The Legendary Phantom of the Opera: tanteified!

A/N: PLEASE READ: I wrote this ages ago and my writing style has... changed, to say the very, very least. I was pretty young back then, so if you're looking for an example of my current work, please, for your own sake, avert your eyes! Do it now before it's too late!

I would have shelved this somewhere with the rest of my ancient fics, but I still find it pretty amusing in spite of the uh, writing quality. So I'll leave this here for now (warning: unedited), but unfortunately I won't continue the story. It's been so long that I can't remember where I was going with it, anyway :P Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed. I still really appreciate it.

Summary: A contest is being held for the school with the best version of the musical The Phantom of the Opera, and our three favorite teen couples have lead roles. Problem is: Kudo can't sing, Heiji's got to get his understudy away from Kazuha, and Kaito has to juggle two roles before someone finds out he's somewhat of a Phantom, himself.

Disclaimer: Don't own Detective Conan!


ding dong

ding dong

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dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdong

"Alright already! Knock it off!" he slammed the door shut behind him as abruptly as he opened it.

"We're gonna be late, Shinichi!" she planted her hands on her hips and gave him a look that only she could muster. Actually, Kazuha and Aoko could probably pull it off pretty well too.

Shinichi rolled his eyes as they started walking towards their school. "You miss me for three whole days and all you can say is-" - he cleared his throat and pulled his voice up a few octaves- "-we're gonna be late, Shinichi!"

"Well maybe if you didn't run off to that stupid case then I wouldn't have to miss you for three days!"

Beside her, Shinichi broke into a sly, cocky grin. "So you did miss me."

Ran slung her arm at him and stormed on ahead after he narrowly dodged her fist.

Shinichi sighed. Lay easy on the jokes. "Oi, Ran!" he called and chased after her. "How many cases do I have to solve to get an actual congratulations from you?" he demanded when he finally caught up.

Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks and stood perfectly still for a few seconds, then turned around to face him. "I'm sorry, Shinichi. Congratulations."

She smiled brightly and he gratefully returned the favor. "Thanks, Ran."

Unfortunately, they had already arrived at school, where eager audiences always lurked around somewhere nearby.

"Hey look! Kudo's back and he's already hittin' on his wife!"

"Shut up, Takeshi! A man can hit on his wife whenever he wants to!" and then he suddenly realized what he said and blushed. "She isn't my wife!" he added lamely. Unfortunately, it was the truth. Even if they were both 18 and in their third and final year of high school- a year since the end of the whole Conan incident, he still hadn't plucked up the courage to propose or even do so much as confess. It was pretty strange, actually. He had expected to tell her how he felt right away, but he just kept postponing and postponing, waiting for the right moment- and now, one year later, here they were- right where they left off.

Takeshi laughed. "Hey, I heard the news, man. Congratulations!"

That got his attention. "Hey, thanks!" Then he said to Ran- "You see? Easy, right?"

"Hey, you too, Ran!" Takeshi exclaimed before waving and going off to class.

Shinichi and Ran exchanged looks.

It was the same all day. Everyone kept coming up to them and congratulating them on God knows what and man it was pissing them off!

"Ran! Congratulations!"

"Sonoko, will you please tell me what's going on? Don't you dare laugh at me and run away like everyone's been doing!"

Her long-time friend produced a frighteningly impish grin. "I guess it's about time I showed you two."


There is a board, made entirely of pokable cork in the middle of the hall.

On that bulletin board, there are papers and papers of school activities, accomplishments, announcements and awards.

Among one of those papers is a list.

On that list lined up two straight columns- names of students on the left and names of characters on the right.

"The Phantom of the Opera." Shinichi read in monotone. "What's that?"

Ran politely elbowed him in the ribs. "Honestly. For a smart guy, you sure don't have a clue when it comes to these things. The Phantom of the Opera is a play about-"

"A phantom?" Shinichi interrupted, eyes glued to the list.

"Well- yeah- ahem- sort of."

"Hmm. So I guess this means I landed the lead role."

"What?" she hissed, shoving him to make room for herself. Sure enough, right there- under the words 'The Phantom of the Opera' and 'CAST' was written 'Kudo Shinichi… Phantom.'

"Geez. Relax, would you?" he said, nursing the spot she had hit. "You got a part too." Shinichi pointed out.

Ran spun around to face him. "I did?"

"Come on, at least read the list, dummy. It says so right there- 'Mouri Ran… Christine.' Right under my name, see?"

At this point, Ran turned a deep crimson. "What? "

Shinichi, who had absolutely no idea that Christine was the leading lady that the phantom was head over heels for, patted her on the back. "Hey, it won't be so bad! You starred in last year's play, didn't you?" he laughed. The laugh sounded more like evil cackling to Ran, and he was not going to get away with it.

"The Phantom of the Opera is a musical, Sherlock."

"WHAT?!"


"Is not!"

"Is too, ahou!"

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of Japan , our favorite kansai couple engaged themselves in their daily intellectual exchange of important and sophisticated matters concerning society. Let us listen to their dazzling conversation, shall we?

"It is NOT!"

"I'm telling you, Heiji. Extreme Dating is on at seven now!"

"And I'm telling YOU, Kazuha, that there is no way some stupid show called 'extreme dating' is stealing prime time away from my favorite slasher series!"

Kazuha rolled her eyes and was just about to bite back with a vengeful retort when a strong, sturdy arm snaked around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

And no, it wasn't Heiji's arm.

"Speaking of prime time, have you heard of the upcoming nationwide competition? Winning high school gets to be aired on prime time TWICE, I hear."

Kazuha groaned and slipped out of his hold. "What are you on about now, Saitou?"

She walked a few steps forward, totally missing the sight of Heiji slugging a good one at Saitou square in the eye.

"Come on, Kazuha! Don't tell me you're not psyched about being a star!" he urged, and then slid next to her and flashed a sleazy grin. "And more importantly, starring alongside ME."

When she just rolled her eyes and ignored him, he pushed some more. "Okay. You don't have to say it out loud. I understand you must've dreamt of the day you'd get to at least play my lovely love interest. Well dream no more! That day has finally arri-"

She stopped walking, turned to him and feigned a gasp. "Am I that transparent? I want you. I need you. Oh baby, oh baby." she quoted dryly and then picked up her pace for good.

Heiji promptly stuck hit tongue out at Saitou before catching up with his best friend.

It wasn't long before their argument about prime time heated up again and continued all the way to class. It also wasn't long before Kazuha grew tired and decided to go for the cold shoulder.

And now, Heiji watched her with rising amusement. There were two simple reasons she hardly ever resulted to ignoring him. It was less fun and more boring. Hence- nothing kept her entertained during their teacher's most boring lesson of the day.

Her arms were folded neatly on her desk, and her head rested on them. Her eyelids seemed to be getting too heavy for her. Soon enough, she was asleep.

Heiji still hadn't stopped watching her. He liked her all quiet- but only when she was asleep. Otherwise, it meant she was ignoring him, which pretty much sucked. It had been a while since he had seen her asleep. And he wondered- had she ever looked this serene? He couldn't recall her ever looking this... pretty. Almost beauti-

screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

"Arrrgh!"

"Ahhhh!"

"Cut that out, sensei!"

The teacher in question smirked and withdrew his hand- and inevitably, his nails- from the board. "Well, now that everyone's AWAKE, I've got a few announcements to make. As you know, each year it is the duty of the graduating batch to come up with a marvelous rendition to a certain school play. This year, we will be doing our own version of the famous musical, The Phantom of the Opera because this year, there is a cash prize for the high school that will be able to perform the best version of the play. All the school's presentations will be aired on national television, but only one school's show will be aired twice- the second time the week after- and get the money." his eyebrow twitched. "So you better do good." he threatened. The class gulped. "Now, as for the roles..."

Meanwhile, Kazuha sneered and turned to her seatmate. "Ugh. Heiji, can you believe he's actually resorting to the old nails-on-board thing just to get our attention?" Thankfully they stuck to hushed voices during class hours.

He grinned. "Well, it worked didn't it?"

She wacked him (lightly this time- they were in class). "Whose side are you on, ahou?"

"His side if it stops me from thinking weird thoughts about you." he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" she snapped. She hadn't heard him, but she was sure it was something pretty nasty.

"I-I said I'm on his side if it gets you to stop snoring!"

Her jaw dropped open. "I do not snore when I sleep!" she hissed.

"So you admit you were sleeping and his plan worked?"

"W-well it was a dirty trick!" Kazuha complained. Unfortuantely, she happened to enjoy complaining and yelling at the same time. Hence, promptly putting the class discussion on PAUSE.

"Tooyama!" their teacher warned, raising his voice and pointing threateningly at her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean-"

And then he grinned and snapped his fingers. "Perfect."

"E-excuse me?" she asked.

He ignored her and continued his conversation with the rest of the students while pacing around the classroom. "Tooyama will play the role of Christine."

"What? No, I-!"

"Did I say it was a suggestion, Tooyama?"

She sulked. "No sir."

Beside her, Heiji sniggered. She glared at him. He stuck his tongue out at her.

She raised her hand.

"Sensei!I think Heiji will be perfect for the role of the phantom!"

"What?"

"Excellent idea, Tooyama!"

"What? No way! Kazuha, you idiot!"

"Don't be upset, Hattori." the teacher patted him lightly on the shoulder. "You should be thrilled to perform alongside your wife."

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED!" They yelled.

"And besides." Heiji added. "I've got a valid excuse. I'm gonna be on an important trip. Got five big cases to solve. Five. " he grinned. It was the truth. There was no way he could make it. Five, long-unsolved cases were waiting for him in Kyoto. Cases were important. Some killer could be running around and he wouldn't be there to put an end to it. School plays didn't matter. And national television? He had his fare share of that. So there was absolutely no reason for him to be hesitant.

"Alright then. I guess I'll have to choose Saitou to play Tooyama's love interest." He sighed. "What a shame. You sure?"

Tooyama's love interest?

Of course he was sure. Cases were important. Long-unsolved mysteries were interesting, and there were five of them for him to solve! This is what Hattori Heiji lived for!

"Well, maybe I could, y'know… squeeze it in."


6: 50, his watch read.

Ten minutes left and Kaitou felt a massive headache coming. Stupid Aoko and her stupid TV shows. Why on earth did he promise to watch Extreme Dating with her anyway? He inwardly kicked himself for that particularly smooth move. If he was late, she might be angry enough to try and make a connection with him and KID.

But he wouldn't have been late in the first place if it wasn't for that Hakuba.

Oh, well. Carefree as he was, he shrugged it off easily. Not wanting to waste any more time, he dashed over to the window and with one telltale swoosh, it opened, revealing the night sky. He held out the large gem, and observed it as the moon's rays began to make contact.

"There he is! There's KID!" The familiar voice of the inspector rose above the rest. "That jewel doesn't belong to you, KID! Surrender it now!"

Kaitou whirled around, his cape swishing proudly behind him. He smirked. "Sure thing."

"Now don't go using that tone with me! I order you to- what did you say?"

"Think fast!" he replied, tossing the gem to him. Once it was safely in the Inspector's hands, he spoke again. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got an important meeting to attend to." he tipped his top hat. "Goodnight!"

He climbed onto the window pane, crouching into a position, ready to take flight on his glider when-

"Hold on, Kid. This will only take approximately one minute, 5 seconds and 3.26 milliseconds."

Kaitou rolled his eyes, recognizing the dorky way of talking. He spun around and dangled his feet from the window like a little boy that was too short for his grown-up chair. "Yes?"

Hakuba grinned knowingly. "As you know, a competition is going to be held for all high schools for the best rendition of The Phantom of the Opera."

"And?"

"And I would like to invite you to participate in my school's performance."

Kaitou's eyebrows almost reached his hairline- but he remembered that he had to maintain a straight, poker face, so he did and kept quiet.

"I'm sure everyone would love to see you play the phantom. With that particular twist to our play, we're a shoe-in for first place."

"What makes you think I'll help you?" Kaitou said. It was unlike the KID that his fans knew. Usually he would go out of his way to help others- except when it came to stealing, escaping and such.

"Please." Saguru feigned begging, bowing respectfully. "I would be honored."

Kaitou thought about it. There was supposed to be a known gem in his school, and the night of the play might be a good time for a heist. Although... it would be pretty risky, and this guy seemed to be up to something...

"Unless of course, there is a particular reason you can not make it?

That did it. "On the contrary." he grinned. "It sounds like fun." he swung his legs around again and got back into his crouching position. "I'll be there." he said before getting on his glider and riding off to Aoko's house.


"Kaitou... what are you reading?"

Kaitou lowered the newspaper in his hands and gave Aoko a What's it look like, Einstein? (TM) face. "Why do you wanna know?" he said before letting his eyes re-glue themselves to the papers.

"Because." she said, smirking. "You're grinning like a Cheshire cat. Or like you flipped up someone's skirt." scowl. "Pervert." she added. Aoko got up from her seat and peered over his shoulder. "KID again?!" she roared in his ear. "Why do you always act so happy whenever he makes an idiot out of my dad?"

Your dad doesn't need me to make him look like an idiot! He thought, and thanked the heavens he stopped himself from blurting it aloud. "That's not why I'm happy!" he protested.

"Well, then I bet you're happy 'cause he's going to be visiting our school and you'll get to meet him!" she exclaimed, getting back on her seat.

"That's not it either." he grumbled. He got back to the papers and felt himself grinning like a mental hospital escapee again. Nyahaha! They really got my good angle!

"Interesting, isn't it? Kaitou Kid showing up to play the phantom."

Kaitou looked up to meet the smug expression of that damn Hakuba. "If you ask me..." he countered. "What's interesting is that you're worried about our school."

"I've always cared about our school." Hakuba smirked as he circled Kaitou. "And I think it would be best for our school if you honored us with your acting skills, Kuroba-kun."

"Oh?" So this is what this guy was up to. Heh.

"How about going for the role of Raoul?" he seemed to suggest. "Unless of course, there is a reason you can't do it?"

Kaitou glared at him. Of course there was a reason, but there was no way Hakuba'll ever hear it or get any proof of it. "No, no, I'd be happy to." he obliged through gritted teeth.

"Good." he said, whirling around and making his big drama-queen exit. "Oh, and by the way- your wife got the lead as well."

"W-wife?" he stammered, turning his head to examine Aoko.

She blushed and 'humphed' and looked the other way.

And those were only the beginning of their troubles.