Alyssa woke up feeling tired. Really, really tired. Her old bones ached, her heart heavy. Even visiting Morpheus in her dreams wasn't enough to shed the cloud that had been cast over her life as of late. It was raining, dark and dreary.
She stared at the ceiling for a long while, not wanting to look at the empty spot in the bed next to her. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to not feel the hurt, anger and hollowness that had been drowning her. She knew today was the day she was going to leave the mortal world and while she was scared, she was mostly eager and for that she felt guilty.
Jeb had died a month ago and each and every day aged her. She didn't feel alive anymore. Some days she couldn't get out of bed, couldn't look at his marble ramps that were littered throughout the house. Small decorative ones on the window ledges, the marbles resting on different platforms so that the sunlight caught them just right. She couldn't even make herself a cup of tea since the kettle had been rigged from one of his masterpiece inventions. Marbles triggered pulleys and weights and by the end of the demonstration she would have a full kettle that was ready to boil. She didn't want to touch anything or break it since he wasn't here to fix it.
She couldn't look at the photos of her children and grandchildren that were on various flat surfaces of the home without a stabbing sensation forming beneath her sternum. She knew that her heart would never split apart as it had done before, since Jeb's love was eternal, as was Morpheus'.
Still. It hurt and she didn't want to be in this world anymore. Her parents had passed over to Wonderland a long time ago and she would be happy to see them once more. She selfishly hoped that her children or grandchildren would stumble upon the trove of information she was leaving in the attic, so that she could be with them.
A tear slipped down her cheek, soaking into the pillow under her head. She wouldn't see Jeb again. She had hoped that there would be a loophole since he tied his magic to Wonderland, but Morpheus had brought her to the lair during one dream, and it was impossible to bring him back.
As wrong as it was of her, she was almost glad. Jeb could rest in peace now. He had been through so much during his long life that he deserved to rest. Especially since they couldn't be together in Wonderland. If he were there it could only be painful for both of them. She was going to marry Morpheus, bear his child and live with him for eternity, ruling Wonderland. It wouldn't have been fair to bring Jeb into that.
The selfish, human part of her heart didn't care. She missed her late husband, the father of her children in this world. She wished she could have said a proper good bye instead of just brushing a kiss against his cold lips as he was in the open casket during the wake. She would give anything to see his smile one more time, his labret still firmly in place, even after all these years.
Taking a deep breath to steel herself she looked over at Jeb's pillow and rolled over onto it, her face smothered by it. She hadn't washed it and it still smelled of his soap and cologne. She took a deep shuddering breath, filling her lungs with his scent and kissed the pillow.
"I love you Jeb. I always will. I know you're here right now, and I hope you'll follow me into Wonderland. If not, watch over our babies and grandbabies. They need their Daddy and Grandpoppy."
Taking one more breath of Jeb, saying one final goodbye she rolled over and pushed herself up, hating how getting out of bed had become a chore as of late.
She stepped into her slippers and made her way to the bathroom.
She stared into the mirror above the sink and instead of seeing her own reflection she saw Morpheus. "'ello plum."
She smiled back at him. "Hi." He was able to communicate to her through mirrors when she was awake now because Jeb was dead, and the vow Morpheus has made on his life magic to never come between them was null and void. There was nothing stopping them from being together.
They stared into each other's eyes and she felt lighter, ready to face Wonderland again. She shoved the guilt deep, deep down and only focused on the excitement bubbling up. The darker, netherling side of her was all too eager to return to Wonderland. Her shoulder blades itched; her wings wanted to be free. She had made time to let them out daily, but it hadn't been enough these past years. She couldn't fly and she was ready to soar.
"Morpheus?"
"Yes, luv?"
"I'm leaving today."
"I'll be waitin' for you."
He turned away, trying to hide his smile before she saw it. Needless to say he failed.
After getting ready Alyssa climbed the narrow steps up to the attic. She looked over all the journals that she had kept throughout the years, over all the clues that could lead her family to her, should they read the information and connect the dots.
Then she walked into Jeb's office. Searching through the filing cabinet, past his old blueprints for his ramps and inventions she found the folder that held her important documents and will. She looked over everything to make sure it was current. She was leaving everything to her children and grandchildren, and a good portion of money to art foundations, abused women and children centers and other various charities.
The hardest part of her plan was next. She picked up the phone and called Jenara, her best friend and sister-in-law. Years ago Jeb and Alyssa had sat her down and told her everything, needing someone in the human world to take care of everything when Alyssa faked her death.
After the tearful phone call she stood, resolute. Jenara would take care of everything, it was time for her to leave.
It was time for her to go to Wonderland, to Morpheus. Despite her age she blushed like a young girl again at the thought of finally, finally being in his arms. A wave of guilt bubbled up from the depths of its banishment for thinking of being intimate with Morpheus when Jeb had just passed away, but it had always been like this and she shook off the sad thoughts. She had always loved both men, had always been attracted to both men and both of them knew that. She wasn't sneaking around. This had been the plan since she was sixteen.
Jeb had gotten her mortal life, and now Morpheus would get her eternal one. He had waited long enough. She had waited long enough and had survived Morpheus' tests. Her mind was tempered to deal with Wonderland politics and unlogic. She was ready, mind, body and soul to start this new chapter of her very long life.
She left the office, walked through her home that she had built with Jeb and said goodbye. She walked out the door carrying nothing with her but an empty heart that was filling once again at the thought of being with Morpheus, her parents and more importantly, of being in Wonderland.
