World Falling Down

CJ Moliere & Snapegirlkmf

1

~ Leaving Your Memories Behind Me ~

Author's Notes: I was prompted to write this by several friends on FB who all disagree with the direction the show has taken with regards to Rumple want to show a different ending to 4x11 with him, Henry and Archie working together to find their own happy endings. This is a non-Rumbelle fic, just to warn you. I don't want to get my fanfic or FB flooded with hate messages or those of my coauthor or I will have your accounts suspended for cyberbullying. As far as I am concerned canon Rumbelle was history at the end of episode 3x11 when Rumple died, not the mess that started afterwards. If you want to read non-canon Rumbelle I have plenty of other fics about it and you are welcome to read them.

Leaving your memories behind me

Hoping that nothing reminds me

Praying that I can forget

And even now I take it

One step at a time, and now I

Face the future eye to eye

I know it won't be easy, but I'll get by…

Peter Cetera – World Falling Down

New York City

Robert Gold stood at the window of his office in a Manhattan high rise and sighed deeply. Six months ago he had such high hopes that he would finally free himself from the curse that held him in its viselike grip for centuries. Then he and his beloved Belle along with their grandson Henry could at last have the fresh start he wanted so much. He didn't give a damn about the rest of the residents in the town. They only came to him when they got themselves in a jam and couldn't get out of it, never once thanking him for his troubles. Despite rumors to the contrary, he wasn't at fault for every ounce of misery in their lives. Those who made deals with him knew all magic came with a price and if the outcome wasn't what was expected, it wasn't his fault! And some of them seemed to forget they had as many sins on their consciences as he did but now were playing heroes to impress the others or in the case of a certain pirate, to get the woman his son loved just as he'd stolen Bae's mother all those years ago. He expected better from the girl who was supposed to be their savior and even more surprising was her parents' acceptance of such a relationship. It would come to no good eventually. Hook was a pirate and he always would be: taking what he wanted and everything else be damned. Regina would never be able to emerge from the shadow of the Evil Queen no matter how hard she tried either. When something or someone stood in the way of her having everything, she sought to destroy them and at the moment the only thing she wanted was to be with her outlaw even though he was married.

He knew what they were all thinking: once his beloved wife had ordered him to leave Storybrooke, he was still that magicless broken man she left at the town line. He imagined them all having a good laugh over it. What they were forgetting was that he'd had nothing before and survived and also the first curse had given him skills he never had before and during that curse he was still a powerful man.

Robert, he could no longer call himself Rumplestiltskin now, always knew how to save for a rainy day and when he gazed into the Snow Queen's mirror, he didn't want to believe the vision that appeared before his eyes, yet that didn't prevent him from preparing for it. Unbeknownst to everyone, he crossed the town line prior to the Curse of Shattered Sight being cast and travelled back to New York and opened a bank account that he deposited a large chunk of his fortune into.

He also made arrangements to take the New York State Bar Exam to become a corporate attorney. After all, deals were his specialty. The exam was scheduled for the following week; four days after his wife banished him.

The hat that he believed would be his salvation was nothing more than a cleverly baited trap that he did not see coming until it was far too late. And Hook, with all his threats and blackmailing for more than just getting his hand back needed to be gotten rid of. The man was still dangerous, only the so called heroes failed to see it. When they did, it would be too late for them too.

There were times when he still missed Belle. He once called her his light amidst an ocean of darkness but something had changed in her the day he died….or was it after? He wasn't certain since his mind wasn't always clear in the year he'd been Zelena's prisoner.

Many nights he lay awake wishing they'd just left him for dead. His son would still be alive and maybe would have gotten to know his son better. Instead, it had been Belle who fueled Bae's hopes that he could be resurrected and in doing so, she was as much responsible for Bae's death as Zelena.

Being that woman's captive for a year or knowing that his son would die if they were ever separated was not the fresh start he wanted when he rose from the Dark One vault. He still had nightmares about his year in that cage…how he'd been abused both physically and mentally, scars no one would ever see. He was too ashamed to let them see. And yet once he was free of her, the heroes dared to deny him justice when many of them extracted their own forms of justice in one way or another against their enemies, himself included.

Heroes don't kill, Regina had said.

Promise me you won't go after Zelena. You're better than that, his beloved pleaded instead of asking about his wellbeing or at least saying something about the fact that he was a parent in mourning!

He wasn't even able to go to his own son's funeral….and he would never get that image out of his head….the son he held when he was a newborn babe, he held one last time as he breathed his last.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. A child buries a parent; a parent does not bury his child! Why didn't they just leave me there…WHY!?

When did being a hero become more important than anything else, including mourning the loss of a loved one? I paid my respects to Regina and Cora even when BOTH tried to kill me…but for me when I buried my own child…NOTHING!

They didn't even have enough respect to put his true name on his headstone. He is BAELFIRE GOLD. He will always be BAELFIRE to me not NEAL!

His hands trembled as he fought back his tears. Even at the end, his son knew he was the only one who could put an end to Zelena's machinations.

"…What have you done?"

"It's okay, Papa. I told her to."

"But why?"

"So you can tell her who the witch is so you can defeat her…"

The memories gripped him mercilessly.

"Thank you, Papa, for showing me what it is to make a true sacrifice. It's about saving the ones that you love."

"No."

"It's my turn now."

"No."

"I don't want to let you go."

"I need you to. Please. Let go."

"I love you, son."

"I... I love you, Papa."

"Bae…" Robert leaned his head against the window, the last of his self-control broken and allowed his tears to fall as they had so many times when he was alone.

The others may have forgotten him but his father never would. He only wished part of his plan had succeeded and he had Bae's son with him.

There was no hope of that now. He was certain the others would never allow him to see his grandson again so that Robert could tell him his side of the story.

Robert was still drying his eyes when his office door opened and his secretary Katherine walked in.

"Mr. Gold, I just wanted to remind you about the Crowley deposition tomorrow…Mr. Gold! Are you all right?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm all right, Katherine," he insisted, turning his back to her.

She frowned. He didn't look all right, not at all. She sensed from the moment he joined the firm that he was a man who built up tall walls around himself from harms done to him in the past and maintained a professional attitude at all times hoping someday one of those walls would come down and he would need someone to talk to…or just be there to listen.

"Why don't you sit down and I'll make you some tea?" she offered.

"Really, dearie, there's no need to fuss. I just had something in my eye," he lied.

"You've had a stressful day and the tea will help. Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right back," she insisted.

He decided it was better to humor her. He barely spoke to her in the six months he was with the firm but he had observed her interacting with the rest of the staff and she was something of a mother hen, always willing to listen when someone had a problem, offer them advice and sometimes she would bring them something she cooked or baked.

She returned to the office with two cups of tea and a plate of cookies, setting them down on the coffee table. For a moment she reminded him of Belle in the days when she was his castle's caretaker but he couldn't think of that Belle anymore. She was gone. He wondered if she was even real or a figment of his imagination.

Katherine handed him one of the cups of tea. "This is a new tea I picked up yesterday….I hope you like it."

He took a sip and sighed with satisfaction. "This is wonderful, dearie. What kind is it?"

"Cinnamon almond biscotti," she replied then handed him the plate of cookies. "Would you like to try one of these?"

"I believe I will…to see if you live up to your reputation as a baker," he teased.

He took a bite of one of the peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies, thinking he'd never tasted anything so divine in his three hundred and fifty three years. He finished the first cookie then reached for a second.

"You're in the wrong profession, dearie. You should be a baker…or a chef," he said to her.

"I just…dabble…" she said modestly.

"This is more than dabbling," Robert praised after he'd finished half of the tray and his tea. "And this tea is marvelous. I will have to get some of my own so that I don't drink all of yours."

"Oh, I don't mind."

Robert sighed. "I was thinking about my son. He….passed away almost a year ago….and before that we were….estranged….and were just getting to know each other again…"

"I am so sorry!" Katherine exclaimed. "I've lost so many dear to me in the past few years….it never gets any easier…but I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you're feeling."

"He…he was murdered….by an old acquaintance of mine…out of spite…I couldn't even go to his funeral….she…abducted me and held me prisoner in her home….tortured me…" Robert looked away as the tears started to fall again.

What the hell are you doing, Robert? You can't tell her all of this! She'll have you locked up!

He couldn't explain it but his instincts were telling him that this was a person to be trusted. Katherine took a small pack of Kleenex out of her purse and handed one to him. He reminded her of one of her relatives who served overseas. Her cousin suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for many years and Kat was able to recognize some of the signs of it in her boss even if she didn't spend all her time with him. He was overworking himself, there were dark circles under his eyes, suggesting he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in weeks, possibly months and when he did sleep, she had no doubts he had nightmares about his captivity. Everyone in her family knew not to touch her cousin while she was sleeping or had nightmares since she was in "battle mode" as she called it and could easily injure someone.

"Did the police arrest her?" Kat inquired gently.

He snorted. "They did but this was a small town and the sheriff is a former bail bonds person and thief who knew very little about the law and the woman who took me was the mayor's sister. They wanted to release her."

"Idiots! She deserved to go to the chair. Please tell me you took care of it."

"I did. That woman is rotting in the deepest pit in hell!"

"Good!"

He only wished his wife had the same opinion. Instead she asked him to show that green skinned bitch mercy. Mercy? Mercy for murdering his only child and treating him worse than an animal? It was ludicrous! Sadly his wife had fallen in with the rest of that hypocritical lot where playing the hero was more important than justice.

One day he planned to return to show her, to show all of them that Rumplestiltskin was not so easily defeated. He wasn't that poor, cowardly spinner any longer. Yes, he had been afraid at first when he crossed that town line but all the preparations he made prior to it proved fruitful. He could still ruin them all without magic but for now his main concern was trying to find a way back for the one person who might still care for him, Henry. The boy was all he had left of Baelfire. The others tried to pretend he never existed. He would remind them. He would remind them all none of them would have what they did without Bae. He was the one who set the events in motion that freed them all from Zelena, not the so called Savior or her precious pirate who still had his own darkness in him whether he cared to admit it or not.

"You think I was justified?"

"Had I been there, Mr. Gold, I would've put in a few shots myself. No one deserves to be tortured and she did kill your son so she deserved what she got," Kat replied.

"My wife didn't think so. She threw me out for that and other things…."

"You never told her what happened, did you?"

"I was ashamed to but it wouldn't have mattered. Belle wants to be like the heroes in her books. She just doesn't understand that sometimes…"

"….Desperate times call for desperate measures," they said at the same time and stared at each other. "Mr. Gold, I mean no offense but your wife has to get her head out of her books and face reality. Sometimes you have to resort to unconventional methods to have justice. If those people had been in your situation they would've done the same thing whether they want to admit it or not. I cannot stand those holier-than-thou types who act like they don't have a skeleton or two in their closets. Trust me, if you dig deep enough, you find them."

They have graveyards in their closets, dearie, especially Hook and Regina.

Robert yawned. "It's getting late and I should be getting home but I do appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to chat with me a bit."

"Anytime you want to talk, just let me know. And…I don't want to be a pest…but I think you should consider talking to someone about your son…and what you went through…" Kat said hesitantly.

"I did have someone I could've gone to back home…but he probably thinks as the others do…I'm a monster…"

"I could do some research for you if you'd like, see if I can find someone here who can help you."

"You don't have to go to all that trouble…."

"Mr. Gold, it's no trouble at all. Will you be all right to drive home?"

"I'll be fine, Katherine. I will see you in the morning."

"You can call me Kat if you'd like."

"Kat it is then."

She followed him out to the garage. His black BMW was parked in its reserved space. Everyone knew which one it was because of the distinct license plate. Instead of numbers the plate read BAEGOLD and Kat suspected that was his son's name.

Kat didn't like driving at night, it was difficult on her eyes and though it was slightly out of her way, she followed Mr. Gold to make certain that he got home all right. He seemed calm as they were leaving the office but she wasn't taking any chances. Twenty minutes later he parked his car in his reserved space at his condo and stepped out, shocked when he saw Kat's car pull up beside him.

"Are you stalking me, dearie?" he teased.

"No….I…ahhh wanted to make sure you got home all right."

Robert took out his wallet and handed her a fifty dollar bill. "This should cover the gas you used."

"Mr. Gold! I couldn't…."

She attempted to hand the money back. He shook his head and put it back in her hand, closing her fingers around it. "It's the least I could do….I should be thankful there is someone in this world that still cares…"

"I know it can be hard to believe there are still some people in this world who think more of others than they do themselves….but we're here, Mr. Gold…we're here."

You have no idea how much I do care…Robert, she thought sadly.

Workplace relationships could be a double-edged sword as Kat learned from seeing some friends go through them and she never even considered having one with a co-worker or even a boss until she met Robert. Now that she knew just how much he was missing in his life, she wanted to be the one to give as much of it back to him as she could. His heart was guarded for now but they'd taken a step in the right direction. He was talking and trusting.

Later that night when she returned home she found sleep impossible. She turned on her laptop and pulled up the story she'd been writing on her computer. One of her dreams was to become a published writer but with the publication of books like Fifty Shades of Gray, now the major publishing houses were all bidding on erotic works. To her it wasn't literature. It was something that could have come out of a pornographic magazine.

The man in her story was not one of those young, pretty boy types. She hadn't realized until she was halfway through the story that her description matched Robert perfectly and the woman was a little like her though not completely. It was a historical romance set in the early 1800s. She loved writing historical pieces with a little bit of folklore and magic woven in.

She finished two chapters before she found herself nodding off in her chair, saved them to the hard drive and got ready for bed. She would have to be at the office early the following morning to help Robert prepare for the Crowley deposition.

New York City

The same day

Henry Mills sat on a bench near the school entrance playing Minecraft on his tablet while he waited for his ride. He could've taken the bus like the other children but his foster father insisted on picking him up himself. When he returned to his old school his friends were shocked when he told them that he no longer lived with his mother and was now being raised by a foster parent.

"It's her boyfriend," he said. "Not Walsh but some other guy she's seeing now. He's no good for her….I tried telling her that but she wouldn't listen to me so I left and moved in with Archie."

"Is he a friend of your family?"

"Ummm…yeah…sorta. It's kinda complicated. He was my therapist for a while…before I moved here."

"You were in therapy? I thought you and your mom got along good."

So did I but it was all lies…created with magic.

"Yeah...it was good for a while and then...everything started going crazy...everyone started going crazy and I felt like I didn't know them anymore. My dad is dead...and I don't know where my grandpa is or I would've gone to him...but Archie's always been there for me so he was the only person left I could go to."

"Wow. That sounds really crazy," his friend said feelingly.

You don't know the half of it, Henry thought.

He heard barking and looked up to see Pongo poking his head out of the passenger window of Archie's car. Henry smiled, picked up his backpack and got in. Pongo licked his cheek and returned to his place in the backseat.

"Hi, Archie!" Henry greeted.

"Hi, Henry. How was school today?"

"Good."

"Just 'good'? That doesn't sound very encouraging," Archie joked.

"I did get a hundred on that English test."

The therapist smiled. "And there you were worrying yourself silly over nothing. I knew you would pass it."

"The teacher gave us an essay to write…I'm gonna do mine on fairy tales…and heroes." Henry said.

"Henry…"

"I have to do this, Archie," the teenager said. "People have to know the truth about both…and I oughta be an expert on them by now…" he added bitterly.

Archie sighed. Henry wasn't the only one who had his illusions shattered and it wasn't just from that spell Ingrid cast on the town bringing out the worst in everyone. He and Geppetto had gotten into a terrible argument that day; the issue of what had happened to the other man's parents being brought up had been inevitable. They patched things up after the curse was broken but the episode left the therapist shaken.

"They're all different…have been since they came back here the second time." Henry said.

He couldn't argue with that.

"All they cared about was being heroes…well I tried doing that and look what happened to me….look what happened to Grandpa. I was his undoing….just like that Seer said. He DIED because of ME!"

"Henry, you know that's not true…." Archie began.

The teenager started to cry. "And then my dad died because he wanted to get back to me….and I wouldn't have known him if he did because they wouldn't let me see him!"

Archie pulled the car over and hugged him.

"The last time I saw him was the day I buried him. And I HATE them for that!"

He sobbed into Archie's shoulder. "The…the last time Grandpa saw him was when he died!"

He looked up at his foster parent with tear filled eyes. "Grandpa was changing, trying to be better…then she took him…and made him do terrible things…kept him locked up like an animal….but no one really tried hard enough to get him out. They expected him to be the good boy after that…"

He may have gotten his degree from a curse but Archie knew the signs and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder when he saw them and Rumplestiltskin's behavior, attributed to just being plain evil and a villain by the others looked too much like PTSD to him. He had episodes of it himself when Hook was around and went out of his way to avoid his former captor.

"I'm glad Grandpa killed Zelena! She never would've changed. She killed my dad…she almost killed me, she wanted my moms dead and God only knows what she woulda done to Neal. Then she would've gotten the dagger from Belle and used it to control him again."

And that's why he switched them, Archie thought. He couldn't trust anyone not to try to control him again, even Belle.

They both looked so happy that night at the wishing well when he watched them speak their vows, never realizing until later what was brewing beneath the surface.

"We're going to find him, Henry," Archie vowed. "He needs you now as much as you need him."

"Did that detective you hired come up with anything?" he asked hopefully.

"She's still working on it. Your grandfather's a smart man, Henry. He knows how to survive with or without magic. We're not going to find him wandering the streets of New York."

That was the teenager's greatest fear, that his grandfather was homeless on the streets of New York, back to the poor spinner his father grew up with yet part of him wished his grandfather was living in a high rise somewhere as rich as he was in Storybrooke.

Little did he know, that was exactly where the man once known as Rumplestiltskin was, living in a condominium seven blocks away from their own apartment under the name Robert Baelfire Gold.

Archie believed that once Henry found his grandfather, his healing process would begin. He decided he was going to give Jeanna a call after dinner for a progress report.

They had just finished watching a movie after dinner when they heard a knock on their door. Pongo jumped off the couch and raced over to it, barking.

"That'll be Jeanna," Archie said and opened the door. Jeanna O'Malley had been recommended to him by a colleague when he asked whom the best private investigator in town was and when he showed up her office for their first appointment he was shocked by how much she didn't resemble the private investigators he'd seen on TV. She was his height with ginger hair, dressed in plaid shirts, jeans, cowboy boots, drove a truck and spoke with a thick Southern accent. She also insisted on calling him 'Doc' instead of Doctor Hopper.

"You rang?" she greeted him as she always did and kneeled down to pet Pongo.

"Yes. I was wondering if you've had any luck locating Henry's grandfather."

"I've been checking every hospital, clinic and homeless shelter in this city and I haven't found your man yet. I've even been doing through death records and zilch! A city this big, I should've been able to find something but your boy's a damned ghost. Are you sure he came here?"

"It's where my dad lived. Yeah….he'd want to," Henry insisted.

Jeanna scowled at Archie. "You owe me big time for this, Doc."

"I agreed to cover your expenses. Just send me the bill."

"Better hope you have deep pockets Doc because it's gonna be huge."

"My only concern is finding Henry's grandfather, not how much I have to spend doing it."

She already had an idea in mind on how to settle her bill and it wouldn't require a great deal of money but she wondered how he would react when she made her proposal.

Getting attached to a client was not a habit of hers but she was touched by Doctor Hopper's devotion to his foster son and he wasn't like her other male clients. Most of them just wanted to know who their wives were cheating with but a few of those wives were perfectly innocent while the husbands had their own flings on the side. A few of them even tried putting the moves on her until a kick in the balls with the steel toed boots she brought from Texas along with a give 'em hell attitude made them see the error of their ways.

"Jeanna, maybe you should try law firms," Henry suggested.

"Law firms? Oh, that's right. You did say your granpa was a lawyer, right...and he owned a pawn shop? Was basing my search on what you told me of the night his wife kicked him outta town."

"My grandpa's not stupid. He probably knew what was coming down and prepared for it. He always did that. Saved for a rainy day as he liked to say."

"I'll scout out a few of the smaller firms first but I've got a hate/hate relationship with lawyers. Could tell you a few jokes about 'em too. If we have a nuclear war, they'll be the ones to survive along with the roaches."

"Just keep us posted...as always."

"Siccing me on lawyers is gonna cost you double Doc. Just warning you."

"Fine but I think Henry is right and Mr. Gold either works for a firm here in town or owns a pawnshop."

"Pawnbrokers are worse than lawyers sometimes."

"Is there anyone you don't have something smart to say about?" Archie muttered.

Yeah. You.

She would have to keep that to herself...for now.

Over at his condo, Robert was tossing and turning in his bed, seeing himself back in Zelena's cage again, the only food he was allowed to eat was cold oatmeal with dirty water to drink. His toilet was an old chamberpot that she made him empty once a day, the stench turning his stomach. He could also hear his son inside his head, trying to find a way to escape, for both of them to escape and stop the watch from succeeding with her plans.

You can't leave me, Bae. You'll die if you do. I can't let you go. Promise me you'll stay with me!

As long as we're both here in this body, the others will never know who she is. You have to tell them and the only way you can is if I can get out.

Let them find out on their own. Emma is the Savior, isn't she? She needs to do her damned job and stop mooning over that pirate!

They need YOU more than me. If Emma can't defeat her YOU can.

I can do nothing as long as she holds the dagger, Bae. With you here, her ability to control me is weakened. Once we're separated, nothing will stop her. She will command me…and I will have to obey.

NO! You can fight it! You've fought the darkness off before.

Because I was my own master, Bae.

You won't be able to hurt the ones you care about, Papa. You never have. Even though that Seer told you Henry would be your undoing, you SAVED him. You SAVED ALL OF US!

Once again he saw that final, agonizing day when his son gave his life for him, just as he'd given his life for his son. It was a day that would haunt him forever. And on that day he vowed his son would be avenged.

Then another day haunted his dreams….him holding Zelena in his arms, kissing her, playing on her desire for him in the hopes that her lust would blind to her his plans to take back his freedom, forgetting that she'd paid close attention to his lessons and warded the dagger against any attempts to steal it.

"Celebration's over. Back to your cage…doll!" she sneered.

He now saw his wife's face, the dagger in her hand, ordering him to leave town and never return, revoking his right to freedom once again as she had on the day she made him promise he would not seek justice for his son's murder. The naïve fool! Zelena taunted him many times with what she wanted to do to his true love if she ever had the chance.

Her favorite was wanting to watch him struggle as she commanded him with the dagger to take Belle's heart and crush it. He would have sooner driven the dagger into his own heart again than harm Belle. It was why he ordered her to leave when she attempted to rescue him. If he did not have the will to do it, Zelena would have taken Belle's heart herself and crushed it in jealousy for that was all it was.

He woke up sweating and trembling violently. Unable to go back to sleep, he went to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of tea, jotting down the kind Kat had given him on the notepad on the kitchen table. He would pick some up in the morning on his way to the office. He also gave her other piece of advice some thought, that he should seek professional help for his problems. There were some parts of it that could never be revealed but he wanted to believe Kat was right…and there were people out there who still could give a damn.

He wrote down the names of several psychologists and clinics to call in the morning to see if one of them would take him as a patient.