Once I had saved Edward and found my happy place in his arms I thought that it would be it, that we wouldn't have to be apart again but I was sadly mistaken because of course things couldn't just run smoothly very much like myself.

I let it happen without even thinking of the consequences it would have not just on me but on Charlie and the people I cared about, Jacob. Now Edward had wripped his way through all the walls I had managed to cement together to stop myself from literally falling apart so now what was going to stop me? It was time to face the facts, going to Italy had been a bad idea simply because I was not given a promise that Edward would return to Forks or even want to be with me. It turned out very much like I guessed it would have and I ended up returning to Forks by myself in a bigger mess than when I left, Charlie was now on the verge of actually sending me home by force and I hadn't heard off Jacob since my return. Who could blame him for staying away from me when I seemed to have picked up this trait of destroying everything I touched? I sure didn't.

Once again I found the days blurring together and moving so fast it was like I wasn't even there and I knew I wasn't the only one who noticed it this time. It hit me hard when I realised that I knew how much this was hurting Charlie but couldn't seem to snap out of the mortified state I was in, that was sort of the heads up that I was in over my head and really needed help but no one could help me. I was suffocating and the only breath of fresh air I had was probably over in La Push not giving me a second thought. It seemed that the more I realised Jacob was not thinking of me the more I had to think about him, this was a dangerous road I was traveling down the destination was the self destruct button.

The sun sets out of my window and it is about the only thing I have managed to notice all day so the one thing I didn't want to notice seemed to push itself through the blank sheet infront of my eyes, making me realise what time it was. It was the worst time for me, it was the night. The nights were a constant drag for me and without fail every single night since I got back from the Italy was the same, it was as if I had played with the devil and now God was making me pay for the mistake. Talk about forgiveness but I knew I had no right to demand forgiveness from anyone after this. I was on my own and maybe it was better this way because at least now I wouldn't drag anyone down with me as I was in for a long fall, maybe I would just never stop falling?

Lying in bed I thought a subconscious war with my eyelids refusing to let them shut, if they shut then I would see the images that had me screaming again but this time around it was worse. The images that plagued my dreams were the things that I had told myself I could not live through last time, the horror of that was not something that could be put into words.

It starts and the tower clock strikes and I know I have to save him even if he doesn't want me anymore but its not Edward that is waiting for me. However, no matter how hard I try to stop my legs from running they simply won't, they have a mind of their own and their mind is working agaisnt mine. Demetri stands where Edward should be with that mocking grin on his face because he knows what has been said in that room, he knows that I am about to start too fall and although it happens every night I swear that my heart misses a beat when I do suddenly fall into the darkness. Instead of the smoothed pavement of the Volturia greeting my broken body from the fall.. I feel the familiar leaves of the forest but there is something unfamiliar to me but my nose knows this substance, my stomaches does too as it twists and turns warning me to move from where I have fallen but I literally can't. All I can do is oberserve what is before my eyes and what I see is red. Blood. Its not the blood that actually makes me scream so loud that I wake myself up from hearing my own noises of horror but it is who the blood belongs too. Jacob. My Jacob.

Today was like any other day and most the morning went past without me even realising that it had but I did remember the look on Charlie's face as I sat playing with my cereal rather than eating. I found breathing hard at the moment so the fact that I wasn't eating was the least of my worries but it seemed Charlie thought otherwise, he was fighting a loosing battle and that was what had made me remember that part of the morning. Driving to school was something that was done easily because the truck everyone dissed so much was actually the one place I felt most comfortable in, the one place that for some reason I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. Alive. The truck understood how I felt and didn't ask questions or fuss it simply did its job and got me to where I had to be because where I needed to be was somewhere I couldn't be, in.. Edwards.. arms. No one waited for me in the parking lot any more they simply figured that leaving me to my own devices was best and as much as I knew I couldn't snap out of this state alone, I was glad that they didn't wait for me because they would just be more people to add to the list of people I was letting down already.

Pulling into my normal spot I stopped the engine and did everthing I could possibly do too waste some time, like I said it wasn't getting in the truck that was the problem it was leaving it. Instead of fighting the horror that choked at me it was easier to just unwind the window of the truck and sit there till I felt like I was ready to walk back into those school gates and face the memories of The Cullens. Would I ever be ready for that?

Out of no where there was a knock on the passenger side window and as much as the fear should have kicked in, it simply didn't and I found myself looking up puzzled at what the issue was. Once looking up there would be no looking down again because it was dark and from strained eyes what I could see was that the parking lot was empty. Had I really been sat in the truck for all these hours without once looking up to become accquainted with the time, it had seemed like just moments a go that I had decided to stay sat in my comfort place and wait till the edges of my wound to stop warning me that they were going to open further. If the whole in my chest opened any deeper it would suffocate me and right now I couldn't resurface from the pain I was already feeling, it would be a death sentence but would that be such a bad thing? Afteral dying is easy and peaceful, its the living part that is hard.

"Bella, what do you think your doing still sat out here at this hour?" The voice was familiar and diverting the tired eyes to the side I noticed Charlie's figure leaning in through the open window. Knowing he was expecting some sort of reaction I racked what was left of my brains to try and figure out what it was he wanted me to say.

"Dad, i'm sorry.. Just lost track of time I guess, go home and i'll be follow you behind in the truck.." The words came out with no emotion to them what so ever but I didn't understand this, I had tried so hard to make it sound like I had said them but it did not appear that way at all. By the way Charlie seemed to stiffen then straighten himself up it seemed that the answer I had given was not one he had wanted to hear. "Get out of the truck Bella!" The words came out as Chief Swan and not my father, did he not see me as his daughter anymore but some stranger driving her truck?

"Dad i'm fine. I'll be behind you in a minute." I muttered through my teeth because this was the last thing I needed and surely he realised that?

"I wasn't asking you, get out of the truck right now!" He used his chief tone again as he opened the truck door so hard it slammed back and for the first time in a long time, it had startled me.

Now things suddenly seemed to be clear in my head like I had just found connection again, this seemed to have been a bad time to regain feeling because it was clear that Charlie was angry and there was nothing that could be said in my defence. The affects of sitting still for so long finally hit me as I grimaced in pain when stiffly getting out of the truck, turning my head over my shoulder to make sure the truck would not leave without me caused a twitch in my neck as I clasped my hand around the back of it. It was like I was stuck in slow motion whilst everyone else was moving around too quickly behind me, before I even had chance to register that Charlie was infront of me he had hold of my shoulders and was shaking me hard.

"Ow dad stop it, it hurts." It seemed he didn't hear me as he kept shaking and then I realised what he was trying to do, he was trying to shake me back too normal but all his efforts did was make me ache harder.

"Please stop dad.." I whispered understanding the pain in my voice because that hurt me emotionally, it seemed even my dad was more desperate to get me back to reality than I was myself. Reality was where it was going too hurt and being left with the two options it seemed my body chose the option it knew it could handle and that was this.

"Have you been sat in there all day? Have you? Jeez' Bella I am trying really hard to understand what your going through here but you won't let me help, if you said you couldn't go to school today I would have kept you home. Now look at you.." His words came out to fast for me to catch as I lean't my head towards him hoping to hear his words the second time around, there was no second time around.