Chapter 1: I Refuse


(Italics - Doctors handwritten letter)


There was so many things the Doctor wanted to tell her.

So many things he wanted to say and do and just be him.

But they never met in the right order. So what was he to do. He wrote it all down.

So why not start on how he can't say goodbye to River as a data ghost on Trenzalore. Didn't know how.


(Eleventh)

So there the Doctor was, standing in his beloved Tardis, tarnished and worn down by his travels of space and time.

Reunited with his long lost wife in a soul without a body, holding on to her data ghost but unable to say one word, one dreadful word cas it meant the truth.

She's dead and he's still living. Without her.

The words form only after when their link it broken, so later on, gathering all those thoughts and feelings, finds a chair, reaches for a pen and writes for her. Writes for him.


XXX

River

You should know the truth.

I refused to say goodbye to you at Trenzalore.

Not because I didn't care.

Its because I cared too much.

I care too much about everything.

I refused cas I don't like endings.

Whats a Time lord if our time is kept spilling within my fingers despite my efforts.

Nearing a final chapter.

I just hate it.

I said it only once, at Lake Silencio because I was lying.

I was going to see you again.

I was always going to see you again.

But then you had to love me.

Love me in a way.

that broke the universe.

you could of given that.

to someone so much more deserving.

You would have.

Lived so much longer, my River.

Loved so much longer and be in my life longer.

For rest of the lives, to meet in different circumstances that would have been more forgiving to us both.

But then I refuse changing it all, because you asked me too.

It was the last thing you told me. So I refuse to dishonor you and our memories together, Because I care. Because I love, Because it counted.

Yours,

The Doctor

XXX


The Doctor finished the sentence with a full stop. Setting a pen down on the table. He grazed his fingertips along the page "I may not be able to say it to you River, but I can just pretend you're the one I can say it to.


Authors Note:

Based on TNOD and TWORS episodes. Just popped in my head on how the Doctor could of coped. How he could be with River, be in her presence and not struggle the pain of not sharing certain memories, moments cas one of them was not the right one to remember. He may have wrote it down. all his hopes, all the things he wanted to say to her when one day they were both linear. When they both met in the middle.

So this happened, and also I may have read lots of stories lately lol.


Review Feedback:

Guest - Haha wasn't my intention on it sounding it like a poem. But thank you! I did my best.

Guest 12 - As you can notice, I don't have a beta, and always want to improve of my writing through fanfiction. Thank you for pointing that out. I was so sure I corrected it. Force of habit. Also thank you for not being rude about my mistake. Some reviewers can be ruthless.