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With the literal gates of Hell blown off their hinges and the previously damned denizens running rampant across Earth, every single fighter was needed to combat the threat, and this included a reluctant but not altogether unwilling Seventeen. He and his much better acclimated sister had teamed up to go after an unseasonable dragon monster that was laying waste to a town in the northern polar caps that neither knew the name of or cared quite enough to find out.

The beast had been easy to send packing. What had been waiting for them far less so.

Without any warning at all, they had been beset upon by a really big, really blue dude who had knocked Seventeen into a glacier with a single sucker punch. The newcomer stood almost as tall as Sixteen had, though the spiky, orange hair might have tipped him over that point. He wore green pants, nondescript boots, and had what looked like armor attached to his chest in a manner similar to platemail. Even without introductions, Eighteen was able to make a reasonable deduction from what Krillin and the others had said about a bad guy they'd fought several years back.

This did not, however, prevent him from laying an ungodly smackdown on the twins in any measure. He was a maniac in his relentless assault, never giving either of them a moment to catch their breath or formulate any sort of plan. The only reason he hadn't been able to kill them yet was simply because the duo were watching out for each other and ran interference every opportunity they could before becoming his punching bag again.

A brutal cycle that repeated itself far too many times in the scant minutes they had been at it, but they wouldn't be able to keep at it much longer before he managed to take one of them down and leave the other a wide open target. They couldn't rely on backup from the Z-Fighters thanks entirely to that little caveat about all three of the androids not having detectable power signatures, so there went that plan before it was even conceptualized, so any miraculous save would have to come from them alone.

Dammit.

Seventeen, in an act of desperation he would deny knowledge of if questioned, was trawling frantically through the ancillary files and data that Dr. Gero had downloaded into the brain-implanted-computer for anything at all that might be of use. Not his preferred resource, but what're you going to do?

Immediately after receiving a particularly unamusing punch to the gut, he thought he might have found something: evidently, Gero had been on a roll with Seventeen being used to make a much stronger android and had made a backup plan involving (for reasons Seventeen couldn't begin to wrap his head around at the moment) a duplicate Seventeen merging with the original to make a brand new Seventeen who was, rather than double the power of either the separate individuals, many orders of magnitude stronger than what they should have been feasibly capable of at any time.

(To be fair, Gero had actually only come up with this utterly absurd plan after he had transplanted his brain from his failing body into that of Android Twenty, so it could be excused that he hadn't been entirely cognizant of the shit he was coming up with. Ironically, this had also been the period in which he had developed the personalities of Thirteen, Fourteen and Fifteen. Go figure.)

While the file and procedure were very clearly marked with strict warnings along the lines of "Follow Specifications To The Letter Or Suffer Catastrophic Consequences", Seventeen flippantly ignored all that and decided Eighteen was close enough that they might be able to make this work, give or take.

"Hey sis!" He called out from the hole his body had created in the side of a free floating glacier. "Wanna try something reckless and irresponsible? And I don't mean getting hitched to the noseless munchkin."

"I don't know, do YOU want to get dick kicked into orbit for that kind of talk?" She shot back, the acidity of the comment losing a bit of its bite as she dodged around an energy blast that reeked of ozone.

"Maybe later. I found something that could help us out here, but it might require a little, itsy-bitsy bit of fusing out bodies and minds together. Cool?" He charged back into the fray, shoulder checking Thirteen with all his might and only just succeeding in throwing off his aim enough for the next ball of crackling red energy to veer away from his sister.

"What?! No! Not cool! There is nothing cool about that at all!" She hurtled at their adversary and landed a solid punch to his jaw that did a little bit more than 'diddly', but less than 'squat'. Thirteen was unimpressed, and made clear his ire with a well-rounded argument crafted carefully to fulfill the four main categories of a professional debate as mandated by the late advisory board for the much esteemed Saiyan University.

That is to say, he punched her right back.

Spinning from the force, Eighteen would have made another lovely crater in the rapidly disintegrating landscape if Seventeen hadn't zipped in to catch her and then using the opportunity to fly out of sight and maybe buy themselves a few seconds.

Setting down on a snowy bank by the frigid ocean, he helped his blonder sibling to her feet.

"Come on, it'll be awesome!"

"No, it would not."

"Yes it would!"

"No it wouldn't!"

"Yeah, it would!"

"It absolutely would not!"

"Gimme one reason why we shouldn't try it."

"I am NOT merging my mind and body with my potentially insane brother."

"I grant you that there might be some privacy issues, but we can work on that later when we're not on the verge of being incinerated."

"But what would we turn into?!" She huffed, hands on hips and giving him a full dose of 'scowl face'. "In case you forgot, we're not the same gender. Won't that be a little bit of a problem?" The way she dwelt on that last word you might have expected her to waggle her eyebrows in a ludicrous but threatening manner. But she didn't. Because she's chill like that.

Seventeen scratched at his eternally hairless chin for a second. "Maybe, but that's not the best reason to quit before we even give it a shot."

Eighteen threw her arms into the air. "Forget it! I am not merging with you, now or ever, and that is FINAL!"

Android Thirteen exploded through a towering ice cliff, enormous ball of planet killing energy cupped above his head and ready to forfeit their lives.

"Merge now," Eighteen squeaked out, wide eyes not moving from the blue golem.

"Well if you're so insistent on it," Seventeen drawled, rolling his eyes even as he initiated the buried protocol. The two of them, individual and separate for that last moment, unconsciously adopted a matching stance before seeming to slide sideways and coalesce into a single point of sudden illumination that usually went with dramatic actions like this. If they had had actual ki, the planet might have started shaking violently right then.

Thirteen, oblivious to what was happening, threw the S.S. Deadly Bomber with every intention of things going boom.

Things did not go boom.

Things didn't even go poof.

The energy orb halted in the air with almost comedic suddenness, just a few feet away from the rock and snow laden ground. Before Thirteen could make any sense of it, the Bomber began to swiftly shrink in size, diminishing by half every second until the last of the artificial ki was completely pulled into the glowing crystal embedded in the palm of the new android that stood in place of Seventeen and Eighteen.

Standing maybe half a head taller than either of them, it didn't look too drastically different than either of the original, though the cheekbones were sharper and the brow was slightly less wide. Blonde and brunette had joined to become a unique, youthful golden gray that shone like ethereal metal in the arctic light. Their clothes had more or less fused as well, so now it wore white boots, blue jeans, a pale red muscle shirt and an opened brown jacket that extended down to the back of the knees.

This new being glared up at the confused Thirteen. "Hey, asshole! You're the reason I'm going through gender issues right now, so don't expect me to go easy on you!"

Thirteen took offense to this. "YOU, going easy on ME!? I'll grind you to dust! GWAAAAAAAH!"

"Very eloquent," the merged Android muttered. Then it looked down at its hands in thought for a second before snapping into a fighting stance. "And just so we're clear, the name's Android 35. Tell 'em who sent ya when you get back to Hell!"

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AN: 'What the hell is this' you ask? Well, step inside my madness and let me tell you.

Flat out, I'm increasingly disappointed in Dragon Ball Super as of the date this is posted. I'm not going to bore or anger any of you with all of my reasons for this evident betrayal of the franchise except one, and this is a spoiler so avert thine eyes if you don't know what happens during the batshit insane 'Goku Black' arc (dumb, dumb, dumb name).

When Goku and Vegeta used the Potara Earrings to once again become Vegito, or however the hell you want to spell it, they defuse not long after because, as it is only just know explained, Potara fusions only last a set amount of time when not used by a kai.

The hell!?

I'm not going to launch a rant about it, but that is seriously a terrible, terrible retcon. It's supposed to be permanent for EVERYONE, and that was why it was such a big deal that Vegeta willingly went through with it and-

*Deep breathe in*

*Deep breathe out*

So I didn't like it.

In response, I dug out a list I made a few years ago -before Dragon Ball Fusions managed to stomp over half a dozen of my ideas and dreams- of a bunch of crazy or crazy-cool hypothetical fusions that I would have wanted to see. And now I'm making them, so I guess wish granted...?

If any of you have an idea for a possible fusion...good for you, I'm not using it. Not out of pure, dickish spite, but simply because I already have a full list that I can actually visualize. You try writing a character somebody else dreamed up. It's like trying to draw a picture while blindfolded, using your non dominant hand and riding on a pissed off bull all at once: it ends up poopy.