Author's note: This is my first published fic in English. It was written for the Lories Week 2015, Day 3: Protect. I hope you guys like it!
Synopsis: An insight into Loke's thoughts right after the battle against Angel.
Nothingness
"I'm so sorry… Lucy…" he whispered with his last breaths before banishing from Earthland.
Aries' eyes were the last thing he saw before everything turned black and the darkness swallowed him. And suddenly, there was no up or down, no left or right, only blackness covering every inch of his reality.
He was floating in a river of nothingness.
He grunted as he mentally checked on the damage his whole body had received. His throat was dry and sore; it had taken every bit of strength in his body to utter those last words to Lucy before disappearing. The burning ache his stomach was hard but bearable now that he was returning to the Spirit World. The dark and coldness were welcoming. He could feel himself flowing in the night, and suddenly it wasn't lonely darkness surrounding him anymore, but soft, healing water he was inside of. Small, shiny dots were flowing by his side and he realized he was floating in the Milky Way. The river was taking him back home.
He wondered if Aries was in the Milky Way too. The thought made him wince, and he became frightfully aware of all the pain that was running throughout his body. The centre of his chest was burning where Caelum's ray had hit, and the pain spread to the rest of his limbs. But worse than that were the memories of the fight that had taken place just some minutes ago. A series of images ran through his head. He was able to see every punch, every kick, all the damage he had inflicted on Aries.
The heart-breaking image of her sweet, innocent face contorting in pain under his fist was carved out with red-hot iron in his mind. He could feel his knuckles burn. Every hit he had delivered her, he had felt it a thousand times worse on his own flesh. He cursed whatever force of destiny that had compelled them to fight.
Still, he knew that refusing to battle hadn't been an option. It would have gone against his leonine nature, and it would have hurt not only his honour as a celestial spirit but hers too. A gust of pride swelled in his heart when he remembered the braveness she had worn on her face. Her eyes had been determined and he had felt the Ram's will power in each of her punches. A sad smile graced his lips.
"Bittersweet, huh…"
But then Caelum's ray piercing a totally unprepared Aries assaulted his mind, and any positive feelings he could have had disappeared. He remembered the surprise in her face, the pain marking her features, and the sorrow that ripped tears from her eyes. She was just a little lamb who had already suffered too much and who didn't deserve any more grief.
Rage began to bubble inside his chest as his palms closed in fists. Why, from all the possible celestial wizards, Aries had to end up with another abusive owner? He recalled how Angel had pet Aries' head while boasting how the ewe was her spoil of war. For the first time in his life he felt the urge to hit a woman. Karen had been despicable, but not intransigent. He was sure that if she hadn't died so soon,-if this woman hadn't killed her, he had to remind himself with bitterness- she would have changed her attitude and improved her ways towards the celestial spirits.
But this woman, Angel the name came to him covered by the deepest hatred- hadn't faltered not even for a second to shoot him through Aries. Not a sliver of hesitation had appeared in her face, not an ounce of regret. She hadn't cared at all if Aries turned out seriously hurt in the process of eliminating him. The only important thing in her eyes had been victory.
Rage was eating away his insides, making his gut burn there, where Caelum's ray had pierced through him. And deep within that rage, helplessness was born, loosening his fists and sinking him into desperation and grief.
Aries was suffering again under the hands of a sadistic summoner, but this time he could do nothing to help her. She had gone through the worst horrors a woman could suffer under Karen Lilica's hands, only to end up in possession of an owner who gave the same importance to her life than what she would have given to an old rag. And this time he could do nothing to help her.
The waters of the Milky Way were working hard to heal him. However, it had been a direct impact and he knew he would take days to recover. He was an extremely strong spirit, and yet the damage had been terrible. How serious were Aries' wounds? She was much weaker than him. Had she arrived to the river fast enough? Concern was like a black hole inside of him, consuming his sanity. He still hadn't spotted her in the river. She should already be here.
What if her owner had forced her to stay in the Human World to keep fighting? It was an absurd idea, but that woman hadn't hesitated to shoot him through Aries to attack him. What would stop her to force Aries to keep fighting, even when she was already severely injured?
A cold pain that had nothing to do with his wound began to spread from the left side of his chest to the rest of his body. Aries, wherever she was, was suffering the disgrace of being treated as a soulless object again, but this time she was enduring it alone. The fight had never stopped for her, it had only worsened.
He had the tremendous urgency to hug her, shelter her within his arms, make sure nothing and no one could hurt her ever again.
He wished he knew where she was right now. He hadn't been capable of finding her when he was allowed to return to the Celestial World. Her face had invaded his mind every night. He had desperately sought her, needing to see her pink curls and her pale chicks, needing to know if she was alright. He had never imagined that the next time he would see her it would be facing each other as enemies.
He sighed with sorrow clogging his throat.
The lights of the Celestial Realm appeared in front of him. Where was she now? Would he be capable of protecting her this time? Could he protect her?
The nothingness kept insensitive to his silent desperation, and Loke hoped he drowned in that river of stars as helplessness consumed him in a nightmare that seemed as if it would never end.