This Slow Dance

A/N: ahaha, another one! This one is slightly angsty too... but not to worry! No wife to hate. No wife to contemplate killing off. :) It's all good.

The first chapter is written in diary form, but the rest of the story won't be. At least till the last chapter maybe.

Chapter 1

August, 14th.

Dr. Nagasaki insists I keep a journal from now on to refer to during our sessions. An idea that makes me cringe as I'd never cared to keep a journal in the past and never made a habit of writing down my feelings in any way, shape or form. Perhaps because I could never put my feeling into words? Perhaps because they made little sense to me aloud or in my head, let alone on paper?

I hate it here. The women here are not like me. I don't belong here. I chant it like a mantra during my sessions with the doctor, and I know I'm not the only one who says it. There's a women who sits in front of the TV in the game room, chanting it over the sound of game shows and commercials. Sometimes she gets so loud that some of the women yell at her until she's taken away by the nurses.

Perhaps she doesn't belong here? She could have been put in here under false pretenses, just as I have.

I laugh to think of Dr. Nagasaki's words if she were to read this. I'd be seen as making little to no progress.

I refuse to wear my pajamas and house coat around the building like some of the other women, but the other day I was herded from my room before I could dress properly for group therapy.

I wished to die that morning. It doesn't happen very often. Only in this place do I find myself thinking such thoughts.

August 31st

Yukari came to visit me yesterday. She seemed afraid of me as she sat on the opposite side of the table. I couldn't bring myself to smile. It's getting harder and harder for me to do that.

My mind won't get rid of the guilt a I feel for not smiling at her during our visit. She's getting married to Amano, and I'm happy for her. I'm sad that I won't be able to be her bridesmaid, but she's probably already found someone more... available.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't stay there when I had the chance. I could have stayed with him instead of coming back to a family that put me here in the first place.

I'd thought my mother, at least, would believe me. She might have believed the stories her mother had told her about the wonderful place she had been to, but maybe she thought they were just fairy tales.

She probably thought I was just telling them a lie. They put me in here because I was trying to save them. The fire hasn't happened yet... but they don't believe it will happen. I almost wish I never had that vision... why did I have them so suddenly? It was the only one I had since coming back. Why did I have to say anything?

I tried.

September 22nd

Maybe it was all just a dream? A nightmare?

I wished to go back for days. Nothing ever happened.

Maybe I do belong here.

November 26th

I don't know what happened, but I'm writing this now as the journal is the only thing I'm allowed on my possession at the moment in this tiny room. My hands are trembling.

I was outside on the bench in the garden. It was snowing. I was staring across the lawn, past where a young women, no older than I, was building a snow man. There is a big tree in the garden, that towers about two floors high, and I was watching the snow land on it's bare branches, and watched as the last remaining leaves were blown to the ground. I was entranced... so completely blank that all that interested me was the snow landing on those bare branches.

I must have blinked. Or perhaps I fainted... I'm not sure. But the next moment I was no longer slumped on that wooden bench, but standing outside the large wall surrounding the garden, knee deep in snow and horribly cold because suddenly I didn't have my jacket on. I could hardly breath, I was so shocked.

Perhaps I would have ran if I had myself together completely.

Anyway, they caught me, and I'm in confinement now. The room they have me in is all white painted like the rest of the building, and there is a mattress laid out in the corner with no blankets and a high window with just a pane. No bars. They think I will hang myself, after attempting escape.

I want to try it again.

November 29th

For the past few days I've been trying to control this thing I've come across. So far I've successfully shifted my pill cup along the table, and have even managed to make the pills vanish before I need to take them. To where, I have no idea.

I will not take any more drugs, even though trying these new things is making my head pound so hard it feels like my skull has been cracked open. I've taken to being in my room with the lights off.

Dr. Nagasaki finds me insane. I laughed at her the other day when she told me I might be epileptic.

December 3rd

They pinned me and strapped me to the bed the other night because I was wandering the halls past curfew. They couldn't figure out how I got past the locked doors.

I can't help but laugh every time I think about the look on the nurses face when I had the door slam right in her face without help of my arms.

December 20th

The fire will happen tomorrow. When it happens, they will be amazed, but they will not let me free. They will not believe I predicted it. They will not believe I saw it. My little brother will get trapped in the upstairs bedroom. My parents were die of smoke inhalation, as they will be sleeping when the fire starts...

How could everything have come to this?

I cry at my loss. I cry for them to believe me. I cry for them to save my parents, but it won't happen.

I miss Van.

December 21st

They've told me about the deaths. Dr. Nagasaki told me, as she believed she would be the best one to break the news. I sat there, on her over stuffed, black couch and simply stared at her. I'd cried all the tears the night before, and had no more to spare for her.

She wrote something down in her notebook, shaking her head. I have made no improvements for her.

As I write, I see Gaea through the window of this prison. My white wash walls dissolve behind me, and I can't help but smile at the double moons in the sky, lifting my chin to face the light they bring.

Maybe I am crazy...

I will close my eyes, and think of nothing but where I long to be.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: well, that's that. lol! the next chapter will be from Van's point of view, not in diary form :P

I hope you guys like this story :)