A/N
Here it is—the YYH version! When I first read these Character Care Manuals in other fandoms, I thought, "Hey, YYH should have one of these, too!" So I searched for it, but didn't find any, so yeah. ^-^
Disclaimer
'Anime Characters R Us' is copyright 2008 by Pooh Bear Is My Hero, who likes YYH too.
And no, I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. (In fact, the whole point of this is that YOU own a character in it! XD)
YU YU HAKUSHO CHARACTER CARE MANUALS
Yusuke Urameshi Care Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of your very own YUSUKE URAMESHI!
What Have I Purchased?
You have just purchased a Yusuke Urameshi (Human Edition)! Yusuke Urameshi is a short-tempered, impulsive teenage boy who enjoys fighting for the fun of it. Also now available in leading stores nationwide is the Limited Edition Demon Yusuke (Demon Yusuke and parts sold separately). Your Yusuke Urameshi comes with:
1 Green Jumpsuit
1 Pair of Black Leather School Shoes
1 Hair Care Set, consisting of:
1 Sachet of Hair Gel
1 Comb
FREE Instruction Manual on How to Achieve Yusuke's Trademark "Slicked-Back Pompadour" Hairstyle
1 Yusuke Urameshi
And as a special gift, you have also received 1 Unhatched Spirit Beast Egg, ABSOLUTELY FREE!
WARNINGS
Every Yusuke Urameshi is loud and hates authority figures, so if you cannot deal with loud people, Yusuke Urameshi is not for you. Instead, we recommend the Kurama (Minamino Shuuichi edition), the Touya, or the Hiei.
[Note: You must be rated NA ("Not Annoying") or better to take care of a Hiei.]
Your Yusuke will get into fights. A LOT. (We here at the YYH Department of 'Anime Characters R Us' will not be held liable for any damage that Yusuke Urameshi may cause you or your property.)
Assembly Instructions
Open the box and Yusuke Urameshi will come out on his own, yelling and ready to start a fight with you. If he does not start yelling and complaining immediately, then you have received a defect and should ship him back to 'Anime Characters R Us: YYH Department' for a new Yusuke immediately. Feel free to yell back at your new Yusuke to make it clear to him that you have purchased him. (We guarantee that every Yusuke is accustomed to being treated roughly.) Give him some time to warm up to you. Should all else fail, we recommend giving him a ticket for a wrestling match at the Tokyo Dome, as he is programmed to fall for this every time.
Feeding Instructions
Your Yusuke Urameshi has a large appetite and a preference for junk food. We recommend that he be given three square meals a day, plus junk food and other snacks in between, so that he does not steal food from a Kazuma Kuwabara or any other YYH character(s) you may own. We guarantee that you will not need to carefully attend to his meals or keep close tabs on his feeding times, as every Yusuke is capable of providing food for himself from years of being neglected by an alcoholic single mother.
Sleeping Habits
Yusuke Urameshi gets the recommended 8 to 10 hours of sleep per day, sometimes even more, especially when he hides on his school rooftop. We do NOT recommend that he sleep next to you, as he fights off enemies even in his dreams and may therefore throw punches and kicks and thrash about in his sleep several times during the night. Your Yusuke may also suffer from recurring nightmares of other YYH characters wearing business suits or army uniforms, and/or wet dreams of being married to a Botan. In the event of such product jam, we recommend that you place a loud and noisy alarm clock next to your sleeping Yusuke. (We will not be held liable for any damage that Yusuke may cause your alarm clock or other property.)
FAQs
Q: My Yusuke goes missing for several days, and even months, at a time. Why does this happen?
A: Your Yusuke is the third Spirit Detective of the Human World, so your or a friend's Prince Koenma may have sent your Yusuke to investigate and close a case. Don't worry, we guarantee that your Yusuke will always come back.
Q: I did something nice for my Yusuke, but he still scowled and told me off. Why is this?
A: Don't worry, your Yusuke is simply easily embarrassed by what he considers "mushy stuff" and does not express his feelings very well. It is natural for a Yusuke to pretend not to care about something that he actually appreciates. He shows his affection in other ways.
Q: At first my Yusuke was behaving as you said he would (yelling, picking fights and all), but now all he does is lie in bed and sleep. I try waking him with a really loud alarm clock, but he still remains asleep. What should I do?
A: Your Yusuke is dead. But don't worry; he will come back to life. Just purchase a Botan to fetch his ghost from your world, and she will ferry him to the nearest available Koenma for his resurrection trial right away.
Q: Help! My house is on fire! Keiko Yukimuras from all over town are rushing into my burning house and now my freebie Spirit Beast Egg is missing! What should I do?
A: Don't worry; this is all because of your Yusuke. Your Yusuke has your Spirit Beast Egg with him and will proceed to save the Keikos and your house by throwing the egg into the fire. The worst should be over soon.
Q: Does this mean I'm not getting my free Spirit Beast Egg back anymore?
A: Unfortunately, no. But if you write to us, we will gladly ship you a baby Puu, free of charge. (Select regions only. Shipping and handling costs apply.)
Q: My friends own a Keiko Yukimura and a Kazuma Kuwabara, and whenever they bring their Keiko and Kuwabara over, my Yusuke pokes the butts of my friends' Keiko AND Kuwabara! Could my Yusuke be bisexual?
A: Don't worry, this is the way every Yusuke acts close and comfortable around Keikos and Kuwabaras. This inappropriate behavior is perfectly natural for your Yusuke and should be no cause for alarm.
Q: Every time my friend brings her Kuwabara over, all my Yusuke and her Kuwabara do is fight. Why?
A: Yusuke and Kuwabara used to be the worst of rivals, but are now the best of friends (though their rivalry rears its head again every so often). Insulting and fighting each other are just their way of showing their affection for each other. It's completely normal.
Q: But their fights are getting from bad to worse, and my Yusuke is beating up my friend's Kuwabara too much. Should my friend and I keep them apart?
A: No. This would upset both your Yusuke and her Kuwabara. They may deny this, but your Yusuke and her Kuwabara actually like each other a great deal, to the point that they would be willing to die for each other and avenge each other's deaths. Just let them do their thing. Should you prefer to purchase a pair of less physically argumentative male friends, we recommend the Kurama (any edition) and the Hiei (the White-Skinned, not the Green-Skinned, edition), or the Jin and the Touya.
Q: My Yusuke can't fire his Spirit Gun! What should I do?
A: Your Yusuke may not yet know that he has a Spirit Gun at all. We recommend that you purchase a Koenma to break the good news to him, and to teach him how to shoot. We also recommend that you purchase an Iwamoto as your Yusuke's first practice target. When your Yusuke is ready, you may then upgrade your Iwamoto to a Gouki, and then to a Hiei (Green-Skinned edition). (Each sold separately.)
Q: Okay, so now my Yusuke can fire his Spirit Gun and has been practicing with it, but he doesn't seem to be getting any stronger. What could be the problem?
A: Your Yusuke is already physically strong upon your date of purchase, but needs to be taught mental discipline through formal training. We recommend that you purchase a Genkai for this training. Having your or a friend's Kuwabara training alongside your Yusuke will also help wonders.
Q: My Yusuke smokes! Is this a factory defect?
A: No. In fact, this means that you have received the very rare Limited Edition Smoking!Yusuke, courtesy of our sponsors. This is to show our appreciation for your purchase of the Yusuke Urameshi-Genkai Tandem Set. (Your brand new Genkai also smokes.) We thank you for your patronage.
Q: Since I received my Yusuke, I have been noticing Kuwabaras, Chuus, Jins, Younger Toguros, Shinobu Sensuis, Hokushins, Raizens, and Yomis suddenly appearing in and near my house. Is this because of my Yusuke again?
A: Yes. But don't worry, your Yusuke has everything under control and will defeat whoever he has to in order to keep you and your household safe from harm. (He will do it for the thrill of the fight, though.) We also recommend that you welcome a Raizen into your home, as he is your Yusuke's ancestral father and your Yusuke may want to challenge him to a duel and simply spend time with the father he never had growing up. We assure you that every Raizen is fond of humans and will cause you no harm. (Unless he experiences pangs of hunger for human flesh while in your home, in which case 'Anime Characters R Us: YYH Department' will not be held responsible for any damage he may cause you or your property.)
Q: I purchased the optional Yusuke Urameshi Wardrobe Set Number 3 (white T-shirt, denim jeans, and white sports sneakers) for my Yusuke, and just now I noticed that his white T-shirt is all wet and tattered, and he's not wearing his right sneaker anymore! I want my money back!
A: Sorry, we here at 'Anime Character R Us' have a No Return policy that applies to our Characters' Clothing, Weapons, and Accessories. However, we guarantee that your Yusuke lost his T-shirt and sneaker in his battle with a Shinobu Sensui (of the Minoru and Kazuya editions). To complete your Yusuke's attire once again, we recommend that you dress your Yusuke in another Wardrobe Set, or purchase another box of the Yusuke Urameshi Wardrobe Set Number 3. We also highly recommend stripping your Yusuke naked for guaranteed customer satisfaction.
Q: I purchased the Yusuke Urameshi Standard Human Edition, but he now has very long hair and strange tattoos on his face, chest, and arms! My baby Puu has also turned into a large phoenix! How did this happen?
A: Your Yusuke has died again, this time in the hands of a Shinobu Sensui (Shinobu edition). But don't worry; your Yusuke has come back to life once more. Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of the Limited Edition Demon Yusuke, which you have received ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Q: But I prefer my Human Edition Yusuke to this one. Will I need to purchase him again?
A: No. The tattoos on your Limited Edition Demon Yusuke are made from a water-soluble dye and are only semi-permanent stick-ons. (Your Human Yusuke may have put them on in your absence.) They are easily removable by immersion into water followed by rigorous wiping. To restore your Yusuke Urameshi's original hair length, we recommend that you purchase a Kurama. (Kindly make sure to specify the Shuuichi Minamino edition in your order form.)
Q: My Yusuke dropped out of school. Should I be worried?
A: Not at all. Education never really was of great importance to your Yusuke. We assure you, we all knew this was coming.
Q: Why does Yusuke Urameshi not come with any warranty at all?
A: We here at 'Anime Characters R Us: YYH' consider the possibility of a return or exchange of a Yusuke Urameshi highly unlikely because we guarantee that every Yusuke out in the market and sold in stores is capable of an infinite number of resurrections. We give you our word that he will never die on you permanently; he will always come back to life, one way or another. WHAT MORE WARRANTY DO YOU WANT? HE NEVER FREAKING DIES!
If You Enjoyed Yusuke Urameshi, You May Also Enjoy:
Kazuma Kuwabara
Kurama (any edition)
Hiei (Standard White-Skinned edition)
Keiko Yukimura
Botan
Genkai
Shizuru Kuwabara
Yukina
Koenma
Principal Takenaka
Chuu
Rinku
Jin
Suzuki
Hinageshi
Asato Kido
Yuu Kaitou
Mitsunari Yanagisawa
Kiyoshi Mitarai, alias Seaman
Kuroko Sanada-Satou
Hokushin
Raizen
Mukuro
Enki
Yusuke Urameshi is NOT compatible with:
Atsuko Urameshi
Mr. Iwamoto
Mr. Akashi
Gouki
Hiei (Green-Skinned edition)
Kibano
Kazemaru
Rando (Shaolin and Redhead editions)
Suzaku
Doctor Ichigaki
Bakken
Shishiwakamaru
Younger Toguro
Yakumo
Shinobu Sensui, alias Dark Angel (all seven editions)
Itsuki, alias Gatekeeper
Minoru Kamiya, alias Doctor
Kaname Hagiri, alias Sniper
Captain Ootake
Enma Daiou
Shura
Yomi
Basically everyone who wants a piece of his ass—and not just because they want to fight him
Warranty
Sorry, your Yusuke Urameshi does not come with any Return warranty. In case you find you are not happy with him, Yusuke Urameshi can only be exchanged if one or more of the following occurs:
- He acts like a perfect gentleman from the moment you open the box
- He rapes any of the characters listed above
- He is raped by any of the characters listed above
That is, IF you still want to exchange him. We recommend that you just sit back, watch, and enjoy.
There! Our main man Yusuke's done! \^o^/ Whose manual's next?
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