…You guys are gonna hate me…

Interviewers: Demon, Linkin

Interviewees: Honey, Haruhi

My Boss: Mr. Ticsman (SCREW YOU MRS. OSWALDES! I HOPE YOU'RE FRYING IN HELL, YOU BITCH!)

Thanks to: My magic hat and NightofYourNightmares

"HOW COULD YOU LOSE THE LIST?!" Demon shakes me with tears pouring down her face. "DON'T TELL ME THIS MEANS I CAN'T RA-I mean…Interview Sebby with you?" Her voice breaks a bit.

My eyes, however, are as wide as freaking Christmas. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? And I remembered some, so you are not going to be deprived of 'Sebby rape' most likely."

"YAY~" she twirls. "Now…WE'RE OFF TO OURAN ACADEMY~ FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WOMANIZERS~"

I follow in suit with my measly clipboard (stupid folder was lost in a poker game, but I'm not telling Demon that!). Ouran Academy looms over us as we approach, a girl, whatever they are, with brown hair and eyes standing next to a cute blonde with big, brown eyes. The first is Haruhi, who may I say looks more like a boy in person. It's hard for me to see that she's actually a girl! The second is Honey, his actual name unpronounceable to me.

"Oh! You came!" Honey cheers, twirling and racing over. "Hello! I'm Mitsukuni Haninozuka, but you can call me Honey!"

Demon leans down a little, smiling. "Well hello Honey~ I'm Demon and this," she motions to me, "is Linkin!"

He waves and Haruhi steps up. She bows her head. "Nice to meet you two. I'm Haruhi Fujioka."

"Nice to meet you," I wave. "So, let's sit on that non-suspicious bench over there," I point to the only bench in the courtyard not covered with moss or rope, "and get started, shall we?"

They nod and sit on the bench. Demon jumps to sit next to Honey, but I grab the scruff of her shirt and drag her next to me on the ground. She sulks as I scan the clipboard, legs crossed in criss-cross-applesause or whatever the heck they call it these days. "Why do I have to sit on the ground?" she complains.

"Because there's only so much room on the bench," I state. When I face her, a dark aura surrounds her, making me shrink. "Eh…What?"

"Was that a fat joke?"

"N-NO!" I hide behind Haruhi. "The benches are small!"

She sparkles. "Oh, okay~" she cheers.

Shivering, I walk back to my spot and sit down on the ground. "…Okay…That aside, first question goes to Haruhi." She looks up. "Okay, if you had to pick someone to be stuck on a deserted island with, out of all the Host Club, who would it be?"

Haruhi thinks a bit, staring up at the sky with a finger on her chin. "I think Mori-sempai, seeing he's a strong guy and could be helpful to survival." I mark that answer down.

"My turn!" Demon wriggles. "Honey, if you had the choice, would you marry cake?"

I stare at my buddy. "…What kind of question is that?"

"Don't ridicule my questions!" she pouts.

"Okay, okay!" I huff. Honey nods. "…Really?"

"Yep!" he smiles. "Cake is wonderful, and I guess I would if I could!"

He sparkles with innocence, pink flowers circulating his face. What the Hell? "Aw~ So cute!" Demon tackles him.

"ACK!"

I, however, don't bother her about it seeing as I have a hard time restraining my urge to tackle him as well. "Uh, Honey!" I call.

Demon stands up from behind the bench, holding Honey. He faces me with a smile. "Yep?"

I read the question right off the list my boss gave me. "Are you…healthy as can be?"

He tilts his head. "Yeah…you sound unsure."

"N-No!" I laugh nervously. "Why would I be? HAHAHA!" I obliterate the words 'are you mentally stable' off the page with heavy loads of graphite. I swear my bosses keep trying to kill me!

Pushing that aside, we all move on. "Okay, this one's for Haruhi~" Demon sets Honey down onto the bench.

"Okay," Haruhi smiles.

Demon forces herself in between Haruhi and Honey, getting close to her face. "Do you enjoy cross-dressing?"

We all blink as Haruhi twitches, her face getting a lot of those 'gloom lines'. "What?"

"Do you enjoy dressing up like a boy instead of a girl?" Demon rephrases.

"Well, this uniform is better than the poofy, girl uniforms," Haruhi shrugs. "Even so, it's not like I enjoy pretending to be a boy every day! It's kind of weird talking to girls like that when you're a girl yourself…"

Anyone else noticing that it is eerily normal right now? I hope it's just me. "Okay, question…" I count off the questions in my head. "…Five goes to Honey."

"Ask away!" he giggles.

I nod and read it directly off the page. This time it's appropriate. "What is the main personality trait you look for in a girl?"

"Kindness, duh!" he laughs. "If they're not nice, why would you like them?"

Sort of agree with that, to tell the truth. I cross it off and jot down the answer as Demon takes her turn. "Okay, question six is for Haruhi again!" She faces said cross-dresser. "Would you rather die from suffocation or being run over by something?"

Haruhi looks a bit mortified. "S-Suffocation?!" her voice slightly cracks. "What's with the odd question?!"

"It's just what we do, ma'am," I shrug. "Here's a pretty normal one for you, Haruhi. What's your favorite color?"

She seems to relax a bit. "I guess purple or brown…Either one I guess."

'Either purple or brown because she can never fucking decide' goes onto the paper, along with an 'X' on the number seven. "I go ne-"-Demon starts.

"HONEY!" girls squeal.

"OOH~ HARUHI TO!" more girls squeal.

Yep, it had to happen. It just had to. It's either the fact that God hates me, or some sick, twisted bitch is making me have bad luck for peoples entertainments. Hehe, thank you~ a voice in my head cackles. We all turn to the school entrance to see what seems like a fucking militia of fan girls and scream in unison, "RUN FOR IT!"

We all do so. Demon is laughing most of the time, while I scream in absolute horror. Honey also laughs while Haruhi screams in absolute horror. I feel like asking why the heck Demon and I have clones, but I hold it in because I'm not stupid enough to leave myself to these piranhas! We burst into Music Room Four and slam the door shut, scaring most of the host club inside.

"Haruhi, wha-"-Kyoya begins.

He's cut off by the sound of the chairs and whatever else we can find being stacked up to the door. "Hey Linkin, Demon," Kaoru and Hikaru watch us with blank eyes. I guess that they were expecting a warm welcome from us or something.

At the end, Haruhi and I are panting while Demon and Honey are cheering and admiring the barricade. Both of us stare at them, since they are maniacs (well, I guess I shouldn't be talking), and pat each other on the back. "Okay…a job well done," we agree.

Demon claps. "Okay, back to the interview!" She skips over to Tamaki, sitting in some kind of throne, and tips the chair from behind to get him off. In his place, she sets Honey. "My next question for Honey is: Who do you hate most in this club?"

Honey blinks and his eyes water, looking a bit sad. "But I can't say I hate anyone in here…They're all so nice!"

"Aw…Thanks Honey!" Tamaki smiles. "Now who exactly are you two?"

Haruhi is the one to answer. "These two girls are authors who interview people." She pats my head. "This is Linkin and the other is Demon."

"Well, nice to meet you ladies," Tamaki turns all pedoish and grabs me, dipping me a little like in a tango dance. "Why not interview someone like me?"

My pepper spray is whipped out and it goes into his eyes. "RAPE!"

"OW!" he drops me.

"OOMPH!"

Kaoru and Hikaru start laughing. "Oh dear…" Kyoya sighs.

"Are you okay, Tamaki-sempai?!" Haruhi rushes over.

"Weren't we in the middle of an interview?" Demon helps me up.

I nod. "Well, we were before that…Don't worry Haruhi, it's just pepper spray!"

"IT FEELS LIKE ACID!" Tamaki roars.

My eyes flash behind my eyelids and I check the label on the can. ACID SPRAY. Oops. "…Hehe…" I break out into cold sweat. "Um…Just wash vigorously and it should be fine!" Seeing as he can't see my unsure expression, he struggles to go to the bathroom and do just that. In so, Mori and Kyoya help him to go there. Feeling on no level guilty, more like sad for the major sue I am going to get, I check the board. "Now…Haruhi, how much of a sue do you think am I going to get for that?" I mope.

Still a bit stunned, she thinks about it. "Umm…Maybe $23,000 or something?" My groan makes her cringe from guilt.

"Ah, don't worry!" Kaoru pats my back. "He'll forgive you!"

Only if the pepper spray went into this can and it was actually pepper! Demon laughs nervously, patting my head constantly. "U-Um…Last question to Honey! How would you rate this interview experience?"

"An eight out of ten!" he jumps.

Sure better than Kaname and Zero, but those two are more stoic. "Okay, we're done Linkin!" Demon tries to cheer me up. "We can go home now!"

"Not exactly…" I mutter.

She stares at me, confused. "Why's that?"

I point to the window and she looks out to freeze and whine. She most likely saw all the fan girls barricading the gates out of school grounds.

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