Already There

Part 1

I didn't mean for this to happen, actually the whole thing scares me. It's easy to play a character when you seem like you are one with them. That's how it all happened, how I ended up here. I'm sitting across from him, already dreading the words to come. The papers in my hands are moist from the nervous sweat that's soaked into them. I feel my cheeks burn, knowing that they are red. My eyes try to look anywhere but at him. I can't seem to find the words, even though they are right in my hands. I can't see them, I can't understand them. It's like I've forgotten how to read. This is ridiculous, I keep repeating that inside my head, hoping the thought will spontaneously take root. But they need me to make a move, he is waiting, stunned I'm sure. This wasn't what I thought it'd feel like, like everything I've ever known- suddenly doesn't make sense. But that's where I am.

"OK, it's on all on you." His words are just a whisper but it feels like he is screaming them at me. I blame him, his blue eyes, his accent, his charm, it's all his fault that I'm in love with him.

Adam speaks. "You are in love with him. Act as if you have finally realized that you are deep in love with him. You've got this Jen."

He's right. But I don't have to act as though I'm in love with him. I'm already there.

It all started three weeks before. I was on a break from filming and just doing a quick jog. Like any normal person, I needed to get a drink after awhile. I didn't want to be long so I just went to the convenience store that I had gone before. They knew me there and I wasn't hounded by fans or paparazzi. I was sweaty, in a little tank top and jacket. My yoga pants weren't keeping me as warm as I would have liked to be but oh well. My hair swung back and forth in its ponytail and my iPod slipped easily back into my jacket pocket. I quickly went to the cooler and grabbed my water. I paid for it, I know boring but the next part is important.

As I was leaving, I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and my water bottle went flying and into a man. I immediately forced myself up, knowing that the rip in my yoga pants probably also lead to a cut. But I had to find out who I hit. Of course, who I hit didn't mind in the least. I watched him rub his face and laugh. I was too shocked. My eyes were wide with horror that I had caused him to have a mental break. But he genuinely didn't mind.

"I'm so sorry. Are you ok? I tripped. I didn't mean, oh tell me you are fine." I looked at him and watched him bend down and hand me my water bottle back.

"I'm fine. But you're not." He pointed to my ripped pants. I looked to where he pointed and saw a red patch of bleeding skin.

"I'm fine. But I'm just glad that I didn't hurt you. How's your face?" I reached over and cupped the side of his cheek. His beard stubble tickled my hand and I fought the giggle in my throat. He was so handsome and when I finally had the courage to look into his eyes, I smiled. He had the deepest blue eyes that I had ever seen. They were like an ocean filled with little sirens that called me in. His hair was jet black but in the light it shined with a gold hue, as if he actually emitted a light from him. His smile back at me was what made me feel tense and weak at the same time. I dropped my hand from his face, suddenly realizing that I was acting too personal.

"Name's Colin. Yours?" He held out his hand and I quickly slid mine in.

"Jennifer, call me Jen." His Irish accent sure didn't make it easier to hide the blush from my cheeks. But my hand fit perfectly in his and went he gently squeezed it, my heart screamed.

"Want me to take a look at that?" He lets go of my hand and points once more to my cut.

"I guess. It's really fine. I hurt myself more during filming." I laugh it off and play with my zipper jacket. I am suddenly warm enough to not need my jacket. I unzip it and slide it off and tie it around my waist.

"Filming?" He says it surprised actually. He lightly chuckles.

"What? I don't look like an actress to you?" I have no makeup on, my ponytail is falling apart, and I'm all sweaty. I become very self aware and I can't look at him anymore. I look away and kick at the sidewalk.

"It's not that. I just, I'm surprised is all. You seem very down to earth." He crosses his arms against his plaid shirt and I see his muscles flex. I bite my lip.

"Not all actresses are divas. Duh." I laugh at myself and when I see him smile again, I can't hide the dopey grin from taking over my lips.

"So, let's sit." He points to the Starbucks down the street and I instantly shake my head. "What? Not a fan?" He lightly laughs and looks down. I smile at him while he looks away.

"Not that. I just am not in the mood." The last thing I want to do is get recognized and ruin what we have started. "Let's go for a walk." I begin to walk but all of a sudden, a sharp pain shoots through my leg as I begin to take a step.

"How about we don't, you really need that cleaned and bandaged up. Come on," he picks me up and carries me over to the nearest bench. When he lifts me up, I'm nervous at first but I have never felt more safe than being in his arms. I'm a little breathless but I don't let on. I try to keep a straight face while he continues to smile at me. He holds up one finger then walks away.

I watch as he goes back into the convenience store and a couple minutes later, emerges with first aid supplies. I laugh as he goes to work and I just watch his strong but gentle hands bandage me up. He is so sweet and suddenly, I'm not as nervous to look at him. We first lightly talk about accidents that have happened to us then soon, we are opening up about a lot of things.

"So, you played a doctor yet you can't fix yourself up?" He laughs then reaches over to tap my wound, which is all disinfected and properly bandaged thanks to him.

"Maybe I just wanted you to take care of me." I flash him a quick and sly grin. He reaches over and takes my hand in his. It fits perfectly. I weave my fingers with his and grin even wider at him. I know I'm blushing but I don't mind him seeing.

"So Jen, what do you do for fun?"

"I can show you better than I can tell you." I laugh and get up. I take a couple careful steps and know that running, or walking for that matter are out of the question. Problem is, I didn't drive, I just ran straight from my house.

"Doubt you can show me anything while you're injured love." I turn back and watch him carry a show-off grin. I smack him lightly. "Beating me up? Want to doctor me up there?" He laughs once more and I know, I know right there, that he is going to be trouble.

"I ran here. So, what do you want to do?" I nervously play with my bottled water and watch his eyebrows rise up and down. It has to be a nervous thing but I can't help but find it utterly adorable.

"We can go back to your place, let you change, then grab lunch." He looks at me seriously and I know by the depth in his eyes, that he is being vulnerable with me. Normally, this is where I run, I decline and imply that I hardly know him, that this is too sudden, that I'm not sure I can do this. But his oceans call me and ask me to not be afraid. I can't fight their siren call but I don't think I'd even want to.

"Ok." It was one word, a breathless word. But it carried the heaviest weight for me because, I let him in. I let him see me. I'm opening up to him and that scares the hell out of me. Do I deny everything and find a way out? These are things that have stopped me in the past, stopped me from ever getting too close. But here I am, defying all my odds. And I know he is more than worth it. I can see us going somewhere, this is going somewhere.

"Good. If I am not mistaken, I'd say you are falling for me Ms. Morrison." He smiles but he is still so serious. I get nervous but return the smile, fear in my eyes. "I know I have." He looks away and rubs his chin. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that. But I," he stops, he is surely waiting for me to say something.

I don't have the words. But I feel the same way, I'm already there. I've already fallen for him. Do I say yeah me too? No, he is nervous. He's waiting for me. Damnit Jen, say something, anything. Why can't I say something? What do I do.

"Or maybe I was misreading things." He is covering up his words. This is not what I wanted to happen. Shoot. "Or… I don't know. Say something." He whispers it to me but I know I have to do the one thing that scares me more than anything. I have to show him. To not be afraid, and free fall into him.

I take a deep breath and nod. I grab him by his neck, my arms wrapping around him, his arms wrap around my waist. I look into his eyes, those reckoning eyes, and I nod. I don't stop myself from gently kissing him. I ignore everything around me, I give all of myself to him. I kiss him sweet and careful at first but I soon can't stop myself from demanding more. I pull on him more, bringing his body closer to me, needing more. I have an opening hunger for him and I don't think just this can fulfill me. I can't stop. He tastes so sweet and faintly of spiced cinnamon. When I finally get the courage to pull away from him, I look at him, nervous.

"I'm, I just didn't know what to say." I let him go and take a step back, forcing his arms to fall from around me.

"When you said you can show me better than you can tell me, I had no idea." He lightly chuckles but takes a giant step closer to me. He grabs me again and just holds me. "I refuse to ever let you go Jen." Then his lips quickly peck mine.

"I second that." I lightly laugh and know, I know that I can't turn back. The cliff looked so uncertain at first but the bottom doesn't seem as scary as I first though it'd be. I jumped. He had no idea how much I fell for him. Truth was, I didn't even know.

I never knew that letting go-truly falling- meant giving parts of yourself away. I had to relinquish control of my heart to him and that took all of my strength and courage. I can't fake these things. I never had this feeling inside of me, burning me straight to my core, traveling all throughout me, and swallowing my heart whole. If I knew all these things before, would I have continued to fall?

I'm still sitting across from him, his face is daring and begging me to keep it all quiet. The sheets finally come into focus. I smile and nod at him, I can talk again. I can do this. Separate things from work and personal, I can do this. I take one last look into his eyes and know that just because we are stuck here, that doesn't take back those three weeks. The best three weeks of my entire existence. His eyes call me out to sea and I easily respond.

"I can do that. I'm there." I smile at Adam and Eddy and fold back a page. I gently lean in and whisper, "heaven knows I'm already there." He returns my smile and we begin, again.

Ok, so I got this idea and had to write it. My friends and followers on Instagram encouraged me so thank you. Here it is. Follow me on Instagram if you'd like castleofstorybrooke