You instantly scowl when you see him, even if he's just walking along the dark hallways of the meteor like you. Dave Strider remains calm though and, against all odds, approaches you. You both stop walking at about two feet from each other. You study him quickly, hopefully without being noticed by his unseeable eyes, behind his black shades. He was wearing his god tier outfit as usual, because he likes to show off, and it just makes you dislike the guy even more!
"Strider." You greet without moving your head.
"Vantas," he returns in a deadpan voice.
You squint your eyes a bit at him. "It is a great displeasure talking to you too."
He leans on one leg, acting relaxed and eternally unfazed by anything and everything that you say. "Really? Couldn't tell from the grin bursting wildly across your face the second you laid eyes on me. So thanks for letting me know. Is that a grin or a box of knives spilling out of your mouth though? Can't tell with you trolls anymore."
You scowl at him. "They are teeth, dipshit! And you know I dislike even seeing that ugly mug that you call a face! It is despicable! Even for a foul human! No wonder you hide behind those shades of yours!"
"Wow, how rude of you, Vantas, what if I'm not ugly? What if it's just a huge facial malformation I'm hiding and you're being a huge douche for pointing it out? Do you ever think of others? Wow, just, wow! Who made you co-leader with John? I sure didn't vote for your insensitive bulbous tush."
"Oh yeah! Of course! Because you despise me just so fucking much! And I am practically the only one of the trolls that has half of a functioning thinkpan to use that isn't rotting from the stupidity and idiocy that constantly leaks from the hole on your face that is labeled as a protein chute on a daily basis!"
"I only hate you because you literally hate everyone else on this meteor so much that it radiates off of you in this massive toxic energy cloud and locks onto everyone else in sight, creating hatred Frankensteins in your image. I'm dripping in Karkat Vantas hate toxins." He holds his arms up as if he really was dripping in some form of liquid, glancing at his body for a few seconds before back at you with an amused smirk. "Get the guys in yellow hazard suits in here! Let them swing through the metaphorical windows on their helicopter ropes and throw you in a hastily constructed shower. Maybe underneath all that nasty there will be a Karkat carebear."
You scoff and continue to glare at him. "You seriously think I am kind on the inside? Go fellate yourself on your own digits! Actually! Get some more of my Karkat Vantas hate toxins on you! Have the Karkat Vantas Toxins Deluxe Pack! Then you will know how much I utterly and despicably despise your stupid ass! There is nothing to like about you! Nothing to be thankful for! Nothing to be pitied for! You are just a stubborn ass prick who thinks himself higher than every other fucking person no matter who or what they are!"
Dave continues to smirk at you. "Well at least people like me, dude. You're just an ass to everyone. No wonder Terezi…" You feel your hands clenching a bit and you frown even more. "Dumped…" You bare your teeth slightly "You!"
You scowl intensely at him. "Don't! You! Dare! I will fucking cull you if you bring Terezi into this!"
He smirks and then mimes like he is scared of you, hands in front of him as he cowers a bit and leans away from you. "Oooh! I'm scared! The carebear is gonna fight me for the fair maidens hand!" He straightens and leans in on you, you hate being a head shorter than this douche! "Heads up loser! She will never like you if you treat her and everyone else like shit. Even if you kick my ass which – ha ha – won't happen."
"Who says I want her back? You can just have her for all I care! I'm over all of this fucking shit with fighting over the girl who doesn't even pay a single fucking ounce of attention to me!"
"How do you even get off on being so furious all the time?"
You blink in confusion."What?"
He smirks again. "Where does all that fiery Karkat fury come from? Is there a little space heater inside of you?"
You resume your scowling. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Just asking bro." He raises his hands in mock surrender.
"Well, no, go fuck yourself. I keep hateful because it is my defense." You can tell he is raising his eyebrows at you behind those shitty shades he wears. It makes you just want to rip off those shades and just see his eyes, you haven't actually seen his eyes yet, which only goes to piss you off even more. "I used it as a defence when I lived on Alternia, it just kept up with me since I left."
He twists his mouth sideways a bit. "Look, Vantas, not that I wanna start a feelings jam or anything, but I just noticed you're by yourself a lot and, not that I care, but it'd be a good idea if we were all united as a team when the big fight goes down, y'know? So what's your deal? You should drop your protest happiness sign and come chill with us."
You scowl a bit and grumble. "No, I don't 'chill'," You actually do the quote marks. "That is just stupid!"
Dave shifts again. "What's your beef with chilling? C'mon!"
"No! I don't do that shit!"
"Vantas, oh my god!" He steps sideways to you, pacing slightly.
You blink, raising an eyebrow at him in confusion and curiosity. "What?"
"All you ever do is glare at us from the doorways. I'm thinking your little princess heart wants to chill and you're just punching it in the face! You are a villain of your own fairy tale, Karkat. Come down from your towers and chill with us peasants."
"Why would I want to chill with you, of all people? I dislike you more than anything else in the universe, and that is saying something considering I talk to past and future me constantly in memos and shit!"
"Why would you hang out with yourself? You're a doof and you even know it!" You blink, 'what the fuck is a doof?'. And Dave is talking again. "C'mon! Even if you don't like hanging out with your troll friends or John or Jade or Rose."
You bare your teeth slightly as you speak. "Firstly! I don't hang out with myself, that is just purely idiotic and most likely suicidal! Secondly! Rose is always busy with Kanaya, Gamzee can't be found, Terezi is either with you or the clown while John and Jade are on a flying golden ship, hurtling through space and time. Not many options now are there?"
He shrugs, the bastard! "Yeah, no clue where the juggalo is, that's weird. Aren't you his boyfriend or something?"
"It's called Moirail, shithead."
"I forget what Rose told me about your quadrant bullshit."
"MOIRAIL!"
"Forgive me for not being culturally aware, you giant boil."
"Shut up, nookstain!"
"So how did you lose him, anyway?" Dave asks, and you soften just a slight bit. "Isn't it your thing that you watch him to make sure he doesn't kill anyone else? Like his parole officer?"
You look away from him, down the hall behind him. "He just… vanished? I don't know! Sometimes I hear him through the air vents though…"
"Shit that's terrifying."
"Yeah!" You say in a 'O Rly?' way. He is not shaken though.
"My bro used to hide smuppets in the air vents and I'd have to go unblock them when the air conditioning wouldn't work."
You raise an eyebrow at him. "Smuppets? You mean those stuffed creatures with large asses?"
He nods. "Yeah, those things."
You scoff. "They look like shit!" he shrugs.
"I don't know what you're hating on, the quality of my brother's creations or if you're literally comparing the smuppets to mounds of shit. Cause, man, shit looks totally different in my opinion. Smuppets are just giant colourful dicks with a face and ass attatched. They're freaky as fuck but shit is just nasty, don't get those things confused."
"What-"
"Or, I don't know, maybe I'm just being culturally insensitive again. Maybe your race does shit smuppets." You are unamused. "God that's awful."
"-you are not making much sense, as usual-" You are ignored once again.
"Wait, so, we can't technically say 'god' anymore, huh? We should say 'Karkat' instead 'cause you made our universe."
"Yes, I approve."
"It's like, instead of oh-em-gee it's oh-em-kay. Oh my Karkat." You blink, raising an eyebrow again. "Dear Karkat."
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaah…" You say nervously.
"Help me Karkat."
"That sounds a bit… yeah, no." You hate being ignore by this douche!
"Karkat be with us. I swear to Karkat."
"Please stop…"
"Dude, when people get busy they should have to scream 'oh Karkat!' instead of 'oh god'. Wow, that's so freaky."
"Yeah, that sounds just a bit too sexual. I'll pass…You done now?"
"Yeah I'm done and I feel you there." You blink.
"I thought you were all into irony and shit? Isn't this irony?"
He frowns slightly at you. "Oh no, dude. You have no sense of irony! Don't even try. Don't even lace up your shoes and get ready to try 'cause you're gonna fail-"
"-I am not trying! I am just trying to detect it!-"
"-In fact, don't get out of bed-"
"-I am out of bed, ass! I am right in front of you-"
"-Stay asleep and dream of maybe being ironic one day like Dave Strider-"
"-I am awake, shithead! You are too late-"
"-Maybe one day you will finally understand the meaning of irony and on that day, Karkat, I will knight you into Irony's mantle of beauty. See, that was ironic, but not actual irony. 'Cause I said I'd knight you, but you're already a Knight, of Blood, and I am a Knight, of Time-"
"-Is this the part where I laugh?"
"Yeah, you should laugh now."
You scowl. "Well you're out of luck. I don't laugh!"