'For the hundredth time, Kate, no. I do not have time to drag all the way to Seattle to do your interview for you. I have a shift at Clayton's, and they've been so good about letting me take time to study that I'd feel terrible letting them down.'
Kate pouts. I can't decide whether the red nose and streaming eyes make this more or less effective than usual.
'What about letting me down? I've worked for months to get this interview, I can't just let this opportunity slip by...'
'You know as well as I do that there are dozens of wannabe journalists on campus who'd be more than happy to help.' I scrape my long brown hair back into a ponytail and pick up my bag, ready to set off for a last-minute burst of revision at the library.
'Exactly,' whines Kate, 'Why should they get the glory when I've done all the work to set it up? They probably wouldn't even stick to my questions. Please just do this one little thing for me, I'll love you forever...'
'No. Look, you can always insist on writing it up yourself and sharing the byline. You're the editor, you're the one who gets all the glory anyway, and it won't kill you to give one of your minions something extra to put on their resume. Not everyone gets to walk straight into a job on the Seattle Times, you know.'
Kate sniffles. 'Ouch.'
'I'm sorry, you know I love you, and any other time I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I have too much other stuff I need to do right now. I'll pick up some orange juice on my way back, is there anything else you need?'
'I need you to interview Christian Grey!' she wails, throwing the empty box of tissues at me. Her aim is terrible, and it bounces off the door as I retreat.
Obviously I feel bad about leaving my best friend in the lurch like this, but deep down she must know she's not being reasonable. Even if I wasn't in the middle of finals, I'd only mess it up. Asking me to go and schmooze some reclusive billionaire on her behalf is like me demanding that she write my paper on fate and foreshadowing in Thomas Hardy. In her current phlegm-addled state, she might not like the idea of delegating the job to somebody competent, but she'll thank me for it later.