Now and then
5-year-gap.
Song: Blackmore's Night – Now and then
The past is so familiar
But that's why you couldn't stay
Too many ghosts, too many haunted dreams
Beside you were built to find your own way
Susan buried her face in her hands, her mind lost somewhere else. Sitting there, by the counter of her kitchen, she thought of how much her vision of Mike had changed since that accident. True, she was the one who was driving that car, but… how could he not show the slightest bit of regret? She had begun to see him as a monster without feelings.
But after all these years
I thought we'd still hold on
But when I reach for you and search your eyes
I see you've already gone
However, she could not deny that she still had feelings for him. Yes, she had been the one who had wanted to get divorced, the one who had called the lawyer, as he had reminded her the day before, when they signed the papers. Even so, she could not believe that he was up there in their bedroom, packing the few things that were still left. Now there was no turning back.
That's ok
I'll be fine
I got myself, I'll heal in time
But when you go just remember what we had
A big romantic and fairytale believer, Susan had always dreamt of finding her happy ending… and she used to think she would find it with Mike. Yet seeing how things had ended between both of them, she told herself that he could not be the one if things had not worked out. She convinced herself that she would be strong and that her prince would come sooner or later.
There's more to life than just you
I may cry, but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
All the girls had been there during the whole process, supporting her and listening whenever she needed to talk. She knew she would not have to face this all alone, as her friends had told her over and over. And she could always count on her daughter Julie.
Though I may think of you now and then
Nevertheless, deep down there was something in Susan's heart telling her that he would always be part of her life. After all, they shared a child. They would be forced to see each other again, whether she liked it or not.
Can't do a thing with ashes
But throw them to the wind
Though this heart may be in pieces now
You know I'll build it up again and
As she tossed her tea, it occurred to her that there was no point in being unhappy. She had made a decision and she was going to stick to it until the end and hope everything would be fine.
I'll come back stronger
Than I ever did before
Just don't turn around
When you walk out that door
If it does not kill you, it makes you strong, they say. Her daughter's words echoed in her brain: "You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for". She had to believe it. She wanted to believe it. Still, it was hard to let go.
That's ok
I'll be fine
I got myself, I'll heal in time
Mike came downstairs, carrying the last two boxes packed with his belongings. Susan watched him, drowning her need to cry in her tea. Once he had put the boxes in his car, he moved towards Susan, who stood up.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye" he said.
Susan responded with a nod.
"Where are you going to stay?" she wondered, desperately wanting to fill the silence.
"In a guesthouse" he answered "It's not the nicest place, but at least it's cheap. It'll be ok until I find something else. Anyway, I should get going. I'll come on Friday to pick MJ up. Take care"
"You too"
They hugged one last time. It was not a lovers' hug, but a rather cold one, a mere formality. Then he finally walked out the door and closed it behind him.
But even though our story's at the end…
I still may think of you now and then
Tears slid down Susan's cheeks. The way she had felt the seconds he had hugged her said everything – he was still the love of her life.
The End.
