Forever and Always
Summery: When Reid's mother dies his true family is there to comfort him. ReidMorgan (but it doesn't have to be, it can just be seen as brotherly love) Oneshot.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Criminal Minds, or My Chemical Romance and their song 'Mama'. I sadly only own my jar of peanut butter and half-eaten apple.
Note: No real spoilers or set time…but I made Reid twenty-six and Rossi is in this a little…I don't really have his character down yet.
Dedication: The title comes from the phrase my mother says to me all the time. Since I'm the youngest of three my mom always calls me her baby, and always says to me 'forever and always my baby you'll be.' That's what sparked this story, so this story is for my momma!
Enjoy!
--
Mama, we all go to hell.
Mama, we all go to hell.
I'm writing this letter and wishing you well,
Mama, we all go to hell.
--
To say the team was happy at the moment was an understatement. They'd just finished a particularly nasty case – the paperwork still warm from the printer – where they'd actually gotten the bad guy in for life. On top of that, it was Friday.
Hotch was in his office, on the phone with Rossi who was in London for some lecture on leadership that he was required to attend. The rest of the team was gathering up their things, getting ready to go out after Morgan offered to buy them all drinks.
"Wow, Reid, you're actually coming?" Morgan teased playfully when the younger man nodded his head.
"Hey, I go out with you all the time." Reid shot back, a smile playing across his lips. Morgan opened his mouth to respond but was cut off.
"Boys, please, save the loving banter for the bedroom." Garcia cut in, causing Morgan to throw back his head and laugh, while Reid blushed deeply. Both Emily and JJ let out identical 'Aww!'s at the same moment.
"Is Hotch ever gonna get off the phone?" Morgan mock complained, trying to draw the unwanted attention away from the young man.
"I'm right here, Derek." Hotch said from behind them, a grin playing across his usually serious face. "We can go, if you guys are ready."
"I think we all are-" Reid started to say, but as if on cue the phone on his desk rang. He checked the caller ID and looked apologetically at his team when Morgan let out a dramatic sigh, a grin still on his face. "You guys can go ahead, I should probably take this call."
"It's ok, Spence, we'll wait for you." JJ said with a warm smile as Reid picked up the phone.
"Spencer Reid." He said, sounding professional. The rest of the team broke into conversation about the new bar-slash-grill they were going to. Morgan pretended to be interested in what they were saying, but he couldn't take his eyes off Reid. "Yes, I am…yes, she is—I'm sorry, what?" Reid paled visibly. "She—she-oh god." Reid sank into a sitting position against his desk, hand over his mouth.
"Reid?" Morgan asked, worry overtaking him. He stepped away from the circle of his friend and coworkers, who were now looking at Reid as well.
"How? Are—are you sure? She left a—what did it say?" Reid scrubbed at his eyes with his free hand as he listened to the person on the other end. "All right fine." He snapped, "I just—tomorrow? Oh, right…of-of course. I—thanks." He hung up the phone and looked at it for a moment, as if waiting for it to spring legs and run away.
"Reid?" Morgan asked again, stepping in front of the young man. "Reid what-?"
Morgan couldn't finish, he froze when Reid looked up at him. His eyes brimming with tears. "My—my mom." He said quietly. Morgan knew immediately what was bothering his friend. He quickly pulled Reid into his arms. "Oh God, my mother." He whispered into Morgan's shoulder, squeezing his eyes closed.
"It's ok. It'll be ok." Morgan just held him for a moment, the rest of the team standing there a little awkwardly, looking confused. Once Reid managed to control his border-line-asthma-attack-breathing the two pulled back.
"My mom." He said again "She—she's dead."
--
Mama, we're all gonna die.
Mama, we're all gonna die.
Stop asking me questions, I'd hate to see you cry,
Mama, we're all gonna die.
--
The six sat on the jet, Morgan sat on the longer bench seat, Reid's head on his shoulder as he slept next to him. The other four sat close by, Hotch sitting in one of the single seats behind them, Garcia, Emily and JJ sitting at the table across the isle. Everyone was silent. The conversation kept playing through their heads over and over again.
"I told them what to do if she—if this happened. The-uh, the wake is tomorrow." At first no one knew what to say. "Her…her funeral is on Sunday."
That was when Hotch went into leader-mode and insisted that they take the jet. Reid had said they didn't have to go and that he could book a flight, but when he protested there was no real desire to be alone in his voice. "You're not gonna go through this alone." They'd all said that at one point. In Morgan's case, more than once. They all wanted to look out for their youngest.
--
Mama, we're all full of lies.
Mama, we're meant for the flies.
And right now they're building a coffin your size,
Mama, we're all full of lies.
--
Reid had been acting so…odd, so un-Reid-like, when they arrived at the hotel. He followed the rest of the team and followed Morgan up to their room, only saying a few things now and then. But that had been the night before. When Morgan got up that morning Reid was already up, his hair damp from a shower, and he was pulling on the outfit he'd picked out for the wake and funeral. A pair of nice black pants, a dark gray long sleeved collared shirt and a black cardigan sweater over it.
"Woah, Reid. Where are you going alone?"
"I needed to make a stop before going to the funeral home."
"Well, hang on, babe. I'll go with you." Reid looked apprehensive, but nodded. "Ok, let me go get changed. I'll be five minutes." Morgan grabbed his outfit from where he'd laid it out. It was similar to Reid's, except with a white shirt and a suit coat.
True to his word, five minutes later Morgan exited the bathroom and nodded to Reid. "I'll call Hotch and the girls and tell them where we're going." Reid nodded and the two walked out and down the hall, Morgan on his cell as he went.
--
You should've raised a baby girl,
I should've been a better son.
--
The car ride had been silent. Neither said anything, too lost in thought. When they pulled up to the facility where his mother had lived Reid had jumped out, saying he just needed to pick something up. In a moment he was back and they were back to driving silently.
When they finally pulled up to the funeral home neither moved for a long moment. Morgan glanced at the younger man worriedly. He jumped a little when Reid spoke.
"There's something I didn't tell you, Morgan." He said, his voice barely above a whisper as he turned to look at his friend. "You know about my mother's…condition." It wasn't a question, but Morgan still nodded. "I write—wrote her letters every day. I was even going to visit her but…but because of my own…of my own selfish…" He stopped, pressing his lips together, scrunching his eyes shut and looking away. He took a deep breath and went on. "Because of my own selfish needs I didn't visit her since…" he gestured in the air with his hand, but Morgan knew what he was referring to. Tobias.
"Reid you can't blame yourself for that or your mother-"
"She killed herself, Morgan." He snapped suddenly, shocking Morgan. "She killed herself because I'm a selfish bastard who never visited his own sick mother. Hell, I sent her away to begin with! I might as well have killed her myself!" He was angry now, his eyes brimming with hot tears - but he didn't let them fall. "She left a note for me." He said suddenly, after calming himself in almost a bipolar manor.
"She what?"
"That's what I went to pick up from her facility when we stopped there." He pulled the crumpled folded envelope out of his pocket. "I haven't read it yet. I—I can't read it yet."
Morgan reached over and placed a hand over Reid's shaking ones. "You read it when you're ready, Reid. Okay?" Reid nodded and looked at the clock.
"The wake starts in half an hour, we should go in now."
--
You should've been...
I could have been a better son.
--
The five FBI agents stood in a small semi-circle watching as Reid talked politely to some people who came to the wake. After a while Reid quickly scurried to the group, his forced smile disappearing quickly. "I swear, if I have to hug and/or be kissed on the cheek by one more old lady I'm going to barf." I said, quickly hiding himself behind his friends so no one else came up to talk to him.
"Reid." Hotch said, a look of surprise on his face.
"Well, I'm sorry. But they all—they all smell like-like cats and dish soap!" The five were unable to suppress their quiet laughs at that. "They act like they care but half of them can't even remember my name…well, I have no idea who most of them are, but at least I'm not pretending to care."
"Well, you can hide behind me anytime, sugar." Garcia said, throwing her arm around his thin shoulders with a warm smile. "I think you deserve a little hide-and-don't-seek time, anyway." The other four nodded in agreement, amused smiles on their faces.
"Thank you." He muttered quickly, the others forming a sort of semi-circle so Reid was basically hidden. "So, having a good time?" He asked a bit sarcastically.
"Oh, you know us. We put the fun in funeral." They looked at Emily in surprise and she quickly shut her mouth, eyes widening as she realized she said it out loud. But what surprised her more was the fact Reid laughed.
"Yea, with you guys around it should be pronounced fun-eral." They were happy to see Reid more at ease. When he was around the other guests he seemed to truly be in mourning, but when he was with his teammates…it was like a little paradise he could run to during the time of distress.
"Spencer!" A new voice joining the group caused them all to jump. A look of surprise, anger and terror passing across Reid's face all at once. The older man who'd stomped over and grabbed Reid by the arm pulled him a good two feet away with one harsh pull.
"Hey!" His teammates called quickly, stepping forward.
"Shut up!" He snarled harshly, turning back to Reid whose upper arm was still in the man's death grip. "Your mother dies and you don't even think to call me?!"
"It's not like I knew your number." Reid snarled, trying to pull away.
"That's no excuse!" The man barked as he dragged Reid to the doorway and out of sight, much to the shock of the young man's team, who stood unsure of what to do.
No one heard anything for a moment, and then there was a loud, angry cry from Reid. "I was twelve, dad!" There was a pause as everyone's eyes widened in shock. Reid's father? He was obviously saying something in response in the moment of silence, then Reid's loud voice came again. "No! You just couldn't deal with the woman you made a lifetime of promises to, so you dumped all your problems on a child! You selfish-" Everyone's worry over took them when the young man's words were cut off by the sound of someone crashing to the floor.
The five quickly made their way to the door and found Reid on the ground, a bleeding cut on his cheek, his father standing over him ready to strike again. And before anyone could react Garcia was in front of the man, slapping him so hard he himself stumbled into the doorframe. Hotch and Morgan were there in a second, harshly telling the man he should leave as the girls helped Reid up.
"You can't ask me to leave! I have a right to be here!"
"Not when you attack a federal agent, you don't." Morgan snarled harshly.
"Federal age…you're kidding! That little punk is in the FBI? The kid who could barely lift a baseball bat because it was "too heavy" is a Fed??" He was laughing now, and in that moment an unreadable look passed Reid's face and he rushed from the scene and to the men's bathroom.
Morgan looked at Hotch, "Make sure this shit gets the fuck out." Morgan snarled, before turning and running after Reid. He entered the faux-marble clad bathroom to find his younger friend leaning heavily on the sink, his heavy tears and drops of blood falling into the bowl. "Reid?" But all he got was a choked sob in response. Morgan walked up to the boy and placed his hand on his shoulder. Reid turned and closed his eyes and sobs began to rack his body. "Oh, Reid…" Morgan whispered embracing the young man.
After what seemed like an eternity of sobbing and comforting, Reid was reading to go back out. Once Morgan cleaned off the already bruising cut the two did just that. They came out the door to find the team waiting in the hallway.
"You ok, sweetheart?" Garcia was the first to speak.
Reid nodded first, composing himself again. "Yea thanks…" He suddenly smiled, it only slightly forced "Garcia, I need to keep you around all the time." Everyone gave him a quizzical look. "My own personal body guard."
They paused, then thought of Garcia slapping the crap out of that piece of shit and they all broke out into grins and quiet laughs. After they had escorted the elder Reid out the door and kindly suggested never coming near Spencer again they'd all come back inside and waited by the bathroom doors, JJ going inside to tell the confused guests everything was fine, and said nothing to each other.
"C'mon." Emily said, taking Reid's hand. "Let's get back to your mom."
--
For what you've done they're gonna find
A place for you
And just you mind your manners when you go
--
The plane ride home was quiet, but not as uncomfortable as the first one. Not as sad…but still sad. Reid was staring out the window, breaking the silence with a small smile. "Ya' know…my—my mom hated planes. When she had to take one for the Fisher King case…I had to read to her the whole ride home…" The smile glistened in his tear-filled eyes. "Just like how she used to read to me when I was little, after dad would scream and leave…" He shook his head a looked away from his sadly smiling friends, and in a quiet voice whispered "We both helped each other through our biggest fears."
Morgan placed his hand over Reid's and smiled comfortingly when the younger man looked up at him.
"I—I think I'm ready to read her letter now." He whispered, and Morgan nodded. He'd told the others of the letter at the wake when Reid was off speaking to some of the dish-soap-cat-ladies.
The youngest agent carefully reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled envelope. He carefully flattened it and pulled the letter out carefully, unfolding it and read.
My dearest baby boy,
First and foremost, I want to tell you how sorry I am. I know how hard this is going to be for you and I know how selfish it is of me. But please believe me when I say this, sweetie. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for.
Now don't go twisting that and blame yourself over this like I know you already are.
I know how much of a burden I am on you. And I know you've been through so much, you don't need me to cause you even more problems. I never wanted to be the mother that depended on her child in the end, and let me tell you I was headed there, if not already there. And though you may not have minded, I minded. I don't want to be a bother on my little genius.
You and I have been though so much. Through your father, through me. I want you to know that I don't blame you for what you did, Spencer. For sending me away, it was the right choice, especially for an 18-year-old. I'm sorry you had to do it, that you had to face such a decision at that age. I mean, you were going for your second Ph.D. at that time, weren't you? I'm surprised you didn't flunk out.
No, wait, no I'm not.
You are such a bright, perfect boy, Spencer. But don't you dare try to follow me, do you understand me? And I know you know what I mean. You always followed me everywhere...like a little baby duckling. Around the house, in stores, even into the women's bathroom when you were really little. And I know you'll want to follow me now, but don't you dare. I don't want to see your butt up here in heaven until the time is right, got that? You've got wonderful friends…they're your true family. You can make it through this, Spencer. I know you can.
Just know that no matter where I am, your momma loves you so much and nothing will ever change that. Remember what I always said? 'Forever and always my baby you'll be.' Always remember that no matter where I am, no matter where you are, you'll always be my sweet baby boy.
I love you my dear, sweet Spencer. Never ever forget that.
Love forever and always,
Mommy
With a smile and choked laugh/sob Reid looked up at his friends and nodded, saying silently what they wanted to know from him. That he'd gotten closure from the letter. With a soft smile he folded the letter back up and put it in the folded envelope, holding it in his hands for a moment. He could hear his mother's voice in his ear.
You can make it through this, Spencer. I know you can.
He could make it through this. Now, he knew he could.
--
And when you go, don't return to me, my love.
--
END