The Rocky Horror Potter Show

Characters: Dr. Scott- Albus Dumbledore

Brad Majors- Ron Weasley

Janet Weiss- Hermione Granger

Betty Happshatt- Fleur Delacour

Ralph Happshatt- Bill Weasley

Eddie- Harry Potter

Rocky- Draco Malfoy

Frank 'n' Furter- Lucius Malfoy

Riff-Raff- Severus Snape

Magenta- Remus Lupin

Columbia- Sirius Black

Spells and Potions/ Double Trouble (to the song Science Fiction)

Verse 1

Cedric Diggory was dead

Before Harry saw red

But he told us, who was hoaxed.

And Severus Snape was there

In greying underwear

James Potter was under an invisible cloak.

Then something went wrong

For Hermione and Ron

They got caught in a four poster bed.

Then at a deadly zoom

It came from on a broom

And this is what the Prophecy said…

Chorus

Spells and potions (ooh ooh ooh) double trouble

Lucius Malfoy (ooh ooh ooh) created his double

See aurors fighting (ooh ooh ooh) Death Eaters

Sirius Black was (ooh ooh ooh) a Griffindor Beater

Wo oh oh oh oh oh

At the castle, double trouble, Potter show.

Verse 2

I knew Professor McGonagall

Was cursing Quirrell

When Karkaroff took to the hills.

And Lupin was turned on

When Snape said you're the one

And shagged him without taking his pills.

Cho Chang said prunes

During Ancient Runes

And doing so, showed lack of skills.

But when magic collides

Said Bill to his bride

It'll give you some terrible thrills

Like some…

Chorus again

Verse 3

I wanna be- oh oh oh oh

At the castle, double trouble, Potter show

Who's R.A.B? - oh oh oh oh

At the castle, double trouble, Potter show

I gotta see- oh oh oh oh

The castle, double trouble, Potter show.

And Now For The Show

The wedding of Bill and Fleur Weasley had been a spectacular event. The whole Weasley family had been there, as had Hermione Granger. Strangely enough, Harry hadn't turned up and was feared dead by many people, but today, for once, it was not about the famous Harry Potter.

It had been the typical fairy tale wedding, and afterwards, Fleur had thrown the bouquet and Hermione had caught it. As soon as Ron had seen this, he thought maybe it was a good idea to ask for her hand in marriage.

"Oh Ron! Didn't Fleur look lovely?!"

"Yes Hermione, the lucky git…god I wish I'd got in there first…" Ron trailed of with a dreamy look in his eye, "OW! What was that for?!" Hermione had just hit him.

"That's for being an insufferable half-wit, and you're forgetting about me."

"Ah, well 'mione I've got something to ask you," said Ron.

"Yes?"

"Well it's kind of important."

"Yes?"

"Will you, Hermione Jane Granger, marry me?"

"Of course I will!" Hermione held out her left hand and Ron slipped the ring on, then he pulled her into a heated kiss that left them both breathless, before heading of to the Burrow in the Flying Ford Anglia.

After about an hour flying in the dark, and some not-so-subtle touches of thighs, the car gave a stomach lurching jerk.

"Damn it!" shouted Ron, hitting his fist against the wheel, "the invisibilities gone off. We'll have to stop off at Hogwarts for a bit. It'll be strange, at Hogwarts in the summer holidays."

"I wonder if Harry might be here, I mean he is the new headmaster."

"Yeah, I hope he's alright, and he better explain why he didn't turn up for the wedding, or I'll kick his…

"RON! THE WHOMPING WILLOW!!"

Hermione grabbed the steering wheel and turned it ferociously out of the willows way. But it was too late; one of the branches caught the car on the side and sent it spinning towards the lake. The car landed with a deafening crash into the black lake. Hermione was the first to react and opened the door, pulling Ron with her. They swam to the surface and ran, coughing and spluttering, to the entrance doors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"Ron, the castle looks really creepy at night, maybe we should just find a place in Hogsmeade to stay at."

"Don't worry love, it's Hogwarts! The safest place in the world and a place where we know we aren't going to be sleeping near a load of weirdo's."

At that moment the door opened with a creak, a slither of light poured from the door and a pale, slim, hook-nosed, greasy haired man was revealed.

"Professor Snape, I know it probably isn't a good time, but Ron and I were just wondering whether we could stay here the night. You see our car sort of crashed in the lake and we thought we might as well stay here." Hermione explained timidly.

Snape surveyed the couple for a moment out of piercing black eyes. For a moment, a small flicker of a smile played across his features and then he opened the door a little wider.

"Your wet," he pointed out rather obviously.

"Er…yes, we already told you, our car crashed in the lake," Ron said weakly.

"I think perhaps you better both…come inside," sneered Snape.

The couple breathed a sigh of relief, gave each other a questioning glance about their former potion masters behaviour, and followed the said potions master into the castle.

"You've arrived on a rather special night. You see, Mr. Malfoy has taken over the school for the holidays to work on an experiment, and he has finally completed it. So we are having a party on his behalf," said Snape in a bored voice that betrayed a hint of jealousy. Hermione caught this bit of jealousy, there had been rumours that Snape was more than Lucius Malfoy's friend, his fuck toy most said, she wondered if this 'experiment' sparked a forgotten light in the Snape/Malfoy history. If so, what was it? Did Lucius have a new fuck toy? But instead of commenting on this little bit of info, she just said,

"Lucky him."

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!"

The couple turned around at the voice and gave a gasp of horror as they saw Remus Lupin slide down the staircase handle wearing a French maid's outfit. What made it worse was the way he sauntered over to Snape and slapped his arse then started to passionately kiss him in front of Ron and Hermione!! Hermione blushed a deep crimson colour, as did Ron and they both looked away from the display. The potions master and werewolf looked as though they were thoroughly enjoying themselves, and only sprang apart when Ron cleared his throat a few times.

Snape removed his hand from underneath Lupin's skirt, and ordered the lot of them to follow him into the Great Hall.

Let's Do The Hog-Warp!!

Snape opened the door to reveal the changes to the Great Hall. Colourful lights filled the room, many people filled the room eating the buffet food and music blared from the four corners of the room. Snape, Lupin, Ron and Hermione stood just inside the Hall when a catchy beat started, and the guests all started dancing in sync.

Verse 1

It's astounding,

Time is fleeting,

Magic takes its toll,

But listen closely,

Not for very much longer,

I've got to keep control…

And to Ron and Hermione's astonishment, Snape started singing and dancing with Lupin. They were well into it when another familiar face popped into vision. Sirius Black was sat on a table wearing a glittery outfit of hot pants, jacket, shirt and bow-tie, sparkly hat, stockings and a pair of black tap shoes. Ron started pointing and muttering incoherently at him.

"Ron? What is it? Who are you pointing…Oh My God!!" said Hermione before she collapsed onto the floor. Sirius began to sing his part of the song with Snape and Lupin dancing in front of his table.

Verse 2

I was flying down the street,

Just a having a drink,

When a Slytherin guy gave me an evil wink.

He shook me around ,

He took me by surprise,

He had an 11inch wand

And the devil's eyes

He stared at me and I felt a change

Magic meant nothing

Never would again…

And then Sirius gave Lupin a sexy wink, (Snape looked murderous, Lupin blushed), and he started tap dancing. The song ended with everyone lying on the floor for no apparent reason.

"Ron, I think the car will be alright now, if we could just leave," said Hermione nervously.

"No, we'll find Harry and then we'll go," Ron whispered.

The couple didn't notice, as they backed out of the Great Hall, that the guests were beginning to stand up and a golden haired man was walking down the marble staircase, tapping each step with his cane as he went. Snape, Lupin and Sirius started walking towards the couple slowly, this made Hermione feel very nervous at the adults, who she had learned to trust, strange behaviour.

"Ronald, something is really wrong with this place. Everyone's acting weirdly and I can't think of a single book I've read that could explain it," said Hermione nervously.

"Well that might be because, Miss. Granger, that in fact all of the things you learnt about this school from Hogwarts: A History is inaccurate," drawled a silky voice behind her. Hermione's face went pale at his words, and promptly fainted into Ron's arms.

"Jeez thanks Mr. Malfoy, she's been trying to get me to read that ever since our first year. I always thought it was too good to be true," grinned Ron.

"Ah yes, Mr. Weasley, looks can be misleading as you shall soon find out. Severus, Remus, Sirius! Follow me please."

The three adults followed Lucius Malfoy back into the Great Hall, to the raised platform at the back where a throne had been placed. Lucius sat on the throne with his legs draped over the chair arm and the adults stood around him. Severus was to the left of the chair by his masters' head, Lupin behind the back and Sirius was on the right of Malfoy, stroking Lucius's legs.

"Gentlemen, let us welcome our guests properly by unveiling what we have done these past 6 weeks. You see I've been making a man with blonde hair and a tan, someone to ease my…ah…tension. (At this Snape made an ugly face, one that looked remarkably like jealousy.) Why don't you stay for the night, our maybe a bite? But the best is yet to come. Fellas! Tell them what I am."

"He's just a sweet transvestite!!" the men said enthusiastically.


Authors note: This story was created at least 4 years ago and will most likely never be finished due to my now very busy schedule. However, I do hope you enjoy what is here :D