It was time to go.
As I lay awake in my sleeping bag, watching the stars, I came to my decision. If I didn't leave, the boy I loved more than life itself would die. I was loathe to move from my spot beside him, but no one could have changed my mind. Nothing could change his fate, it was set in stone.
Unless I disappeared.
Inuyasha slept fitfully beside me, his soft breaths making his chest rise and fall gently. I watched him, his silver hair glowing in the starlight, and said my goodbyes. Inuyasha wouldn't have to suffer any more because of me. It was time to go… much as I didn't want to.
For a moment, I allowed myself to look into the future, pretend that I could stay without consequences. I saw us together, watching this sunrise, watching this sunset... I saw one perfect kiss after another, thousands of heart stoppingly sweet moments, moments I could never have. His life was too precious. Inuyasha had to survive. Whether I was there with him or not couldn't matter.
Dawn was approaching. It was now or never, I knew I couldn't outrun him if my life depended on it.
Quietly, I grabbed my backpack, rolled up my sleeping bag, and slipped out of the little clearing where we'd made camp. As I left, I looked back, turning to face the boy who'd stolen my heart. Goodbye Inuyasha, I thought, I'm sorry.
And then I ran for the well.
Kaede had told me of the danger to Inuyasha, that he would die if I didn't walk away. She'd given me the spell to cast to seal up the well for all eternity. He couldn't come after me. Once I went down the well, there was no turning back. Inuyasha would have no choice but to forget me. And this would work. It had to.
I cried all last night, screaming silently, clinging to Inuyasha in my arms. Hearing him whisper my name in his sleep, feeling him pull me closer, I almost died of heart ache. I begged God not to let this happen, to let me keep him, that I'd give up anything, anything else.
But deep in my heart I knew it had to end. This was the only sacrifice to be made. I knew perfectly well that Inuyasha would hate me for walking away, that he'd accuse me of abandoning him, and that broke me down ever further. But, the one small comfort in all of this: I'd rather him hate me and live than love me till death. I had to have him living. As long as I knew he was out there somewhere, that my heart was safely tucked away with him… I knew I'd be okay. I'd MAKE myself be okay. It was worth the pain.
I ran, as fast as I could, but I knew before it happened that his fingers would grasp my wrist, pull me around to face him, and that his eyes would glare down into mine, capturing me. I knew, and I didn't fight.
"Kagome, what are you doing?"
I winced. "Nothing…" I said innocently, widening my eyes. If he would loosen his grip just a bit, I'd sprint for the well. Kicking him in the shins if necessary.
Kaede's words of warning echoed in my ears. You have until dawn. I looked east, and winced again. It was almost time.
I'm sorry Inuyasha, I thought, raising up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his, hoping to shock him into letting go.
False hope. He pulled me closer, kissing me with a passion I'd never expected. I melted into him, and all thoughts of escape fleeing my mind.
Until I saw the sun.
I pulled back, quickly, pretending to blush. Inuyasha let go reflexively, and I kicked out with my left foot, catching him in the groin. And then I ran for the well.
I couldn't resist. "I LOVE YOU!" I screamed, as I dove into the well, headfirst of course. The tears streamed off my face as I disappeared into the well.
Sayonara..
My love…
This is something I wrote on the fly for someone I had to give up. I hope you forgive me one day, mon amour, for all I had to do to make you let me go.
Sayonara…