Four people all sitting in the rear of a wagon, with their hands tied. Prisoners. Three guys. Ralof the stormclock, Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak and some dude named Loki or something.

Ralof was a Stormcloack, so he had one of their awesome blue uniforms on. Ulfric was in fancy clothes and had a gag tied around his mouth. He looked on with sorrow in his deep blue eyes. He looked wise. Loki was wearing rags because he sucked.

One girl was also in the posterior of the wagon. She was even more fair-skinned and delicate than the most beautiful Nord, her skin was icy pale. Her striking black and red locks of hair went down to her waist, and she wore a black lace corset with a black studded leather skirt, and a duster trenchcoat made of black leather, with red trimmed sleeves, and she wore black high heels with red daedric letters on them. She was sitting fast asleep in the wagon. She was the Dragonborn, but no one distinguished that yet so she was just a beautiful girl as far as they knew.

Her eyes opened. She had one purple eye and one green-blue eye, to embody the conflicting desires in her ambiance.

"Hey, you," said Ralof. "You're finally—"

"SHUT UP STUPID STORMCLOAK!" the girl screamed, flailing her head and shoulders around violently, then kicked Ralof in the face so he fell out of the wagon.

"Wow," said Ulfric Stormcloak, "you really are a strong assertive—"

"Shh, you're still gagged." The girl pressed her finger on Ulfric's face.

Ulfric remembered that he had a gag around his mouth, and nodded without saying anything.

"Damn you Stormcloaks," said Loki as he stalked Ralof running after the wagon. "Skyrim was fine until you came along. I could've stolen that horse and been halfway to Hammerfell."

The girl looked off into the remoteness mournfully. She had a mournful sad look on her face. Her eyes mourned her positure.

Ralof was in the wagon again.

"Face your death with some courage, thief," he proclaimed in a ceremonial pitch.

"Shor! Mara! Dibella! Kynareth! Akatoish! Please help me!" Loki sniveled.

"Are you seirous right now," the girl snapped. "Do you have no ignominy? You are a horse thief. Horses are affluent. You probably pilfer sweet rolls from babies too."

"Shut up back there," retorted the carriage driver.

The girl slooooowly turned to look at the back of the carriage driver's head. Her purple and green eyes looked like they were shooting invisible lasers with her mighty vengeful glare.

"What in OBLIVION did you just say? How DARE you talk down to me, you slimy little milk-drinking skeever-licking Imperial moron? I'll have you know I'm a princess and an only child, and I was separated from my twin when I was five years old, and I've been wrongfully impounded by your pathetic cart full of Stormclock clowns—"

Ralof raised a hand. "Hey, we're not—"

"Shut your MOUTH, nobody is talking to you. I've been wrongfully confiscated by your stupid wagon cart, and I'm supposed to be someplace completely different right now, except YOU think it's a good idea to tell an ANCIENT PRINCESS to shut up. Maybe if you took two minutes to grow a brain like a normal person, you'd notice that I DON'T EVEN BELONG HERE, look at me, do I look like a Sormcloak to you, I'm wearing the finest silk leather dresses from my ancient heritage, I don't even know what the Strumcloucks are, anyone with half an inch of a brain could tell that, but nooooooo, you have to tell me to shut up, don't you. So I will. I'll shut up. I'll shut up and wait for you idiots to kill me for no reason. Thanks a lot."

The girl folded her arms and waited. But at this point they were already in Helgan so it didn't matter.

General Tullius was standing outside with some of those stupid elves in the uniforms. An Imperial scribe with a funny voice called out for them to step out of the cart one at a time. The scribe's name was Hadvar, but there wasn't really any way to know that. There was a lady in heavy armor established next to him, as well, and no one knew her name either.

"Don't do anything stupid," the girl said to Loki.

"You're not gonna kill me!" Loki started prancing off down the road, but the archers hit him and his body went flying into a window because of the physics.

Ralof and Jaurl Ulfric erected around with their hands tied. They looked pretty lackluster.

The scribe had a book open. Writing in it, he stopped and then spoke, "Wait. You there. Step forward."

The girl planted her hands on the seat and did a cartwheel out of the wagon even though her hands were tied, to demonstrate that she was not to be philandered with. She glared legendary Daedric daggers at the scribe.

The scribe inquired, "Who… Are you?"

The girl visaged back at him. "My name is High Princess Seralphaeyna, first of my name, and you are?"

Staring at her for a second, the scribe then looked at the officer lady in the heavy armor next to him. "Captain, what do we do? She's not on the list."

The officer lady glared at Seralphaeyna, with an evil twitching smirk on her face, snarling and grinning and showing her beastly fangs as she said, "Forget the list. She goes to the block."

"By your orders, captain," alleged the scribe, with a heavy downtrodden look of sorrow as he regarded at the unintentional girl before him.

The two of them exchanged a look between them. They looked upon one another in them. The scribe spindle, "To the block, prisoner—I mean… Princess. Nice and easy."

Seralphaeyna hankered and glared at the evil torturer captain, before roving off to join the Stormcloak prisoners near the block.

A priestess of Mara was standing there with her arms up like she was holding up an invisible sword horizontal for the gods to pick up. She aforesaid, "As we commend your souls to Aetherius, blessings of the Eight Divines upon you—"

"EXCUSE ME," Seralphaeyna said, "there are NINE Divines, not eight, don't they teach you to count in your temples?"

There was a weird noise in the air, like the wind but sort of scarier. No one knew what it was, so they just kept going.

One of the Stormclouck soliders jumped forward and threw himself down on the execution block, pounding his fists on the ground all excited. "BEHEAD ME!" he screamed.

"OK," the captain said, and then pushed the headsman at the soldier.

The soldier yelled, "COME ON COME ON CHOP MY HEAD OFF I HAVEN'T GOT ALL MORNING YOU GOTTA CHOP MY"

And then the headsman chopped his head off.

"THANK YOU!" the soldier said, and then he died.

The captain turned her gaze up from the body to look straight at Seralphaeyna. She kicked the body out of the way without even beholding. Her mouth slowly twisted into a sadistic grin as she imagined what horrible matters she could do to this girl. "Next," she hissed, "the precious princess."

"I'm an ancient princess, thank you very much," Seralphaeyna reimbursed, but she still walked up to the block.

The noise happened again. It was louder this time. Seralphaeyna ignored it because she was raging silently against the captain and everyone else who'd persecuted her today. She strained her hands helplessly against her bonds, but it was no use. She knelt down in front of the block, and wondered how she'd gotten here.

(flashback begin)

Seralphaeyna was sitting at the kitchen table across from her father. They were looking at each other silently.

"This is boring," her father said.

"Yep," Seralphaeyna said.

(flashback end)

Seralphaeyna knelt in front of the stone chopping block. The captain's bedraggled, extraneous boot pressed on her back and forced her down onto her front. She looked up at the headsman askance.

"Don't mess up my hair, please," she requested.

The headsman shrugged and started to raise his axe, but then, a dragon appeared! A huge black dragon, out of nowhere! It landed on top of the tower behind the headsman and everyone fell over so Seralphaeyna didn't get her head chopped off today.

There was a thunder blast and the sky turned red and fireballs started precipitating down. It was pretty crazy. But Seralphaeyna picked herself up, and her hands were free, because of her hidden ancient magic that helped her in times of danger. She smirked and looked up at the big black dragon. She knew just how to deal with big bad deviances like this one.

The dragon started to flap its big black wings and go up into the air. But it was too late, because Seralphaeyna had prepared her curse. It was… The human curse. She insinuated the secret magic words to herself, raised her hands, and there was a big flash of magic power.

The dragon vanished for a second, and then a human lady in a black dress appeared where it'd been, up in the sky.

"AAAUUUUGHHHH!" the lady screeched as she dropped down from fifty feet in the air, but she was okay when she landed. She just went "oof" and vexed to get back up.

The lady was a big Nord lady. As in she was really big. As in she had some serious curves going on. She had a whole dress thing on her body and Seralphaeyna could tell she had some junk in that trunk. She had pale skin like Seralphaeyna did, and black hair, in big glossy waves with a lot of volume, and designer cherry scarlet red lipstick, but she was also still big. She got up, and looked at herself, and screeched again. "AAAUUUUGHHH—"

By this point everybody was laughing. Ulfric Stormclauck wasn't wearing his gag anymore and he was laughing. General Tullius was laughing too, he was the Imperial Legion leader, he was old and not really pretty but at least he sounded like a real officer. Even the despicable atrocious evil captain was laughing a little. The solider on the ground wasn't laughing because he was dead, but he was probably laughing up in Sovenguard. A dragon had attacked, and now it had gotten transformed into a human girl with big chunky curves.

"NO! YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT ME!" the girl screamed. "I'M ALDUIN! I'M THE WORLD-EATER!"

"Well, you've sure been eating something, with that body," the evil captain entitled back.

In reply, Alduin the girl went over and ate the captain. No one even cared because the captain was a total sadist freak anyway.

"I think you just need to calm down," spoke Seralphaeyna.

Alduin the girl looked at her with evil red human eyes. "You. You did this to me! Turn me back right now!"

Seralphaeyna raised her hands elegiacally and bespoke, "No, I'm serious, I'll calm you down! Here, I'll sing you a song!"

Because of her magical ancient princess powers, and also because she was beautiful and a good singer and she was good at this, Seralphaeyna had the magical wherewithal to calm people with her singing. She took a deep breath and began a ravishing melody.

This time, this place
Misused, mistakes
Too long, too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's—

The Imperial soldiers surrounded Seralphaeyna and drew their swords. One of them said, "You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?"

Seralphaeyna stopped and looked at them enquiringly. "Wait, what crime did I commit?"

"Copyright infringement," the soldier replied.

"THAT WAS THE WORST SONG EVER!" Alduin shrieked, and pointed a finger right at Seralphaeyna. "I'LL HAVE REVENGE ON YOU!"

And then she ran out of Helgan, right through the gates. Everyone watched her go. She was really bouncy.

When they looked back, Seralphaeyna was gone too. Also now Ulfric and Ralof were in their underwear.

Ralof and Hadvar looked at each other. Hadvar said, "So, are you doing anything later?"

Tullius corrugated his arms and scowled. "All right. I'll let you go, this time. But don't be a rebel anymore, or the Empire will encroach you again."

Ulfric shrugged and smiled alkwardly. "Just another day in the life of a true Nord!"

But little did any of them know that the danger had just begun. Dun dun duuuun!

So that's my first chapter! Feedback is always appreciated!

Special thanks to Reenava for the idea of what to turn Alduin into.