Don't hate me! I'm sorry if you don't like it.

Prologue

Stef

I woke up and the first thing i saw was Lena asleep in a chair near a hospital bed. What happened to me? I sat up and a sound of a steady beeping noise as the machine went to a flat line. This has to be a dream right?

Lena woke up instantly at the sound and tears immediately came too her eyes.

"No" she said and nurses walked in. Well this can't be good. I looked down at my lifeless body and everything came back too me. I was shot!

Lena

My dad grabbed my hand to pull me back from my thoughts. It's been two days since Stef has died and i just don't know what to do. I know i need to be strong for the kids but it's just so hard. Before i always had Stef too have my back when it got tough, and i always had her too help me with the kids.

"You alright?" he asked but i know he doesn't really expect me to answer.

"Don't worry about anything, ok? Me and mom will figure out the funeral, and make sure the kids are ok." he said but i shook my head.

"No it's ok" i said but i'm so glad they are here for the help.

"Honey that why we are out" he said and I nodded.

"You can help me with the funeral but she was my wife and me and Sharon are going too be planning it together. I just need to, and their my kids I need too be here for them" I said and he nodded putting his arm around my shoulder.

"We are always here for you" he said and I leaned my head against his shoulder.

Stef

This ghost thing sucks. I can't even walk through walls, like what good is being dead if i can't walk though walls. I can't even scare people yet, what a rip off. No one can see me which is awful. For two days i haven't talked to anyone, or even been acknowledge. I just hate seeing my family grieve for me. I wish they knew i was here.

"Suppers going to be done soon" Lena said too Jude but he barely looked up.

"Jude, honey." she said sitting next to him.

"I miss her" Jude said and Lena put a hand over his.

"I do too, buddy. It's ok." she said.

"Do you believe in heaven?" he asked and Lena smiled at him.

"I guess so, do you?" she asked.

"Yeah i guess so" he said. Heaven? I'm not really interested in it, even if it were to exist. Then again, i didn't think ghost existed and here i am.

"Come on, it's time to eat" Lena said and Jude reluctantly followed her. I could have sworn Lena looked right at me, but i guess thats just wishful thinking.

Lena looked at my side of the bed and then sighed.

"You get annoyed when i hog the bed, i'm on my side now. What more do you want?" i asked jokingly. She stopped for a second in the middle of changing and then shook her head as if dismissing the crazy thought. She continued to change and then got into bed. Am i imagining this or is she really feeling me here.

I reached over and put my hand on her arm and she shivered pulling the covers over her and turning on her side so she was facing away from me.

"Fine ignore me" i joked turning on my side. She can really feel me here, i wonder if the kids can too.

Lena

I feel like i'm going crazy, i can feel her here. Yesterday in Judes room, i could see her out of the corner of my eye and then when i looked straight ahead she wasn't there. Is my mind playing tricks on me? Than in the room i swear for a quick second i heard her voice, and felt her touch my arm. I'm going crazy, obviously she's not here. She's dead.

I can't believe today is her funeral, i'm not ready for this. I went into Marianas and Callies room too make sure they are ok.
"Are you guys ok?" i asked and Callie nodded. I can tell she's lying.

"Callie talk too me" i demanded.

"I'm fine i'm going to make sure Jude is ok?" Callie said leaving the room. She's going back to her old self. Being distant to protect herself and doing everything to protect Jude.

"She will be ok. I think she's thinking back on her birth moms funeral" Mariana said and thats what worries me. She's already lost one mom and now she lost another, she's been through too much.

"I know thats what worries me, how are you doing?" i said and she forced a smile at me.

"I just miss her" she said sadly.

"I do too." i admitted.

"How are you holding up?" she asked me and i forced a smile at her back.

"I'm alright. I just remind myself she's in a better place" i said and i hope thats true. Mariana nodded.

"Do you ever feel like she's still here?" she asked and it stopped me.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you ever feel like she's still with us. Like she's watching over us, or something" she asked and i smiled at her.

"All the time" i said putting my arm around her and kissing her head. Way too often actually. Maybe it's just a feeling, i'm still grieving it's normal.

I knocked on Brandons door and he told me i can come in.

"Hey don't you look handsome" i said and he just nodded.

"It's ok to miss her" i told him and he sighed.

"I just wish this didn't happen, i thought she was suppose too make it through?" he asked tears in his eyes.

"I wish it didn't happen to but you know they were not expecting the complication to happen." i said. At the last minute of surgery she took a turn for the worst and it took them forever to get her stabilized. She ended up dying an hour later because her heart had a bad reaction to the medicine. The doctors claim it's a freak incident and it rarely happens, which isn't very comforting.

"I know" he said.

"We are all going to get through this together, ok" i said and he nodded.

"Are you ok?" he asked and i forced a smile.

"I'm doing the best i can, i'm glad we are all here too handle this together as a family" i said and he smiled.

"Even though Gram is hard to deal with" he said and i laughed a little.

"Yes even through Gram is hard to deal with" i said. I know mom wouldn't be her normal self now not after this. I don't even have to worry about her and Sharon arguing because there is no way my mom would do anything to start an argument with her after she lost her daughter.

"Be down in five minutes" i said kissing his forehead. I went in and checked on Jude and Jesus and than we were all on our way to the funeral.

Stef

Attending my own funeral was never something I imagined doing. Funerals are depressing and I would rather not go. Besides it's not like anyone says anything bad at a funeral, even if you don't like the person.

I have too go too make sure my family is ok and you know make sure Lena put me in something good.

My mom was first in the front row and I can tell she's on the verge of tears. When I got the job as a cop she made me promise her that i will be safe and stay alive until i have great grandchildren and she's long dead. I tried, to stay alive. Did everything too be careful on the job to make it home too my family ok. I know every time I walked through the door it's a relief too Lena just too know I made it through the day.

Lena was sitting next to her and I can tell she's having trouble not crushing under the weight of it all. Too think three days ago we were having dinner with her horrible ex and I was thinking how lucky I was too have Lena. Than we fought over marriage, if I could redo it now I would have asked her to marry her right then and call my son and tell him to get his ass home.

Jude sat next too Lena with tears in his eyes, and Callie was looking guarded. This is the second mom they lost, and I can only imagine what they are going though. Jude held tightly onto Callies hand. Both Jesus and Brandon looked as if they have been crying before but have stopped now. Mariana is crying right now and holding Jesus' hand for support.

I hate seeing them like this, I wish they knew I was still here.

Halfway through the funeral Lena was up to speak and I watched as she looked right at me shocked. Did she just see me? She looked down trying to avoid looking at me as if she's trying to deny that I'm here. Again not very nice of her. I guess 'Death do us apart' really is how it works even if you're a ghost. I'm totally getting the third degree and all I did was die, which was completely out of my control. I mean she can't still be mad about the fight, right? I which I got too tell her I loved her.

"fine ignore me" I said and she looked back up at me then quickly looked at the kids.

"Most people know Stef as a tough cop, who doesn't let things get too her. But those people who have seen who she was once she was out of uniform would disagree whether she liked it or not…" she said and a couple of people laughed. I just groaned, she's suppose to be making me out to be a tough cop.

"She was so much more. She's the mother of our wonderful children who she loved very much. She would have done anything to protect us, and she ended up dying to protect our son. She was an amazing wife she always did whatever she could to make me happy, even if she messed up every once in a while…" she said with tears in her eyes and I laughed. Everyone once in a while? More like a lot.

"She was an amazing cop who dedicated her life to helping others. I couldn't count how many times she came home hurt from work but despite it she looked happy because she saved someones life. She was a hero" she said looking right at me. I know she can see me, this is like the third time we made eye contact.

After the funeral everyone was at the house and Lena was in the kitchen alone grabbing some food.

"I know you can see me" I said and she turned towards me.

"This isn't possible" she said in a hush voice.

"I know you make all my favorite foods and I can't eat any of it" I said and she shook her head.

"You're dead" she said sadly.
"I'm still here though" I said and she sighed.

"Why?" she asked.

"Too make sure you guys are ok and I have yet to turn in my application too get into heaven I swear it's like 50 pages long" I joked.

"You can't be here" she said shaking her head and grabbing the food and walking away.

Lena

Well I just officially lost it. I just had a conversation with my dead wife, yeah not normal. She needs too move on whether she loves it or not.

Crazy idea, my writers brain got off her leash and this happened. Anyways thought i would publish it too see if anyone thinks I should continue it or not. By the way don't hate me this is normally the type of stuff I censure out, but thought hell lets see what they think. Besides nothing like a ghost love story.