It took Aeris longer to find Cloud than she would have liked. He had fled from the Shinra mansion in a panic after staring at the two containers of mako. They had come here after Mideel to find out a little more of Cloud's lost past. To find the last answers after piecing Cloud's shattered consciousness back together. It had been difficult relying on her memories of Cloud's story, the events Tifa related and what she knew of Nibelheim. The accuracy of the process worried Aeris; had she picked through the lies to find the truth? If only Tifa had been there to help. Her friend proved impossible to find in the confused mob of voices of the Lifestream. The Planet's focus had been on meteor and the Weapons. She forced herself to ignore the pang of guilt when she thought of Tifa and her split-second action in the City. Tifa had taken the blade aimed for her and returned to the Planet in her place.
Aeris wandered the path, not as familiar with the town or environs as much as she would have liked. She could just call Cloud's PHS and ask him where he was. Or-. A faint noise drifted from up ahead and she held her breath as she crept forward with as much stealth as she could muster. The sound of rocks crunching beneath her boots made her wince but the noise did not abate. Cloud was crying, sitting facing Mount Nibel with his arms wrapped around his legs. She had seen deep within his mind, seen his bravery in the face of impossible odds. Seen how his past intertwined with Zack's and a hint at what had happened to her boyfriend all those years ago.
"Cloud?" She kept her voice soft as she stepped closer. He tensed up, the crying halting. "What did you see?"
"Nothing." His voice quivered, the word almost inaudible.
She took another step forward. "Why did you run?"
"I- I can't say," he said. "You should forget about me. Leave me. I deserve to be alone."
Aeris blinked. Cloud had been optimistic when they hauled themselves out of the mako. The question of his identity seemed solved, his past revealed along with all the good he had done, the promises he kept. But now something had undone it.
"You remembered something, didn't you?"
Cloud remained silent. Aeris licked her lips, stepping forward again and sitting beside him. He turned away, keeping his back to her. Aeris took a deep breath, resisting the impulse to sigh and reminding herself of who she was dealing with. The real Cloud, the one who had lost out on five years of life, the sixteen year old in a twenty-one year old's body.
"Cloud, I..." She trailed off not sure what to say. Reaching out a hand she touched his back. He tensed again, but to her relief did not move away. "You can tell me anything. Anything at all."
"Not this," he muttered.
"Whatever you remembered doing in the past is past. We can't change it now. We have to keep moving forward. There's nothing you can't say to me."
"I got Zack killed."
Aeris was in free-fall. She had heard him wrong. She must have heard him wrong. She re-parsed his words but could not conjure an alternate meaning.
"You didn't. I saw your memories, you had nothing to do with Zack-"
"Later. It was... later."
Aeris swallowed. Of all the secrets that Cloud Strife held, the missing five years since the fire remained the most elusive.
"After the reactor?"
Cloud nodded. Aeris regarded him for a long moment and shuffled closer.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Moving closer to you." Cloud remained silent. At least he was no longer crying. "Cloud; Zack was an important part of my life for years. It hurt when he never came back and I spent a long time wanting, well, fearing I'd find out what happened. After Gongaga; well, that got me more worried. But I still want to know. You claim he's returned to the Planet; that was one of my biggest fears. Even if he had found someone else, I never wished him dead. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. We can just head back into town and meet up with the others."
Cloud remained silent. "Or we could stay here. Enjoy the view of the mountain, the straggly grass, that dragon coming towards us looking hungry..." Cloud's head shot up and he scanned around in a panic, his gaze coming to rest on Aeris. "Sorry," she said, her lips twitching into a smile. "At least it got you to look at me." Cloud almost smiled before his face became impassive. "Want to head back?"
Cloud shook his head. "You deserve to know the truth. But I'll understand if you never want to see me again." Aeris opened her mouth to protest but Cloud did not pause. "I can't remember exactly what happened at times, but after the reactor we were taken to the Shinra mansion basement. I can only remember bits and pieces of it, like when Zack got us free." Cloud smiled. "He took care of me when I couldn't do anything. It was like Mideel all over again; I just got these moments of clarity, but even then I couldn't do anything."
He swallowed. "When we saw the mako tanks, bits of it came back. I remember Zack carrying me out of town, hitching a ride, talking about all plans now we were free. I think he mentioned you too." He glanced at Aeris. "Never said your name or anything, but he did want to see you." Aeris smiled. "We were almost to Midgar when a patrol spotted us. Zack, he, fought them off. And-"
Cloud's lips quivered and Aeris put her hand on his back again. "It's okay. You can stop." He shook his head.
"Zack was trying to pick me up when they shot him. And they kept shooting him. And I couldn't do anything. They left me to die but they made sure he was dead. And I forgot him. I took his sword and forgot all about him. I met you and didn't tell you about him. So..."
Tears welled up in his eyes and he shut them. Aeris's head was already filling in unwanted details of the moment. The one bullet Zack missed catching him and flinging him away from his friend. And she could not doubt that no matter how they had met or what their time before Nibelheim was like, Zack was Cloud's friend. And he was gone. She had missed his return to the Planet somehow, the answer she had wanted so long had come and gone when she had not been looking for it. Zack was dead. Tears flooded her eyes and she hugged Cloud.
"Aeris?"
She hushed him. "Just let me..." Tears ran down her face. He had endured through five years while she had given up on him. But how could she not when he vanished without a trace? If she had known would she have acted another way? Would she have waited for him? No. If she had known the truth she would have come here to get him back. She would have met Cloud far earlier too. How different things would have been. But it was futile to waste time on what might have been. She needed to deal with how things were. She squeezed Cloud tighter, waiting for the pain in her chest to disperse.
Tentative hands came up to touch her arm, and Cloud turned with halting motions into the hug and embraced her. They remained locked together in silence. At last Aeris drew in a deep breath and kissed Cloud on the cheek.
"Aeris?"
She pulled away from him, Cloud's hands lying limp in his lap now. "It's okay, Cloud. I don't blame you for anything."
"But-"
"No." She shook her head, smiling. "Zack loved you. He thought you were worth saving. My feelings towards him might be a bit more complicated now, but if Zack thought you were worth saving then I can't argue with him. You are here now. You answered a question I've had for five years. I saw you at Mideel. You couldn't have helped him. And he could not have just left you behind."
She stood and reached a hand down towards him. "The world needs you right now Cloud Strife. And I don't blame you for what happened. Come back with me and we'll stop Shinra. We'll stop Sephiroth. I can't think of a more fitting tribute to Zack than saving the world."
Cloud smiled at last. He reached up and took her hand.
