So, there are rarely ever Archer stories on any site, so I thought I would give it a try. It's probably gonna suck, but for a while i've thinking about writing a story so now I am.
The rating is for the language, there will be no sex described in this story.
Everyone needs to go to this site
petitions/fanfiction-net-stop-the-destruction-of-fanfiction-net
and sign this petition to stop the cyber attack thats going on this site, hopefully if we can get alot of people to sign it. They will stop what they are doing and get banned from this site so users will stop getting banned and people's stories will stop being attacked.
Chapter 1
"So then he starts yelling Danger Zone as we run out of the building as its exploding behind us. I don't get how he can be the greatest spy and yet be so stupid at the same time." I saw sipping my soda can while my legs swings gently off my other leg. "No idea." Krieger says, uninterested while typing on his computer as I sit on the edge of his desk. "I mean Lana is so perfect at everything she does and still people say he's the greatest." I say, rambling on as he just shakes his head, not taking part in my conversation.
"You know what I mean?" I ask to him as he just nods his head while staring deeply into the computer screen. "See, you get me, that's why you're my brother." He says nodding his head again as I lay back on his desk with my leg still swinging. "I really hate that guy." I say, crumbling the empty can in my hand then tossing it to the side, landing it in the recycling bin.
"That's why you have a giant crush on him right?" He says finally tuning in to my conversation as I sit up really fast while glaring hard at him. "I do not! have a giant crush on Archer, you ass." I say sitting up on my elbows watching him stand from his desk and walk over to his home-made fridge.
"Right, just because you stare intensely at him and blush like a school girl when he smiles at you." Krieger says pulling out two more soda cans and walks back over to me holding one of them out. I glare harder at him then rips one of the cans out of his hand. "Shut up, it's just a small stupid crush, not a giant one!" I say opening my can of soda as he sits back down at his computer.
"I have a giant one." Archer says walking into Krieger's lab as both, my brother and I, roll our eyes at the same time. "Get it Danielle? Giant one?" He says walking up to me as I look away, finding interest in something else. "I'm talking about my penis." He says after a few seconds of silence, making me look back over at him with a glare.
"Yeah asshole, we got it the first time you said it." I say to him while taking a drink from my soda at the same time Krieger takes a drink from his can. "That's just creepy, how you both always do the same thing at the same time." Archer says pointing his finger at us as we glance at each other than shrug our shoulders together. ''See! Right there! You just did it again." He says pointing as us again like it was some circus trick when I hop off his desk and straighten my black leather jacket.
"So, same time tomorrow Krieger?" I ask walking past Archer to the elevator with my soda in my hand. "You know it!" Krieger says staring back at his computer screen, in the mean time, Archer looks between us before walking into the elevator before it closes.
I hum to myself and finish of my second can of soda as Archer glances at me a few times till we arrive at the top level. I drop my can in a recycling bin at the same time I walk into my office. Archer follows me in the room and sits in a chair in front of my desk. As I sit in my chair behind my desk I glance up at him with a questionable look as he just stares at me with an empty, dumb look. "Can I help you?" I ask him after I fold my hands on my desk as he shrugs his shoulders slightly. "Got any games in here?" He asks with a straight face making me raise my eye brow, thinking he was making a joke.
After a small silence I reach into my bottom drawer and pull out to hand held game that was connected with a cord and hand him one. "Of course I have games, its fucking boring in this place." I say, grabbing the other game while leaning forward on my elbows. "I know right!" He says then he mirrors my form on the other side of the desk while we both turn on our games.
"So what do we do?" He asks as I glance up at him before looking back down at the game. "Kill zombies." I say in a simple way while he looks up at me then shrugs. "Awesome." He says in the same voice as me.
"What are you idiots doing?" Lana says standing in my door way with her arms crossed and leans to the side. Neither of us looks up from our game nor makes a sound, making her glare at us while walking up to the desk. "Hello?" She says louder, in our face, trying to get our attention as we make some noise to shrug her off.
"Jump on the boxes." I say to Archer, never looking at him or Lana as she gets more impatient. "I'm trying." He says in defense, starting to get rough with the hand-held. "Just push the jump button." I say as Lana looks between us like we were crazy.
"What button do you think I'm pressing!" He says louder, getting angrier by the minute as Lana stands up straight from the desk. "Obviously not the right buttons since you're still not jumping!" I say finally looking up at him making him look at me with a death glare. Lana coughs into her hand making us look over at her, finally giving her attention.
"Oh hey, how long have you been standing there…..creepy" Archer says looking back down at his game. ''Hey hun, need somethin'?" I ask pausing my game then putting the hand-held on the desk, making Archer look up at me.
"Danielle, can I talk to you for a teeny second?" She says holding her fingers up showing a small space between her fingers as me and Archer share a glance. "Um, sure babe, anything for you." I say standing up and follow her out of the office while Archer watches us leave then looks back down at the game. I follow her next door to her office, looking around the room at people working on their computers.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She says placing a hand on her desk to hold herself up while she leans to the side. "Getting yelled at." I said, not sure what she was talking about, but knew I was going to get a beating for whatever I did.
"No idiot, with him in your office." Lana says with a slight glare making me shrug slightly under her look. "Playing a video game?" I answered, not sure what the correct answer, from experience however, telling the truth made the beating less painful. She smacks her forehead with the palm of her hand as I take a small step backwards. "Ok, why are you playing video games with Archer?" She asks while placing her hand on her hip. "Cause I was bored and he followed me into my office. What's the big deal?" I ask putting my hands behind my head as she drops both of her arms to her sides.
"Hunny, I'm trying to protect you from him. I don't trust him with you; we all know how he treats women. I don't want that to happen to you." She says putting her hands on my shoulders like she always did when she was giving someone a pep talk. I look down at my black, combat boots and kick the ground with the edge of it.
"Look, Lana I can take care of myself ok, I'm a grown, little women. I know how to protect myself from people like him. It doesn't mean I can't still be friends with him." I say looking up at her with a sad look on my face. We all knew that nobody in the world like Archer, not even his own mother, so what chance did he have of making friends with people.
"This is no disrespect to you, you know that I love you and hate him for the way he treated you when you dated." I say as she frowns more than shoves me into her chest, with her giant man hands, and hugs me tightly. "I know sweetie, I'm not mad at you, it's him I hate." She says still holding me against her chest then finally lets me go. I take a breath of air then straighten my ponytail as I walk past her, out of her office.
"Women…." I mumble under my breathe while walking back into my office and sit across from Archer. "So…what did Lana want?" He asks after a few minutes of silence without actually looking up at me.
"Just to crush me against her chest with her giant hands." I say glancing up at him, not really giving him a direct answer making him glance up at me. "She does have giant hands, doesn't she?" He asks with a slight smirk as I nod my head and crack a small smile back at him. "Yeah, but she can crush a man's skull with 'em." I say with a slight shrug as he sits up from the game.
"Can she really?" Archer asks, not really believing my statement but still gives it a thought. "What else would she do with giant hands? Crush open walnuts for a living?" I ask shocked by his stupid question as he raises his eye brow.
"Is that a real job? Walnuts are hard to break open." He says looking back down at his game, making me shake my head slight. "No Archer, it's not a real job, I was making a joke." I say looking back at my game.
"Sterling Malory Archer!" We hear coming from his mother office, echoing throughout the halls. "Busted." I say as he stands up while dropping the hand-held on the table. After a few minutes of just staring at me with a glare, he walks out of the room. "Shut up!" He says, walking past Pam and Cheryl, "You're in trouble!" Cheryl sings as he walks past her desk into his mother's office.
"What mother?" He says annoyed while pouring a glass of the fine alcohol, sitting next to the door. "What the hell were you thinking! You were supposed to go in and show how easy it was to break into the security system is so we would get hired, not blow up their building!" She screams at him as he sits down in front of her desk with a shrug.
"Accident?" He says taking a drink from his glass, not really sure what to say. "An accident! How was that an accident?" She says pointing to the screen. A news channel appears showing what was left of the 5 story building. "I don't know." He says shrugging his shoulders again making her give him a death glare.