Your name is Dave Strider-The prince of irony. But unironically you're fucking broke.
You can't remember when you last had a proper meal and your stomach is protesting very loudly. '' Oh shut up... I know you're upset but keep your cool, shit...'' you mumble to yourself.
You are walking home from another miserably failed job interview with your gaze cast down and your feet dragging along the concrete of the parking garage. Making your way to your motorcycle you check your phone when you hear it beep. A text from Bro. Oh great... You grunt and open the text: ''Yo. I figured you failed again. I promise to laugh at you when I come back.''
Fucking Bro. You did not need that right now. Fortunately Bro was in Europe at the moment. He had been invited to be DJ'ing at a party there. ( How the fuck did Bro know someone from France? ) And he had decided to stay there for the time being leaving you to take care of yourself. You had failed at it, but wouldn't tell Bro about the situation being so bad. He did know though that you had lost your job when the place went bankrupt.
You slid your phone in your black skinny jeans pocket and lifted your helmet from the bikes handlebar. You slowly take of your shades and hang them on your shirt. Then quickly you put the helmet on and you dig your pocket for keys. The keys are attached to your jeans with a double-chain that clatters as you turn the key. The bike rumbles under you happily. You drive out of the large underground concrete hall. Not bothering to put the turning signal on you turn left and drive home.
Feeling defeated you don't turn on the lights as you walk inside your shitty apartment. And yes, it was really shitty. You had lost the apartment you and Bro shared because you couldn't pay the rent on your own. Fucking Bro didn't even bother sending you money for food.
You kicked your shoes off, going for the fridge that stood in one corner of the room. The apartment has two rooms: The room in which you were standing at the moment. In that room is your bed, a small TV and a coffee table that you use for eating. The other room is a bathroom that has a bathtub. You had managed to live there for almost three weeks without losing your mind. Your kitchen consists a fridge and a microwave. The microwave is placed on a stool that you think will be enough for now. The apartment is really hipster-like. It has red brick walls and long white curtains covering the large window placed in the center of the back wall. Your so-called-kitchen located on the right side of the apartment and your bed in the center. The small TV is on a plank rested on two short brick towers. You are proud of your 'construction'. Maybe a bit too proud, since it looks pretty ugly. The coffee table is in between your bed and the TV. It's really old and the glass surface is scratched.
You take out bread and some ham from the fridge and make a sandwich. And yes the bread is in the fridge because you really couldn't afford for it to go bad.
You eat the sandwich in a few bites and go to the bathroom. It is nice compared to the other room. The sink is on the right side of the room. The toilet opposite of it and the bathtub in the back cowered with a shower curtain. You lift the toilet seat and take a piss. You put the seat down and flush. Going back you let your pants slide on the floor as you walk and kick them off. You take your shirt off and throw it somewhere near you jeans. At least you think that's the way they went but aren't really sure.
You flop on the bed face first and groan at the cheap mattress. It doesn't smell thankfully, but it's hard and has uncomfortable lumps.
You really are ashamed to live like this. You're fucking 19 and single, but all you can do is go to job interviews and bum smokes and beer from your friends whenever you happen to meet.
When sleep finally catches you in it's grasp you let out a long breath and relax your tense muscles. Sleep fortunately wasn't something you had to pay for, so for a moment you could relax and empty your head.
You wake up way too early in your opinion. You had forgotten to close the curtains last night and sun was shining right in your eyes drifting you from sleep. Groaning you get up and brush your hair out of your eyes as you try to open them in the beaming light. After a while you just give up and reach for your shades but can't find them. You figure you left them somewhere in the apartment and get up. One hand over your eyes and the other searching the air before you, you reach for the curtains and close them slowly. Opening your eyes you blink a few times before checking the time on your phone that you find on the coffee table. Seven-fucking-thirty. How the fuck does one wake up so early? How does even sun start shining so early? Where are the clouds? Could I please have some clouds over here? No? Fuck you!
Okay now you're just getting off topic. But the main point is that it's fucking early and you want to go back to sleep. Before you notice the bulge in you boxers. '' Fuuuuuck...'' You groan and scratch the back of your neck plopping down on the bed. You reach under it and get your not-even-that-shitty-but-cheap laptop and open it. What do you think a healthy young male would do in this situation? Watch my little pony like someone-whose-name-shall-not-be-called-Bro. No. You open up Firefox and go for your favorite site. Thanking your neighbors for not putting a password on their Wi-fi. '' Stupid little fucks...'' you laugh digging around the sheets trying to find your pillow and place it behind you, so you can lean on it.
One thing you like about Bro being gone is that you can watch porn without headphones. (You would use them but they kinda broke...) Crossing your legs you placed the computer in front of you. Clicking away with the mouse trying to find a good and long video since it was really annoying to pause your jerking off while looking for another clip.
''Oh yeah, this one looks good.'' You click on the video, put it on full screen and sit back. The sounds echoing in the brick walled apartment. In an instant you dig your left hand in your boxers and let the 'lil bro' (as you called your dick, though maybe you should start calling it 'big bro' if you know what i mean) out. Giving it a few pumps you lick your lips. Breathing out a long breath you start to pump faster squeezing your fist tighter around your 'lil bro' smearing precum all over your member. Since you like challenges you use your left hand. Letting out sharp breaths you lean your head back and smirk when you hear banging from the other side of the wall. (Probably didn't like to listen to porn early in the morning. I'ts sad you had to give up your turntables 'cause now you can't even drop sick beats to keep your neighbors awake at night.)
Your lips open up and you let out a silent moan. You try to catch all the cum in your right hand as you give a few final pumps. You catch your breath and stand up going for the bathroom sink. You wash your hands quickly and go back to your bed.
Turning the computer off you yawn and stretch. You pick up your shades from the floor and place them on the table. Deciding to take a quick shower you strip off your boxers and head for the bathroom. Hopefully luck is on your side today.
JOHN'S POV
You see light coming through the blinds. It's morning. Unfortunately. You don't wish to wake up yet since you are still so tired. Hopefully you are able to get something out of this day. Yesterday was a failure. You collapsed due to anemia and the doctor ordered you to rest at home today.
It's Wednesday and your aunt and uncle are at work. Fortunately. Your uncle is harsh on you. He is a drunk. He gets fired a lot. He's in debt. He beats you. You let him. You feel you deserve it.
You climb out of the bed dragging the sheets with you heading for the kitchen. The cold tile floor against your feet makes this feel more like reality than a dream. You open the curtain and look outside. The small garden is in bad shape. You have long forgotten how it looked like when someone was still taking care of it. Now it's been left to grow how it wishes. Maybe it's better that way. Makes it look free.
You yawn and take a mug from the shelf filling it with cold coffee from the coffeemaker. You sit down on the table realizing too late that it's probably dirty. You'll just have to wash the sheets later. You don't bother to find milk or sugar. Even though now you have the chance to.
The mechanical sounds breaking the unbearable silence that has been hovering over you these days. You did wrong and now you have to suffer the consequences. It was your fault after all. That's what you've been told. Your therapist says that you've blocked the memories from that time. You think it's better that way. Not remembering the pain that caused this misery.
Waking up from your thoughts you gulp down rest of the coffee and hurry to take a shower.
You avoid looking in the mirror that's on the hallway wall. You don't want to look at yourself. You despise yourself. You feel sorry for those who have to look at you. Your skin is stained with scars and bruises made by the man you fear and depend on. He controls you. You are just a puppet with no emotions. You feel you don't deserve anything else than pain. You caused two people to die. You deserve this.
You take a cold shower. To you there is no difference between cold and warmth.
How can a person sink this low? You are disappointed in yourself. You didn't even succeed to kill yourself. You are too weak. You tried to improve yourself. You got a job. You made friends. But He didn't like that. He made you quit your job. He made you study. He beats you if you don't get all A's. He wants you to make money so he doesn't have to. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't let you go out. Only to the jobs he orders you to do.
You dry your hair and walk to your room. You're lucky you got your own room. '' I don't want to look at you! Stay there.'' He says.
Going through the closet you find an old pair of ripped jeans and a white V-neck long-sleeve After cowering your body with cloth you are able to look in the mirror that hangs on the inside of your closet door. Your black hair is a mess. You have a round face that highlights your small body. Making you feel even weaker. You have a bit of an overbite and after you put on your rectangular glasses your eyes look smaller making your huge blue eyes look a bit more human.
He made a list on things you have to do. You can't slack off.