Stupid Emmett
This takes place right after Bella is changed in Breaking Dawn.
Emmett: Wow, Bella, you look hot!
Edward:*growls*
Emmett: Well I'm sorry, geez.
Edward: You do look beautiful, love.
Bella: Thanks. Wow, I do sound different. This will take a while to get used to. Can I see my baby?
Edward: Love, that may not be such a good idea. You see… the problem… with that is… uh…
Emmett: You'll kill her if you are in the same room with her. You are a newborn, right?
Bella: Let…me…see…my…BABY!
Edward: Love, come down.
Emmett: Yeah, vampire. Calm down and listen to your husband and the father of your baby you can't see.
Alice: Shut up will ya. You are so stupid! It's bad enough she has bright, red eyes and can't see her baby- oops; sorry.
Bella: What? Get me a mirror.
Carlisle and Esme bring in the mirror.
Bella: THIS IS HORRIBLE! I LOOK LIKE A DEMON!
Emmett: Hell, yeah. You are like Godzilla.
Edward pounces on Emmett.
Esme: Boys, stop it NOW!
Edward: Sorry.
Emmett: Well it is his fault that he is so sensitive. He needs to learn how to take a joke, I mean whoever lives with me has to learn that rule.
Bella: Shut up, will you?
Emmett: If you think you are so tough then I challenge you to an arm-wrestle.
Bella: Right after I see my baby. EDWARD!
Edward: Let's go and get this over with.
The Cullens go downstairs in a split second.
Bella: YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I SHALL NAME YOU… RENESMEE!
Renesmee touches Bella and she sees everything that she has missed and more.
Bella: Wow, I love your power. Did all of you guys know about this?
Emmett: No, we thought we are crazy because we see these pictures in our heads.
Edward: Stupid Emmett, yes, dear, we did. We all think it is wonderful.
Emmett: I bet Edward thinks you have the power of sexiness.
Everyone: SHUT UP, EMMETT!
Jasper: You are so stupid sometimes. Bella, I'm so happy that I don't want to kill you all the time. Welcome to your new life.
Bella: Thank you. Now let's get to that arm-wrestle.
Emmett: OH YEAH, BABY!
They all walk outside and find a good place to place an arm-wrestle.
Emmett: Prepare to meet your maker.
Bella: Whatever.
Jasper: *whispering* I bet 5 bucks on Emmett.
Alice: *whispering* Do you really want to bet on me?
Jasper: *whispering* Edward, I bet 5 bucks on Emmett.
Edward: *whispering* I bet 10 bucks on Bella.
Jasper: *whispering* You're on!
Rosalie: Let the games begin!
Bella takes Emmett down in less than a second.
Edward: IN YOUR FACE, JASPER!
Jasper: *sobbing* You and Alice must have consulted!
Emmett: I challenge you to a race; to that tree and back.
Bella: Whatever.
They take their places. Emmett is pumped!
Rosalie: GO!
Bella is back in 2 seconds while Emmett is back in 4.
Emmett: I hate you all!
Bella: Whatever. Now, let me go see my honey.
Edward: Yeah, now let's go get a room for you an-
Bella: Hello, Renesmee. Did you see me take your uncle Emmett down? He thinks he is so tough. I'm a newborn, you know?
Edward: Honey, aren't you going to celebrate your victory with your husband?
Emmett: Look like your hottie has moved on.
Edward: Don't… call… her… that!
Emmett: *talking in a baby voice* Look who is a sensitive daddy. Yes you are, yes you are. Ah googoo, googoo!
Edward tackles Emmett again.
Esme: Enough you two, enough!
Emmett: You have to live with this "special family", "mommy"!
Esme and Edward tackle Emmett.
Carlisle: Stop this right now, all of you.
Esme: Honey, he called our family special.
Everyone tackles Emmett, even the wolves. Emmet manages to get a word in.
Emmett: God, people. I was only kidding. Can't you take a joke?
Everyone: YOU ARE SOOOO STUPID, EMMETT!
Emmett: I have been hearing those words a lot lately.