Title: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble.
Author: Chaos Rose
E-mail: lady_rosa_chaotica@yahoo.com
Rating: R for language in future chapters.
Category: Humor and only humor.
Summary: Fred and George hand in the wrong lab journal and must now face the consequences – and so must Snape.
Author's Note: I am posting this mostly in hopes that my readers would give me a push in the proper direction with this tale. Since I'm working on a few different stories at once, I may not be able to update as often as I like.
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Double, Double, Toil and Trouble
Chapter One
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Fred and George Weasley - normally the most boisterous and gregarious of the Weasley clan - were dramatically not so on a fine spring morning.
Home from Hogwarts for the Easter holidays, both were pale, jumpy and generally far too quiet. Molly Weasley had poured Pepper-Up potion down their throats, checked their brows for signs of fever and in general done all the things a mother is to do when her children are ailing. Ginny could only say that they seemed to have been suddenly taken ill on the train platform while boarding - but had been keen to get home and would not hear of going back to the school.
The rambling house was quiet with only Ginny and her middle-born boys at home. Bill and Charlie were away in Egypt and Romania - respectively going about their vocations. Percy was most often sleeping in his office and home only on weekends - with his laundry and an appetite. Ron was staying over at Hogwarts with Harry and had owled that Harry ought to be allowed to come to the Burrow for the holidays.
"The only way he could be more family is if his hair went red, Mum. Please talk Dumbledore out of sending him back to those horrid Dursleys!"
Though Molly agreed, Arthur said that Dumbledore had his reasons and though they might ask that Harry be allowed to come, they should not press.
The sun was low in the east when Molly finished her baking, the scents of cinnamon, vanilla and apples rising up the stairs to pull her children and husband from slumber. Ginny was the first one down, her coltish body still clumsy with sleep. Arthur followed, eyes closed and homing in on the table by scent alone.
The boys took some more time to show up, and neither of them looked well rested. Dark blue-grey circles hollowed their eyes, and they were distinctly twitchy. What was even worse, they picked at their food.
Molly was now seriously alarmed. They must be horribly ill!
She stood and moved for the fireplace - intending to call the local witch doctor and asking him to make a house call - when the silence was broken by a thunder of wings.
A large black owl - with a wingspan easily five feet across - clutching a flat, rectangular package in its talons dove through the open window and backwinged to a landing in the middle of the kitchen table. Standing with wings spread to show a white star on its keelbone, the sleek creature mantled and peered about, hooting softly.
"Hullo, Polaris." Ginny greeted the owl with breakfast sausage, "What're you doing so far from home?"
"You know this magnificent creature, Gin?" Arthur offered another sausage and the owl accepted with a demeanor that suggested that the food and admiration were only due. "Whose is he?"
"She, Dad, and Polaris is Professor Snape's owl." Ginny carefully bribed the package away from the owl with another sausage. "And this is for... Fred and George?"
Both Fred and George looked about to heave up as Ginny turned the package to face the other occupants of the room. Across the brown paper in an angular, slashing script was -
From: Prof. S.N. Snape - Master of Potions
Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
To: Messrs. Frederick and George Weasley
The Burrow
Ottery St. Catchpole
Fred actually buried his head in his arms and whimpered. George simply sat as if he'd glimpsed Medusa.
Ginny pulled out her wand out of her robe pocket and gently tapped the precise knots of twine with a muttered, "Solomonica." The wrapping unfolded in neat creases, revealing a blue-covered book. Something suspiciously like a sob came from Fred's folded arms, along with a babbled string of words along the lines of 'drawn and quartered' and 'fed to the squid.'
George reached for the book as if it was likely to turn into a dementor at any second - his reach was intercepted by that of his mother, who finally had an inking about what all this was about. "Is this about your marks? Are you failing Potions?"
"Professor Snape asked for our laboratory journals at the end of term, Mum," Ginny offered. "He was going to grade them and give them back after the break."
"Why would he send it back so early, though?" Arthur peered over Molly's shoulder, "Severus is very methodical and I can't see him sending this back so soon."
Molly opened the cover and a pair of envelopes fluttered to the tabletop. One was thick cream-colored paper, addressed to 'Master and Mistress Arthur Weasley.' The other was a crimson parchment sealed with a blob of garnet wax that resembled a blood clot and was addressed simply to 'You Two.'
It lay on the table smoking slightly, and occasionally spit sparks. Arthur looked grim as he broke the seal on the white envelope, Molly furious as she clutched the journal in a white-knuckled grip.
"Best to get it over with. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if you were to ignore this one,"
Ginny said, buttering a muffin. "You know what a temper he has."
With the air of the condemned, George broke the seal on the envelope - which was now leaking flames - and it rose into the air, levitating on the sheer fury of the author. Snape's voice roared at one hundred times normal volume, rattling the plates and startling the ghoul in the attic to respectful silence.
"IN ALL MY YEARS OF TEACHING --- GOOD LORD, IS THIS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING WITH YOUR TIME --- AN INSULT --- AN OUTRAGE --- IF YOU CAN MANAGE THIS YOU CAN MANAGE A LOT MORE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN SCRAPING BY ON --- SHOULD SET AN EXAMPLE FOR YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS --- NEVER HAD THIS KIND OF TROUBLE WITH WILLIAM, CHARLES OR PERCIVAL --- LAZY --- DISRESPECTFUL --- DILATORY --- POSTER CHILDREN FOR CORPORAL PUNISHMENT --- DETENTION UNTIL YOU'RE THIRTY --- OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED --- HUNG AGAINST A DUNGEON WALL BY YOUR TOES --- A MAJOR COURSE REVISION --- HEADMASTER DUMBLEDORE, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL --- WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU PASS YOUR NEWTS WITH THE MARKS WHICH YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY CAPABLE OF ATTAINING IF I HAVE TO GRIND YOU TO POWDER TO DO IT AND THAT IS FINAL!"
The envelope exploded in purple flames so hot that there was not even ash left, leaving only ringing silence in its wake.
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TBC