Little Densi Holiday fic inspired by a "Densi-mber" writing prompt.

A Tree is Not a Home

"Come on Kens, we're not gonna hang little guns and handcuffs in our Christmas tree," They had been arguing about this for the last 5 minutes, and Deeks was getting a little exasperated, for once only wanting a normal day. When she had first pointed to the little ornaments he had wondered why they even existed, but then remembered he lived in a city that commercialized t-shirts with the words LAPD as souvenirs, so he shouldn't be that surprised.

"But they're so cute, and they fit a lot more with us than the little angels and fluffy Santas you wanted to get." Kensi tried using all her charm in her delivery, knowing that Deeks could rarely deny her anything.

"Baby, can we just celebrate Christmas like a normal couple and not like Mr. & Mrs. Smith? Pleeease," Just as she did, he said the last word while giving her his very best puppy eyes from under his bangs. "We finally have a nice house to celebrate in, we can even invite the team for some Holiday bonding… maybe even some Secret Santa or some other fun game?"

"We can still do that if we decorate with these ornaments… and look at this, isn't it perfect?" She excitedly asked while showing him a string of crime tape that was meant to be used in place of the "oh so typical tinsel garland."

Deeks blew in a deep breath, for this one time not willing to let Kensi get away with everything. He closed his eyes and thought of a better argument. Eventually deciding for the truth.

"Kensalina, you know I love you, just the way you are, and I also love our Bond-type relationship but for this I will just like to be a normal couple, with the typical decoration and a Christmas tree that gave a holiday vibe and not one like they used to put at my LAPD precinct…" Ultimately, he decided to settle for the half-truth.

"Why is this so important to you Shaggy?" She said his nickname with so much love and devotion that he almost forgot about the present argument and instead agreed to all her demands.

He turned around to look at the Christmas ornaments and decorations that surrounded them. Little Rudolf pieces with shiny red noses, fluffy Santas carrying bags full of gifts, little houses with lights and snow-covered roofs, and so many more things that anyone, especially a kid, would have loved to have in their homes.

"I have just always wished to have a normal Christmas…" He looked down, his mind getting invaded by a lot of his past demons. "Growing up there just wasn't any money for that… And even if we had, the holidays just were another excuse for my father to get drunk and beat the hell out of us…" He closed his eyes for a minute, and a sad movie started playing in his head. Even sadder was the fact it wasn't a movie, just the painful memories of growing up with Brandel.

Kensi grabbed his hand and squeezed it, not wanting to interrupt him, but also needing to reassure and remind, both of them, that they weren't alone anymore.

"Then when it was just mama and me, we were struggling too much to keep afloat to focus on decoration… And by the time I was a lawyer and cop and money was a little better, there just wasn't anyone to decorate with or to decorate for… Our relationship had become strained at the time, and I didn't really have any friends… Plus, I spent a lot of Holidays undercover and drug lords and trafficking rings don't really wanna spend their well-earned money on decoration…" He said the last part sounding surprisingly bitter for such a seemingly positive man.

Kensi looked at the man of her life sadly, not feeling pity for him, just anger at the people and the world that had been so unfair with such a good man. Someone who didn't deserve the bad hand that was dealt to him at such a young age. She wanted to say something but also knew he needed to let it all out and for all her boyfriend talked about whatever silliness was on his mind at any given day, he rarely opened up about the serious stuff.

"Then I met you guys, but for the first years weren't really close… And when we finally did, came… came Afghanistan…" Once he had started, he couldn't stop, and he just wanted to let all his demons out. "After we decided to go all-in, even though we had a magical Christmas we didn't have the opportunity to decorate…" Up until this point it could be argued that all his bad Holidays were a consequence of chance, or destiny, he couldn't really blame himself… however not the same thing could be said for the one that came after… "The following year, I… well you know the whole mess with internal affairs, and I thought that was the worst it could get."

Knowing what came next, Kensi instinctively moved into his arms and they both held each other tightly. Both remembering how last year was supposed to be the perfect Christmas in the house they both loved, for the simple reason that it was theirs. But things hadn't turned out according to plan as Kensi had still been healing from the helicopter crash that almost took her life and left her paralyzed. But none of them wanted to voice those thoughts because then the memories became even more real.

They held each other for what felt like hours, both needing the comfort that only the proximity to each other could provide. Ultimately, Kensi knew it was her time to speak. She gently pushed away from Deeks, holding his face between both her hands, and forcing him to look her in the eyes. He still had a faraway look and Kensi knew he was lost in the darkness of his past, but not knowing of which past… the really far away of his childhood or the new nightmares that came after he joined NCIS.

"Deeks… Baby… I understand most of your Holidays haven't been ideal up until this point but we're together now, and a Christmas tree or whatever other decoration we get is not gonna change our feeling of home or determine how happy we are gonna be…" She kissed him sweetly in the lips and lingering there for a second longer. "But if it means that much to you, let's just get the fluffy Santas and the mix box of snowman and reindeers that you wanted." She took hold of his hand and pulled him towards the display that had made his eyes twinkle just 20 minutes ago.

Pleased to have shared his burden but also feeling slightly guilty for having brought the mood down on this particular day, Deeks decided it was time to use his trademark humor to make his ladybird smile again… "Fern, I knew I shouldn't have let you get on Pinterest just before leaving the house…" Agent and detective laughed and hugged one more time before walking the rest of the way to the desired display.

Seeing the innocent look on his face and the way his eyes were shinning as he grabbed box after box of tree ornaments, she knew that she loved this man with all her heart, and would gladly give him everything he needed to help him finally escape from the darkness of his past. After all, they were engaged now, and she had many more Holidays and years to make all his dreams finally come true.

It took them 20 more minutes to finish picking up some lights, general ornaments for the house, and a wreath for the door. They made their way back to the car hand-in-hand, shoulders bumping as they had done so many times before finally giving in to their thing three years ago. Both happy and looking forward to a day of decorating, eating takeout and watching Christmas movies to welcome in the Holidays, together, as they wished to do for many more years to come.