13th of Summer -
Today is the first anniversary of my coronation and I'm so nervous I have a flurry much like Olaf's swirling my head. There's a ball tonight to commemorate the event. Everyone seems to have forgotten that I froze the entire country just a mere 12 months ago. Anna said keeping this journal would be good for me to keep my feelings in check. She's my best friend and though I tell her almost everything, I feel like no one can understand my worries and frustrations.
The dress they made me is absolutely beautiful. It's a deep blue with gorgeous aqua lace...well, I can't really explain it. But it's beautiful. I'm terrible with these things. A dress is a dress. I'd rather be in the woods with Kristoff and Sven, making sleds of ice and racing down the mountains. Kristoff has become a very close friend since we first met. It's sort of awkward now though, with Anna courting Prince Arjan. So I tend to hang out with my best friends separately.
Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that Anna is happy. She just seemed to like Kristoff so much, it was a surprise when Prince Arjan sailed in to discuss his little brothers wrong doing and Anna sort of just left Kristoff in the wind. You'd think that she would be cautious about men from the Southern Isles, but apparently Arjan is different. They have yet to become engaged, so I guess that is a change. They've been going strong for almost ten months now, leaving me in a terribly awkward situation, but I've learned to adapt to her spontaneous personality.
I'm just sort of stalling. I really don't want to put on this dress and go out and dance with men I've never met and make small talk with people who just last year thought I was an evil witch. I'm nervous for Anna and Kristoff to be in the same room also. Anna tends to avoid Kristoff at all costs, which seems backwards to me. Shouldn't Kristoff be the heartbroken one? Anna is the one who runs from the room when they announce Kristoff. Half the time, she just leaves the castle. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she is quiet and mumbles a lot. Maybe she regrets leaving him for Arjan? My sisters love life takes up way too much of my time, though it is the most interesting thing in my life.
Well, Kai keeps knocking on the door, informing me that my maids are waiting to dress me if I am to be on time. I miss getting dressed alone.
13th of Summer -
Well, the ball went fine. Anna and Arjan danced almost the entire night together. They looked very sweet and happy. I'm glad. I had to dance a few times as well, but thankfully Kristoff was there to cut in with each of my dance partners. His timing was impeccable each time. Just when I wanted to freeze my partner into a block of ice, Kristoff would swoop in, insisting that he had official ice business to talk to me about. He really is a great guy.
I did have one man who seemed there just to woo me. Prince Nikolas of Bellton asked me to dance multiple times, but I was already promised to a trade partner or a business owner. He seemed to never take his eyes off me, and while it was flattering, I couldn't help but wondering what his motives were. It seems obvious to me that I may never marry and that Anna's children will take the throne when I pass. Is it not obvious to the people around me? The only man who would want to marry me is a man who wants power for himself, much like Hans, and I will not put my country in danger again. I have long forgiven Anna for what Hans tried to do, but I know that he isn't the only man like that in the world. Men sail from all corners of the globe to get a glimpse at the worlds most eligible bachelorette, but I am nothing special and I tend to scare them with my snow and ice. We will just have to see how determined Nikolas is. There is no doubt that if he stays for long enough, I will run out of excuses as to why I cannot stroll with him around the garden or go visit the village.
Other than that, the ball was uneventful.
15th of Summer -
So it seems that after the ball, Arjan asked Anna to marry him. Of course, my love-sick sister said yes. They have asked for my permission and I am debating it. What would I do without my sister? They want to split their time between the Southern Isles and here but I don't know that I can be without her for six months of the year. Plus, Hans is living over there. Mind you, he's working on a farm on the outskirts of the country, but he is still there. What if he tries to hurt her? She sacrificed herself to save me, ruining his plans of murder and ruling Arendelle. I have a meeting with Anna and Arjan tomorrow afternoon to discuss my worries.
For now, maybe I will ask Kristoff to take me into the forest. I think I need to clear my head of the matchmaking and the ticking clock that I am constantly being reminded of.
15th of Summer -
Just as I thought. I needed to get some fresh air. Kristoff, Sven, Olaf and I went deep into the forest and spent hours playing in a maze I created. I promised the winner of the maze would ge a bundle of carrots and a kiss. This sort of created a frenzy from Olaf and Sven, who ended up pairing together to get out of the maze, though Kristoff beat them out by just a few minutes. I gave him the carrots and a kiss on the cheek, just as I promised. I thought I saw his face flush red but when I blinked, his face was back to normal. We gave Sven the carrots and then just spent time walking through the forest. It's great to get outside and have no worries or fears about who may be lurking or spying. We've found people watching multiple times but they never follow us very far into the woods.
We did have a bit of a scare on the way home though. Kristoff and I were riding Sven back to the village when Sven slipped and started to roll over. Kristoff and I acted at the same time, me created a snowy pillow for Sven to roll onto instead of the tree stump that he might have landed on, and Kristoff saved me from being pinned under Sven. We laughed about it afterwards, but I could of sworn I saw real worry in Kristoff's eyes. He probably didn't see the snow I created at first and was afraid Sven was going to hurt himself on the stump. The rest of the ride, Kristoff had be sit in front of him and held on to me tighter than usual. Usually I sit behind him and hold on for dear life but I guess Sven slipping scared him more than I originally thought. When he dropped me off at the castle, the hug lasted a second longer than normal. Maybe he really was worried about me up there.
16th of Summer -
Just had a visit from Olaf. It was strange. He said he walking past Kristoff's cabin late last night and he was singing. That's not the strange part. Kristoff has an amazing voice and he told me he sings to Sven most nights. But apparently last night...the night of the almost accident in the woods, he sang this: ...friends. You can take care of yourself, this we all know. I find myself staring, watching, longing. Is this all we'll ever be? You scare me. Olaf felt it was rude to eavesdrop so he left, but he thinks that Kristoff was singing about me.
I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I mean...could he feel like that? I scare him? Why would he stare at me with...longing...if I scared him? I honestly don't think he meant me. He probably met a girl in the village. I should ask him about it next time we see each other.
23rd of Summer -
While in a council meeting, I found out that Bellton is in dire need of assistance. Apparently that is why Nikolas is here. They need a few men with sleds to help get food to a few families up in the mountains. They had a terrible snow just a week ago and Nikolas left as soon as he could to come ask for help. Since we are close neighbors and we have experience with crazy snows, he was hoping we would help him. I'm so silly to think he wanted to court me. He needed help and I ignored him because I was nervous to reject yet another suitor. We offered five men to go back to Bellton with him. Now I must go to the village to see if we can get some volunteers.
24th of Summer -
Well, that didn't go as I had expected. We had three volunteers when Nikolas asked if he could hand pick the next two men. I obliged of course, he knows the mountains in his country just as I know the mountains in mine. He selected John and Kristoff as the final two men. I hadn't even thought that Kristoff would be selected. I smiled and thanked the men for agreeing to go help a country in need but on the walk back to the castle, I was a little confused. I would be losing Anna and Kristoff at the same time?
Of, I forgot to mention. I had agreed to their engagement and now Anna was sailing off to meet his family in the Southern Isles. We've met a brother, but he's got eleven more for her to meet along with the King, Queen, and mistresses. I found it rather scandalous that the reason for him having so many is brothers is because the King tends to take on a mistress and then trade her for a younger model after a few years. On top of all the brothers, he has five sisters as well. Apparently the King and Queen only have four children together, three sons and a daughter. Arjan is the youngest son of the Queen so he actually in line for the throne, unlike Hans. Since Hans is a bastard, he would be something like...25th in line for the throne. Those sort of rules confuse me. Thank goodness Arendelle is so much more peaceful and...traditional than that. I hope Anna knows what she is getting herself into. If Arjan becomes King some day (by any means) I hope she knows he is expected to get himself a mistress is she cannot produce an heir. Or, he is he like his father, a mistress just for fun. I can't even imagine my father having a mistress. Arjan says it is normal where he is from but I really can't even fathom it.
Back on topic. Kristoff leaves tomorrow morning for Bellton and Anna leaves just hours later. I am to have no one to talk to except Olaf for a whole month! I guess I'll take up painting.