Title: The Anatomy of a Relationship
Author: Page of Cups
Pairing: Cloud Strife/Riku
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: T
Theme: #02 - News;Letters
Disclaimer: Kingdom Heart totally doesn't belong to poor little ole me. It belongs to a bunch of rich people at Disney and Square Enix. Being as poor as I am, I am not affiliated with the rich people at either of these companies. I'm not even worthy to clean their toilets. So there.
Warning: So sweet it might hurt.
Once upon a time there was a moody boy named Riku. Riku hated relationships. He hated everything about them. Hate is a very strong word, but it was appropriate, because Riku also loathed, detested, and abhorred relationships. When he expressed this hatred, Sora looked baffled and a little concerned as he cocked his head to the side and worried his lower lip between his teeth. Kairi gave him a knowing look, nodded, and said "Okay, Riku," and then offered a small smile. It grated on Riku's nerves because it seemed that Kairi thought maybe Riku was lonely or jealous, and that simply wasn't it. He just hated relationships.
This hatred seemed perfectly natural to Riku. He was a solitary person, after all. He liked time to himself, and he had to make time for his friends already. He simply couldn't be bothered with making time for another person as well. Riku wasn't exactly a touchy-feely kind of person, which made physical affection something he liked to avoid at all costs. Hugs and kisses made him feel more awkward than anything, so he couldn't fathom why he'd want someone in his life where these things were not only expected, but obligatory. Those cutesy voices people got grated on his nerves. He wasn't one for talking or expressing his emotions. That was just the start.
Since the whole Kingdom Hearts charade and returning to Destiny Islands after spending months looking like Ansem, or Xehanort's Heartless, or whoever, Riku was even less up for talking. He had more things to think about and dwell on than ever. He was completely broken, alone, and a mess for such a long time that he couldn't imagine sharing himself or his feelings with even Sora or Kairi. Riku was only seventeen. He needed to grow up and find himself or something, and he was under the impression that relationships were impossible in a such a state. After all, if you don't really know yourself, and don't really like yourself, you can never make a relationship work. So even if he was lonely or jealous or something and he did want a relationship, it just wasn't a possibility at the moment.
To put the icing on the cake, Riku was gay. He'd known his entire life, never really questioning it, and he wasn't up for the challenge of finding another gay guy to have a relationship with. Girls were easy, because girls were supposed to like boys, but boys weren't typically supposed to like other boys. It wasn't like Riku had never crossed paths with another gay guy before, but they were either very effeminate or animated or just so obviously gay that Riku could never imagine dating them.
Maybe Riku would have even been slightly optimistic if they could still travel the worlds, but that was no longer a possibility. When Sora and Riku defeated Xemnas and returned home, the worlds were closed off again like they should be. A letter came from King Mickey in a bottle only days after the return to Destiny Islands to confirm this fate. Pickings on Destiny Islands were slim, and now that the worlds were closed off . . . Not that Riku had any hope, because he really did hate relationships. It just meant that any hope for hope was diminished.
Riku glanced across the small, cluttered bedroom to where Sora was laying flopped on his bed, kicking his feet in the air like a small child, telephone in hand.
"No," said Sora. "I love you, more!"
There was that, too. Relationships made otherwise normal, sane people demented and crazy, reduced to fighting over who loved whom more and who should hang up first. They tended to do this in that aforementioned disgusting, cutesy voice. Please excuse Riku while he vomits in his mouth.
"No . . . Kairi! You hang up first . . . No, you!"
Riku snatched the phone out of Sora's hand and ended the call.
"Hey!" said Sora. "Whaddya do that for?"
"Now neither one of you had to hang up first," said Riku. He shrugged and tossed the phone on the bed. "Am I helping you with your homework or what?"
"Yeah, just hold on. I gotta call Kairi back and explain."
Riku sighed, dragged a weary hand across his face, and collapsed into a chair by the window. He glanced through the glass at the wind sweeping high above the beach through paopu tree branches. This should only take another forty-five minutes.
Riku really hated relationships.
-----0-----
It was two weeks later when the second letter from the king arrived. There was another villain out to take over Kingdom Hearts and Mickey requested Sora and Riku take up the Keyblades again. An invitation was extended to Kairi as well.
Sora seemed excited. His eyes lit up as he ran around his bedroom packing things, talking at great length about tomorrow when Donald and Goofy would arrive to pick up the three friends on the Gummi ship.
Kairi was apprehensive, but Riku could easily see the adoring way she smiled at Sora's glee. She was careful with her words in expressing her hesitation, but Sora was quick to ease her fears. He promised they would still visit Destiny Islands; they would come back when finished, and that this time they wouldn't just run off without the proper goodbyes. The fear in Kairi's eyes eased a little. She said she understood Sora had a duty to fulfill and would follow him as long as he asked her to.
Honestly, the whole display made Riku queasy. This was part of why he hated relationships, too. Kairi didn't really want to go. She liked Destiny Islands, but Sora was going, so she was going to go, too? There was no way Sora would ever settle, even if he did pass on the Keyblade one day. He had too many friends on the other worlds, and if he had a chance to, he'd frequently go and visit them all. Sure, he might want to live on Destiny Islands, but that didn't mean he would want to visit other worlds all the time. Would he not do that for Kairi? Where was the logic in that? It made no sense.
Riku was relieved to be leaving the Islands. Close confines with all these people whose biggest concern these days was whether or not Riku had found a nice boy to settle down with yet was driving him crazy. He was only seventeen! At the same time, however . . .
"Where are we supposed to be going?" said Riku.
"Well, the King said Donald and Goofy would tell us everything we need to know tomorrow, but I was thinking we should start at Radiant Garden. If there's anything really weird going on, someone there should know about it."
Riku nodded. Radiant Garden, wherever that was, sounded just fine.
-----0-----
It would have helped, however, had Sora remembered to mention that Radiant Garden was Hollow Bastion.
"I don't know. I guess I thought you knew," was the only explanation Sora offered two days later when they walked off the Gummi ship and Riku cornered him about this.
"This is where . . ." said Kairi, trailing off. "Are you going to be okay?"
Riku took a deep breath and tried to quell the bile rising in his throat, push away the anxiety pulling taut over his chest.
Oh, yeah. In all that complaining about relationships, Riku may have forgotten to mention he was in one once. You know, during the whole Kingdom Hearts charade. It was also a relationship that hadn't exactly ended, but he had looked like Ansem or Xehanort's Heartless or something the last time they'd seen each other and then Riku went home (also known as 'dropped off the face of the planet'). It had been hard, but just because Riku didn't want to date anyone else as he'd been in love with the boyfriend, he didn't exactly want to face him after everything, either. What was he supposed to say, anyway? It wasn't like Riku ever thought he'd see him again, but considering that boyfriend was from Hollow Bastion (or Radiant Garden, apparently) there went that theory.
Just another reason to hate relationships. They complicated everything. If they had just been friends, the potential reunion about to occur would be so less awkward. It might even be nice, but no, he just had to get in a relationship. Riku shook his head.
"It's not that. Just . . . Why are we here, again?"
Sora frowned. He was cocking his head and worrying his lip again.
"I just thought we would check in with my friends. I figured they might have heard something . . . You sure you're going to be okay?"
Riku offered a quick nod.
Sora's friends turned out to be Cid, Leon, Yuffie, Aerith, and Merlin. Incidentally (save Merlin) and to Riku's dismay—though, really, he'd been expecting it—they also happened to be Cloud's (i.e. boyfriend's) friends since childhood. Sora and Kairi might not have gotten the meaning behind the looks all four gave him when Sora offered the introduction, but as soon as the words, "And this is Riku," left Sora's lips Riku knew. He knew they knew. They had to know if the smirking 'I know who fucked you' look was any indication, anyway.
"We had a feeling you'd show up here," said Leon. At least Riku thought it had to be Leon judging by the scar slashed across his face.
"The King sent us a letter to let us know you'd probably be by," said Aerith.
"It's a good thing, too. Gave us enough time to get Cloud off that damn beach and back here before you arrived."
"Why did you want Cloud here before we arrived?" said Sora.
Leon actually raised his eyebrows and exchanged looks with Aerith.
"You didn't tell him?" said Leon. This time he was addressing Riku.
Riku didn't get a chance to answer, though, because that was the moment when Yuffie couldn't contain herself any longer. She stepped right up into Riku's face and squealed.
"He was so right! You are so pretty! Can I touch your hair?"
"I don't know," said Cid. "Kinda reminds me of Sephiroth."
"Just because Sephiroth was a psycho doesn't mean he wasn't pretty, too."
"Leave the kid alone," said Leon.
"But look at his eyes!" said Yuffie.
Riku cleared his throat.
"Was?" said Riku.
"I don't get it. Who said Riku was pretty?" said Sora. "What didn't he . . . What didn't you tell me?"
"One question at a time," said Leon.
"Okay," said Sora. "What's going on? Riku?"
Riku squinted and took a step back from Yuffie. Leon gripped her by the shoulder and forced her into a chair. Riku took a deep breath and brought a hand to his eyes.
"I didn't tell you that while I was working for Maleficent . . . While you were sleeping . . . While I was helping you with Organization XIII . . . Cloud . . . Cloud was my boyfriend."
Sora cocked his head to the other side. His frown deepened. The tension would have been thick but after several moments of silence Kairi sputtered and then broke into a full laugh.
"No wonder you're so pissed off about relationships!" she said, howling. "Oh, it makes so much more sense now!"
"I'm glad you think it's funny."
"It's hysterical!"
"I don't get it," said Sora.
"What's there not to get. We went home, the worlds closed off, and Riku thought he was never going to see his boyfriend again so he got all moody about everyone else's relationships instead of getting moody about his. It makes so much sense."
Sora frowned for a few seconds, and then he stomped his foot.
"Is that why you keep hanging up on Kairi for me?!"
Kairi howled. Riku buried his face in his palm.
"Not exactly. I was just . . . depressed . . . and . . ."
"Thank Shiva," said Cid. "I was hoping so."
"I know," said Leon. "Me too."
"You were hoping what?" said Sora.
"That Riku would be depressed."
"You were hoping I'd be depressed?" said Riku. "What kind of people are you?"
"They don't mean it like that," said Aerith. "It's just . . ."
"It's just that if Cloud goes back to the beach one more time, I'm getting him locked up."
"What beach?" said Riku.
"Costa del Sol," said Yuffie. "It's on Gaea—where he was in SOLDIER. Every time Cloud really starts missing you, he goes to Costa del Sol."
"We think the beach reminds him of you," said Aerith.
Riku tried not to smile. He really did. Sora, however, scrunched up his face.
"That's so weird. I mean . . . no offense, but . . . Cloud's kind of . . . Well, I don't think he smiles ever, and . . . I mean . . . Really? You dated Cloud?"
Kairi patted his shoulder.
"That's Sora's way of saying he's happy for you."
"No! I mean, I am! But Cloud's so unhappy all the time."
Riku snorted.
"And I'm not?"
"No. You're fun. Cloud's . . . All he ever talks about is defeating Sephiroth. And he's not interested in anything that happens to anyone or anything else."
Riku smiled.
"That's Cloud's way of saying he wishes he didn't care because the possibility of something bad happening kills him inside. At least he knows what to expect with Sephiroth."
"Man. Kid really does know Cloud," said Cid.
Riku knew the comment shouldn't have made him feel so light inside, but since stepping inside here with the people who knew Cloud best some of the anxiety had dissipated and now . . .
"Oh!" said Riku. "Wait. What about Sephiroth was a psycho? Yuffie said . . ."
"He's gone for good," said Aerith. "He finished it."
"He found his light."
Aerith nodded.
"That's great and everything, but really?" said Sora. "You dated Cloud?"
Aerith laughed. Kairi smacked him over the head.
"Technically its 'dating Cloud,'" said Leon. "They never broke up, and he's still waiting for you. Believe me."
"I've never seen him come back to Radiant Garden so fast," muttered Yuffie.
"So . . ." said Sora. He bit his lip and his eyes rolled toward the ceiling. "So . . . you don't really hate relationships?"
Riku sighed.
"I do. Sort of . . ."
"Since when do you hate relationships?" All eyes turned toward the door of Merlin's house. The breath caught in Riku's throat. Cloud frowned. "I thought you were all about that cheesy, romantic stuff. Forced me into enough of it."
"Cloud . . ."
"I should've told Sora about us. Would've saved me a lot of trouble."
"No . . . I don't . . . I just . . ."
"He missed you!" said Yuffie.
She clapped her hands together and giggled. Cloud rolled his eyes. Kairi took the opportunity to slide into a chair next to Riku and grip his arm.
"Oh my God, he is gorgeous," she whispered.
Riku grinned.
"I know."
"Uh . . . Hi, Cloud," said Sora. "We were just not talking about you."
"Yuffie told Riku about Costa del Sol," said Leon.
"Leon started it!"
"Why would I tell Riku about Costa del Sol?"
"I don't know, but now you're trying to get me into trouble! No one gets the great ninja Yuffie into trouble and gets away with it."
Yuffie was up and out of her chair. She chased Leon around Merlin's house twice before he bolted past Cloud out the still-open door. Yuffie ran out behind him. Cloud stared at the vacated doorway for a few seconds before closing the door and bolting it. He looked to Aerith.
"Do I want to know?"
She smiled.
"Probably not."
Cloud nodded and took a seat in the chair Yuffie abandoned. He looked from Sora to Kairi, and then his eyes rested on Riku.
"So . . . you're you again."
Riku nodded. He licked his lips.
"I heard you defeated Sephiroth for good."
"Yeah. So what's the deal with you hating relationships."
Kairi snickered. Riku scowled.
"I . . . I didn't think I was going to see you again."
Cloud nodded.
"Mmm . . . yeah. I didn't think I was going to see you again, either, at first."
"At first?"
"Eventually I realized Sora was bound to be called on to save the worlds from another evil force, and when that happened . . ."
Riku smiled.
"What? You think I follow Sora everywhere he goes?"
"Absolutely not. I think Sora's a smart kid and wouldn't leave you out of his sight for a good long while after everything you messed up."
Riku raised his eyebrows and smirked. He turned.
"I get it now. Is that true, Sora? You only want to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't mess anything up again? Is that why you always want me around now?"
Sora gaped.
"What? No! I never said that! You're my friend! I don't want to lose you again! I . . ."
"He was kidding, Sora," said Kairi. She returned to his side, gave him a peck on the cheek, and ruffled his hair. "He was just messing with you."
"That was mean!"
Riku chuckled as Kairi's soft voice whispered to Sora about something. He was aware of Cid pretending to not watch them from the computer terminal and Aerith not even bothering to pretend as she stood at his side. Riku swallowed.
"What now?"
Cloud sighed.
"I guess now we can be together, right? You're here, and if we weren't supposed to happen, I don't think you would be."
"I have to leave again to help Sora, though. I can't stay. And what happens when it's over? I'll go back to Destiny Islands again and we'll be where we were before."
"Maybe he can come with," said Kairi. She nodded to Sora. "Right, Sora? I mean, I'm coming with, and I'm not even fighting. At least Cloud could help out, right?"
"Uh . . ." said Sora, jaw slack. "Yeah. I mean . . . Unless you're needed here . . ."
Cloud glanced to Aerith.
"If I couldn't come back again . . ." said Cloud.
"We'd understand," said Aerith. "At least we'd know you were happy."
Cloud looked to Riku. Riku swallowed.
"I have to confess I don't want to let you out of my sight, either."
Riku nodded.
"I don't really want you to, but your friends are here. They're the only family you have."
"Besides you, you mean?"
"I'm your family?"
"You're as good as. I don't want to not come back, but if I can't at least I'd still have you."
"But if you couldn't have me, you'd still have them."
"Riku, I love my friends in a lot of different ways, but I think I love you in just about every way there is to love someone," said Cloud. Riku tried to ignore the soft cooing sound Kairi and Aerith both made as they glanced at each other. Cloud dropped his head and smiled. Sora didn't try to soften his gasp ("Omigod, Kairi, he smiled!"). "Riku . . . I want to be with you."
"I want to be with you, too."
And that was how Cloud ended up traveling the worlds with Sora, Riku, and Kairi. In a way, Riku still hated relationships. If it weren't for their relationship, after all, Riku would endure a lot less teasing from Sora and Kairi. He felt bad about the sacrifices Cloud made for his benefit. Riku opened up when ordinarily he would've kept it to himself. He didn't mind the physical contact when Cloud's hand brushed his or at night, pinned beneath the other man.
Riku wasn't sure what it was about relationships that made people do things they would otherwise never consider, but even now that he was in one again and wasn't lonely or jealous (both words Kairi really liked to use when referring to his abhorrence of all things romantic while still on the Islands) he still couldn't deconstruct the anatomy of a relationship.
Cloud brushed a piece of Riku's hair out of his eyes.
"You really should get this cut."
"I like it long."
Cloud smiled. He leaned forward to catch Riku in a kiss.
"I love you," he half-whispered. The flesh of his lips brushed against Riku's as he spoke. "More than anything."
"I love you more."
Sora and Kairi snickered.
I know. I know. Where have you been? Did you abandon 100 Steps to Somewhere? It's been a month!
I know. I know.
I've been sick. On and off. For an effing month. I've stopped puking and can sit long enough to be on a computer for several hours, so yeah...I'm good now. Still get a headache pretty frequently, but hey...
I don't know when I'll get to 100 Steps to Somewhere. Soon, I hope. I'd like to get 65 done by it's one-year anniversary.
The companion to this story is Just This. This isn't really a sequel; they're just in the same universe.
Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think if you feel so inclined.