Just a silly detour from my mind. I love the Peter/Elizabeth marriage but I also think that Elizabeth has a certain weakness for Neal, not sure if it's in a sexual way but well... Let's see what comes up ;-)
This story begins right when Stanzler tried to kill Peter and Neal had to flash his fake badge everywhere... (Episode: Power Play, Season 2)
"FBI! Everybody, remain calm!" yelled Neal Caffrey, not FBI, while flashing his fake Peter Burke ID. He couldn't help but smile at seeing the reaction he got. People were just listening to him, actually listening and for the first time, following his lead not because of his smile or honey words. He had authority. Being Peter Burke was not so bad after all, he thought.
This whole power outage ordeal had made Neal "accidentally" impersonate Peter and after he saved the day as fake FBI agent, he was really glooming with happiness. Of course Mozzie was right when he said that "If you keep crossing your eyes they will remain like that" and Neal kept on secretly wanting to be FBI and now he was FBI, at least for one day.
"Good job, Agent" a police man told Neal patting his back and with hands on hips, he kept on smiling and nodding. Agent Caffrey sounded pretty cool.
Peter was looking from afar chuckling. He knew how much Neal was enjoying being on the good side of the law even though he would never admit it.
"Hey, Agent?" shouted Peter giving Neal the FBI finger signaling to come over
Neal was grateful to Peter for not blowing his cover in front of the other policemen and went over to him.
"Yes, boss?" asked Neal with a smug smile
"Give me the fake badge" commanded Peter flatly.
"Hey, no need for the rush. We got an arrest going on here" said Neal still pretending to be all puffy in the chest and agent-like
"Neal… I got an arrest. YOU are gonna take Elizabeth home for me while I wrap this case up at the Bureau" said Peter not caring about Neal's pouty lips.
"But Peter!"
"No buts. Your little act is done for the day. When you go to Quantico, then you'll have arrests to do" said Peter tiredly. Seriously, Neal's antics were cute sometimes but right now he had a headache and no patience.
"Do I get to go to Quantico?!" asked Neal almost bouncing like a 5 year-old
Peter chuckled "I have no idea what's the policy for ex-felons to go there but right now, you're just Neal Caffrey, which believe me, it's more than enough"
"Aw Peter! Didn't know you had me in such high regards! Thanks!" said Neal grinning
"Shut up. Elizabeth is still inside the building. Go get her and drive her safe" pointed Peter in the direction where the event was held
"But why not you? Or Jones, Diana?" asked Neal a little curious. Never before had he been trusted with driving Elizabeth home.
"Because we all need to take Stanzler to the Bureau and do the declarations, paperwork, etc., lots of things to do and very few hands. I would take you as well but you'll just be a pain in the ass and, I don't want Elizabeth to be driving alone at this time of night, so just go, take her home, then drive yourself to June's and you pick me up tomorrow at 7:30 bright and early with a double espresso in hand. Are we clear?!" ordered Peter in one breath.
"Crystal" said Neal shrugging and then mock-saluted him "Sir, yes, sir!"
Peter just sighed shaking his head and threw his car keys to Neal.
Elizabeth was sitting on a bar stool with a champagne glass in hand.
"Hey wifey, ready to go? I get to take you home tonight" said Neal suggestively going along with their little play-pretend marriage.
Elizabeth turned to look at him and started giggling like a 14 year-old. Neal chuckled; she was obviously a little tipsy so he went to sit next to her.
"What?" asked Neal with a lopsided smile
"You. Are. Really. Pretty" said Elizabeth and started laughing this time
Neal frowned but remained smiling "No. You are pretty" he said as if talking to a 9 year-old playing along. He had experience dealing with tipsy people; Mozz had given him a PhD.
Elizabeth reached for the almost empty bottle and couldn't find a glass so she just put the bottle in front of Neal "Have a drink, hon" she said winking at Neal
She was having fun, she seemed so relaxed. Neal had always imagined Elizabeth to be the adventurous one, the popular girl in school who managed to fall in love with the geeky mathlete. So Neal decided to prove his theory.
"I see you had a few drinks. Taking advantage from the husband's absence, huh?" teased Neal
"Who said he's absent?" she said flirtatiously playing with Neal's tie
Neal did not see that one coming and he, for the first time, felt REALLY nervous in front of a woman. This was not just any woman; she was the wife of certain lawman who threatened often to put him behind bars.
Laughing nervously Neal took her hand in his and put it back on her lap "Um, Elle. I think we should better go home"
"Oh you wanna take me home so soon? Buy me a drink first, handsome" she said trapping Neal's hand on her lap and directly on her leg.
Neal gulped "That's… not what I meant"
"Oh c'mon, Neal! Have a little fun! Have a drink, will you? It's a shame to have this fine champagne go to waste" she said sounding a lot more like the usual motherly Elizabeth
Neal relaxed a bit and accepted the drink…
"Plus, we can make frozen margaritas later with that damn 7 inches ice bear" muttered Elizabeth bitterly remembering the stubborn Mr Stanzler wanting the impossible for his party.
Neal just laughed. Yep, Elle was definitely the fun type. He decided he could relax and have a little fun.
Three hours later and three bottles of champagne down, they were laughing hysterically.
"You ran naked across campus?!" asked Neal shocked and very much drunk
"Ssssshhhhhh! Yes, all flesh. All that had to bounce, bounced" she said disgusted
"Oh phleaseee! Nothing bounces in that beautiful body of yours! It's perfect! I would paint you naked if I could!" said Neal signaling said body
Elizabeth actually blushed at that. Peter would never ever be able to tell her those things. Maybe paint her corpse's silhouette with chalk on the floor if she was murdered but that's all. "Um, yeah you could if only Peter wouldn't kinda kill you" and she giggled feeling embarrassed.
Neal meant it. The first time he met Elizabeth while on the Dutchman's case, he was very surprised. First because she was very beautiful and sexy, definitely not the type of wife he imagined Peter to have. Second, because she could be Kate's twin sister. He remembered how shocked he was with the resemblance but had never mentioned it to her. He got serious at the memory of Kate "You are indeed very beautiful, Elizabeth" said Neal looking at her with a very tender look and then continued in an almost inaudible tone, such a sexy whisper that only Neal could pull off "You look a lot like Kate"
Elizabeth was shocked to hear this, she never imagined Kate looked like her. She just gave him a lopsided smile and caressed his cheek briefly. Even with the alcohol in her system, she could identify the hurt in Neal's eyes.
They were very close to each other and it was a very intense moment. Elizabeth's eyes were drawing Neal as a hypnotic trance, he just kept on looking at Kate there, wishing she hadn't blown up.
When they were inches apart, Elizabeth dropped her glass accidentally breaking the trance. She tried to get down from her stool quickly feeling really embarrassed. What was she thinking?! This was Neal!
Getting down from a stool so high wasn't so easy in her state of drunkenness. While attempting to do so, she trapped her dress on the stool pretty much rolling it up all the way to her hips showing that she was wearing stockings. Neal gasped in shock, she had never imagined Mrs Suit wearing stockings and damn, she looked hot. Now he understood what Peter meant with his liking for leggy brunettes.
In his alcohol-clouded brain, Neal thought he could help with Elizabeth's predicament so he reached out and failed miserably by unhooking instead, one of the stockings which made Elle start to giggle and she seemed not embarrassed at all, she was just waiting patiently for Neal's attempts.
"Now would be a good time to take me home, baby" she said teasing him. Clumsy Neal was a rare thing and it made her relax from their previous intense moment.
Neal blushed scarlet red and just smiled sheepishly mumbling "sorry"
"Awww don't be sorry! It's not like you haven't seen one of these before, have you?" she said with a mischievous smile and then "you have beautiful hands… I used to have a crush on a guy who was a painter back in college…" she said wistfully
Neal couldn't remove his hands; it was as if they were glued to Elizabeth's leg "Always wondered if his skillful hands were skillful for everything" she said seriously and as if she was in a trance while looking and touching Neal's hands.
When Elizabeth looked up, she found Neal looking at her with a very intense stare, eyes almost black from the dilatation of his pupils and his mouth slightly open. They were very close and she could feel his breath softly and smell his cologne. It's Jean Paul Gaultier, she recognized. She loved it and bought it for Peter once but he refused to use it simply because the bottle was "very unmanly" he had said. Only Peter would have such a silly argument but she knew Neal had no trouble at all with it. He smelled great! And considering he was the most handsome man Elizabeth had ever met, it was doing funny things on her stomach and below her stomach as well.
She cleared her throat and regained certain control over her alcohol infused body "we should go" she said quietly and tried again to get down from the stool but couldn't, the dress was still stucked.
"Here, let me" said Neal stepping down himself and lifting her easily by the waist so she could avoid pulling the dress further but in the process, the dress got ripped open fully, all the way to her lower back and she would've fell from the stool if Neal hadn't been holding her. They started laughing uncontrollably looking at the damage.
Neal took his jacket off and covered her from the waist down "Oh what a gentleman. First you rip my dress open and now you cover me up? Best fake husband ever!" she said sarcastically and kissed Neal on the cheek
He just grinned "If all wives are like you, I can't wait to get married!" he answered playing along. He offered his arm and started walking out.
"Neal, you can't drive" she said
"Of course I can!" he said followed by a huge amount of dizziness "Um… Right… cab?"
And they giggled.
The ride home was a quiet one. Elizabeth actually dozed off on Neal's shoulder and he remained content just serving as pillow and trying really hard to keep his open himself so they wouldn't end up in Jersey or some place else.
When they arrived at the Burke's house, Neal paid for the cab insisting he was truly a gentleman and that he could always get cash, which made Elizabeth giggle.
They entered the house giggling over some silly remark Neal said about Mozzie looking like Mr. Potato head from Toy Story and tripping over each other; Neal hugging Elle from the waist and Elle just doing a lame job at covering her exposed legs from her ripped dress.
"What the hell?!" came Peter's voice who had just been arriving home and watched the whole ordeal.
"Peter, I didn't do it" was Neal's automatic reply and "Hey hon!" was Elizabeth's cheerful one.
Hands on hips and a huge frown, Peter shouted "CARE TO EXPLAIN?!" he said looking Elizabeth up and down her ripped dressed and her unhooked stockings. If he hadn't been so mad, he would've had an instant hard-on.
"Peter, you told me to bring Elle home and she is home" Neal explained in a sing-sang voice
"I told you to DRIVE HER home, not to get her drunk!" said Peter
"Oh honey, I got drunk all by myself" answered Elle giggling and Peter fumed with eyes as big as pancakes
"And what the hell happened to your dress?!" asked Peter trying to cover Elizabeth up with the kilt that was over the couch
"Loooong story, Peter. But Elle has nothing to be ashamed of, promise" said Neal happily, not realizing he was sealing his death sentence by the look on Peter's eyes who went and grabbed Neal by his clothes pushing him against the stairwell.
Elizabeth gasped "Peter!" and when trying to stop him she tripped and fell down.
Peter went over to her "Honey you ok?" and when he made sure she was ok, he turned to look at Neal sending a cold stare to him "Get out, Neal. I'll deal with you sober tomorrow"
Neal was already going for the door and said "Peter, you are very lucky, you have a lovely wife" he said mumbling and left quickly. He meant it but Peter probably wouldn't understand his sincere appreciation right now, let alone the fact that he even wanted to paint her. Nope, that could wait for another time, he thought.
Elle hurt her ankle when she tripped down so Peter carried her up to their room sitting her on the bed. He tenderly took off her clothes, put her PJ's on and brought the first aid kit. He started applying some icy-hot on her ankle and a bandage. When he finished, he kissed her ankle "Feel better?"
She just smiled and nodded. Peter then went to the bathroom and brought all her toiletries to remove her make up "Let me do it" he said and started doing it gently, tying her hair in a ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way. He then brought her toothbrush with toothpaste on it and a small bowl to spit.
He then went down and brought up a glass of water and some aspirin "Take these, you'll thank me in the morning" he said. She nodded and obeyed.
Peter might not be an artist and blessed with physical perfection as Neal, but he had been blessed with an amazing heart. She didn't need the perfect man, she needed a perfect man for her heart and that, for sure, was Peter Burke.
"Elle, why did you get drunk with Neal? You know how dangerous it was?" he asked interrupting her thoughts
"Dangerous?" she asked confused. It was silly, yes, but dangerous?
"Yeah, I mean, he is a criminal" Peter explained not very convincing
Elle was still feeling tipsy but not enough to pass up the absurd argument "Hon, Neal is like family. He is not dangerous and you know that. You trusted him to bring me home, didn't you?"
"Yeah but still…" Peter was looking everywhere but at her
"Hon? What's the matter?" she asked touching his arm to make him look at her
Peter just sighed and blurted "Neal is very dangerous, maybe not as a criminal but he is a very attractive man" – the last part was pronounced in a very shy voice.
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows in surprise "And you think he was going to seduce me?"
"Well… it crossed my mind… and you being drunk didn't help either…" Peter started saying and Elizabeth just started laughing out loud. If he only knew! She was the one teasing Neal all the time!
"You're jealous!" she said between her laughter
"Don't laugh! I'm serious. I've seen Neal around women and it's just, agh! You should see all women going gooey eyed with him as little girls who look up at a Disney prince or something. No one can resist him!" explained Peter desperate
"And you think I won't be the exception?" she asked calming down now
"Well…"
"Peter!"
"I'm sorry but I can't help it. He is just… plus, you look a lot like Kate" he said
"Hhmm he did say that" Elle said remembering
"He did?! Why did he bring it up?" Peter asked
Oh boy, she better not explain the whole conversation that led to that comment… "He was drunk too and he just started confessing how much he missed Kate" she said simply
Peter just nodded "Yeah, poor kid"
Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief herself having avoided that awkward moment "Neal is a great man, not just because he is drop-dead gorgeous…" and when Peter looked up at her frowning she continued chuckling "but because he has a good heart, I'm sure he will find someone"
"Yeah… Sara Ellis seems to be cozying up to him" Peter said
"Oh, the insurance investigator?"
"Yeah, they've been spending a lot of time together lately and like you said, the fighting leads to sparks so who knows" he said
"Not only the fighting leads to sparks" she said smiling mischievously pulling him in for a kiss
When they parted, Peter smirked "If only you weren't so drunk…" he said and then "Do you have any idea how hot you looked when you entered the house looking like that?"
"Yeah, Neal told me too" she said and instantly regretted it by Peter's look "Oh honey, he is a gentleman, he was very respectful. He knows beauty when he sees it, right?" she said feigning shyness.
"Beauty yes, but you're all mine" he said whispering
"I wouldn't have it any other way" she answered seductively and then added more serious "Honestly, Peter, I can't imagine myself with anyone other than you. I love you just the way you are, you're MY Disney prince" she said smiling broadly
Peter just grinned stupidly and went to lie down next to his own princess and forgetting momentarily his anger towards certain prince not-so-charming.
THE END
So? What did you think? I know most people see Elle as a motherly figure to Neal but to me there's just a very fine line of attraction there LOL. Anyway, all comments are welcome!