whole day, which is to be expected after a break up.
Tori and the others seem to understand what was going on, but they pretend nothing is happening, they're trying to keep the group together to make peace but everybody knows that something is wrong. Especially since she doesn't seem to be able to put her insults away. She called Tori a multitude of names, along with everybody else, but not once did she say anything to you.
She never once told you to leave her alone, she never said that you were pathetic and had to leave. She didn't ignore you or try and punch you. She never even thought about it. You stood beside her the whole day, followed her along to all of her classes like a lap dog, but not once did she seemed annoyed about it.
After school you both go out to get something to eat at the local sushi bar. She ordered for you and then looked over at you, "I hope that's what you wanted." You nod at her, letting her know that it doesn't matter what she picks, it's perfect.
Her pale skin shines in the glow of the lamp above, she looks like an angel in black clothes and dark makeup. She smiles at you curiously, making your insides melt. "what?"
You don't know what to say to her, so you just smile and look down. It's quite between the two of you for awhile until suddenly she brings up a question. "So.. Sorry about that kiss last night."
You don't know why she's apologizing, she has no need to. You didn't care about the kiss, it meant so much to you, you loved it. "Why are you apologizing?"
She smirks, but then laughs it off, "nothing Cat." The way she says your name makes your heart jump out of your chest. It's like a purr, a sexy but very comforting purr. Without notice she reaches over the table and lays her hand down, palm up. Your hand was on the table palm down, but you soon move it over to be with hers.
Your fingers intertwine and that's how you sit for the rest of the meal. That's how you lay when you get home. You're beside each other in your bed, fingers intertwined and eyes locked onto each other. She falls asleep first yet again, but you don't mind, because you love watching her sleep. How she looks so beautiful, so peaceful, so … nice.
Saturday.
When you wake up she's still asleep, your hands are still together but you don't want to let go, so you lay there and feel her skin against yours. She finally wakes up yawning, looking more beautiful then ever.
Nothing except words are shared between you both that day. You and her are laying on your floor with your head on her stomach. Just talking about everything, she tells you about what she wants to do in life, how her parents don't stand behind her but she still wants to follow her dreams. She tells you about her little sister who in her Dad's eyes is perfect. She shares the fact that her Step-Mom hates her and pretends she doesn't even know her name. You can't imagine why somebody would try and push her out of their life because for so many years you tried desperately to keep her in yours.
You tell her that you and your family have problems. Ever since you were little you've lived in your brothers shadow. He's always been weird, no Doctor has been able to diagnose it. He's always being stupid and taking away your parents attention. You know that's why you try so hard to impress others, to get attention, because your own parents won't give you any.
As you spill secrets to each other you can't think of anybody else that you'd rather talk to. Slowly you sit up and look down at her. She looks so beautiful, so silent yet deadly. You lean down and you kiss her, not very hard, but deep enough so that she knows you meant it. Her reaction is to kiss you back, she puts her hands on the back of your head and keeps your face next to hers.
Monday.
This Monday is different. She spent the night with you once again, not that you minded, you loved watching her fall asleep, how pretty she looked as she drifted off.
At school you both share secret smiles, she isn't as rude to everybody, she's showing her softer side. She doesn't mind Beck being beside her anymore, she doesn't mind that Tori seems to be lunging after him. When lunch time comes you sit beside each other, under the table she takes a hold of your hand, you're not sure why but it makes you feel more relaxed.
You're paired to do a scene together in class with her in Sikowitz class. She leans over to you and whispers, "So I guess I'm going to have to stay over again." It's not a question, but you would have said yes anyways.
Tuesday.
You and her help your Mom make supper. Your Mom's kind to her and doesn't seem to judge her on her outer appearance. You get her to smile when your Mom's not looking by holding her hand behind the counter. Your thumb runs across the back of her hand with ease and she doesn't try to stop you.
After dinner you both sit on the floor in your room while she writes out the script on your laptop. You've been pitching ideas back and forth for an hour butting heads each time, but she never gets upset with you. She loves you to much to do that. Or so you hope that's the reason. She decided to go with her idea and you go along with it, it's easier that way.
When she finishes the script she turns to you and gives you a kiss. It's sweet and sensitive and she seems almost happy that you didn't push her away.
Wednesday.
She convinces you to skip school that day. Not that you really care, as long as you're with her then you're going to be okay.
You drive down the road with the wind in your hair, a smile on both of your faces. She plays music like always but this time you know the words, you can sing along with her. She seems to like that.
Something about the song sends chills up your spin, like it's playing it's rhythm to the beat of your heart. Every time you hear the next line, you realize just how much you can relate to the message within. Something about it is eerie, the fact that you can relate so well to the song, or the fact that she is smiling over at you while you sing it.
Her face is crumpled into something more beautiful then you ever imagined. She's never truly smiled like that at you, you can tell. It's like a proud glow illuminating off her face.
She stopped the car at a nearby park, completely deserted, and open for playing. You climbed out of the car and made your way over to her, who stood in front leaning on the car. She looked so lovely just standing there. She looks over and notices your staring. That smile appears again and she takes your hand, pulling you along behind her as she runs down the hill.
You feel so carefree, like a little girl again, no worries, no sadness, nothing that could plague your heart, it was all gone, just like the passing wind. The world around you began to fade as you tumbled to ground in happiness, her hand still holding yours as you both watched the clouds dance.
You started to sing a tune that danced into your mind. It was a simple little song that you hadn't heard in ages, but something about singing it felt right.
"You're really lovely, underneath it all
You want to love me, underneath it all
I'm really lucky, underneath it all"
She sits up and looks down at you, her eyes pierced with wonder. "Why are you singing that?"
Truthfully you don't know why, you also don't know why you're about to do what you did, but you sit up and kiss her, like nothing was wrong with it. Her lips were soft, like kissing silk, she didn't stop you instead she leaned you back down and continued to kiss you.
When you broke apart she just smiled and laid down beside you. For a moment you thought it was a dream, but soon you came to realize that it really did happen. You turn your head to look into her eyes. Both of you lay there just looking at each other, at one point she raised her hand to rest on your cheek but nothing more happened that day. You didn't need anything to.
Friday.
So much can change in only two days.
She decided she couldn't do that to Beck, even if they weren't together, she didn't know how he would take it, the same went with the rest of the group. You kept your mouth shut, nothing about you and her was spoken about, not to anybody.
The others didn't even seem to notice when you two held hands under the table, or gave each other side glances when nobody was looking. She never once gave you that look of stupidity that so many others did. She laughed with you, not at you, like she cared, like she didn't want to hurt you and it meant so much to you. Her laugh is full of goodness, not that harsh judgemental tone she usually uses. The one she gives Tori, or Beck. Laughing isn't really her thing, but she laughs with you.
Over those two days she's not the same girl anymore. She opens you into her heart, caressing yours in the process. She doesn't try and make you feel guilty for being yourself, how you think of the most random of things and say them, she just smiles at you and continues on.
You watch her through the day, she's not like most people. She walks around so big and confident, so full of it and in control, like nothing can hurt her. At least when she's in front of others. When she's in front of you she unconstrained, she doesn't look behind her to make sure nobody's there before she smiles. The glow around her is brighter more incandescent when it's just you two.
She stays at your house, but it's not like that's weird anymore, it's more natural then breathing by now. You and her sit on your bed, just looking at each other, trying to stare into each others eyes and search each others souls. No words are spoken, you just sit. She takes your hand in hers, running her thumb across the back of your hand, it melts you inside, but on the outside you keep your cool.
Slowly, you lean your head in and place your foreheads together. Her breath tickles your face as she sighs in lust. Your noses touch, but you don't try and kiss her because you just want to stay like this forever, with her.
Her phone starts to buzz breaking you two apart. She slowly reaches over to answer it, giving you an apologetic smile the whole time. "Hello?" Her voice is like a wave of power, so forceful yet so sweet. Her expression is confusion, which quickly turns to disbelief. "No." She says into the microphone, "no, no, no!" Leaping off the bed she grabs for her bag and heads towards the door.
"What?" You ask, watching her walk. Quickly you run to grab her arm and stop her, "What is wrong?"
Her eyes are filled with tears and it kills you. Seeing her cry is like watching as a child sees their parent dying, or as their Dad leaves their Mom. Nothing about her crying is natural, she's so beautiful, she shouldn't cry. She whips away her tears and whimpers, "My Mom got into a car accident two hours ago… She just died."
Before you can say anything she runs off.
Saturday.
She doesn't pick up her phone when you call, she doesn't answer your texts. Beck hasn't seen her, neither has Andre, or Tori, or Robbie. It's like she disappeared off the face of the earth.
You sit on your bed, wearing sweats and a large sweater, you can't do anything but watch your phone to make sure that you don't miss her call. All you want to do is see her, to hug her and tell her it's going to be okay, but she's not letting you do that.
Tuesday.
You walk to her house after school. She hasn't made contact with anybody and you decide to take matters into your own hands. The sun is hot, beating down on you with a sting, but you fight through it because you need to she her.
Her Father answers the door, his eyes are rimmed with red and sadness. He lets you in, leads you up to her room and then walks away. You don't bother knocking because it's Jade and you feel welcomed with her.
Her room is torn up, the posters have been pulled down, ripped and thrown across the floor. All the pictures she had up were gone, blank white backgrounds stared back at you. She's on her bed, crying at the photos that had once hung on the wall so brightly. She doesn't look up as you make your way over to her.
You sit down beside her and move the hair out of her face. "Don't be sad Jade." She looks up at you. She's not wearing any makeup but she still manages to be flawless.
"How the hell can you tell me to not be sad?" She speaks the words slowly, like molasses pouring out of it's bottle. It's not rude, but there is a layer of anger under the anguish. "My Mom is dead, she's not coming back Cat!"
The way she cries is heart shattering. You wrap your arms around her and hold her as she shakes. Rocking back and forth you comfort her, trying to let her know it'll all be okay, and not once does she say stop. You spend the rest of the night holding her, keeping her close to you. You lay down beside her and let her cry into your shoulder. Something about the way you lie together makes it seem like your hearts are beating together, at the same pace, in complete harmony.
She falls asleep first, she always does, but this time, you're together, more together then you've ever felt before. Yes, you have kissed her and been beside her, but not like this, not so completely together. Two people becoming one in just that little amount of time.
Friday.
She insisted on coming back to school that day, she said that she needed to get out of her house, so you invite her over for the night on Thursday, and on Friday you drive there together.
She is silent the whole drive, but yet she's very intimidating. Not to you, never to you. You've seen her at her worst, and nothing after that would feel the same.
The school is crowded as usual, people running around, music playing, laughs being shared. She ignores it and goes straight to her locker, and you go to yours.
The whole day you stand beside her and make sure she doesn't fall down in sorrow. Your friends comfort her as well, but she doesn't seem to really notice it. She's always looking at you, watching you while you watch out for her. Sometimes you wonder if she's really feeling better, until you give her a second glance and see those tears in the corner of her eyes.
At the last class you part ways, but your mind is constantly on her, if she's okay, what she's doing… if she'll be there for you when the bell rings. Her delicate eyes of terror flash in your mind. You wonder how nobody even guessed before how sweet and delicate she was under all those hard lines.
When the bell finally does ring you dash out only to find her sitting on the stairs looking down at the ground. You make your way over to her and sit down, "Jade?"
She looks up and smiles, but you know she's just pretending.. "Hey…" Her voice cracks with sadness. "We really should be going." She stands up and grabs your hand, pulling you up and out the door.
However, you stop her and make her face you. "I know you're upset, but I'm right here Jade." Her lip quivers, but she stays in place. "I will never leave you," you lace one hand through her fingers, while the other hand rests on her cheek, your thumb rubbing along her cheekbone, "not once did I ever stop thinking about you, and I never will, please don't cry Jade. I know that it hurts, but I know you're strong."
You don't think you've ever said something so intelligent, something that wasn't just a random string of words. "When you cry, I feel like breaking because all I can think about is how you're not allowed to be sad, nothing in this world should make you sad because you're just too special, too beautiful. People just think that you're mean and rude, but I know that underneath it all … you're really lovely."
She looks at you, but this time you can't tell what emotion she's wearing. Within a moment she kisses you, in front of the whole school, in front of everybody, it's wonderful and something you've waited for your whole life. Never in all your days did you think that she would actually kiss you, mouth to mouth, lip to lip, with passion and fire. When she breaks apart from you she rests her head against yours and whispers, "I love you Cat."
The people around you are silent but you know they're there. None of that matters though because she's there with you, sharing her heart with you. Then you whisper back, "I love you too Jade."
After only two weeks you've figured her out, and underneath it all she's lovely, she's beautiful, she's everything good in the world. She's not that harsh girl that people fear, she's the soft loving woman that you'd die for.
PEOPLE MAGAZINE. May 9th, 2016
Last week the surprising announcement that legendary pop stars Cat Valentine and Jade West were engaged sent shock waves through the world. Their two person band is not only an inspiration for people everywhere, with their dominant personalities and charming, beautiful smiles, but it is also the talk of people everywhere. The two were spotted holding hands and sharing kisses two days after the announcement at a small café near their home. Both say that they wouldn't want anything more in life and that they hope everything supports them in their decision.
PEOPLE MAGAZINE. September 14th, 2046
Last April we received the news that Cat Valentine, the red headed beauty and talented wife of Jade West, would diagnosed with Leukemia. After months of a difficult struggle and a lot of tears, Cat's wife Jade announced that the girl had passed away in the hospital at 6:35 am, on September 8th. After being married for 30 years Jade says that there is no regrets to her decision to be with Cat all those years ago and there won't ever be.
An insider tells us that in memory of Cat, a statue of her is being placed outside her old school, 'Hollywood Arts'. It has an engraving saying, "I Will Never Leave You". Jade has confirmed that it holds meaning for both her and the recently passed Cat Valentine. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you Jade.