A/N: I haven't been feeling too well. Not sure why. This idea has crossed my path several times and I thought I'd finally try and convey it into words.
This is dedicated to my partner in crime Vulcancheesecake. I love her lots and lots, she helps keep me sane.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own, if I did it'd be a mess. Also don't own Pearl Jam's song Last Kiss. Tweaked the lyrics to fit, yanno 'She's' become 'He's'
Warnings: Character death…major. Um, yeah. I dunno. Maybe you'll bust out the tissues? I hope not.
_
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took him away from me
He's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Jim's hair was rustling in the breeze, the top down and a smile pulling at his lips. The sun was just setting, sinking low and giving way to the azure ocean.
Not like the azure in Jim's eyes because nothing could compete with that color. Bones stopped staring at his beau and turned back to the road, reaching out for Jim's hand, the metal of the engagement ring feeling right intertwined with his own hand.
He gave the soft flesh a squeeze and smirked at the cars zipping past them, getting stares because of the antique corvette.
Jim sunk into the seat and let out a slow, contented exhale. Bones had never seen his boy wonder so still, so at peace with himself. It seemed to match his own inner peace at this moment.
They finally had a shore leave to themselves- on Earth, no less- visiting their hometowns. The doctor was able to see his baby girl and Jim his mother and brother, both of them giving the emotional gift of a restored corvette, not the one he trashed, but so close McCoy observed the emotion building up in Jim's eyes in the form of tears that were quickly brushed away.
Now they were in California, driving down the infamous Pacific Coast Highway and taking a scenic route aimlessly wandering and enjoying the freedom instead of strict, punched in coordinates.
We were out on a date in his daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
Leonard allowed a soft smile to curve his full lips from the memory and hold Jim's hand just a little bit more.
"Feels nice out," Jim commented off handedly as he leaned closer to the driver's seat and released a wispy yawn, eyes fluttering closed for a moment, purring like a cat.
Bones momentarily laid his head atop Jim's turning quickly to kiss the top of his head before sitting up and swiping a hand over his face, eyes on the road.
"It's dandy." McCoy offered in a quiet tone, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his smile, and voice a deep rumble that was thunderstorms on a heated night.
"I wish I had more time to spend with you." Jim added in a low tone, trying to keep his voice light but he couldn't quite mask the sadness to it.
"We still got a week darlin'," Leonard murmured back.
It was quiet again, but not uncomfortable. It was one of those silences where all the pieces fit and connected making this moment perfect and therefore not needing words.
They just passed a sign saying they were close to some town. Bones took a glance at the gas meter and figured they should stop and fill up, maybe grab a bite to eat. He had to take care of his fiancé.
"Why are you thinking so loud?" Jim asked with a chuckle. Bones shook his head with an eye roll.
"Was thinking about filling yer car up along with grabbin' some food."
"Ah." Jim's eyebrows raised before they fell back into position and he blinked a few times, stretching his lanky limbs with a groan. "I'd also like to get out and walk around someplace, maybe check out a stretch of this beach. Can you believe how long it is Bones?" he made a wide sweeping gesture with his hand, his bright blues childish. Again, nature lost the battle to the blue of Jim's orbs, the stars reflected in them better than a smog infested sky.
"It's…pretty amazing, Jim." Another rare smile spreading onto the CMO's face. Jim smiled back a bit brighter and looked towards the road. Lights in the distance twinkled as they got closer and buildings started to materialize out of thin air. The salt of the sea fading away as the smell of grease traps, and grilling food mixed with gasoline filled the boy's noses.
Because replicated food didn't come close to good old fashion cooking.
Bones searched around for a gas station, finally finding one. Nobody had gas anymore. Practically obsolete, but they were able to fill up Jim's gas guzzling oldie, his pale fingers lightly trailing over the hood before he wrapped his arms around his beau as he pumped the gas gun, leaning back against Kirk. "Hey Stranger" he murmured.
Jim licked at McCoy's ear as he leaned closer, a soft sigh escaping across the side of Leonard's neck. "Can we just stay like this?" Jim asked head lulling to the doctor's right shoulder and his hand rubbing his left flank. "Oh, I wish darlin'," he answered, a hand coming up to scratch at the nape of Jim's neck as the meter dinged and he tossed his credit wafer into the bucket.
Patting Jim's arm and squeezing his hand he turned in his embrace and kissed him once sweetly, lips lingering as he brushed them against his captain's in a shuddering breath. "Let's go eat." He offered. Squeezing Jim's hand again and walking the couple of steps to get into the car as Jim skillfully jumped over the side into the passenger seat.
Bones shaking his head and chuckling, "show off," Jim only grinned in return laying a big wet kiss on his cheek.
After their stomachs and the gas tank was full they headed back out onto the road. Jim's eyes were drifting closed again, the top of the car secured in place as he rested his head towards Leonard's own and curled up on the seat.
Bones blinked his tired eyes and pulled Jim closer with his arm around him and the other on the wheel. He kissed the top of his head as he looked back up, rubbing circles into Jim's arm.
He spotted a hover car, sputtering and at a slight angle as the person drove, the car slowly coming to a halt before the person pressed abruptly on the brake.
There in the road, up straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
Bones kept his eye on it and started to ease up as well when the brake stuck under his foot, "shit!" He cursed trying to get the car to go around the car blocking the road. The high pitched whine the car made not helping.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
Jim jolted awake with a gasp and disoriented, he automatically wanted to hold Leonard but his senses caught on to the fact that something was wrong. He gave Bones both hands to maneuver the antique.
I'll never forget the sound that night
The tires screeched to a halt as Bones spun out and Jim grabbed onto him now, body hurtling forward, hand poised on the seatbelt to unclick it and curl himself around the doctor.
"JIM NO!" The airbag deployed to crash into them both, crushing Jim into Leonard, windshield cracking under the pressure and crashing against the Cliffside rather than the car that was ahead of them.
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
Jim squeezed Bones hand. His body crumpling automatically as his face contorted into one of so much pain, he cried out louder than the doctor had ever heard from any human. It was stuck on repeat, a scratch on the record that made it play over and over in his brain. Jim wrapping himself around Bones…shielding him.
The painful scream that I heard last.
His eyes were squeezed tight as he gripped Jim, trying to form words out but his throat tightening. All was black. His mind scrabbling around the edges trying to get a hold on something.
Anything.
Why wasn't Jim here? Why did he feel so alone? So utterly lost and alone. His chest felt like it would burst. He was twisting and turning and coming up empty. Where was the substance, and more importantly where the Fuck was Jim?
He tried calling out but his throat was so dry, closed up, a vice-like hold on it. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes as he suffocated on words, trying to break free.
He needed to find Jim. Keep him safe too.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took him away from me
He's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Leonard groaned, clutching at his head feeling the pitter patter of drops, splattering his face and clothes. He blinked and clutched Jim closer, hiding his face against the blonde's neck, inhaling sharply.
He could already see the crowd from the hover car surrounding them. The doctor felt Jim's chest heave rapidly. He pulled him up to look at him. The blonde coughed and once again Bones was speechless, cupping Jim's blood splattered face, and kissing the side of it against his temple.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
"Sunshine," he croaked out. Jim let out a low sigh, face grimacing and twisting in pain before smoothing away. Bones looked down and saw the glass that shattered, chunks in Jim's abdomen somehow. Probably when he twisted to cover Bones, blood seeping out of his civilian shirt that was shredded more than a box of wheat.
"J-Jimmy," Bones tried again, gasping on air as Jim groaned quietly and only snuggled closer causing the doctor to bite back a cry. His eyes were already damp. He pulled Jim closer and rubbed his back as Jim coughed again, blinking his bright blues against the blood that had started caking on his face and the rain coming down from the now open top.
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
"Hey," Jim responded quietly, voice rasping as he coughed a bit again. "Your'e safe." he added body slackening just a bit more in relief as his heartbeat pounded painfully slow and full in his chest. Swelling with emotions and pain he'd never felt before.
"You idiot. " Bones choked out as his shoulders shook with a sob and tears fell down across his cheeks. He could tell by Jim's labored breathing and feeling his pulse in his neck as he held his head to his chest that there wasn't much time left.
His brain blocked this out. Jim had to stay, he needed him. "It should be me! I-I dammit Jim! Please, oh please d-don't go. Don't leave me. I need you. Need you so much darlin'. I can't even-" He bit his lower lip and felt the hot tears leaking out despite him trying to hold it all in and be strong.
"It'll be 'kay Bones. You'll be alrigh' thas all tha…matters" he spoke softly voice just as lost and drained as the rest of him.
"Jus-"
"What, babe?" He ran a and through Jim's hair worrying at his lower lips as the blonde raised a shaky hand to wipe away the tears, ring gleaming in the moonlight and cold against the CMO's cheek.
Leonard grasped his hand and kissed the palm as Jim rasped out his name and Bones hefted him closer.
I lifted his head, he looked at me and said
"Hold me darlin' just a little while." Jim asked quietly. With a smirk as he said the pet name that Bones had always called him to show he loved him through thick and thin.
Bones shook his head and pulled Jim closer, Jim was bleeding internally from the impact. But Bones had to be able to fix this. He was a doctor dammit! "Jim, no, I'll save you. I have to. You have to be safe I promised to k-keep you safe."
"Bones, shhhh, it's alrigh jus- promise me you'll live an take care of ery-body"
Bones nodded, although he wasn't sure he could last much longer than Jim.
"Bones? C-can I- C'mere."
Leonard leaned forward and automatically placed his lips against Jim's soft and sweet the blonde trying to kiss back with more fervor. "one more" he breathed. Eyes pricking with tears, slipping down his pale, blood stained cheeks.
The doctor numbly nodded around the lump in his throat and kissed him again, putting everything he'd ever felt for this man in that one kiss.
All those sparks, the same as the first time. He held Jim close, feeling the tears fall freely, Jim trying so hard not to cry and be strong when it should have been the other way around.
Jim's breath was short, Bones didn't want to steal the life from his lungs, but Jim held him there by the back of his head, until he was spluttering. Bones pulled away to still see the fight, the life in Jim's eyes. Anyone else would have been gone by now.
His lips still tingled from the kiss, a caress he'd never feel again.
I held him close, I kissed him our last kiss
"I love you Leonard McCoy." he whispered, his breath sounding wet as he coughed and blood started to seep past his lips.
"I love you so much James Tiberius Kirk." he felt the feeble arms wrap around his neck.
I found the love that I knew I would miss
"I'll be waiting for you." Jim whispered, as the crimson fell down across his chin, Bones wiping it away although it was another never ending stream, his tears falling.
"Please, don't go" McCoy whispered back
"Love you," Jim answered back, his blue eyes drifting closed. "m gonna sleep now" he smiled as his fingers twirled Bones hair at the nape of his neck. And his last breath escaped his lungs.
Bones tugged him closer the full force of it hitting him.
Jim was gone. Never again would he wake up to those beautiful blues. He wish he could have told him everything. Why did Jim have to sacrifice himself for him?
He hid his face against Jim's neck as a painful sob was wrenched from his throat.
But now he's gone, even though I hold him tight
I lost my love, my life that night.
Everything after that was a blur. There were sirens and the bridge crew eventually showed up. Each face falling at the sight, upset in their own ways.
There were funeral plans to be made. And when the time came, they held a small ceremony on the ship before Jim's death was revealed to the rest of the world.
Jim looked like he would wake at any moment as he lied still in his coffin. Bones hoping he would jump up and this was all some kind of cruel joke.
The ring was still on his finger and his blue eyes were shut. The doctor could barely speak at the podium, but this was for Jim and he had to soldier on. This ship needed him.
Afterwards he loosened his tie and found himself in their quarters, holding Jim's pillow to his chest feeling lost like a small child.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took him away from me
What if everything else fell apart after this? Sure Jim told him to stay and take care of the crew, but he couldn't live up to those expectations.
How could he be the same doctor if he couldn't take care of Jim?
He couldn't save him.
His eyes blurred as he reached into the bottom drawer of their dresser, the phaser glinting in the dim light of the room.
Bones bloodshot eyes blinked back more tears, the tired circle darker as he brought the gun to his temple. He closed his eyes and all he could see was Jim. His words resonating again, to take care of his ship and Bones promising that he would. How he said he would be waiting for him.
Someone was rapping on the door but Bones paid no mind. His finger was on the trigger ready to squeeze. It would be so damn easy.
The echoed words of Jim saying he loved him. He squeezed his eyes tighter as the door flew open, and his arm dropped to the floor.
He looked up to see the first officer-turned-captain. His eyes rimmed with green.
Slipping forward into the silent space of the room Bones fell against him. Tears spilling as he gave another painful cry.
"I made a promise," he croaked out. Hoping Spock would understand.
The Vulcan gave a nod and allowed the man to grieve. "I made one as well." He pulled the doctor closer as they rested against the bottom of the couch, the silence interrupted with a sob, tears sipping by,
"I miss him." He added after a while.
"I know, but as you have said. You will see him again. Now is not the best time. The ship requires your services."
Bones nodded as he clasped the wedding ring he was going to give Jim to go along with the engagement ring around his neck on a silver chain.
For now they'd grieve, later they'd get back to work. They had promises to keep.
He's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Oooh~ ooooh~