The breaking point had been Ruffnut's libidinous comment.
"Hiccup is looking damn fine in those pants."
"What are you talking about?"
The two girls had been carrying buckets of feed past the back entrance of the forge. Hiccup was leaning over into the window, taking an order from the elderly Viking that was rambling his demands. Astrid noticed Hiccup's weight shift from his one good foot to his metal foot; he had obviously been standing there a while. She frowned. She knew his leg tired easily. Even now, two years after the accident and Hiccup was still haunted by phantom pains and aches. Still, he had that charming crooked smile on his face as his hands—delicate yet strong, scribbled something down.
She supposed the sight of him so relaxed was, pleasing.
"Are you blind? Check it out."
It was then that she realized that Hiccup's position gave the girls a perfect view of the curve of his rear.
Astrid turned away, "You're ridiculous."
"And you're jealous."
"I am not!"
"Please," Ruffnut cackled as she positioned her bucket up on top of her head, balancing it, thrusting her arms out to the side. "You had him when he was a fishbone and you dumped him. You're just mad that you can't have him now when he's a hunk."
"That's not-" Astrid paused. She dumped him? Is that what everyone thought?
Fuming, Astrid quickly started off on another, mundane topic, all while remembering the moment she had determined that Hiccup was not interested.
It wasn't Hiccup's almost overnight growth spurt that caught Astrid's attention: it was his budding confidence. Sure, she had kissed him, not once but twice…but that spontaneity had fizzled out over time. She couldn't understand it either. The boy had once been stricken senseless by her presence—as much as he tried to hide it—but now he sailed into conversations with her, with anyone, with ease. Had his feelings been extinguished, right as hers were sparking to life? She hadn't been pleased about it, but she had gone along with it. They were young and had their whole lives ahead of them, plenty of time to figure out what it was they wanted. Besides, every time Astrid even attempted a conversation about feelings, Hiccup would begin an endless ramble of stammers before switching to even the most mundane topic. She wasn't dumb, she took the hint and backed off.
Astrid was not used to rejection, especially not when it came to something she wanted.
And she wanted Hiccup Haddock.
Damn the gods.
Well, at least she was able to continue their friendship. Hiccup, for all his early troubles, was an easy person to get along with. He had his quirks sure, like how he would deviate into another topic into the middle of a sentence, or fiddle with something in his hands while speaking to him…but he listened. No one else on this island seemed to listen—no one human at least. Stormfly was a great dragon to vent to, but she couldn't offer advice. She couldn't comfort her with words. Astrid had to seek out Stormfly for the physical contact she craved from Hiccup. Wings instead of arms around her. A nip of a dragon mouth instead of sweet kisses.
It just wasn't fair.
They were lingering in this murky purgatory and Astrid wanted, no, needed out.
If he wanted Ruffnut, fine. He could have Ruffnut or anyone else he wanted really. He was his own person. But she needed answers. Was she the one he wanted or had it all been a mirage?
That was what led her to the forge later that evening. The remainder of the village had settled up at the Hall for supper, with a few Vikings heading out on patrol. The light was on at the forge, and Astrid could see the red fin of Toothless's tail sticking out of the stall. Where Toothless was, Hiccup was.
The Night Fury leaped up when he saw her, practically tackling her to the ground.
"Toothless! What's gotten into-" Hiccup paused, noticing Astrid in the doorway. "Oh hey!"
"Hey yourself," she said with a smile, one that felt ill-fitting and plastic on her face.
"Your dad just came by a little while ago, said that his saddle needed adjusting. Something about the straps slipping-"
"Oh, well…Dad likes spoiling Fodor…which means extra fish…which means…"
"Ahh…that's what he meant," Hiccup grinned, "Fat dragon saddle extenders it is."
Astrid hummed in amusement, her fingers running along the edge of Hiccup's cluttered workbench. Despite all of the extensions added to the forge, Hiccup's workplace remained tiny, tucked away in the corner. It was almost as if he hadn't moved a thing in the past two years. Before training dragons, there had been designs for fantastical weapons and defenses, but now the wall was littered with sketches of Toothless. Toothless awake. Toothless asleep. Toothless from all sides. Toothless in flight.
There was one drawing, however, that Astrid paid particular attention to.
"What is this?" she pointed, a blonde eyebrow raised.
Hiccup turned, his lips pursed in confusion before his eyes widened.
"That? Oh…just an idea for the …um…flight suit-"
"A what-?"
"A flight suit for, you know, flying solo—OW!"
Astrid has successfully hurled a pencil against Hiccup's head.
"What was that for?"
"Flying solo? Hiccup are you crazy!?"
"Hear me out, okay? I've been studying Toothless, studying his wings and the aerodynamic principles, and I think I figured out a way to incorporate that into a human flight suit. All I need is to get the wings right and do a few field tests before I can add onto it—HEY!"
This time it was a tiny ball bearing to the chest.
"You are going to get yourself killed!"
"Toothless will be right there with me-"
"If Toothless can catch you in time…no offense buddy."
Toothless warbled as if he agreed with Astrid. Hiccup frowned.
"Look I know this will work, and hey, if it does then I can make suits for all of us."
"All of us?"
"Yeah! All of the dragon riders: you, me, Snotlout-"
"Ruffnut?" Astrid asked.
"Well yeah, and Tuffnut and Fish…"
Astrid sighed; she was getting nowhere. She was beginning to feel like how Hiccup must have felt whenever she used to come into the room: wanted to say everything yet say nothing at all out of fear of making a fool of herself.
I don't need him, she reminded herself, and I don't need a boyfriend—
But need and want are two different words, two different possibilities.
All of a sudden, she began to laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing, nothing," Astrid couldn't stop. She was hysterical. "Just that, I think Ruffnut likes you."
Hiccup blinked, once, twice. "Ruff? Really?"
"Yeah, she said you're, and I quote, a hunk."
A crimson flush spread across Hiccup's cheeks and up to his ears. His freckles nearly disappeared against the color: "That's…new…"
Astrid sat on the edge of the counter, swinging her legs in agitation.
"So what do you think? Are you going to ask her out?"
"I…I don't know? I mean…Ruff's nice enough, I guess…I never see her without Tuffnut though…" He reached into his apron pocket and pulled out a tiny gear, fidgeting with it frantically. He turned around, though Astrid could still hear him muttering.
"So is that a yes or a no?"
"What, are you her messenger or something?" Panic filled his voice, "Is this a prank-"
"What? No Hiccup, I'm just relaying what she told me."
"Okay then…do you think I should ask her out?"
"What do you think?"
Hiccup turned back around, his brows dangerously low in a glare, his mouth in a scowl. It was a rare expression for him, one normally reserved for enemies, or Snotlout.
"Either you say what you actually want to say, or leave."
"Hiccup-"
"No, I'm tired of everyone dancing around what they really want to tell me. They had no problem doing it two years ago, but now that I'm 'The Pride of Berk,' everyone tiptoes around me…you especially."
"What?"
Toothless encircled Hiccup, forming a calming, protective barrier. Hiccup's fingers stroked Toothless's head mindlessly.
"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I'm used to knowing exactly what people think, I had all those years of practice. It's…weird that no one is that straightforward now. It's like they think I'm going to," he paused, exhaling, "going to break or something."
Astrid joined him with a sigh.
"I've tried that before-"
"Breaking me? Yeah, I know-"
"No…telling you exactly what I think."
"About what?"
His eyes rose to meet hers. Astrid felt as though she had been struck by a bolt of Skrill lightning.
It was now or never.
"About where we are, where we stand…about us."
"I…us? I mean…yeah there's you and there's me…and all of us here on Berk-"
"Forget it," Astrid jumped down off the counter, shaking her head. "I'll see you later."
"Astrid? Wait, Astrid!"
A warm roughness filled her hand: Hiccup had reached for her, had grabbed ahold of her fingers. Astrid had to restrain her shiver, but could not prevent herself from relaxing her shoulders, from turning her body slowly, so painfully slowly, back to face him.
He dropped her hand as if it were poison, and ran his fingers through his hair: "Sorry."
Astrid nodded, rubbing her goose-bumped arms despite the heat of the forge.
"I'll be quiet," Hiccup muttered softly.
Astrid couldn't help but smirk: "That's a first."
"I mean it," Hiccup's smile emerged, "Whatever you need to say, I'll…I'll listen. I promise."
He sat down on his stool, leaning an elbow on his leg, palm cupping his chin.
Thor damn it he was adorable. Astrid didn't know where to start.
"You've changed," she began bluntly, "You're different…you don't act the same way around me and it's weird."
"Different how?"
"Hey, you said you were going to be quiet!"
"I'm just asking for some clarification!" Hiccup raised his hands in mock surrender.
Astrid rolled her head on her shoulders, "You used to be all flustered and tripping over your words like uh, 'hi Astrid, hi Astrid, hey, hi, hi Astrid…' gods I wanted to smack you just so you would get to the point."
"Glad I don't do that anymore then…"
"And it's almost like your face melted…like you got this goofy grin on your face and these wide eyes…you would do the thing with your hands more…a lot more. Now you're all straight and rigid…and you just, I don't know…it's different."
"Astrid-"
"I knew, I knew you had a crush on me back then. Gods it was so obvious…okay maybe not at the time, but looking back on it, I mean it was so clear…but now…" she sighed, her words becoming lost to the quiet humming of the night. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Huh?"
"Did I do something to make you not like me anymore?"
"How can you say that Astrid? You're one of my best friends."
Toothless snorted.
"I said one of, Toothless."
Astrid shrugged her shoulders, "You're my best friend too…which is why this is so awkward to say. I guess I just thought…I mean, I just don't know why…why you-"
"Stopped being Hiccup?"
She blinked, her mouth a tiny O.
"Yeah…yeah that."
Hiccup sighed, fingers drumming his knee before he patted it once, twice. He stood up, facing Astrid, only to turn away as his words began. "I think it's because I figured I didn't have a chance with you."
"What?"
"Before the nest, before Toothless…I was so desperate, Astrid. I just wanted you to notice me. I was delirious on the chance to prove myself that I tried everything in the book, hence," he gestured to Toothless, who cocked his head in reply. "Then with training, you hated me-"
"I didn't hate-"
"Ohh I'm pretty sure you did, actually I'm definitely sure you did."
"I hated how good you were."
"They were pretty synonymous at the time…anyway, then everything happened…and for a while it was great. We had dragons, my dad was happy, and I had you…or I thought I did."
She reached for him, "Of course you did. Hiccup-"
He pulled back, "But nothing happened. Two kisses, which were great, believe me, no complaints there. But then it stopped, and one day I woke up and realized that maybe that's it: there's nothing else I could do. Taking down a dragon queen, saving the village, making peace with dragons…that if that wasn't enough to impress you then nothing was. So I just…quit."
"You…quit?"
"You didn't seem interested, and I finally stopped being stupid thinking I could convince you to like me…so…yeah."
Astrid didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Hiccup, I tried to talk to you about our status, remember? You went on and on about tailfins and feeding stations and developing a toothbrush for a dragon. You seemed to want to talk about everything but us."
"Because I was scared!"
"And now I'm confused."
"I thought it was going to be the 'I only like you as a friend,' conversation."
"Oh," Astrid smirked wickedly, "No. It was definitely not going to be that."
The flood of red returned to Hiccup's face: "Oh."
"Yep."
He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes looking everywhere but at her. After a moment of silence, he sat down on his stool with a sigh.
"So…I screwed up then?"
"Eh," Astrid, relaxing slightly, leaned against the counter, "We both did…but we were kids Hiccup. Fifteen. I mean, you thought that you could impress me enough to like you! I'm not sure if I should be offended or not. I'm not shallow."
"No, and besides that didn't even work."
"No, but your confidence did." She picked up a chewed up pencil from the counter, twirling it absentmindedly through her fingers. She smiled at the memory playing in her head. "After we found the nest when we were in the cove and you told me that you were going to do anything to protect Toothless, I had never seen you act like that or sound like that. You never took anything seriously and that was so, so irritating…" she gestured towards Toothless, who had his head contently on Hiccup's lap. "But when you said that, I knew that I would follow you, that I could trust you."
Hiccup smiled shyly, "You helped me out. None of it would have happened without you. Hookfang probably would have killed me if you hadn't thrown that ax."
"Or, you know, most of the tribe on Dragon Island if I hadn't given you a pep talk…"
"Thanks, but yeah, don't remind me about that."
Astrid placed the pencil down and inched towards him. She wanted to grab his hand, just to feel its weight in her own. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and feel his comforting radiating warmth. Instead, she stood before him, arms crossed tightly to keep her body from trembling.
"You didn't have to win me Hiccup; I was never a prize. All you had to do was be you- a you that I didn't even know was in there. That's what caught my attention, that's what drew me to you. It's only gotten stronger over the years…but I'm sorry that two kisses weren't enough to prove that-"
"Eh well, to be honest, most were after I did something heroic or useful. Kind of confusing."
Astrid smirked.
"Have you done anything heroic or useful today?"
"Uh…" he glanced over at Toothless, "N-no?"
She placed her hands on his knees and bent over to kiss him. Shorter than she would have liked, but certainly not lacking in the two years of pent up passion she felt.
Hiccup stammered, his eyes wide in what could have been shock or horror.
"I…um…wow, okay."
She swiped her bangs out of her face, "Unless you'd rather Ruffnut kiss you…"
"No! No," he chuckled sheepishly. Astrid had never seen a face that red before, "No, this is…yeah this is nice, it's good—great actually. Um…"
"Um, what?"
"Are…are you sure?"
She could have whacked him.
"That is possibly the dumbest thing to have ever come out of your mouth."
"Astrid-"
"Were you not just listening to me saying about how I've had a crush on you for the past two years? I literally just kissed you!"
"I just don't want you to regret picking me."
"And why on Midgard would I do that?"
Astrid noticed his Adam's apple bob as he gulped. He exhaled deeply, the corners of his lips twitching downward as he reached for his pant leg. He pulled up the cuff far enough to see where the flesh stopped and metal began, right below the knee. The prosthetic was far more advanced than his original one of wood and creaking metal. Hiccup had made several advancements, even streamlining the prosthetic…he should have been proud, but the expression on his face was one of shame.
"All I see is your leg," Astrid began.
"What's left of it anyway."
"You really think I care about that?"
He shrugged his shoulders dejectedly, lowering the fabric, "I don't know…"
"Hey-" she cupped his chin, coercing his eyes to look into hers. "Talk to me."
In typical Hiccup fashion, he stood up, hands already in motion. He began to pace around the stall, fingers touching whatever he could get to. Gears, chains, half-finished projects, and empty mug.
"I've gotten used to it, I've had to right? But I know some people, my dad, Snotlout, even Gobber forget about it sometimes. I'm not whole anymore. I may have accepted that, but that doesn't mean that you should. You deserve someone who's all in one piece. Someone…unbroken."
"You seem to be forgetting that I'm the one who helped you get used to walking with it."
"I'm a burden, Astrid."
"Only to yourself," she reached for his hand, refusing to let it slip away. "I don't care about scars or peg legs or any of that. What I do care about is you letting this define you when it doesn't." She rested her palm against his cheek, her thumb tracing over his freckles. "I decide what I deserve, okay? I decide what I want, and what I want, more than anything right now, is for you to just shut up and kiss me."
"Well, now that's a little rude…"
"Ugh! You're imposs-"
Hiccup's hands swept beneath her jaw, his fingers combing through her hair as he brought his lips down upon hers. Astrid felt her spine shiver, felt her hands float up to find his chest. She hooked her fingers around the straps of his apron, tugging him closer until there was hardly an inch of space left between them. She found she had to stand on her toes to comfortably reach him—she hadn't realized how tall he had become. Despite her attempts to restrain herself, her throat let loose the smallest whimper of bliss.
She could feel his smile against her lips.
"What's so funny?" she asked, her lips brushing against his.
"Nothing, I'm just," he chuckled, "happy."
"I'm happy too," she retracted, her eyes falling down to where her hands were busy fiddling with the straps of his apron. His tunic had slipped slightly in the process, revealing the base of his throat, the tiny dip in his clavicle.
"Guess this means I can't date Ruffnut-"
Her hands swished against his bangs, ruffling them up until they hung limply in his face: "Hey!"
"If I hear her calling my boyfriend a hunk, or complimenting your butt again, she's going to find herself buried in a heap of fresh dragon dung."
Hiccup blinked, "Butt?"
"Of all the things I said in that sentence, that's the word you focus on?"
"Do I need to wear an apron on my back now too?"
She yanked on his apron strings, bringing his face down to her level.
"Only when I'm not around babe."
He chuckled a wide grin that made his eyes crease in delight. Oh, how she loved this boy, this wild, wild man...but that was a conversation for another day.
"Whatever you want, milady."