Twilight Prophecies

AN: Hello, this is my first fic, so pls help me and tell me how great it is (or how much it sucks lol). But if you have to criticize, pls tell me what I should do. Oh, and if you are wondering why Adriana and Edward talk like that, it's because they are hundreds of years old vampires and I tried to make them sound like that. Thx to my friend Rosie for helping me out! Enjoy and pls RaR.

Edit: I changed this chapter a bit, thx to Susan for helping me with the new part :)

I don't own Twilight or Guild Wars.

Chapter 1: Tough breakup

Teressa's POV

Teressa Leslie Amanda Vampnare Rosegarden sighed. Her sexy and laviscious boyfriend Edward Cullen was late, and he was NEVER late! Like, EVER! He was perfect in every way, and I wondered if I was enthralling enough for him and his muscly masculinity...

Everyone loved her, of course, apart from some mean jealous girls, that were making fun of her, because her boobs were too expansive, her transculent ivory skin too clean and pristine and her atramentous knee-lenght hair with azure streaks in it is obviously a wig, and her amaranthine discoid marbles are obviously made by contact lenses.

But who exasperates an excrement about them, they were deformed and appalling and will never have a libidinous boyfriend like Edward.

She decorated herself specifically for this occasion. Her amaranthine pinafore with pinky hearts all over it was flaying in the air currents, as were her forest colored civvies, her apricot high-heels stomping on the asphalt anxiously, her mood rings turning colors and her allotrope necklace coruscantioned in the aubade. It reminded her of Edward.

She of course had one of those new iPods Nano in white. It had fun written all over it. She kept checking texts, if Edward messaged her, but nothing was there.

She burst into ruptures. He left her, she was sure of it. No one could become comfortable with her, just like her mother splurted everyday before she whipped her with blazing, conflagrating chains for being born looking like a monster. And not only chains, videotapes, electric wires, extension cords, cheap flag flytraps with flies still on them and her whip with razorblades on it from back when she was still living on a farm. In fact, she tried to whip her with her own umbilical cord when she was born, but the nurses stopped her.

But I still have a terrible secret... Secret she wasn't sure anyone would forgive her for... but Edward has to know...

"Mine fair lady, you have been keeping shirt on too long for me, it is such a despicable crime of me to do this, will you ever forgive me, my singer?"

"Oh, Edward, I thought you ditched me you jerk" Teressa laughed convivially. "You have to make it up to me, right now."

As his tender lips were approximating her young, beautiful face, she finally thought that something went right. After all, she has Edward now, her first and hopefully last boyfriend...

"EDWARD!"

Teressa flipped around, beholding the sight of the most monstrous face, that was full of dull, robotic surprise. Actually, it wasn't so much a surprise as "I don't give a shit" look. That girl kept biting her lower lip franticaly, the only sign of emotion on her robotic face.

"Bella, mine darling, lamb that fell in love with a lion, this is not how it looks like!" her totally laviscious boyfriend spouted fearfully.

"NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! YOU FUCKING MAN-WHORE, YOU ALWAYS KEEP CHEATING ON ME WITH SOME GIRLS I DON'T EVEN KNOW! DON'T PLAY ME DUMB YOU MAN-SLUT!" that girl Bella shouted nonchalantly, the look in her face not changing one bit.

Apart from the fact that she was biting her lip even harder.

"Edward, you are partnering only with me, right? Tell that horrible and monstrous girl that you are my and only mine!" Teressa recited upbeatly.

"Well... I... you see... this is kind of awkward..."

"HOW COULD YOU!" Teressa burst into ruptures. He was just playing with her, like some cheap highway whore! How could he be so senseless?

"SHOVE OFF, YOU MAN-FRAUDING HARLOT!" Bella shouted, as she pushed Teressa into the oncoming traffic. Her body exploded to pieces when the van hit her, Bella caught one of her arms and started banging Edward senseless with it.

"YOU. FUCKING. HORNY. CHEATER!" Bella screamed, as she kept beating Edward, who yelped like Teressa did when that van hit her. Her remains were raining all over the place, because her torso was ran over by someones lawn-mover. Some dogs ate what was left, but asphyxiated immediately, because her secret was that her aunt was Poison Ivy and she was therefore toxic herself.

"No, please, mine darling, forgive meeee!" Edwards severed head shouted in Bella's arms.

"Only if you go and have some house-shattering sex with me, right now!" Bella screamed as she began to piece Edward together. Some dog ran away with Edwards stick, but Bella just glared at him and he immediately asphyxiated and the stick aviated into her hand.

"But... darling... I could hurt you..."

"Hurt me? You wish. And if you don't cut this crap, then I'll hurt you!"

"Your wish is granted, mine snowflake."

And so they boarded Bella's truck and she started it, they ran over Teressa's severed head on the way home.

Adriana's POV

His ice cold skin was brushing against mine, his ambery eyes revealed much malady and discomfort. I comprehended what he tried to divulge to me – he oles me. In your dreams, fucker.

I drop kicked him into his icy cold balls and sent him flying across the room. He screamed like a castrated 10 year-old boy in a church choir.

I quickly absconded to him and delivered another kick to his already deformed crotch. He now screamed like a man beign burned alive with a blowtorch, slowly, one limb at a time. It drattified me. That jerk deserved every inch of suffring I gave to him. And I wasn't even using my powers to spank him. I could imagine how he would yelp then. Such deterioration and languish I could bestow upon him... and it would be so easy... He isn't worth it. I won't waste my powers on this duncy ignoramus.

I waited until he stopped holding onto his reproductive system, then I esclaimed to him.

"Get out, you fucking pice of shit! Go copulate with that vixen Bella, and get out of my eyeshot, you nimcpoop!" I shouted. "But Adria... my sun beneath the stars, mine angle on earth, my darling, I can't live without you! Bella was a mistake, I couldn't control it... she just smelled so good and... she looks like an angel when she is sleeping..." he pleaded patheticaly, like he always does. Fucking misbegotten moron. I don't understand why I even dated him at all. Sure, he was kinda erotic and laviscivious, but he was a total cheatin man-slut. Not like Alec, not like Felic, ceirtainly not like...

"My star, burlesque dance queen, please forgive me, give me one more chance!" Edward interrupted my train of thought destructively with his noobish whining. This was too much. I used Mind Wrack on him and he screamed like the pussy he always was.

"Guards, take our dear Edward here and escort him from Volterra. I don't want to ever behold you again, got it?" As five vampire guards were wrestling Edward away from the castle, I sighted. This can really ruin a girls day...