Rise and Fall
[The curse and the blessing, they're one and the same
Baby it's all such a treacherous game.]
Oh no. Please. Turn away. Hide yourself from me, for me. You can't let me see you
Potter, you know that. What are you doing? Disappear, *please*. You know where we stand,
what's going on. You know it's out of my hands - our hands. Please. Please don't look at
me like that. I can't breathe. I can't. Why are you doing this? I don't understand.
I can't fight you. I'm trying so hard. You know what I could do. I should have done it already, but I can't move. I can't fight your eyes. That look, penetrating me, weakening me. Please stop looking. Potter, if you knew what I knew. Surely you must know how right it would be for me to squeeze your throat of life. I could right now. Why do you come closer? You need to run. Away, far away from me. Stop coming closer damn it. Your eyes. They insist that I reach out my hand. Touch you, gentle, tender. Stroke your smooth neck. I could dig my nails in, block your air. Choke you, kill you. So easily. It's so hard for you to die, isn't it? So many failed attempts. How easily I could do it now. So many people want you dead Potter. Dead, free of rushing blood, gasping breaths, pulsing veins. The vein on your silky neck. I want you. Not dead, not tortured and in pain. Just wanting. You can see through me can't you?
Why are you here? Do you want to die? Straight into the hands of the enemy. Long slender fingers. My fingers, my hands. You're so close now. Breath on my face. So confident, so sure. No fear; of death, of lust, of me. You've made it from the other side of the room, through the crowds, through the sea of eyes. Now that you're here what will you do? What will I do? My hands refuse to move to my wand, to your throat. You can see the fight in my eyes, hot and cold. But you don't react. You just stand here. So close. Please.
Why now? Why all of a sudden? This moment. This night, the night before. I have a plan swimming in my head Potter. If you knew. A horrid plan of attack. On you, your side. Tomorrow I'll be up, I'll be killing. What will you do? Enemies we are Potter, mortal enemies. No petty jealousy and loathing like at school, so long ago now. Stop breathing on my neck. I can't think, I can't fight you when you do that. No don't stop, I'm cold and I need your heat.
We should have given in at school Potter. Nothing mattered back then. No lives, no dark plans. It's been building inside you, hasn't it? Just like in me. Volatile, dangerous. Why did we ever hide it, suppress it? It only ever got worse, stronger, alight and burning. Like your eyes now. We could have let it go at school. Given in, got it over with. I could kill you now if it was out of my system. No unfinished business, no regrets.
This can't happen Potter. I should kill you. But my threats are empty, I know. Maybe you know too. I'm weak, you've won again. You were always under my skin, getting to me, affecting me in a way no one has ever come close to matching. Always in my head, in my life. We've had so many clashes. Together we were explosive, hazardous, a dangerous combination. We still are. You're burning me Potter.
My senses are alive. Your breath on my lips. So close. Fingers along my jaw, snaking around the back of my neck. Touch stinging, wonderful. Let me breathe. Release is thick and struggling, stale air caught in my chest, filling it, tightening it until it's painful. We're in a crowded bar Potter. You know there are spies everywhere. You really want to die don't you?
Oh God, kiss me. I can't kill you, I can't hurt you. I can kiss you. I can battle with your tongue. I can rip you to pieces, your heart, your soul. Make you bleed beneath my body. You know they'll kill me. A traitor, the worst kind. Sleeping with the enemy. Eyes are on us Potter, many eyes.
I feel your lips, so long to come. Wet, hot, so soft. Tongue of fire, passion and roughness. I grab at your hair, I want to rip it from your head. Bruising lips, I want to make them bleed. I want my mouth to devour you, block your air, suffocate you to death. In my arms.
Too much. Too much. You're so hot, intense. It's radiating from you. Pressed against you it burns me, fingers burn me, lips burn me. You're setting me on fire, do you realise? Every turn of your body, every rib, every muscle. I'm trapped so tightly against you. This is dangerous, too much. Something this good can't last. I hear you moan. Damn you Potter. I feel you. You're turned on, like me. Let me breathe. I could kill you Potter, don't you know? Squeeze you so tight. Oh and I could almost lose it right here. You're rubbing against me. Don't stop. I don't care about those eyes now. Make me feel.
I feel like I'm dying. Burning and suffocating under your kisses, your touch, your breath. Your body, I never imagined it to feel so amazing and agonising all at the same time. Agony. It's pounding in my head, the room fading away. Thick haze, blocking your kisses, touches. Pull me back, I need to feel them, feel you. You're killing me Potter, I can't breathe.
Maybe it's not just an illusion. This is all too real. Maybe I am dying. It shouldn't be me, it should be you. No, no. This is wrong. How? Please. Please pull me back. I can't breathe. Let me breathe.
~Sarvi 6/2/01.
Lyrics to Indigo Girls, 'Fugitive'.
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